Fed up with life, no friends.

CoolGirl101

Ah
where to start.

My friends (well, people I thought were friends) screwed me over big time..and then, even though they are the ones in the wrong, they decided it was easier to just leave me than try sort it out.
So I'm left alone.....again.

Been friends with these people since I was a child, now I have none.

There's one or two friends that stood up for me, but they are both guys... I appreciate them a lot, but sometimes you just need girl friends to understand you aswell, you know??

Anyway, I have other not so close friends, but I have asked them to do stuff about ten times, and each time there's been an excuse....So I'm ready to just give up on any of the friends I have.

I find it so hard to make new friends, as I can't find anyone who is similiar to me, or into the same stuff/the same opinions.


I do the same thing everyday, and yeah, I have tried to change this, and do things to pass the time but there's only so much you can try and do....


I am stuck in a rut, and I need to get out of it. Please someone suggest something.

I don't know how to make friends, can never afford to go out, or do anything... Help

Kevin Duffy

Not to pry OP, but to be able to make suggestions that might mean something to you; what age are you, do you live in a well populated area and what do you have ahead of you (such as college perhaps) that might offer you chances to make new friends?

CoolGirl101

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Not to pry OP, but to be able to make suggestions that might mean something to you; what age are you, do you live in a well populated area and what do you have ahead of you (such as college perhaps) that might offer you chances to make new friends?

I'm only 18...And please don't give me that 'you're young, you'll be fine' speech.

I know that, but at the same time, I was put through crap, and i need to get over it. Regardless of age, I want you to look at this situation how YOU would deal with it, not treating me like a child..

Turtwig

CoolGirl101 wrote: »

I'm only 18...And please don't give me that 'you're young, you'll be fine' speech.

I know that, but at the same time, I was put through crap, and i need to get over it. Regardless of age, I want you to look at this situation how YOU would deal with it, not treating me like a child..

Op, I realise that you're upset but you have to understand that Kev wasn't trying to be patronising. It would help us a lot more if you could tell us more about your background. For instance, if you're in college or a secondary school?

So for now all I can answer your question is with depending on my age and location I would have handled the situation differently. If I was in College I'd just join new societies and try to make new friends. If I was in Secondary school, I'd try to get my seating arrangement changed so I wouldn't have to sit beside these people (I dunno if your classes have teachers that assign specific seats for each student) and I'd do something radical like change sports or take a new musical instrument just to meet others with different interests. But that's me, not you, we need to understand you a bit better too. For example, if your biggest passion is a sport then my radical idea of dropping a sport in favour of a new one would probably not be best suited for you.

CoolGirl101

Malty_T wrote: »

Op, I realise that you're upset but you have to understand that Kev wasn't trying to be patronising. It would help us a lot more if you could tell us more about your background. For instance, if you're in college or a secondary school?

So for now all I can answer your question is with depending on my age and location I would have handled the situation differently. If I was in College I'd just join new societies and try to make new friends. If I was in Secondary school, I'd try to get my seating arrangement changed so I wouldn't have to sit beside these people (I dunno if your classes have teachers that assign specific seats for each student) and I'd do something radical like change sports or take a new musical instrument just to meet others with different interests. But that's me, not you, we need to understand you a bit better too. For example, if your biggest passion is a sport then my radical idea of dropping a sport in favour of a new one would probably not be best suited for you.

Ah I know, I'm sorry... Didn't mean to sound like a B8888 there

I done my leaving cert last year, couldn't afford to go to college, so now I'm just trying to find a job until I can... So don't really have the money for clubs etc, and I don't have many interests really...

I used to be interested in dancing a lot, and camogie, but I just have zero confidence these days, can't see myself going and joining something again...

John Doe1

Sorry to hear that, im sorta going through the same thing at the moment. My "close" friends have decided that rather than helping their friend with their depression they would ignore me and regard me as weird. Ive also known them since school and am really struggling at the moment, i can barely get up in the mornings. Btw Im 21 and in my last year of college, PM if you want to talk i dont know a lot about camogie or dancing but im a good listener(:

CoolGirl101

John Doe1 wrote: »

Sorry to hear that, im sorta going through the same thing at the moment. My "close" friends have decided that rather than helping their friend with their depression they would ignore me and regard me as weird. Ive also known them since school and am really struggling at the moment, i can barely get up in the mornings. Btw Im 21 and in my last year of college, PM if you want to talk i dont know a lot about camogie or dancing but im a good listener(:

Ha I get that.... Words don't explain how angry I am right now about everything.


Really I have never BEEN this angry at what is happening to me.

That's sweet, thanks:)

Dudess

Examine your own behaviour/attitudes maybe? I know this is harsh, but why would it ALL be down to others? Going by other posts of yours, you've a pretty awful attitude towards other women (a bit strange to expect female solidarity). And as for your prejudice towards gay people... :eek:

beagle001

Volunteer abroad,you are 18 and so lucky to be at this age with everything ahead of you.
Forget your friends as you grow older everyone goes their separate ways,become comfortable with being by yourself.
You need to just put things in perspective,your young,healthy and living in the western world with every assistance,your very lucky.

Wompa1

beagle001 wrote: »

Volunteer abroad,you are 18 and so lucky to be at this age with everything ahead of you.
Forget your friends as you grow older everyone goes their separate ways,become comfortable with being by yourself.
You need to just put things in perspective,your young,healthy and living in the western world with every assistance,your very lucky.

she said she needs to save to go to college. Volunteering abroad is for the wealthy I'm afraid! Just like volunteering here appears to be for the unemployed (personal story of trying to volunteer and work constraints stopping it)

beagle001

She is young with every advantage right now,actually if you search hard enough you can volunteer abroad easily without any major finances.
I did this for 9 months some years ago and went with a UK group.
All it takes is some research

CoolGirl101

Dudess wrote: »

Examine your own behaviour/attitudes maybe? I know this is harsh, but why would it ALL be down to others? Going by other posts of yours, you've a pretty awful attitude towards other women (a bit strange to expect female solidarity). And as for your prejudice towards gay people... :eek:

What, so by your logic, the fact that you don't agree with some of my opinions makes it fine for these people to be **** to me, because I deserve it??

What the hell is wrong with you, just because you don't agree with things I've said, isn't an excuse for people to treat me ****, and also, I'm not the only one they have cast aside..

I'm so angry that you would even say that, it's a really personal situation, if you're not gonna help, why bother coming here!!

Dudess

CoolGirl101 wrote: »

What, so by your logic, the fact that you don't agree with some of my opinions makes it fine for these people to be **** to me, because I deserve it??

No, not the fact that I don't agree with you - you're twisting my words - and I'm not saying you deserve to be dropped by them, but what caused it? Maybe you had no input whatsoever and they're just horrible (in which case you're better off without them) but might you have attitudes that would cause a clash? I'm just saying it's no harm for us all to examine whether we play a role (if any) in situations like these - and also for meeting new people, so we can learn not to make the same mistakes next time.
And do go easy on other women too if you wish to make female friends. I find it appalling how some women are quite happy to make generalisations about their gender - and call them bitches etc... oblivious to the irony of course.
I brought up the opinions thing because you mentioned it yourself. You're entitled to have old-fashioned, unpopular opinions, e.g. that women are inferior to men (although once upon a time, that kind of thinking meant women couldn't work or get an education) but it's rare that young people are going to share them. Plus, if your opinions are ones that involve putting down certain groups, maybe question them?

CoolGirl101

Dudess wrote: »

Maybe you had no input whatsoever and they're just horrible (in which case you're better off without them) but might you have attitudes that would cause a clash?

That's exactly it, so why even bother bringing up irrelevant things?
If you don't like it fine, but what the hell has it got to do with this, who said anything about an opinion clash, there was none of that whatsoever, so maybe you shouldn't be so bloody presumptuous in future.
I can think whatever the hell I like, it's none of your business.

CoolGirl101

Let me just get this straight here right.

There was an ex of mine who forced me into doing certain things, asked to steal for him, got me into a lot of trouble, cheated on me more than once, and now my friends decided to hang out with this guy, I say i have a problem with it, they ditch me....and I'M the evil one because I have 'old fashioned opinions'?


Yeah, must be all my fault, sorry.

God, some people on this are so bloody rude.

Dudess

CoolGirl101 wrote: »

Let me just get this straight here right.

There was an ex of mine who forced me into doing certain things, asked to steal for him, got me into a lot of trouble, cheated on me more than once, and now my friends decided to hang out with this guy, I say i have a problem with it, they ditch me....and I'M the evil one because I have 'old fashioned opinions'?


Yeah, must be all my fault, sorry.

I fail to see where anyone said that - you're twisting things. Whether you like it or not, if you've unpopular, not-very-fair opinions, they could cause a clash. I wasn't saying that was the case, I was just asking it, putting it out there - not stating it was a fact. I see that's not the case now, but the information above, well you've only given now, so how was I or anyone to know about it?
You're better off without such awful people, so you need to meet new friends - you mentioned this is difficult partly because people don't seem to share your opinions. And you would be hard pressed to find people who would, to be fair - if this is an important criterion for you when making friends. No, you're not evil.

Rothmans

CoolGirl101 wrote: »

What, so by your logic, the fact that you don't agree with some of my opinions makes it fine for these people to be **** to me, because I deserve it??

What the hell is wrong with you, just because you don't agree with things I've said, isn't an excuse for people to treat me ****, and also, I'm not the only one they have cast aside..

I'm so angry that you would even say that, it's a really personal situation, if you're not gonna help, why bother coming here!!

In fairness OP, I too got the impression that you felt that it was your opinions which were holding you back, particularly with regard to this line - ' I find it so hard to make new friends, as I can't find anyone who is similiar to me, or into the same stuff/the same opinions'. And in Dudess's defence, you seem to have only told us the real reason for the rift in the friendship after she had tried to offer you some advice. She was only trying to help you OP but you flew off the handle when she gave you (what seems to me) good advice.
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V V V V V V V V V

Dudess wrote: »

No, not the fact that I don't agree with you - you're twisting my words - and I'm not saying you deserve to be dropped by them, but what caused it? Maybe you had no input whatsoever and they're just horrible (in which case you're better off without them) but might you have attitudes that would cause a clash? I'm just saying it's no harm for us all to examine whether we play a role (if any) in situations like these - and also for meeting new people, so we can learn not to make the same mistakes next time.
And do go easy on other women too if you wish to make female friends. I find it appalling how some women are quite happy to make generalisations about their gender - and call them bitches etc... oblivious to the irony of course.
I brought up the opinions thing because you mentioned it yourself. You're entitled to have old-fashioned, unpopular opinions, e.g. that women are inferior to men (although once upon a time, that kind of thinking meant women couldn't work or get an education) but it's rare that young people are going to share them. Plus, if your opinions are ones that involve putting down certain groups, maybe question them?

+1

CoolGirl101 wrote: »

That's exactly it, so why even bother bringing up irrelevant things?
If you don't like it fine, but what the hell has it got to do with this, who said anything about an opinion clash, there was none of that whatsoever, so maybe you shouldn't be so bloody presumptuous in future.
I can think whatever the hell I like, it's none of your business.

Op, it may seem a little bit harsh, but given the emotion you expressed in your opening post, I think it would be appropriate to open your mind a little bit and develop your interests beyond what they are now. In all honesty, the vast majority of people your age don't share the ultra-traditional values you hold as important to you. Many would even go so far as to view your views as sexist (even against your own sex :eek:) and too out-dated.

You said that you're saving up to go to college. I know it might be a while off now, but you'll be able to make friends there, not only through your class, but by joining societies, which will have have plenty of other first-years like yourself wanting to make friends.

So in conclusion OP, just take it easy, don't stress yourself about making friends,it'll happen if you just give it time. Keep your eye on the prize (ie college, where you'll easily be able to make loads of friends). And finally, as Dudess suggested, maybe take another look at your views on 'modern lifestyles' shall we say. I'm not saying that you should conform to popular opinion, just take a deeper look into your opinions on certain issues and do a bit of research, as this will perhaps open your mind. OP, I'm not trying to say your homophobic or sexist, but I do think that is how many people of your generation would perceive you to be, going by your previous posts.

We're all trying to help you OP. The advice might seem blunt at times, but we genuinely do want to help.

Good luck

CoolGirl101

Dudess wrote: »

I fail to see where anyone said that - you're twisting things. Whether you like it or not, if you've unpopular, not-very-fair opinions, they could cause a clash.

But it isn't the case, so why does it apply???

Most of these people had a lot worse opinions than the ones I have, I'll tell you that!


Focus on the question, not how all of you think I should be dealing with my opinion etc, cos it is a completely different topic.


Obviously everyone wants to make friends with people who have the same opinions as them (ie music, movies, what is fun, what isn't) etc, there is really no need to bring up anything more when none of you know me.

Wompa1

CoolGirl101 wrote: »

But it isn't the case, so why does it apply???

Most of these people had a lot worse opinions than the ones I have, I'll tell you that!


Focus on the question, not how all of you think I should be dealing with my opinion etc, cos it is a completely different topic.


Obviously everyone wants to make friends with people who have the same opinions as them (ie music, movies, what is fun, what isn't) etc, there is really no need to bring up anything more when none of you know me.

OP, you should work on your anger issues, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

If you want to meet people with the same interests the obvious thing would be to join social clubs or groups. Maybe you could use the likes of Plenty of Fish or those dating sites but only look for friends which you can.

LegacyUser

CoolGirl101, I am first going to say I havent read through this thread, I have read your initial post and your replay saying you are 18. So I am sorry if this is overlapping, not the point you wanted.


I was in a very similar place were you are now, at your age(I am now 21) I was in a group of friends for the last 6-7(some up to 9 years) years and one little thing occured that basicly blew me away from the group. The group just kicked me out, wouldnt talk to me, started bullying me on something that was not my fault( This is a long story in it self) Basiclly I was left alone, by myself and it was tough, one of the hardest thing I had to do, it affected my life and who I am to this day.

I once was quite social and chatful, ended up being by myself and not have any contact with anyone for days, this lasted for just over a year. I would be just replaying certain situations in my head over and over and hating on everyone that i knew. It was a extremly ****ing hard time for me. Soon I belvied that I couldnt be friends with anyone any more, that no one would like me. I was in an ultimate rut.

After a year, I was forced(by my parents) to go out and do a course to help me get into college. In the course I meet someone who i kinda knew we knew who each other where. On our first day we just started talking away and had the usual chat, soon then i would go for lunch and we became good friends. I then meet with his friends and we started to become good friends and we would start hanging out, they would invite me to places. Soon i had a new group of friends, and then we started going out and meeting new people.

2-3 years has passed, I am now still great friends with my new group of friends, I work away from my home town, but when I come back to them we would meet up and hang out for the weekend.

What I am trying to say is, this stuff happens to people. And no matter who you are, and what happened to you, People will get into a rut. At some point you have to say to yourself, that you cannot change what your old friends have thought of you, they had to do it themselves. Dont get hung up with them, I know its hard to just forget such a long realtionship with them, but if you start dwelling on it(like i did for the year) you start developing massive trust/anger issues.

Just take it east and relax, try and meet up with people that have similar intrests as you(look at boards for example) start chatting to people and just becoming friendly.

Friends that you thought you would never be friends with, if you see them just talk to them.

And if you are going to college you have a great resources to meet new people ahead of you. Dont worry, life is a bitch sometimes, just take every moment one step at a time.

It took me a long time to figure that out, sure I still have some major issues of what happened with me(trust, relationship, anger) but I am working through it.

CoolGirl101

Wompa1 wrote: »

OP, you should work on your anger issues, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

If you want to meet people with the same interests the obvious thing would be to join social clubs or groups. Maybe you could use the likes of Plenty of Fish or those dating sites but only look for friends which you can.

Anger issues?.......................haha
I am angry because I come here upset, asking for help, and all I get is people telling me to change my views so I find friends... What kind of friends would they be if I had to change to have them?

Wompa1

CoolGirl101 wrote: »

Anger issues?.......................haha
I am angry because I come here upset, asking for help, and all I get is people telling me to change my views so I find friends... What kind of friends would they be if I had to change to have them?

Probably better than the kind that would react well to hostility. People are trying to help with advise on figuring things out. You gave your account and more than one person gave you that response. What does that tell you?

They aren't attacking you. They are trying to offer some insight. People on this section of Boards are among the least snipey and most helpful. There's no need to be defensive.

Maple

Dudess wrote: »

Going by other posts of yours, you've a pretty awful attitude towards other women (a bit strange to expect female solidarity). And as for your prejudice towards gay people... :eek:

Please do not reference the OP's posting on other forums on this thread. Either give advice in the spirit of this thread or do not post at all.

OP, I appreciate that you may have felt blindsided by this reference however going forward please try not to be so defensive in your responses, for example in your initial response to Kevin Duffy's post.

Maple

Dudess

Sorry Maple. I thought the fact a member's posts are visible makes it fair game to mention them, as they are going to paint a picture of the thread-starter even if they aren't mentioned. I suppose sometimes it might be more beneficial to post anonymously though if you're a regular/known poster, in order to eliminate bias.

CoolGirl101 wrote: »

But it isn't the case, so why does it apply???

And I said:

if you've unpopular, not-very-fair opinions, they could cause a clash. I wasn't saying that was the case, I was just asking it, putting it out there - not stating it was a fact.

... because you hadn't given the additional info when I asked whether your views could have caused disagreements. Just a suggestion, not a statement. Now that I know what they did and that it wasn't down to you, well hold your head high and ignore them - they're obviously bullies.

Focus on the question, not how all of you think I should be dealing with my opinion etc, cos it is a completely different topic.
Obviously everyone wants to make friends with people who have the same opinions as them (ie music, movies, what is fun, what isn't) etc, there is really no need to bring up anything more when none of you know me.

It's still of relevance when you state you're finding it hard to meet new friends. You're taking it as an attack when it isn't. Generally speaking, it's a good idea to view being challenged as not always an attack on you. Whatever about views and defensiveness (here) you seem a reasonable person in how you act. College has tons of social outlets - not just the bar, but clubs and societies, and just general socialising. Don't be too focused on making friends, just relax and hang out with whomever's around, and gradually as you see each other more regularly, friendship develops.

ItsAWindUp

Perhaps you should try getting a pet?:)

Maple

ItsAWindUp wrote: »

Perhaps you should try getting a pet?:)

Unhelpful posting is against the charter.

Have a read of it before posting again.

Maple