Child caught looking at porn

LegacyUser

What do you do apart from feel sick to your stomach???

My child is 15 years old and can't turn to family cos i'd die with embaresment.
Dont know how to confront him???

Orion

Kids have looked at porn since way before the internet. Unless it's all he does and it's not illegal stuff I'd let it lie to be honest.

Morag

At 15 while he is not an adult he's no longer a child.
He's a young adult who is post puberty and a nascent sexual being.
It's normal for him to be curious and interested in sex.

I don't think you need to confront him.
I do think you need to talk to him about porn and what is acceptable and not acceptable in your house, lay down some ground rules.

Cat Melodeon

God, looking at porn is completely normal for a 15 year old. I wouldn't confront him over specifics (ie if he has a badly hidden stack of mags) but do lay down the law that he may not use the internet to access it, that what is represented in most pornos bears no relation to reality, and that if there are younger kids in the house, tell him it is not appropriate to expose them to it (ie if you can see what he's looking at, they will be able to see what he's looking at). I wouldn't go out of my way to make him feel ashamed or embarrassed though, it's a completely natural phase and in any event, he will be completely mortified by your mentioning it. It's probably not wise to bring shame into the equation right now - 15 year olds have a tough enough time figuring out sexuality at the best of times, keep the channels of communications open and non-judgemental if you can at all.

ani_mal

its undenstandable that he is curious, but I would talk to him about sex however it could be bit late.
get him a book about sex for teenagers and let him read. If he has questions after you can discuss.

also explain about porn, its not a healthy way of sexual arousment, and its not how normal people behave. its a set up movie action.

ArtSmart

Whilst i appreciate the OP's concerns, I do think the title of this thread should be changed to teenager.

15? I thought you meant an eight year old or something. I'm not a parent (for seven months anyway ) but I don't think its the end of the world?

fitz1011

Do not say anything thing to him its normal and will only cause huge embarassment for you both!!!!!!

bryaner

Don't worry too much about it, just tell him that your keeping a close eye on all browsing history and not to think of deleting it otherwise no more pc access.

Wolfe Tone

Don't say anything, nothing to worry about, vast vast vast vast majority of lads that age will have seen/watch porn.



Why does it make you feel sick to your stomach?

bryaner

fitz1011 wrote: »

Do not say anything thing to him its normal and will only cause huge embarassment for you both!!!!!!

Oh I'd say something alright, just in a calm way to let it be known that you know the beef..

Bodhisopha

ani_mal wrote: »

its undenstandable that he is curious, but I would talk to him about sex however it could be bit late.
get him a book about sex for teenagers and let him read. If he has questions after you can discuss.

also explain about porn, its not a healthy way of sexual arousment, and its not how normal people behave. its a set up movie action.

The kid might be into amateur porn.

shannon_tek

Just make sure to use the igcognito window So as others don't get introduced to porn. You can try to stop it but like any teen they will find away around it . As mentioned above lay down the law but be cool about it. It doesn't last forever. I know my folks were sound about it. Its not right but don't fight

LegacyUser

WOW...

1. Tittle of thread, he is a child
2. I have had talks to him regarding sex so I dont need to buy books.
3. I am well aware that hes 15 and kids do this

I came on here for support as to how to confront him not to be given a parent classes. I think every mum (most) might get a sinking feeling when they see their child looking at something like that.

Can I get this closed? as to be criticised as I have had is not helpful.

Thanks to those who has given me the time to reply

Orion

I don't see that anyone has criticised you and nobody is questioning your parenting. You asked for advice on how to confront him and the general consensus is not to. Just because you didn't get the answer you want doesn't mean we close the thread.

Reggy

take him up to the parish priest to hear his confession so.

that'll teach him to never think about sex ever again.

Justask

I've been there, and it not nice I think it more of the fact that your child is growing up...none of us want them to grow up.

But honestly it is normal, he is doing what any other teen is doing. once you have a good relationship with him and can chat it will be fine.
I did let my son know I was aware of what I knew but it ws in a very matter of fact way.
Dont make a big thing about it.

Your not alone loads of mums and dads go through this but it is normal

Orion

Reggy: Unhelpful posts are unwelcome here. We'll have no more of that please.

Reggy

Orion wrote: »

Reggy: Unhelpful posts are unwelcome here. We'll have no more of that please.

apologies.

wolfpawnat

It is that weird thing that all mothers of all teenage boys will have to deal with sooner or later. As others have said, unless it is some really odd fetish such as animals or something, you need not worry.

Demand he either use private tabs or store his "literature" away so no one else need see it.

I cannot see how it is sickening though. I really would have thought it normal. You say you accept this as normal, so why, may I ask are you having a hard time with the situation?

nesf

A 15 year old looking at porn is completely normal. I really wouldn't freak out about it unless it's something very messed up. To be honest, I expect my son to figure out a way to secretly watch some porn long before he's 15.

al28283

I would be more concerned about a 15yo male who had never watched porn than one who had

guitarzero

If I was 15 again and I had access to porn I'd probably have to be dragged away from the computer, half my waking day I was thinking about women. You use the word 'confront' as though he is guilty and should bare shame. There's no shame in any sexual desire for a start or masturbation. He cant have sex so he has to have an outlet and at that time it was porn.
I understand from both sides. You are his mother firstly so to see your young boy engaging in such an intimate, taboo matter such as sex/porn is quite a wake up call for you. The end of innocence can be a sad transition for parents I'm sure. Secondly, you're a woman. Mens sex drives and hormones are firing on all cylinders at that age, they're sex on the brain, trust me. So try understand that. If I were you I'd be a bit bold with him in a tongue in cheek way, last thing you want is to create a sense of shame between you, this could be very destructive. After that, he's aware that you know.
If I were his dad, I'd encourage him to find himself a GF. Not for sex, but just to allow his curiousities to branch out in a healthy way, to establish an intimate side without having to be sexually interactive. Basically, at that age, he needs to be tought how to be a man and how to get woman, after that, he's half way there.

Sex, its a whole other world.

mikemac

I saw this thread title and thought this was about an eight year old.
He's no child!

15 year olds have been doing this before the internet and even before these top shelf magazines were on sale in Ireland, they were banned for a long time.
You'd wait until a friend or classmate brings mags back from England

Totally normal. Leave it be

There are internet filters you can purchase but some are ridiculous. They block horse racing sites as they have ride and whip.

sdanseo

I looked at porn when I was 15 and amazingly, I didn't turn into a raging psychopath. At least not yet anyway.

ani_mal wrote:

also explain about porn, its not a healthy way of sexual arousment, and its not how normal people behave.

I presume you mean that what's depicted is not a good representation of reality, not that watching it is not normal. Looking at it is VERY normal.

As for it not being a healthy way of getting aroused - well that must make me very unhealthy. It's what people do. I disagree that it's in any way unhealthy but I don't think the OP should openly condone it either.

I'd say nothing. But then, I'm 22 and not a parent. As for the OP's comments about thread closure - you asked for advice and are getting it. I'm not about to tell you how to bring up your kid but I will answer the question as I see fit, as posed by you. I think it's a sad state of affairs if you can't talk about this with someone in your immediate family without "dying of embarassment" - without sounding harsh or arrogant, either you or they need to kick that taboo and get over it.

All about Eve

Child is misleading... at 15 he is a teenager. Teenagers are curious about sex, and will defo sneak a look at porn on their own and with their friends.
It ios normal OP so try not to worry.
I understand your embarrassed. Maybe sit down and tell him if he wants to know anything your always there if he has questions. Or get your husband (if your married to have a chat to him.
I know most 15 year olds will die of embarrassment and prob feel like their privacy is being invaded too. So prepare that he may have a strop at you.
You shoudnt feel sick to your stomach either, he is normal. Your reaction is a bit over the top. I'm assuming of course its normal run of the Mil porn and not weird stuff.
Also you shouldnt see it as confronting him, as he really is a normal 15 year old. Just say you know he has porn or whatever and that there is alot more to sex, like love etc. and you just want him to be aware that the best sex is between people in love and committed. And that women are to be respected as well and not viewed as objects. But also tell him its normal and he has nothing to be ashamed off.

planetX

I thought this would be about an 8 yr old too... at 15 come on.
Might be helpful though for someone to advise on how to talk to your teen about internet porn. My worry would be how hardcore it was, and especially if he started paying for it.

ElleEm

I think porn was common for teenage boys to look at but most females I know, myself included, didn't watch porn til I was in my early 20's. I can see why the OP is upset, as this more than likely wouldn't have occurred to her to be an issue for her son for a few more years.

OP, maybe if you want to speak to your son about this, discuss the realistic sexual experience versus what it looks like in porn, sexual health, protection etc. Your son is at an age where he's getting closer to actually having sex so no amount of these sorts of talks will go wasted.

CarrickMcJoe

15 year olds watching porn is nothing new but I would be afraid of how hardcore it is. I remember when I was 15 watching Channel 4 when they had a warning triangle in the corner of the screen to let you know there would be a bit of nookie in the movie.

bryaner

planetX wrote: »

I thought this would be about an 8 yr old too... at 15 come on.
Might be helpful though for someone to advise on how to talk to your teen about internet porn. My worry would be how hardcore it was, and especially if he started paying for it.

If he paid for it you'd need to get him mentally assessed..

flutterflye

He is less than a year away than being legally able to have sex himself.

The only thing that would concern me is the particular content.
If it were depicting violence, aggression, contained young kids or animal and so on.

So long as he understands that the majority of porn is acted (badly!), and does not actually depict reality, I do not see the harm at all.

G.K.

al28283 wrote: »

I would be more concerned about a 15yo male who had never watched porn than one who had

What are your concerns?

Sleepy

A total lack of interest in porn would be a clear sign that a teenage boy had hormone issues (i.e. puberty hadn't kicked in yet) tbh.

johnmcdnl

give him the talk and tell him it's natural to look at porn

he'll be so embarrassed getting this talk from his auld doll that he'll never look at porn again

Delancey

OP , while it may be a shock to you that your child is a ' sexual being ' the fact is that every (and I mean every) lad looks at porn be it Playboy or brochures for Dolphin Showers.
It is perfectly normal and the worst thing you can do is make a big deal out of it.

What is is that distresses you so much about it ?

Charco2006

Leave the lad alone and be happy he's healthy and well. Take a look at the world and see that if thats the worst thing he does then you have nothing to worry about

actuallylike

Sharrow wrote: »

I do think you need to talk to him about porn and what is acceptable and not acceptable in your house, lay down some ground rules.

Please please PLEEEEASE don't do this. If my mum started telling me what porn I could watch in her house it'd be the be the most mortifying experience in my life

"Now Billy, I don't mind you looking at any of that anal stuff but any interracial and you'll feel the back of my hand"

Sounds like your kids going through the motions of life, let him be.

iguana

flutterflye wrote: »

He is less than a year away than being legally able to have sex himself.

Less than two years, in Ireland the age of consent is 17.

flutterflye

iguana wrote: »

Less than two years, in Ireland the age of consent is 17.

Yeah, I only realised that myself last night when I was reading some article or other.

When I was 16 though (10 years ago), I really thought it was 17 for girls and 16 for boys.

Did it used to be this way, or am I going mad Ted?

liliq

flutterflye wrote: »

Yeah, I only realised that myself last night when I was reading some article or other.

When I was 16 though (10 years ago), I really thought it was 17 for girls and 16 for boys.

Did it used to be this way, or am I going mad Ted?

I thought the same...!

Morag

It was changed to 17 for both.

Orion

It's 17 now anyway: http://www.irishstatutebook.ie/2006/en/act/pub/0015/sec0003.html#sec3

It may have been different before - I have a feeling it was too.

But that's for another thread - let's keep this one to the subject of porn*.



*I never thought I'd get to say that as a Parenting mod

nesf

Orion wrote: »

But that's for another thread - let's keep this one to the subject of porn*.

So should we start collecting a series of links to give as a package to our teenage boys to give them a taste for the subject?

"Here's some good stuff son. I particularly like no. 3."

liliq

Honestly I wouldn't worry about a 15 year old male or female looking at porn- I'm sure I was having a sneaky peek at porn any opportunity I could when I was that age! It's a very natural curiosity, and it's not like the sex ed videos they show you in school tell you much!! :rolleyes:
Surely not many people can honestly say they were too many years older before they saw anything pornographic? I'm sure a lot of people have even had sex by that age without any hugely negative impact!

Like has been said by a few posters already- as long as the material isn't waaayyyy out there and isn't left out in plain sight for younger siblings to come across, it's pretty harmless.
If there are no boundaries being crossed (I'm sure you don't want to hear the orgasmic soundtrack at full volume etc.) I'd leave well enough alone!

Morag

nesf wrote: »

So should we start collecting a series of links to give as a package to our teenage boys to give them a taste for the subject?

"Here's some good stuff son. I particularly like no. 3."

I'd consider that a bit far tbh and also limiting him in exploring his sexuality and sexual preferences.

However I do plan on having a talk with mine on the ethics of pron.
We've had some discussions already about porn prompted by them and it's not a topic I am embarrassed about at all.

nesf

Sharrow wrote: »

I'd consider that a bit far tbh and also limiting him in exploring his sexuality and sexual preferences.

Eh, in what world could my post have been taken as being serious?

*hands a bunch of porn mags to his teenager*
"Here son, it's about time you became a man."

Johnny Favourite

As a man and having been in your sons situation I would ask you not to humiliate him. It won't change anything and may make him feel guilty for doing something that every teenager his age does...

Feelings of shame mixed up with sexual arousal at that age can lead to negative emotions and confusion at a delicate time of development.

Best of luck.

Orion

Irish Examiner doing a special report tomorrow:

http://www.irishexaminer.com/flat.aspx?i=teenspecialreport

moley

At 15 he's already been looking at it for at least the past two years, you've just finally caught him . He's just as embarrassed as you are already and doesn't need a confrontation. It's normal behaviour.

Da Shins Kelly

It's completely normal. I think the only reason you should confront him about it is if he is accessing the porn on a family computer which is being used by everyone, and may lead to a younger child seeing it, or perhaps someone who doesn't want to see it. Another reason for confrontation may be if the porn he is watching is illegal or something.

If you still feel uncomfortable about it being in your home, you could just address it gently, and explain to him that while it is completely normal to be interested in sex, that the family home is maybe not the best place for it, especially if there are younger children around. Remind him that often the images shown in porn are not true to life, and not a real representation of women. Don't embarrass him, however. It is completely natural for him to be interested in this stuff at this age.