work relationship

LegacyUser

Hi Guys

I've been seeing this girl from work about 2 weeks and i'm crazy about her. From the very first date i felt we really connected. We've seen eachother 3 or 4 times since and they've all really went well. She cooked dinner for one of them. The only problem is that i seem to pay for everything. Now i know that i was the one that initiated the dates where we went out but i don't know it would have been nice if she at least offered to split the difference. I would have probably refused anyway.

I really don't think she's using me though because she's invited me to a family event soon enough where she wants me to meet her family. So what do people think ? Should i say something or just maybe opt for less expensive dates ? Thanks

nicechick!

unregistered wrote: »

Hi Guys

I've been seeing this girl from work about 2 weeks and i'm crazy about her. From the very first date i felt we really connected. We've seen eachother 3 or 4 times since and they've all really went well. She cooked dinner for one of them. The only problem is that i seem to pay for everything. Now i know that i was the one that initiated the dates where we went out but i don't know it would have been nice if she at least offered to split the difference. I would have probably refused anyway.

I really don't think she's using me though because she's invited me to a family event soon enough where she wants me to meet her family. So what do people think ? Should i say something or just maybe opt for less expensive dates ? Thanks

hmmm for me being a chick! The thought that my boyfriend or date was constantly paying for stuff I would be mortified most persons would take it in turn to pay for stuff whether it be drinks/cinema/food etc sometimes if I'm poor I have no problem saying that either but do appreciate what others are doing for me if they treat me to something

she sounds like a ''scrouge'' but she could be she has limited cash flow at the moment but if she hasn't mentioned anything by now hmm it could be her expectations of you be prepared or next time leave your ''wallet at home'' ha

seems way to fast meeting family already meeting 3 or 4 times a week that would be my idea of my worst nightmare ehhhh good luck

LegacyUser

Ok Thanks :-p Think ill have to accidently forget my wallet when we go out again :-p

Distorted

What about suggesting a date to her that involves no money and gauge her reaction? e.g. going for a walk somewhere nice, hill walk maybe if you are rural, beach walk or walk to a certain destination otherwise? Or a cycle ride?

diverdad

Perhaps as suggested she is a bit short of funds.
But..... 3 dates and she did cook a meal for you.
Her time, her own work preparing table etc, her shopping, her ingredients, her cooking the meal, her serving the meal, her tidying up most likely.
All that would amount to a lot of money perhaps in a restaurant.

Sometimes we can overlook the little things. Perhaps she is more into personal gifts of thought and time.
See how it goes for the future. Early days yet.

LegacyUser

diverdad wrote: »

Perhaps as suggested she is a bit short of funds.
But..... 3 dates and she did cook a meal for you.
Her time, her own work preparing table etc, her shopping, her ingredients, her cooking the meal, her serving the meal, her tidying up most likely.
All that would amount to a lot of money perhaps in a restaurant.

Sometimes we can overlook the little things. Perhaps she is more into personal gifts of thought and time.
See how it goes for the future. Early days yet.

+1. You're only going out two weeks. It's way too early to be picking holes. There's nothing wrong in placing a small bit of trust in someone at the beginning. Come back in six months-if she's still not putting her hand in her pocket, then you're going out five months too long!

LegacyUser

Ok Next date i think is cinema. Should i just pay for myself and see what happens ?? Maybe offer to pay for both again and see what happens.

I really really like this girl but it's just still annoying me a bit. Any previous dates i had the girl has always offered to split the difference.

Taltos

unregistered wrote: »

Ok Next date i think is cinema. Should i just pay for myself and see what happens ?? Maybe offer to pay for both again and see what happens.

I really really like this girl but it's just still annoying me a bit. Any previous dates i had the girl has always offered to split the difference.

Oh gawd - 2 weeks and you are already playing these games?
OP - cop on - before you spoil things.

Re the date - talk to her beforehand - like today - who knows she may be a traditionalist. But just talk - ask her would she mind if you could split the costs for the next while - no blame - no "I've been paying for everything".
She might just have gotten so caught up in it all she hasn't noticed yet - or she could just be tight for cash with huge bills.

But - just talk to her

LegacyUser

Taltos wrote: »

Oh gawd - 2 weeks and you are already playing these games?
OP - cop on - before you spoil things.

Totally agree. It's very easy to become all self protective at the start of a relationship. Nobody wants to be seen as a fool right? There is nothing wrong with being made a fool of, some people are just so underhanded they'll make a fool of you no matter what barriers you put up. Your best bet is to place a small bit of trust in everyone you meet (including possible girlfriends : ). If they treat you like a fool all the time even when you've spoken to them about it, then you have your answer....get rid!! This girl you're seeing made you dinner, that doesn't sound like something a scab would do. As Taltos said, just talk to her. If she's a decent girl, she'll be mortified that she never thought to split the bill with you (could be a case that she might think you'd get embarrassed if she tries to pay for things-I always give my boyfriend the money if I'm paying for dinner, I'm afraid of potential embarrassment for him if I openly pay for it all! Silly I know, but maybe other girls feel the same?)

dafunk

unregistered wrote: »

Ok Next date i think is cinema. Should i just pay for myself and see what happens ?? Maybe offer to pay for both again and see what happens.

I really really like this girl but it's just still annoying me a bit. Any previous dates i had the girl has always offered to split the difference.

Popcorn and drinks are as expensive as the cinema tickets, why not suggest on the way in that she gets the tickets and you get the munchies or vice versa?

I am a friend

dafunk wrote: »

Popcorn and drinks are as expensive as the cinema tickets, why not suggest on the way in that she gets the tickets and you get the munchies or vice versa?

Exactly and she will get the hint?

How does it get to the point that you pay for everything? When you have had one round do you jump up and get another one or have to give in and get another one when she doesnt???

LegacyUser

I am a friend wrote: »

Exactly and she will get the hint?

How does it get to the point that you pay for everything? When you have had one round do you jump up and get another one or have to give in and get another one when she doesnt???

Ok update guys. I've been to the cinema with her again. It went brilliant again. I really really like this girl. But i payed again for the tickets and drinks. I sort of waited but there was no movement from her. I know its early days yet but i'm thinking of just moving on even though i seriously like her.

To answer above question we've never been in the situation where we're both in the pub drinking buying rounds as of yet so i don't know how that will be.

Thanks for all the advice.

I am a friend

unregistered wrote: »

To answer above question we've never been in the situation where we're both in the pub drinking buying rounds as of yet so i don't know how that will be.

Any did you say 'you buy the goodies..'??

What are you paying for if you arent going to the pub (other than cinema tickets)?

LegacyUser

Meals mainly in restaurants.

I am a friend

unregistered wrote: »

Meals mainly in restaurants.

And who is suggesting you go out for meals?

I think you should say it to her, subtly if you want but your perfect opportunity was the cinema - tickets / popcorn thing...

Next time the bill arrives in the restaurant put down half of it in cash - she will soon get the hint.

Miss Fluff

I agree, the cinema was your perfect opportunity to go splits. You either don't give her a chance, dump her and she'll be left scratching her head as to why or you organise the cinema again and take the advice given.

Frankly, unless she still wears petticoats and corresponds with you by sending letters via a hungry orphan and pressing a half crown into his shivering little hand in gratitude then I can't see how she can possibly think it ok not to at least offer to go splits. Those days are LONG gone.....

I've been with guys who are adamant about paying for everything but I'd still insist on some nights being my treat.

Orchestrate it so she has no choice. If she is miffed about it then you know there's not much substance to her and she is in fact a freeloader.

booboo88

unregistered wrote: »

Hi Guys

I've been seeing this girl from work about 2 weeks and i'm crazy about her. From the very first date i felt we really connected. We've seen eachother 3 or 4 times since and they've all really went well. She cooked dinner for one of them. The only problem is that i seem to pay for everything. Now i know that i was the one that initiated the dates where we went out but i don't know it would have been nice if she at least offered to split the difference. I would have probably refused anyway.

I really don't think she's using me though because she's invited me to a family event soon enough where she wants me to meet her family. So what do people think ? Should i say something or just maybe opt for less expensive dates ? Thanks

i was kinda in the same boat as you. me being lumped with paying for everthing, i think you should speak up, or just suggest doing something that doesnt involve money.

dafunk wrote: »

Popcorn and drinks are as expensive as the cinema tickets, why not suggest on the way in that she gets the tickets and you get the munchies or vice versa?

second the motion, op you are not an atm