Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest
Social Phobia?
-
29-05-2011 6:43pm#1
Comments
-
-
-
I've had social phobia for as long as I can remember. Up until a few years ago I thought I was the only one in the world who had it. I remember feeling elated when I actually discovered it was a condition and had a name. That was a good day for me but since then I have slipped back further into depression because of this illness.
I feel especially isolated at work. Like I have nothing in common with the rest of my colleauges. They all seem to get along fine and can have a laugh amongst themsleves and look so relaxed and confident whereas I am in such a distressed state inside. I actually dread the canteen which might seem strange to most folk but for me it's a horrible experience. I've always kept this bottled up inside me but I'm now gone so bad that it's ruining my life. I have to do something about it. Got so bad last night at work I felt like topping myself. It's comforting to know there are others out there like me who also suffer this terrible affliction.
0 -
-
-
Advertisement
-
Yes as i've said in the other forum i have it too and i can't wait to get out of secondary school, secondary school is not for social anxiety suffers! Like the others some days its awful like today and others its great its as if i barely have it, but its **** because at home i'm perfectly fine but when i get into school it comes out i wish i could just be myself in school. I want to have gotten rid of this by the time i'm 20 as i want to do so many things and i doubt i could do it if i have that. But i'm not so sure because its gotten worse since i've went back to school after summer. I wish you could just take a tablet and then you'd be over confident that would be great!
I wish i could go back to the days of primary school when i had a wee gang of friends and i hadn't a care in the world now i have like 2 friends and its just awful every bloody day. I've already predicted this year will be awful i have a number of assignments were the teachers are making us stand up in-front of the class and explain or read out things, i think i'll probably faint or something its not fair i don't think teachers should be aloud to force us to do that, i'd literally do anything to get out of reading out in-front of class. Its not worth reading out either because my voice goes weird and i just humiliate myself, it doesn't make it better either when nearly the whole class starts laughing at you. 0 -
-
Hi,
I am suffering with social phobia too. Like you, it started when I began secondary school. I'm 18 now and when I think back on my teenage years so far I can think of only a couple of fun events, which makes me feel like I waste so much of my life. I've basically spent the past 6 years avoiding social events in every way I can, only going into town or the cinema occasionally when I'm with my best (and only close) friend. Then when I do go out it's such a nightmare thinking of crowded streets and public transport or even communicating with cashiers/waiters whatever. I haven't been to my local newsagents in about three years, I don't go to concerts,festivals,house parties or clubs.
Now I'm in my first week of college and as you can imagine it's basically been hell so far. Forced into meeting new people, feeling like the odd one out all of the time, not knowing what to do in a public place when I'm alone. I feel the exact same as bitethebullet in that I often feel I have nothing in common with other people. I look at how easily people in college have been interacting, joking, planning nights out and I just feel like my mind must operate completely differently and there's no hope for me. I'm used to being asked "Why are you so quiet?" and I never know what to say, I just remember the expression "the quietest people have the loudest minds" and try to comfort myself that being a such a social outcast doesn't have to be a bad thing- i'm just that kind of person, but really, I'm quickly losing my one friendship and the opportunities to ever gain more.
Right now I'm at home when I should be at orientation events. It's always the same- get up and ready for something and then bail out at the last minute and let people down. I've been reading up on cognitive behavioral therapy and counselling but it depresses me more to know I can't afford it. I'm afraid that without help though, I'll act irrationally and drop out, which will really screw up my life. I don't even know how to explain to my parents what's going on. I don't want them to worry so I'll usually lie and pretend I've gotten on fine during the day.
I spend as much time as I can daydreaming or reading to escape from my reality, because when I do focus on my own life, I predict nothing but loneliness and regret. Lately everything's been bleak.
I feel the same as you in school its like we are in a bubble and we don't exist, because thats how i feel in school no one speaks to me they just walk by me. If i died i don't think they'd care or notice i was off with a very very bad sickness for three weeks last year and no one said anything.. Also When the register is being called out sometimes people say i'm not in.
Sometimes i often wonder whats so good about these so called "popular" people and why everyone likes them, because they just seem like stuck up spoilt brats and i certainly don't see them having anything better than me. 0 -
-
-
Advertisement
-
No, Think about it rationally. Does it make sense that we would stop chatting because you entered the room? No. Speaking for myself here I have offered my 2c. Nothing more really to add.
I am listening to the audio tapes for the last 2 weeks and they seem to be helping. It's all about not listening to those automatic negative thoughts we socially anxious people seem to have .
You are lucky in a way that you are young and have a chance to tackle this problem now. I wish I had done so when I was you're age. At least you have identified the problem.
There is help out there. Do not suffer alone. 0 -
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Advertisement
-
-
Ickle Magoo wrote: »I think some people overcome their sa by tackling it head on...I was pretty nervy as a nipper and got so fed up with it as a teen that I deliberately signed up to do anything that forced me out my comfort zone - and now it doesn't bother me. I think it really has to come from you though, I don't think being pushed towards a fear ever works.
Unfortunately, its not that simple. A lot of people with SA (but aren't aware they have it) will at first try things like flooding and exposure thinking it will make it better. Sometimes it does help, but more often than not it can make things worse, and here's why:
Many people with SA are fearful of embarrassment, rejection, criticism, scrutiny or any negative attention for that matter. This is mainly because of automatic negative thoughts (or ANTs for short
). People with SA have little control over these thoughts and some aren't even aware of them. They're practically habitual. These are thoughts like "But what if they don't like me", "what if I say something stupid", or "what if they notice I'm nervous". Whether the person is aware of these thoughts or not, the thoughts themselves actually influence how they feel. This is actually what leads to feelings of anxiety, fear, nervousness, and general uncomfortableness. These feelings are the reasons why someone with SA behaves the way they do. A natural response to fear is to avoid or get away from the thing causing it (in this case the social situation) in order to make the feelings go away.
So in essence these negative thoughts influence feelings, which in turn influence behaviour, which actually in turn reinforces the negative thoughts. It's a vicious cycle.
So before you can do any exposure you have to practice catching, managing, and challenging these automatic negative thoughts, and this is something that takes a few weeks of practice. ANTs are something a lot of people with SA have had for years so getting good at lessening them and dismissing them isn't something that can happen over night. It takes consistent practice. Then you can generally move on to exposure, which before, during, and after you have to try and rationalize and challenge any negative thoughts that pop up.
Even during exposure though you have to take it one step at a time, starting with easier activities like saying hello to a stranger and gradually move up to something heavier like making a speech and public speaking.
The problem is if someone with SA jumps into the deep end straight away, the experience can be overwhelming and can lead to things like blushing, excessive sweating, stammering and stuttering, shortness of breath, adrenaline rushes ("flight or fight response"), and even panic attacks or fainting. That's why it's important to gain better control over your thoughts and emotions first. If someone with SA feels like they have made a bad impression or embarrassed themselves it makes it even harder to return to that social situation again. This in turn can lead to low-self esteem, anger, self-loathing, and even depression. Other negative moods are REALLY unhelpful when it comes to SA.
This is basically what cognitive behaviour therapy does. You start off challenging your negative thoughts all the while gradually exposing yourself to social situations. For some people it is much harder to overcome as the fear can be very intense and even crushing. It can even stem from negative past experiences like bullying or an extremely humiliating event.
So as you can see, social phobia is a little trickier than other phobias, and is not something can be beaten with exposure alone. This is probably why its also classed as a mood disorder.0 -
Unfortunately, its not that simple. A lot of people with SA (but aren't aware they have it) will at first try things like flooding and exposure thinking it will make it better. Sometimes it does help, but more often than not it can make things worse, and here's why:
Many people with SA are fearful of embarrassment, rejection, criticism, scrutiny or any negative attention for that matter.
I hardly think that's reserved to people with SA - I think that's fairly universal.
Certainly when I started forcing myself out of my comfort zone I was absolutely terrified - could barely speak, felt sick, couldn't even hear anything else in the world over the banging drum of my heart in my ears...but I forced myself to stick with it, I got better and as I got better, I got more confident and it got easier. Sometimes we need extra help, but sometimes we are our own worst enemy. 0
Advertisement