too honest - v - lies

boxoff

Hey guys,

Been feeling very guilty these past few days, dont know if im just being paranoid and letting my head run away with itself!
Love my boyf to bits, hes the 'one' def! We've been going out a year and a half and there l;ast month he asked me randomly about my ex's. My boyf works in a respected job, my ex boyfriend worked in the same job but completely different location/area. I have always been so paranoid about my boyf knowing this. I dont know what came over me, I paniced for no good reason and told him I only ever had one previous relationship that only lasted a few months. I knew he hadnt been in a relationship before so decided not to tell him about the one other previous relationship I had been in.
While flicking through my facebook he asked me who somebody was, I blushed because it was a friend of my 'secret' ex. He asked me again about it the next day, and took a sneak look through my facebook chat to a friend who I had told how embarassed I was when he asked me etc and it turned into a big row. We got over that thankfully.
Last week I was showing him a pic on facebook and he said randomly out of the blue, is that your ex? pointing to a pic - dont know again why I did but I lied and said NO! (crazy I know) He then brought it up again the next day and I apologised after a mini row, I had lied to him and he was not impressed. He still knows nothing about the ex who works in the same type of job as him. He then asked if I had anything else to tell him and I said No thinkinng it would hurt him so much to realise that I used to go out with a lad who did the same job as him Sounds silly but it eating me up.
Now I faced with

A) Coming clean and telling him about my 'secret' previous relationship - have no reason it being 'secret' just that their occupations are the same and that they could well know a friend of a friend who may link the two of them - I know that might upset him

What he doesnt know wont hurt him
What to do??

Thank you so much for reading my wee rant xxx

Kingpin187

Come clean! it was an ex, whats there to be ashamed of? You are with him now

Ive been with my gf for almost 3 years, think the subject of ex's (on her part) has came up once or twice.. I just really prefer not to know as I overthink things and get jealous even though theres nothing to be jealous of lol.. She knows about my ex as its unavoidable due to having a daughter with her.

End of the day you have done nothing wrong, nothing to feel guilty about except telling a small lie.

Abi

Or;

C)Tell him to mind his own goddamn business


Everyone is entitled to a past OP. He has no right to question you whatsoever, and I'm more worried about why you feel you're answerable to him. I wouldn't be so sure hes 'the one' if he's chastizing you about your past. How long are you seeing him? and if I may ask, how old are you both? just trying to get some perspective here. He's out of order anyway you take it.

unknowntoown

OP : to be honest im with my gf nearly 2 years and if she ever went on about an ex or the " activitys " they done id get angry and jealous, its just natural in all fellas and girls
so i told her i dont want to know, keep it too yourself
and yet she still tells me anyway haha so i just told her all my exs and ...ect....
anyway the point im trying to make is
if he is consistent TELL HIM, if he goes mad then ask him " why did you ask if your gonna go mad?" cause if he goes mad and wants to know whats the point in him asking if he knows hes gonna start a row.
basicly you lied, big deal its not a dirty secret, its not like you cheated on him, im sure if you do tell him hed understand that you dont want to provoke him about it or having him think things. and if he doesnt understand well then make him understand, its your past, you never knew him while you where with your ex so its none of his business what you got upto with your ex and also its none of his business what you did in your past.
But if i were you id just say he was your ex, cause i admitt i ended up having a few rows when my bird told me a few things in her past, mainly because a few of them were once close mates, but all is forgotten but i do still think about it sometimes, all i can do is try to get it out of my head, so try not to do it to him ha
gl

dearg lady

I'm utterly confused by this and not sure if I'm missing something.
Firstly I have no idea why'd you'd lie about this, whats the big deal, whats so shocking that they work in the same industry?
Secondly, why do you think he'd be so hurt if he knew your ex, or knew a friend of his? Ireland is a small place, there's a good chance ex's and current boyfriends could have some people in common, it's really not that big of a deal.
Lastly, is he focusing so much on this because you're already lied to him about it? Or is this a general thing, which is abit worrying, I don't understam why he would be askin so much about your exes.

What you guys probly need to do is sit down and have a chat about it, come clean with everything, explain why you lied, promise it won't happen again, and then, keep the ex talk to a minimum!

Morbert

The same kind of job?!?! One of the greatest insults to mankind is to go out with men who incidentally have the same kind of profession. It is deeply offensive and scarring to men everywhere, and I do not know how you can live with yourself.

I am a friend

boxoff wrote: »

I know that might upset him

You are upsetting him more cos you are lying to him and he knows something is up... Sit him down and tell him but explain why you lied...

Maple

Morbert wrote: »

The same kind of job?!?! One of the greatest insults to mankind is to go out with men who incidentally have the same kind of profession. It is deeply offensive and scarring to men everywhere, and I do not know how you can live with yourself.

Less of the sarcasm please. Keep your responses helpful and constructive or else don't post.

Maple

Miss Fluff

What is going on in your head? Seriously? You, and you solely, are perpetuating a situation which is leading to suspicion and mistrust all because of some BIZARRE brainfart pertaining to both of them working in the same line of business. Try and think about it logically.

I suggest you sit your boyfriend down, apologise for causing such a ridiculous fuss over nothing, and quit with the lies. If he's "the one" then you should be able to be open and honest with one another. You're painting a picture to him now of being deceitful and dishonest so I'd put things straight pretty sharpish if I were you.

Neyite

I really, really dont get why you are freaking out, or why you lied -continiously. Loads of my exes knew each other, some were good friends, some worked /had worked together at some stage. In Ireland, you will always meet someone who knows someone you know.

While I agree that your past is your past, you have now been caught out in lies so you need to fix that if you want the trust in your relationship to remain. If you cant be truthful with this man, then he is not 'the one'.

So, tell your boyfriend that [insert name] was your boyfriend, and you went out for [insert length of time], and that [insert name] is a mutual friend. Then say you lied because you initially thought it might upset him, but you then realised that is a silly way to think considering that he is an adult and not an adolescent teenager.

If he asks for intimate details - DONT GO THERE - tell him it is disrespectful to discuss it, your past is your past and that is that.

MitchKoobski

Instead of just telling him it didn't matter, you lied to him, you were caught in the lie, and then you continued to lie.

Stop lying to him! If you don't want to talk about it, tell him that, but stop making up lies.

chicken fingers

Any particular reason you were showing him pics of your ex on facebook?

dixiefly

It looks to me as if one or both of you are insecure in the relationship. You need to both discuss how you both feel etc as this is more likely a sympthom of something bigger rather than an issue in itself.