Failing in relationships

LegacyUser

Need a bit of advice, as this is getting me down and it shouldnt be.

Ive had fairly bad luck in relationships of late. Now Im only 20 so I completely understand also that Im very young and relationships at this stage are complicated and unpredictable anyway. But I seem to be meeting the wrong people for me anyway.

Iv been described by close friends as very positive, happy and so on, which I guess is positive. Im naturally chatty, so when I do meet guys out, Im not cocky or anything but Im not lost for words in that there would be an awkward silence unless to god we were very mismatched.

But last night while I was out, really got me thinking, got talking to a guy who was very nice looking, seemed nice, but his personality told me different, he made some jokes which to be honest weren't funny, and not exactly identifyable as jokes either, lol. So when I didnt react, he comes out with that I was very serious. The jokes began with that he was a male model. Now firstly I knew he wasnt, lol, though his was extremely fit, but I laughed a little, because there wasnt really any punch line to the joke firstly. Then he called me innocent afterwards. But the "your very serious" hit me.

Mainly because in my second relationship my ex said once I was quite tense and then in the next relationship, I was called high strung.

I do admit I find it hard recently trusting guys anymore, and its not that Im generalising, its just my experience has been so bad with the last two relationships, that when they are really nice, Im doubtful, and then when they are not nice, its so disappointing, I feel very burnt out in that respect. And the "your too serious" words really hurt.

Because maybe I am. How do I relax and just enjoy chatting anymore. Its such a silly question, but I feel like Ive lost part of me in the process of the last relationships Ive had. And I know people will be inclined to say, enjoy being single for a while. Well I have, its been a year and a half now, and Im not looking for a serious relationship right now, just want the confidence back again, where Im not distrusting the guy. I also talk way too much and say too much about my past and this has nothing to do with alcohol, as I dont drink that much, but I feel I have to lay groundwork out to say I dont want to be messed over, which I know is riddiculous and so off putting to a guy and yet I still do it.

Advice from guys would be well appreciated. Thanks so much for reading this.

johnr1

When people resort to name calling in a relationship it's usually to divert blame for whatever situation is going on away from themselves. They will hit out at any identifiable target, whether legitimate or not. They will identify any character trait and use that as the focus of criticism, usually as I said in an effort to deflect responsibility.
You were probably a bit over sensitive to that guy's comment about being "too serious", he was probably finding it hard to get a laugh with his inane "jokes" and thus feeling insecure in his charm -> thus deflect blame -> "it's your fault, Youre too serious". A lot of people of both sexes use this line when not getting the responses they wanted. People can be dicks.
I've heard this line from women a hundred times, but not from the ones I was suited to, or the ones who were suited to me.
When you meet the right guy, you'll find that conversation is easy, even if one of you is shy, and common interests will show up.
Maybe lay off a little on the past history stuff early on, - real offputting, and I'm only learning to do this myself at 37:)
Relax, and convince yourself that 'nothing is going to happen here bar a chat for practice' and you'll be surprised at the result.
Best of luck.