Stupid crush on married man

LegacyUser

I've developed a rather stupid crush on a married man who I sometimes meet at work. He does have a tendency to flirt with me. This didn't bother me & I was a bit flattered because I knew I would never let anything happen.
The problem is I've now started thinking about him more than I should. How do I get over this? I can't avoid him and I do get on very well with him & would miss talking to him as he usually cheers me up and we are good friends.

Abi

ishouldknowbetter wrote: »

I've developed a rather stupid crush on a married man who I sometimes meet at work. He does have a tendency to flirt with me. This didn't bother me & I was a bit flattered because I knew I would never let anything happen.
The problem is I've now started thinking about him more than I should. How do I get over this? I can't avoid him and I do get on very well with him & would miss talking to him as he usually cheers me up and we are good friends.

Simply really. He's flirting with a girl from work, now imagine you're his wife. He's quite a catch, isn't he?

implausible

The title says it all - it is a stupid crush. You are not a teenager (presumably) and he is unavailable, regardless of how you think he acts.

Concentrate on someone else.

Oryx

Find something else to cheer yourself up. You are both using each other for an ego boost, youve got to see that for what it is.

You really need to find someone else to divert your attention and flirt with who is actually available. Once you do your attraction to this guy should wane.

trio

+1. Get your mates, go out on a night out, dress up to the nines, and flirt your ass off.

Resolve to get your flattery somewhere else. I'd say the only reason you're thinking about the flattery coming off him, is cos it's the only place you're getting it. So get some off some other guy!

Neyite

If you imagine how his wife would feel every time he makes a flirty comment, you will soon see him flaws and all.

Or, imagine he is a close friends/sisters husband - not so attractive now is he?

Janet1986

Stay well clear!!

The only person that will get hurt is you and his wife if she finds out!

If ye end up sleeping together, that will be the end of it for him and he will all of a sudden not be able to 'do this anymore' and love his wife.

My sister made that mistake :eek:

Just find someone single.

LegacyUser

OP think about it, if you're thinking about him more than you should now, imagine what it will be like if you act on this and something does happen between the two of you! You will never have him, he is married, it is very highly unlikley he would leave his wife, and you're going to be left thinking about him even more, it's inevitable really.

You like him and say you would miss talking to him, there's another reason not to act on this crush. It WILL ruin whatever friendship/work relationship you have with him eventually. Sure some people can easily carry on like nothing happened, but what about if you were to start fooling around with him, it can't and won't continue on forever, when it comes to an end one side is quite likely to feel a bit annoyed, p*ssed and rejected, and that person's going to be you OP.

Just don't do it OP, you said it yourself it's a crush, if you act on it it's likely it will become more than a crush for you, and that when even if you don't think it now you will get hurt.

Don't ruin your relationship with this guy. Enjoy the innocent flirting (so long as it stays innocent) but leave it at that. It is completely not worth it.

For what it's worth OP, I am speaking entirely from experience here. I was in the exact same situation once...always had a bit of a crush on him, worked with him, told myself never he's married, the flirting and banter got more and more intense, and before I even really thought about what I was doing we ended up in bed together. It continued for a short time and thruth be told it was easy at the time... then it had to come to an end and that's when things got awkward between us.

Do not ruin it OP, I wish I hadn't.

James400

Janet1986 wrote: »

Stay well clear!!

The only person that will get hurt is you and his wife if she finds out!

If ye end up sleeping together, that will be the end of it for him and he will all of a sudden not be able to 'do this anymore' and love his wife.

My sister made that mistake :eek:

Just find someone single.

Exactly.

Do not go there with this guy. You are risking- 1. Your Job, 2. His Job, 3. Your reputation, 4. Malicious Rumour...for starters!!

Not worth it.

LegacyUser

Hi
Thanks everyone for the feedback, some good suggestions. I know it's a stupid crush & want to nip it in the bud before I delude myself into thinking I might have feelings for him or that he has feelings for me.
There is no way I would go out with a married man. Just needed a few suggestions on what to do when I found myself thinking about him.

Firetrap

Do you flirt back? Be careful not to do that.

John400

ishouldknowbetter wrote: »

Hi
Thanks everyone for the feedback, some good suggestions. I know it's a stupid crush & want to nip it in the bud before I delude myself into thinking I might have feelings for him or that he has feelings for me.
There is no way I would go out with a married man. Just needed a few suggestions on what to do when I found myself thinking about him.

As has already been said, you would most certainly be risking your employment as would he.

Also you most certainly don't want your reputation tarnished and the last thing you want is rumours about the two of you going around work.

Don't forget you are in a professional situation.

Of course it would be different if you were both single as people can get together at work eventually. Usually a slow burner type of thing were two people realise they like each other/ have feelings for each other.

If you ended up with this guy when you were both single, you may get a bit of banter towards you but it would be generally accepted as you were both single people..

...imagine the reaction towards you if your colleagues found out you were involved with a married man- a colleague of theirs also?

Not good. Your colleagues perception of you would change completely- both male and female. And you would be effectively risking your job.

Don't bring on unecessary grief on to yourself.

John400

I agree.

If you and this guy were both single at work then it's a completely different situation.

The fact that the guy is married makes this a complete no-go-area as far as you're concerned.

It's different with two single people working together who say run into each other now and again at work, slowly get to like each other and then eventually get together. Work relationships are slow burners were both parties realise something is there eventually- can take a fair bit of time though.

Two single people would probably get a bit of banter their direction but both people are single and it would be generally accepted at work.

If the details of you carrying on with a married colleague opens up a huge can of worms as far as your concerned as colleagues perceptions of you change completely....

....hassle you can do without. Don't get involved.