Family making me feel depressed again

LegacyUser

Apologies for the long post but this has been built up for so long. If I could give every point in relation to my situation then this post would be honestly far too long read.

I'm a 26 year old male who was once deeply depressed years ago because of my family and now they're striking me down again after a long period of things going well.

My family (parents & sisters) constantly hound me about getting a job regardless of it's type or field. It's not the usual "Get a job" mullarkey but the tone and abuse at which they keep hammering at me.

I've been working since I was 15, went to college to study Media (Sound Engineering) but since I wasn't made of money to go finish it in Dublin I instead wound up studying IT which I completed. I worked throughout and paid for college myself.

I got a great job immediatly afterwards working as an in-house techie but a year later many of us were laid off and thus I had to move home and join the dole. My family told me to change to careers I had no interest in, as they said "It's better to have a job than not". Given up 6 years of IT at the drop of a hat was not an option for me. Forms to join the Gardaì were constantly flung at me on a regular occurance.

I'm an IT Techie, not a software developer. Something which none of them could grasp when they told me of such job offers and I told them that wasn't my field (I did try software but I couldn't fully grasp it). It eventually led to the point where they thought I was making things up just so I didn't want to work and then came a downward spiral for me. They also didn't understand why I didn't want to take an ECDL exam..............since a friend of the family's daughter did it and "got a cushy job at a desk".

What followed was nothing but abuse from my family. My mother would barge into my room and wake me up at 9am to scream at me and call me things like "a loser" and "a disgrace". I became derranged, I'd litteraly stop what I was doing and evesdrop on their converstaions in case they were talking about me...............this behaviour stemmed from a few years before when I heard my mother say "We should've stopped at 3 kids"..........I'm the 4th and youngest.

I knew myself I wasn't lazy or a sloutch but I then began to believe them and felt utterly worthless. It affected my sleeping to the point where I was constantly having dreams of my family disgraced at me and I would wake up in a fit of rage with my fists and teeth clenched.

For a while I was just in this zombie daze like I was half asleep. I didn't care about anything and gave up on all of my hobbies like drawing and playing music. I used to practise playing my guitar in my room when the family would burst in and roar at me for being fùcking useless.

Eventually, I got the hell out of there and moved back to a city I was in college for 1st. The first week there felt incredible, like all the shackles had fallen off me and nothing could bring me back down. I started having normal sleep again and would wake up feeling great. I also met up with an old friend from college and now we've been great together for a year and a half.

Having been revitalised I took on Comptia / Microsoft certs and built up my resume. I then took on a 9 month contract with a company where I gained huge experience as well as having solely completed big projects for them. I knew what the bottom of the barrel felt like for me and I vowed never, ever to let myself get there again.

Things had been going great for me in those 2 years. Eventually, me and the family's relationship got better and I would visit on the odd weekend and keep in contact with my sisters.

..........

But, alas, that wasn't to last. I finished my contact with work and no less than 2 weeks later the family started hounded me again to change careers. I finally blew my top at them when I was told to send an e-mail to a guy in another city and that the mother said "I'll know if you had sent it or not!". That ****in' mentality that I wasn't looking for work had crept back again, I was exhausted explaining things to them and just hung up.

The sister would then ring me up and accused me of lying about looking for work to which I promptly told her and the family never to contact me ever again.

I now get random texts calling me all sorts of names telling me how much of a cùnt I am and while I've learnt to brush all their shìt off my should I can feel my armour wearing thin again.

I'm 3 weeks out of work and they're making me feel worthless again. That day they rang me up was the most I had ever been angry in 2 years and couldn't sleep for 2 days afterwards from sheer rage. I'm not an angry / violent person at all, but my family just flick this switch that not even my worst enemy can do.

It feels like no matter where I go I'm being kept tabs on and I can never relax without them somehow knowing what I'm up to.

I cannot and will not let them poison my head again but I don't want to deal with this in utter rage. Leaving the country has crossed my mind, not for a job but to get away from them once and for all but I don't want them to push me out of my home country.

Any sort of help would be appreciated.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply.

I had considered moving abroad but I do like where I'm living, the GF has a good job here, and I'm not too far away from my friends (most of which live in my hometown) so I have certain things anchoring me here but that doesn't bother me in the slightest.

The sisters work in good jobs but the parents use one of them (the one I get on with the most) to hammer points home to me in hope that I'll listen to her. She's was the messenger, essentially, but it's elevated to where she's on their status of hassling me.

Practically 90% of phone calls I've recieved from family in the past 2 years have consisted of job talk which just make me dread any sort of contact with them

MissFlitworth

That sounds effing rough OP, could you maybe strictly limit your contact with them? Get a new mobile number & email address and give them to people you want to hear from & keep the old sim to check every week or so for messages from your family? If they can't behave themselves they shouldn't get the privilege of being in touch with you.

I know it's really hard to stand up to people who have you worn down, especially when they've made you feel like you're in the defensive all the time & that you're wrong and irrational so you could even write them a letter to say that you can't have them in your life because they are effecting your mental health & that if there's an emergency they can reach you at 085-(annoying family calls only) but apart from that they are no longer welcome in your life.

Fentdog84

Sorry for your troubles OP. Their behaviour is completely unacceptable. What makes them so great anyway?? So you are having difficulty finding work, so is half the country, hello? Do they realise this?? It sounds like you have been doing your best, finishing college, getting work here and there, what more do they want, like?

I would minimise contatc with these people cos they are only shattering your confidence.. just focus on getting a new job or doing whatever and let these people hang..you dont need that crap..

If your mother or whoever barges into your room calling you a loser or names just say "get the **** outta my room!" Be a man and Stand up for yourself