Help on relationships + online dating?!!

bobbles87

Hi There,

I am not sure if I am posting in the right place or not but I said Id give it a shot anyway!
I am stuck in a massive rut at the moment. I am 24, a virgin and totally embarrassed by this. Just to give you guys a background on how this is so....

I was in a long term relationship when I was 18 to nearly 20. Within the 1st 6 months, he had cheated on me, and I only found out 9 months into the relationship. Just before this I thought I was ready to sleep with him, but I took the cheating bad, as it had been in our local home town with two seperate girls, both who I new through mutual friends....however after alot of tears and 2 months later we got back together. Looking back, this was a mistake. The relationship carried on from there for another 9 months, during this time we became close again, however I felt that I wasnt ready to sleep with him as I held on to the feelings of inferiority and resentment from his cheating. In the end, with the lack of intimacy he began to lose interest, as you would and it fizzled out.

Again, I was really cut up about the end of it, I had really low self confidence, again I think this was also due to being sensitive re the cheating and also I put on nearly 3 stone from school and felt terrible about myself. I didnt go near any lads for a year, I still went out and had the craic and everything, but I would never let anyone get close....

During my final year of college, I moved away to finish my degree. I have alot of friends that are great thank god and with their support I managed to loose all the weight and get my confidence back. This started to shine through on nights out and I met a lovely guy. After a couple of dates, things were getting a little more serious. 3 months went by and although we werent exclusive, I felt I was ready to move the relationship on. However at this point I was a nearly 23 year old virgin and terrified of admitting to it...So once things started to get more serious sexually, I kept making my excuses and he eventually became very offended and again it fizzled out.

So here I am. I have met plenty of guys over the past year who have been lovely, however I am programmed to think they are only after one thing. Even if I just kiss a guy on a night out, I fret to think of where it may lead with me being totally inexperienced and laughed at. I have plenty of guys that are good friends, and they are always asking me how I dont manage to 'get laid' - pardon the phrasology. Little do they know about this secret. Dont get me wrong, each to their own, however I am ready but it is the fear of telling a possible partner and looking stupid that I am beginning to think I will never share this level of intimacy with anyone.

Lately, I had been really down about it and so I took my search to and online dating site.....on there I have met a guy that seems really sound. We have been texting and I would really like to meet up with him. We got talking online and we added each other on fb. We have been texting most days for the past 2 weeks and I really find it odd not being able to put a voice to the name, I have never used online dating before. I no they say not to judge a book by its cover, but he is a good looking guy and although sexual references are kept minimal, any ideas in how I could hint at meeting up without him assuming I am fair game? or is this a lost cause.....

I am so sick of hiding my level of sexual experience from my friends and to be honest I feel like I am really missing out. I just dont know what to do.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? any advice would really help.

Thanks for reading and sorry about the rambling

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I've been in a similar situation to your self for many years (i.e. hiding the secret of my virginity!). I got to a stage where I thought it'd never happen, and I'm a few years older than you! Like you, I couldn't admit to anyone, including a past boyfriend; and like you, that relationship ended (partly) because of it. I started seeing someone recently and had to tell him that I hadn't slept with anyone before. I do want to sleep with him, but I wanted to tell him before anything of that nature happened. He was surprised I think but didn't laugh/ have a terrible reaction. He hasn't backed off from the relationship since I told him so I guess this isn't the end of the world for him. It feels much better to have told him, to have been honest.

Surely if this is a nice guy, he wont 'assume' you're 'fair game' as you say. I think you should get to know him & then see how you feel. You might get to a point where you'll want to tell him, if/when you feel comfortable enough. For the moment, just enjoy the start of the relationship. I dont know about online dating but I would guess the natural progression here is to talk on the phone & then meet up? Since, as you say, the sexual references are minimal, I wouldn't presume that he expects too much at this stage. Keep things friendly, and see how you feel as things continue.

Oh- try not to worry too much what your friends think, its not really anything they need to know about surely?

Hope you get some good advice here. It'll happen when it happens.

nicechick!

bobbles87 wrote: »

Hi There,

I am not sure if I am posting in the right place or not but I said Id give it a shot anyway!
I am stuck in a massive rut at the moment. I am 24, a virgin and totally embarrassed by this. Just to give you guys a background on how this is so....

I was in a long term relationship when I was 18 to nearly 20. Within the 1st 6 months, he had cheated on me, and I only found out 9 months into the relationship. Just before this I thought I was ready to sleep with him, but I took the cheating bad, as it had been in our local home town with two seperate girls, both who I new through mutual friends....however after alot of tears and 2 months later we got back together. Looking back, this was a mistake. The relationship carried on from there for another 9 months, during this time we became close again, however I felt that I wasnt ready to sleep with him as I held on to the feelings of inferiority and resentment from his cheating. In the end, with the lack of intimacy he began to lose interest, as you would and it fizzled out.

Again, I was really cut up about the end of it, I had really low self confidence, again I think this was also due to being sensitive re the cheating and also I put on nearly 3 stone from school and felt terrible about myself. I didnt go near any lads for a year, I still went out and had the craic and everything, but I would never let anyone get close....

During my final year of college, I moved away to finish my degree. I have alot of friends that are great thank god and with their support I managed to loose all the weight and get my confidence back. This started to shine through on nights out and I met a lovely guy. After a couple of dates, things were getting a little more serious. 3 months went by and although we werent exclusive, I felt I was ready to move the relationship on. However at this point I was a nearly 23 year old virgin and terrified of admitting to it...So once things started to get more serious sexually, I kept making my excuses and he eventually became very offended and again it fizzled out.

So here I am. I have met plenty of guys over the past year who have been lovely, however I am programmed to think they are only after one thing. Even if I just kiss a guy on a night out, I fret to think of where it may lead with me being totally inexperienced and laughed at. I have plenty of guys that are good friends, and they are always asking me how I dont manage to 'get laid' - pardon the phrasology. Little do they know about this secret. Dont get me wrong, each to their own, however I am ready but it is the fear of telling a possible partner and looking stupid that I am beginning to think I will never share this level of intimacy with anyone.

Lately, I had been really down about it and so I took my search to and online dating site.....on there I have met a guy that seems really sound. We have been texting and I would really like to meet up with him. We got talking online and we added each other on fb. We have been texting most days for the past 2 weeks and I really find it odd not being able to put a voice to the name, I have never used online dating before. I no they say not to judge a book by its cover, but he is a good looking guy and although sexual references are kept minimal, any ideas in how I could hint at meeting up without him assuming I am fair game? or is this a lost cause.....

I am so sick of hiding my level of sexual experience from my friends and to be honest I feel like I am really missing out. I just dont know what to do.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? any advice would really help.

Thanks for reading and sorry about the rambling

Well done you I can guarantee you that many women would love a second chance at there choices of sexual relationship or relationships particularly the first time there is absolutely no shame about your level of sexual experience. I'm 29 and still learning! Its a life long exciting journey to be shared choose wisely I say... Personally I think you had a lucky escape with the first fella

When your ready it will be an adventure you share with your partner!! Any man worthy of sharing this experience with you will cherish and respect this.

Right missus ask him to meet? The whole point is online dating is it not... when your meeting this guy for the first time make it casual over coffee in a familiar and comfortable place to you. I have tried on-line dating and its fun but trust me chemistry happens naturally if its there woo hoo if not don't stress more often then not the e-mails, the texting, the chatting on fb is great and you make even like there look so to speak but you know know until you actually meet if there is an real interest there! (if not don't be disappointed)

Stop! dwelling on what he thinks of you or ''fair game'' so to speak. You know who you are in your own right and yes others opinions do count to a lesser extend he is after all someone you have yet to meet

Good luck!

booboo88

bobbles its much better to stay a virgin and wait til someone worth it comes along. than to lose it to the likes of your ex, well done you for not giving into pressure

dee.

Please don't be embarrassed about being a virgin! I am 21 and a virgin too I am probably going to sleep with my boyfriend soon, we have been in love for 4 years, he knows that I haven't had sex before and he doesn't mind at all. He accepts that it's a big deal to me and was/is willing to wait if that's what I wanted. It's not something to be ashamed of at all, if anything it just shows that you respect your body and are willing to wait to find someone special to share that with!

On the first date do something like coffee, lunch, a walk, the zoo, even a few drinks (don't get drunk) where you have a chance to talk lots. Avoid cinema/gigs/comedy clubs for the first couple of dates. Don't overthink it and good luck!

LegacyUser

bobbles87 wrote: »

Hi There,

I am not sure if I am posting in the right place or not but I said Id give it a shot anyway!
I am stuck in a massive rut at the moment. I am 24, a virgin and totally embarrassed by this. Just to give you guys a background on how this is so....

I was in a long term relationship when I was 18 to nearly 20. Within the 1st 6 months, he had cheated on me, and I only found out 9 months into the relationship. Just before this I thought I was ready to sleep with him, but I took the cheating bad, as it had been in our local home town with two seperate girls, both who I new through mutual friends....however after alot of tears and 2 months later we got back together. Looking back, this was a mistake. The relationship carried on from there for another 9 months, during this time we became close again, however I felt that I wasnt ready to sleep with him as I held on to the feelings of inferiority and resentment from his cheating. In the end, with the lack of intimacy he began to lose interest, as you would and it fizzled out.

Again, I was really cut up about the end of it, I had really low self confidence, again I think this was also due to being sensitive re the cheating and also I put on nearly 3 stone from school and felt terrible about myself. I didnt go near any lads for a year, I still went out and had the craic and everything, but I would never let anyone get close....

During my final year of college, I moved away to finish my degree. I have alot of friends that are great thank god and with their support I managed to loose all the weight and get my confidence back. This started to shine through on nights out and I met a lovely guy. After a couple of dates, things were getting a little more serious. 3 months went by and although we werent exclusive, I felt I was ready to move the relationship on. However at this point I was a nearly 23 year old virgin and terrified of admitting to it...So once things started to get more serious sexually, I kept making my excuses and he eventually became very offended and again it fizzled out.

So here I am. I have met plenty of guys over the past year who have been lovely, however I am programmed to think they are only after one thing. Even if I just kiss a guy on a night out, I fret to think of where it may lead with me being totally inexperienced and laughed at. I have plenty of guys that are good friends, and they are always asking me how I dont manage to 'get laid' - pardon the phrasology. Little do they know about this secret. Dont get me wrong, each to their own, however I am ready but it is the fear of telling a possible partner and looking stupid that I am beginning to think I will never share this level of intimacy with anyone.

Lately, I had been really down about it and so I took my search to and online dating site.....on there I have met a guy that seems really sound. We have been texting and I would really like to meet up with him. We got talking online and we added each other on fb. We have been texting most days for the past 2 weeks and I really find it odd not being able to put a voice to the name, I have never used online dating before. I no they say not to judge a book by its cover, but he is a good looking guy and although sexual references are kept minimal, any ideas in how I could hint at meeting up without him assuming I am fair game? or is this a lost cause.....

I am so sick of hiding my level of sexual experience from my friends and to be honest I feel like I am really missing out. I just dont know what to do.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? any advice would really help.

Thanks for reading and sorry about the rambling

First of all. THERE IS NO SHAME in being a virgin. No issue. Be proud that you are not a tramp like myself. (not a tramp but would feel fantastic if I could reclaim my virginity)

Online dating can actually be a great way to meet someone. I was a total skeptic and I would nearly make fun of anyone I thought suspect of online dating. That is.......until..........I MET MR WONDERFUL online. Be honest, be careful, be inquisitive. Use your time separate to learn about each other in a non threatening way. You can be totally comfortable asking things you would never dream of asking someone in front of you. Be honest. Tell the truth. Let him know what you expect and who you are.

That is it.

bobbles87

Thanks everyone, I know there is no shame, but there is just such an emphasis placed on sexual experiences nowadays that i feel like I am really missing out. And just the general fear (this will sound ridic) once it comes to doing it, and I have to disclose the secret or if not, its gonna be blatanly obvious neway....

I am not looking for a bf, however if I do go on a couple of dates with a guy and I like him id hope to take the next step....considering the non seriousness of ne possible relationship, I think bringing up this issue would be awkward and embarrassing, hence it hold me back. Oh I dunno!!!

500daysofsummer - thanks for the encouraging feedback, the guy I am speaking to online seemed decent at first, but I think hes just feeding his own ego now tbh...I hope you dont mind me asking, but how long were you seeing each other before bringin it up?

Nicechick - looking back now Id probably feel terrible having given it up to him....although I saw him over xmas, and I was tempted just to do it and get it over with but I held out and am delighed I did. He was and still is a prick:D!!

Thanks so much for the feedback , makes me feel so much better to vent it somewhere, as I said NOBODY knows...although the fact that I get nervous and dithery when someone moves onto the subject is defo gonna give the game away soon;)

7Sins

To be honest if you're with a guy for a period of a few months and the relationship is going well but there's no sex, I think most lads would know anyway that you're a virgin and simply not say anything out of politness, and because it doesn't really matter. It only matters in your case because it seems to be a bit of an issue and rightly so on your part. I would suggest however if you're in a relationship with someone, to simply be honest and tell them. As a guy I would really appreciate the honesty and would respect the girl if she told me. I don't see virginity as something to be ashamed about.

Just on the guy you've been texting for two weeks from online dating, you should probably hint at or ask him to call you. It eases the pressure of meeting someone if you've chatted on the phone.

unknowntoown

You have aboslutly nothing to be embarrased about.
Im a guy, to be honest, EVERY GUY would love to be with a virgin, im with my girlfriend nearly 2 years now, and i wished she was a virgin when i met her, this is not ina bad way i just prefer to be with a virgin, and most guys also prefer this.Im not talking about one night stands either, and i dont judge my gf for having sex before i knew her that would be very hipocritical of me,
im simply just trying to tell you its not as bad as you think it is, when your in a relationship, and you feel hes the right person to lose your virginity, just say to him after been with him a few months "im a virgin do you mind taking it slow until im ready" and i 100% guarrentee he will be happy about it and will appreciate you telling him.
Dont let been a virgin take over your mind
im only 17 and i think sex is over rated, from since i was like 11 startin to get those hormones i thought sex would be the "bees knees" well it was at first but its not as big of a deal now i dont want it every 5 mins haha
when your comfortable and ready go for it
best of luck

bobbles87

Thanks guys, I know I shouldnt be embarrassed but cant help it. Its funny, cos i no there is a certain 'virgin stereotype' als painted in todays world, someone whos a frigid or who is a prude and that is not me at all!! I think my friends would be soooo shocked if they ever found out, I do try and take part in their convos when they on about being with their bfs or one night stands or whatever....

I think for the most part, i am overthinking it and just dreading when the moment is going to happen, and I have to tell him beforehand and kill the moment if you get me!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. There are worse things in the world .

Thanks, this is honestly making me feel so much better!

LegacyUser

bobbles87 wrote: »

500daysofsummer - thanks for the encouraging feedback, the guy I am speaking to online seemed decent at first, but I think hes just feeding his own ego now tbh...I hope you dont mind me asking, but how long were you seeing each other before bringin it up?
.
.
.
Thanks so much for the feedback , makes me feel so much better to vent it somewhere, as I said NOBODY knows...although the fact that I get nervous and dithery when someone moves onto the subject is defo gonna give the game away soon;)

Hello again, myself & the guy have been (casual) friends for a few years, its only since we started going out that I'm really getting to know him so I feel like he's a new person. We're together 2 months, but it got to a point where I had to tell him (i.e. in bed). I might have liked to wait longer, but when it came down to it, it felt ok to tell him then.

As regards your later point, I'm the same- nobody knows (well except the guy now); as I mentioned, he was surprised when I told him. I thought it was obvious to everyone because I- like you- get so uncomfortable when the subject comes up- apparently its not!

If you feel that this guy isn't right for you, I hope you'll take something from the other comments on here and feel better about this for the future.

nicechick!

bobbles87 wrote: »

Thanks everyone, I know there is no shame, but there is just such an emphasis placed on sexual experiences nowadays that i feel like I am really missing out. And just the general fear (this will sound ridic) once it comes to doing it, and I have to disclose the secret or if not, its gonna be blatanly obvious neway....

I am not looking for a bf, however if I do go on a couple of dates with a guy and I like him id hope to take the next step....considering the non seriousness of ne possible relationship, I think bringing up this issue would be awkward and embarrassing, hence it hold me back. Oh I dunno!!!

500daysofsummer - thanks for the encouraging feedback, the guy I am speaking to online seemed decent at first, but I think hes just feeding his own ego now tbh...I hope you dont mind me asking, but how long were you seeing each other before bringin it up?

Nicechick - looking back now Id probably feel terrible having given it up to him....although I saw him over xmas, and I was tempted just to do it and get it over with but I held out and am delighed I did. He was and still is a prick:D!!

Thanks so much for the feedback , makes me feel so much better to vent it somewhere, as I said NOBODY knows...although the fact that I get nervous and dithery when someone moves onto the subject is defo gonna give the game away soon;)

Woo hoo! I love it yes your right pat yourself on the back you made the right decision! I love those moments!

Build up your confidence, try rid yourself of any fear/insecurity's (I wonder have wee got a tad bit of catholic guilt or for me the reminder of my mother seriously putting the fear of God in me ''don't come home pregnant'' dramatic that put me off for ages! And of course if only I knew what I know now I would've made there life hell ha ha!)

No one need your know your business! Seriously when you do meet the right person things will happen naturally! As they should

Ruby-J

Hi Op, dont be thinking that being a virgin is something people can see! Not at all. To be honest most men and women would love to have their virginity back. There is a lot of emphasis put on "your first time" but its never what it is cracked up to be unless you are in a relationship for a long time and have talked about "waiting" etc then maybe it would be a lot more special and hormone filled excitement i dont know.

Anyway on the online dating thing, definately speak to him on the phone first and then meet in person. I am doing the online dating thing and like you im a bit nervous about meeting a guy ive been texting for the past few weeks. However at the end of the day im meeting him for dinner and a few drinks thats it! There is nothing there to say i have to jump into bed with him so always remember that. A date is a date nothing more. Dont feel like he is after you for sex as he could be a lovely guy who actually wants to date you and take things slowly as a lot of guys who are online for genuine dating reasons do.

Best of luck!

Ruby-J

Also one of my very close friends was a virgin up until she was 25 and she was the envy of us all, the three out of the four of us. But she was never mocked by us or anything if anything we admired her strength and belief in "waiting" for a relationship and doing it with someone she loved. She is still in the relationship nearly 3 years on and she has never been happier.

bobbles87

Thanks Ruby, I feel so much better having had the chance to vent!!

One of the main reasons I think I was really trying the online dating scenario was in the hope of going on a few dates with someone completely unknown with anyone at all, in the hope Id click and just 'get rid of it'. Terrible way to look at it I know, but thats how much it was bothering me.

I suppose not all guys are out for 'one thing' on a nite out, I just think I need to stop over thinking this and just go with the flow instead of shuting down any guys who chat to me, thinking 'oh they are only after one thing'.

Its good to no im not on my own though, and I suppose it will happen when it happens.....I hate holding onto regrets, so best to look at previous encounters as lessons learnt and they werent obviously the right guys for me. That gut instinct is always the teller!

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

Don’t feel too hard on yourself, I am in the same boat as yourself and still a virgin. I’m not that much older than you. The only difference is I have told my friends and past partners whether they were boyfriends, dates or just male friends. It’s nothing to feel ashamed about I am glad I have told them as I am a very honest person. I wanted them to know. Then again I often wonder should I have told them at all, as my friends are a mixed bag on the subject. Some want me to wait until the right guy others wonder when am I going to have sex, will I just have sex already. As I have told them time and time again, I just wasn’t ready to have sex with the previous guys/ex boyfriend I were with. I just haven’t had many opportunities either. I’m not one for one night stands, had only one but I didn’t have sex, just being intimidate that’s all nothing wrong with that but things could have got further even though by then I was ready to have sex and wanted it I didn’t feel it was right and wasn’t ready to have sex with him even though we had chemistry. He wasn’t the right man.
I’d rather be seeing someone/serious relationship/fancy each other/have chemistry not just be physically attracted to each other and get on but don’t think you can have one without the other. I’d like to be in love it would be a bonus but if we both fancied each other enough to have sex then ya I would.

I’m still waiting, just haven’t met the right guy! I always thought I’d wait till marriage but realise that won’t happen I know its more likely to happen if I do so before marriage. I have the conservative mindfulness of my mother too as she is totally against sex before marriage. So have that and catholic talk having hold on me too. Then again its my decision in the end of the day. I have a right and you have a right to make up your own mind. What you value and I value and the principles and beliefs behind it all comes into it too. My friends do tease me a bit over it they think I shouldn’t tell any of my partners as they think men will put more pressure on me to have sex. Some of my male friends have made fun of me for that reason which isn’t very nice. I just put up with it but speak my mind and tell them like it is and they don’t always take me seriously sometimes they do sometimes they don’t, I have to really be cruel to be kind to tell them like it is. They get it then. I have been asked to have sex loads of times but said no had the courage to do that because that’s how I felt, it was an automatic response I was able to say no straight away without hesitation or even thinking it. If you consent to sex without even thinking you might not be ready but if you do it without hesitation then maybe you are ready to have sex. Only have sex if you are a 100% ok with it.

My ex didn’t like the fact that I wouldn’t have sex wit him, I said a few months down the line ya but he couldn’t wait. I realised he wasn’t worth waiting for when he was putting on the pressure. He couldn’t understand I wasn’t ready, and that was true. But in my own mind not only was I not ready to have sex I wasn’t ready to have sex with him and never would have. Its only in the past few months have I felt 100% ready to have sex not just wanting it but actually ready both mind, soul, physically and emotionally ready! It’s just that I haven’t met the right man. Age has nothing to do with it its when you feel ready and when its right and with the person you think and feel is right is when its time to do so. Don’t worry if you think that not telling them makes you want to not want to have sex with them. The thing is guys will go with a girl but they will expect sex some don’t some do. I was lucky with the guy I had an encounter with that he didn’t put pressure on me for sex. It’s my decision, my body I decide not for anyone else to decide. Its only you can decide when sex comes into the equation.

Its unfortunate it fizzled out, some things happen for a reason, if it wasn’t meant to be it wasn’t and maybe your ex and him weren’t the guys to sleep with. Once a cheat always a cheat, don’t ever trust them cause it could happen again. Sounds like you were better off without giving yourself to your ex. No man is worth it if they pile on the pressure, all it means they want to get in your pants. Then again some guys won’t stay with a girl if they don’t put out. It’s the guys that don’t put on the pressure and don’t make a big song and dance about it, it shouldn’t be a big deal, they got to understand that not all guys do but some do and its those that do are the ones that are the right guys to do it with! Some guys don’t become attached to women till after sex rather than before but it would be better if they liked you and felt the same way before you have sex and the relationship is going somewhere. If its mutual then go ahead why wait in that case. I often think the reason my ex dumped me was because I didn’t put out and that’s not a nice thing it meant we wanted different things but it meant all he was after was sex, didn’t really want to get to know me at all and didn’t really treat me like a proper girlfriend, He treated me fine but I don’t think he respected me enough, he went along with what I wanted but felt he was rushing me into things I didn’t want to do. That’s not a relationship is all one sided. There is such a thing as compromise and communication if that breaks down then sex will be either on the cards or not. He couldn’t see that it might be on the cards but he didn’t bother waiting and said oh its not working out. He was a scumbag and not worth it. There are men out there who will just have sex with anything in a skirt and will use women just to get sex. Just be careful, if he is a bad boy avoid him like the plague. I didn’t trust my ex so from that point of view I didn’t give in to him for sex. You need to trust him and trust your instincts, your gut feeling will tell you if its right or not. Just that your head and your heart might have mixed emotions on it, if they balance then you are onto a winner, if you have a bad feeling about it don’t have sex with a guy for the sake of it, if you have a good feeling go for it!

Just be careful when it comes to online dating you don’t know what guys can be like, be sure they are genuine when you meet them and then decide don’t rush into it and head in first, think about it before you act on it. Sex will come naturally then.

So what I don’t care if I end up a virgin till old age so what. Try not to let what other people think of you of being a virgin get in the way of your decision making when it comes to sex. Men will credit you more for not giving into every man you have been with. You be respected more by your friends, family and partners that you have kept your virginity for as long as you have. Its not something you can just throw away, you never get it back. Its worth having a nice experience and enjoying it first time and enjoying it with the person you are with even if it might be uncomfortable first time that’s normal. Its everything else that goes with it, if you have all the ingredients then it will be magical, romance and music and candles isn’t enough!

Don’t worry too much when it comes to kissing other guys, not every guy you kiss you have chemistry with. No harm with a bit of flirting, fun and being intimate you don’t have to have sex with every guy you kiss. I haven’t given into temptation every time I kiss a guy!

Take it slow but go with the flow with your online date and progress naturally from there if it feels right then go for it!

Good luck OP!