Why am I a slut

Trod

Hi this is the first time I have posted on this. I have just recently realized that my slutty behaviour when im drunk is actually really bothering me. I am in my mid twenties and never went on like this when I was younger.
The first boyfriend I had sex with was my ex boy friend when I was 19 and I stayed wit him for three years.My problem is I get drunk and go on like a tart.It never bothered me before until now when my friend told me some home truths and said I had to snap out of it.She said that she would hate for people to be thinking that im that kind of trampy gir.My friend said its like I just crave attention from fellas when im drunk.

Well it all started wit my first fella I mentioned there before…after going out with him for a year(horrible relationship….different story) I always ended up kissing random fellas when I was drunk.Then it was not so random and I started kissing one of his best mates.One time we where broke up for a few months and I had a three some wit my friend and one of his friends.We eventually broke up when I found some one else.

Anyway that was two years ago the some one else I found got stringed along by me for about a month until I was bored and became un interested with him.I know yous are going to think what a bitch I am but im trying to be as truthful as I can here im not going to lie.Well my friend told me one night at a gaf party I was sitting on this fellas lap all over him(I have no interest in this fella) she said I looked like a fool.Im just upset that I go on like this and im afraid I cant control it.I also started textin n meetin one of my friends friends,then that wasn’t good enough for me I started kissing his mate on the sly.He caught me one night kissing him and forgave me and I eventually told this fella I wasn’t interested.

If a fella is nice and interested in me aswell I just couldn’t be bothered with them I always just want to chase fellas.Im a good looking girl aswell I get lots of attention anyway and I know I don’t need to be going on like this I just want help to stop me being so trampy…I have only ever slept with eight blokes I know that’s not much to some people….its my behaviour along with this that is bothering me.

This weekend just gone I went to a gaf party and this fella that Iv never kissed before who I know is mad into me went home so I text this other fella to come up…by the time he came up the first fella had come back to the party and my friends said I was all over one fella in front of the other and the second fella who I text to some up went home after I was talkin to him for a while….anywho I ended up sleeping with the fella that was mad into me….He text me yesterday wants to see ma again and now I have no interest what so ever…what is my problem….I know im a tramp but how can I stop myself goin on like this….I want to just go out n have the craic with my friends and not have to kiss everyone and be a tart…has anyone ever been like this what can I do to help myself….thanks advice appreciated xoxo

Kevin Duffy

I don't think it's fair to apply words like "tramp" and "slut" to yourself, or for anyone else to do it.
If that is how you see yourself and want to change though, think about how you value yourself and your sexuality. As a general rule, people see us as we value ourselves, whether we or they ever realise it or not. You don't have to achieve your value in life by your sexual behaviour, you won't be more highly thought of and liked by being with fellas, so stop making that mistake.

You might also want to have a good look at your drinking. It is not responsible for your behaviour, you are, but if you're not happy with your behaviour when you drink, then control the drinking and don't let it control you - learn a better pattern, learn to control your behaviour, or stop drinking, whichever works for you.

Peanut2011

OP, the bottom of your problems seems to be alcohol. I would say if you really don't want to behave like that and what to change the image you are portraying when drunk, simple solution is give up drinking.

If you can't find the limit at which you start behaving that way, the only way is to give up drinking.

I know it's easier said than done but as you said you want to change. The only person who can change that is you.

baby and crumble

Well done OP for being so honest, it's not easy. Takes a lot of guts to look at yourself in the cold hard light of day and find yourself wanting.

Like another poster said, the first thing I'd do if I were you is look at your drinking habits. Clearly the sober you doesn't like the drunk you. So maybe try life without the drunk you for a while? Trust me, not drinking doesn't mean being boring or not having fun. I don't really drink (I'll maybe have 1 cider on a night out) but I love parties and having fun. What it usually does mean though is that you'll think twice about your actions, because your little mechanisms will kick in quicker if you're sober.

I don't think you're a slut or a tramp, or any of those other words you've used to describe yourself. To me (and this is just my opinion) it sounds a lot like you don't feel like you deserve the nice guys. Maybe its a case of hurt them before they hurt you? That's understandable. But it doesn't look like your current way of behaving is really that positive for you.

Your friends do sound like they're trying to help you by going the tough love route- maybe you can get them to help? Ask them to help you cut out drinking, or keep an eye on you at parties and physically drag you away if needs be.

But to me number one priority is to stop drinking. Keep your head clear so you can make good decisions and remember the night the next day.

All the best.

Elle Collins

I would advise you to stop drinking and get some counselling OP. You're clearly behaving in a way that's making you miserable so the thing to do is to tackle that behaviour on every front you can because life is short and you never know how short yours will be.

Also be kind to yourself and stop calling yourself nasty names. I guess the first step is to accept you don't deserve to be called them just because you're in a bad place in your life right now.

Please remember that many women behave like this as a result of traumatic or disturbing incidents or simple low self-esteem. People either berate them by calling them sluts and tramps or laud them and maintain they simply enjoy sex. Both approaches are BS. The truth is they're just young women with messed-up heads. I wish you all the best

Miss Fluff

Trod wrote: »

I have just recently realized that my slutty behaviour when im drunk is actually really bothering me.

As the others have said, you need to take drink out of the equation as it's not doing anything for you. I don't think you're a slut as I think it's a really vile word and you should have a higher opinion of yourself than to refer to yourself as one. BUT booze obviously makes you behave like a bit of a spanner. Some people cry when they're pissed, some people have a tendency to strip, some people get aggressive and you evidently just behave like a bit of a fool. When that's the case you actually need to stop drinking for a while. Totally cut it out for a couple of months and get your head together. You won't behave like this if you're not drinking so just knock it on the head.

Wompa1

Any chance you could edit your post so there's more spaces and new lines?

It's very tough to read. Also you are right to want to change your behaviour if it is upsetting you. Also, I don't know if anyone else picked up on it, but why are you going for friends of friends? Seems like you've been with quite a few. I would think in the very least you've got a reputation amongst that large a circle, so I'd be very careful about who you choose as a boyfriend. You could get hurt.

Joey the lips

I would not imagine your a slut. Dont be so hard on yourself sexually. However i would suggest you focus on the reasons you behave this way. Namely alchol. Perhaps this is where your problem is.

Kimia

Peanut2011 wrote: »

OP, the bottom of your problems seems to be alcohol. I would say if you really don't want to behave like that and what to change the image you are portraying when drunk, simple solution is give up drinking.

If you can't find the limit at which you start behaving that way, the only way is to give up drinking.

I know it's easier said than done but as you said you want to change. The only person who can change that is you.

I completely disagree. There's obviously a reason that she's acting out like this, and when she drinks she has less inhibitions so the behaviour is more pronounced. However, if you cut out the drinking you just cut out one of the problems, and not even the main one.. There is no 'simple solution' to issues with self-esteem which are very complex. The real question you should be asking yourself OP is, why do you crave men's attention like this?

I believe (i've been in a similar situation myself when I was younger) that it's much to do with your self-esteem. You see yourself as an attractive young woman and the way you equate self-worth is by how others (ie men) see you. So you're 'good' if you can attract lots of men. You're 'bad' or 'worthless' if you can't. Half the time you don't even care about the guy, you just want to be wanted by someone.

The way to figure this all out is nothing to do with drinking, although it certainly doesn't help because it makes you lose some control over your behaviour. What you need to do is examine why you feel you need male validation to make yourself feel good about yourself. In an ideal world, you would feel just as happy on a night out if you met no guy, than if you met 3 good looking guys who came on to you. Happiness comes from within you, not from other people.

Practice - go out on a night out and really observe yourself. I imagine it'll be hard to go out without having fun with some guys because up to now that's what you've associated as being fun. But try experiencing fun without associating anyone else as being the reason you're enjoying yourself. It'll get easier. You'll start feeling stronger. You'll get to a place where you are happy regardless of whether you've hooked up with anyone or not. Best of luck.

ldxo15wus6fpgm

Peanut2011 wrote: »

OP, the bottom of your problems seems to be alcohol.

I'd have to disagree with this.
While it might be alcohol that is taking away her inhibitions, I think there is something more to this behaviour than 'I got too drunk'. She has said that once she finds out that a guy is a decent bloke and is interested in her, she loses all interest, and that she prefers the 'chase' - I would assume she means she prefers this over the 'catch' i.e. being in a relationship with someone.

OP, how confident in yourself as a person are you? Obviously you can attract guys, so you are probably quite confident about your personality and looks when it comes to the opposite sex. But imagine a situation where you were in a room full of strangers, all females, and you weren't at all attracted to them or they to you. Would you have that same confidence or do you think something would be missing?

It sounds like you are a nice person as you want to stop messing guys around - don't forget that everyone makes mistakes, many people have done much worse things than you - and my guess is that deep down you don't regard yourself as highly as you should. If you do it purely for fun, enjoyment of sex, etc. then there's absolutely nothing wrong with it and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. But trying to prove your worth, or make others jealous by hooking up with guys is not a good way to feel better about yourself. It's not fair to the lads and it's not fair to yourself.

Wompa1

Melvin Grumpy Pauper wrote: »

then there's absolutely nothing wrong with it and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. But trying to prove your worth, or make others jealous by hooking up with guys is not a good way to feel better about yourself. It's not fair to the lads and it's not fair to yourself.

What he said but also be aware that there is potentially a lot of harm you can do to yourself. If you are very drunk your judgement is impaired and you could go home with somebody who has more sinister intentions. Also a more risky sex life with multiple partners will obviously increase the probability that you will contract an STD

Trod

Thank you everyone for the replies.I know I have to cut down on my drinking which really isnt a bad thing.Thanks Kimie for that advice there I think yours made the most sence to me as you have been there before yourself.

I have really been thinking about things this week and Im glad I know there needs to a change made thats the first key to actually making a change.

That guy from the weekend just gone wants to see me again but I have no interest in him what so ever ....whats is my problem. I will tell him in a nice way I am not interested.

I am going to oxegyn this weekend and it will be kind of like a test to myself to try and change my behaviour and enjoy myself more with out the need to be chasing around after anyone.

Two of the fellas that I was involved with are going to be there(I sound like a bit of a tart) so I just will watch my drinking and myself around them.When I do see them Im just going to try and have fun with them like normal instead of there being something behind it.

Thanks again everyone advice is appreciated well more than you would think. xoxo

Wompa1

Trod wrote: »

I am going to oxegyn this weekend and it will be kind of like a test to myself to try and change my behaviour and enjoy myself more with out the need to be chasing around after anyone.

Two of the fellas that I was involved with are going to be there(I sound like a bit of a tart) so I just will watch my drinking and myself around them.When I do see them Im just going to try and have fun with them like normal instead of there being something behind it.

Thanks again everyone advice is appreciated well more than you would think. xoxo

I know it sounds tough but the first thing you should do is stop drinking altogether. Go back drinking when you've realized you don't need it as a crutch anymore, you'd be more likely to drink less...believe me, it's tougher said than done in this country.