Best man speech?

royalcarlowgc

With my brothers wedding fast approaching i'm looking to get peoples stories or links to best man speeches etc.

AckwelFoley

Be yourself


Tell the truth.

No sex stories, particularly the ones that may contain household pets

Sean Quagmire

I just clicked in here to see what all the shouting was about

Duggy747

Just stand up, whip your willy out and stand there proudly.

Might not go down too well but, dammit, it'll be remembered!

bonzodog2

You'd hardly want to be telling stories about other people ? You must know your brother better than most people. Just remember a few things about your common experiences, and think twice about whether to include them, if they're a bit dodgy.

mikemac

Did the groom hook up with the bride's sister? Or mother?

People need these details, be sure to share
A good marriage is based on honesty

seamus

Things you have to do as best man:

1. Make a sex joke about the bride, especially if you can include some infidelity in it.

2. Criticise the venue, make special reference to how cheap everything seems, particularly if the bride's father paid for the wedding

3. Go through a detailed list of the groom's sexual conquests, including an honest comparison between the bride and each ex. A powerpoint presentation is ideal as it allows you to do a visual comparison for everyone's benefit.

4. Spill red wine on the bride's dress to illustrate how purity is fleeting, but stains and mistakes, especially in marriage, are permanent

5. Every time you pause between jokes, make special effort to wink at the maid of honour and tell everyone how you're going to "hit that" later on.

6. Invite the bride's mother to join you with the maid of honour

7. Ask the priest if he noticed the cute five-year-old at table 12.

8. At the end, apologise for offending everyone and promise to make a better effort at the groom's next marriage to the stripper that he rode on his stag

Plates

You could always do a Best Man Dance instead....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxO2c4JimTo

Shivers26

Do not mention the grooms ex-girlfriends / flings / one nighters in any capacity after that you'll be fine.

Try to go for a nice mix of funny and sweet.

royalcarlowgc

Really useful comments so far! thanks, no really thanks a million lads!

But SERIOUSLY any ideas? HA

pajunior

Do the whole a man needs a wife that can do five things joke.

Honestly gets me every time.

LeeHoffmann

google has the answer

M.J.M.C

seamus wrote: »

7. Ask the priest if he noticed the cute five-year-old at table 12.

So you yourself think the five-year old is cute too then??
Whatever lights your candle I guess

Seriously OP - Just be yourself with a few jokes, don't copy one off the net.

Son Of A Vidic

Regardless of your personality type whether you're an extrovert/introvert ect, just get up and speak from the heart. When you've been to enough weddings, you can clearly tell the difference between a formulaic 'Googled' speech and one that's natural. So you just need to ask yourself, do you want to use your own words or someone else's.

biko

From After Hours

GerM

Corvus Maximus wrote: »

Regardless of your personality type whether you're an extrovert/introvert ect, just get up and speak from the heart. When you've been to enough weddings, you can clearly tell the difference between a formulaic 'Googled' speech and one that's natural. So you just need to ask yourself, do you want to use your own words or someone else's.

Someone else's. Duh.

Seriously though, unless you've a flair for composition and/or orating, take advice on it and do some research online for ideas. You can take elements from suggestions and put a relevant slant on it without sounding generic. Practice it in front of the mirror. Practice it in front of your other half. Practice it in front of the groomsman. Practice it in front of the dog. If you've rehearsed it 100 times, do it again. Cannot stress it enough. Whether it is your own or there are elements taken from elsewhere, be familiar and comfortable with it; that will make a huge difference in how it is perceived. Mumbling and stumbling your way through a speech because you don't know it inside out kills it whether it's a good speech or not.

A best man's speech should be an opportunity to embarrass the groom moderately whilst wishing the couple all the best in their future. And don't forget to go through the usual elements of thanking and/or complimenting the relevant people. So many people give speeches and completely forget to give credit to those involved.

Wolfe Tone

Just stand there crotch thrusting

Doublin

At the wedding of a mate I was best man, there was this sweep going around the tables betting on how long my speech would be, I said 6-7mins.

When I started I said something along the lines of "I know I told you all the speech would be around 6-7mins long but I was then told that my speech should last as long as the groom makes love" And sat down.

Got a good laugh & made the rest of the speech easy. But I never gave too embarrassing stories about him, especially about other real women (I may have made up some imaginary women to show how useless he was with women & was lucky to be rescued by the bride)

ballsymchugh

Plates wrote: »

You could always do a Best Man Dance instead....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxO2c4JimTo

i haven't even looked at the video, but can't understand why more best men don't just do a dance. i had to write a speech last year only for my brother to have most of the same stuff in his speech, so i spent a fair bit of time going through mine scribbling out bits that he'd covered.
would've been so much easier to do a dance.

redved

I'd start writing the speech now, even if its just a couple of ideas to get you started.


the one bit of advice i would give is to read it in front of a couple of people and get some good feedback.
You need people who can be honest with you though.
No point in having everyone say its great cos they don't want to offend you

And finally everyone wants its to be a success so it'll be the easiest crowd you'll ever tell a joke to.


good luck

royalcarlowgc

Doublin wrote: »

At the wedding of a mate I was best man, there was this sweep going around the tables betting on how long my speech would be, I said 6-7mins.

When I started I said something along the lines of "I know I told you all the speech would be around 6-7mins long but I was then told that my speech should last as long as the groom makes love" And sat down.

Got a good laugh & made the rest of the speech easy. But I never gave too embarrassing stories about him, especially about other real women (I may have made up some imaginary women to show how useless he was with women & was lucky to be rescued by the bride)

Think I might go with the above! Cheers! Now the only think is my uncle is the priest but sure its not too bad.

LeeHoffmann

show how useless he was with women & was lucky to be rescued by the bride

This seems to be the basic idea. Embarrass the groom a little, joke about how lucky he is to have married someone out of his league, finish off with an 'aahhh' moment - some story that demonstrates how perfectly suited they are together or one point that shows what a great guy he is really - and a toast to the bride and groom. Make sure you wish them all the best and thank whoever hasn't been thanked yet.

My bro was best man at my Dad's wedding (don't ask). He was only 16, approx 200 guests. Needless to say he was a bag of nerves about the speech. He was told just to welcome the guests, read the cards that were sent from friends who couldn't be there, and say the toast. Poor guy couldn't read the cards or pronounce the names - yes, he was morto.
However the saving grace came at the end. Our uncle, Peter, had been winding him up mercilessly all day about the speech to make him nervous and everyone knew about it. So my bro ended the speech with 'The first round is on Peter. To the bride and groom!'. My uncle's protests were drowned out in the roars of laughter and round of applause that followed. It was one of the most memorable moments of the day. The moral of the story is: one good joke can save the whole speech. Now, it's all that anyone remembers. You'll be fine. As redved said, it will be the easiest crowd you ever tell a joke to.

City boy turned country

I agree with the above.

If you and the groom got up to some mischeif when ye were younger throw them in as they are always funny in speeches as well.