Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

A Christians Guide to Closet Homosexuality

  • 28-06-2011 11:47am
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 590 ✭✭✭


    Ever thought you had a crap gaydar? Well fear no more hetrosexual women and curious men of the world, A 'leading' Christain website has published its definitive guide to finidng out if your husbands a little to the left :cool: /sarcasam

    I esp like pointers 3&6 :D
    Right now in America there are over 2 million couples secretly struggling with homosexuality in their marriages. Are you one of them? Are you having intimacy issues? Are you suspicious about your husband’s late night activities? Or are you oblivious to a problem that could be putting your health and the livelihood of your family at risk? Don’t tell yourself that you’re simply being paranoid without taking a closer look!

    Homosexuality can pop up at any time during a long-term relationship. Your spouse may have been experimenting with the “gay” lifestyle even before you met. Maybe he’s just using you as unwitting cover as he seeks playmates in the heterosexual world. For these types, the shame of being “outed” is so great that they will go to extremes to hide their lustful activities, even tricking a woman to marry them to appear normal in society. Sometimes it’s the nervous family who has rushed a young man into marriage out of a fear that his secret will be exposed. For others, homosexuality can appear later in life when men crave some escape from the monotony of careers and home life. Same-sex experimentation is also connected to drug or alcohol abuse. Crystal meth and other narcotics are proven to lower inhibitions and to drive people to take incredible risks to feed their habits.

    For the wife unsure about her husband’s proclivities, the most important thing is to first confirm your suspicions. Drawing on the expertise of spiritual and medical professionals, Christwire has put together a list of 15 commonly-accepted characteristics of men struggling with homosexuality within a marriage:

    1) Secretive late night use of cellphones and computers

    Porn addiction is closely associated with homosexuality and a secretive nature implies he’s trying to hide something from you. Be on the lookout for a man who doesn’t want to web surf or answer phone calls in your presence. Texting is another favorite trick used by adulterers. For the sake of trust, a married couple should share everything, including phone logs, email accounts, chat friends and website histories.

    2) Looks at other men in a flirtatious way

    When you’re out in public, does he spend too much time looking at other men? Is he fond of winking at people? Does he get visibly upset when someone does not return a compliment about his physical appearance?

    3) Feigning attention in church and prayer groups

    Have you noticed a lack of interest in spiritual issues? Does it ever seem as if he’s just using church as an excuse to spend time around young men? Does he volunteer to mentor in all-male groups?

    4) Overly fastidious about his appearance and the home

    Natural men have a certain amount of grit about them. They sweat and they smell. Homosexuals often abhor this sort of thing and will also be incredibly particular about the cleanliness of the home. Does your man tweeze his eyebrows, trim his pubic hairs or use face moisturizers? Is he picky about brand name shampoos? Does he spend more time getting ready for a night out than you do?

    5) Gym membership but no interest in sports

    Gay men use the gym as a place to socialize and to have secret liaisons in the bathrooms. They like to work out their bodies without the competition of sports play. Afterward, they use the showers and steam rooms to engage in sexual activity beyond the prying eyes of women. If your man returns from the gym too exhausted to talk or have sex, that is a worrisome sign.

    6) Clothes that are too tight and too “trendy”

    Gay men don’t need words to communicate their availability for sex “hook ups.” They silently broadcast the news by showing off their lean, hard bodies in designer clothing labels. If your husband owns skinny jeans and looks at his buttocks in the mirror or if he wears an inordinate number of small-sized t-shirts, it is probably worthwhile to pay more attention to his private activities.

    7) Strange sexual demands

    Fetishism is a sign that a man is seeking a harder thrill beyond the normal intimacy of heterosexual relations. The woman may not appeal to the deep desires that are coming to the surface as the marriage drags on. If there is a sudden interest in sodomy, sadomasochism, lubricants, role-play, sex toys or other non-traditional intercourse methods, this is clearly an indication of deep emotional abnormalities.

    More interested in the men than the women in pornographic films

    Pornography is a dangerous element in any marriage but there are many Christians who feel watching it does add something to their sexual lives. If you have gone down this road and find that your man perks up at the sight of the men in these sorts of videos, you should be concerned. If he selects films because of specific male actors, this is an obvious sign that he is suffering from a crisis of ego and desire.

    9) Travels frequently to big cities or Asia

    Some husbands will spend a great deal of money traveling far from home to hide their deplorable same-sex actions. Big cities offer indulgence of every kind. From gay bars and clubs to prostitutes and sex bathhouses, a man seeking encounters can find them easily if he’s so inclined. Is there ever really a good excuse for a husband to visit Thailand or San Francisco without his wife?

    10) Too many friendly young male friends

    Someone who makes an extra effort to surround themselves with younger men should raise concerns in any community. If this is the case with your husband, ask yourself if he prefers their company to that of women. Do they touch each other or embrace in long hugs? Do they exchange expensive, personal gifts like scarves or cologne?

    11) Sassy, sarcastic and ironic around his friends

    A man who is secretly engaged in homosexual activity with others may exhibit feminine qualities when they get together in a group. In a sense, he has “let his hair down” and this will be seen in excessive back talk and speaking with one’s hands.

    12) Love of pop culture

    It’s quite common for young men to enjoy the science fiction end of popular culture, but when your husband becomes overly obsessed with romantic and feminine shows, that is cause for alarm. Gossip websites, Glee and The Golden Girls are three well-documented icons of the gay movement that genuine heterosexual men avoid.

    13) Extroverted about his bare chest in public

    Does he go shirtless in the back yard or at picnics when other men are around? Does he wear a speedo at the beach? Does it seem like he’s purposely standing right in the middle of a crowd to show off his chest and arm muscles, peppering people with questions about how strong he looks? He may be craving physical affirmation from other men and desperately looking for hints of shared desires in those around him.

    14) Sudden heavy drinking

    Sometimes people dealing with an unbearable emotional issue like homosexuality will turn to alcohol to hide their distress. Does your man disappear on drinking binges for long hours without answering his cellphone? Is there a strange odor about him when he returns, some strange mix of cigarettes and gel? Does he cry frequently?

    15) Ladies, have you dated men in the past who turned out to be gay?

    This is an important question to ask yourself when your marriage starts to have problems. Statistics have shown that women who have encountered gay men romantically in the past are the most likely to repeat this mistake in future relationships. If you answered yes, you should ask yourself whether you’re honestly looking for a man or just a shopping companion. Is sharing gossip more important to you than raising children? Ultimately, it’s a question of getting your priorities straight!


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,789 ✭✭✭grizzly


    Very funny, I like "Sassy, sarcastic and ironic around his friends".


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,467 ✭✭✭Wazdakka


    My Husband could be gay???

    :eek::eek::eek:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 867 ✭✭✭Mr. Denton


    Wazdakka wrote: »
    My Husband could be gay???

    :eek::eek::eek:

    Afraid so.

    Does your husband ever get up late at night to go downstairs and watch graveyard-shift marathons of Will & Grace? If so then he's probably gay , or mentally retarded.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 590 ✭✭✭SparkyTech


    Mr. Denton wrote: »
    Afraid so.

    Does your husband ever get up late at night to go downstairs and watch graveyard-shift marathons of Will & Grace? If so then he's probably gay , or has no taste.

    Puts on my high pitched voice...OH KARRREEENNN! :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 810 ✭✭✭Laisurg


    This is fúcking hilarious, i found the gym one especially entertaining :pac:


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Subscribers, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,632 ✭✭✭✭antodeco


    I would have thought "F***s other men" would be top of the list...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,467 ✭✭✭Wazdakka


    Mr. Denton wrote: »
    Does your husband ever get up late at night to go downstairs and watch graveyard-shift marathons of Will & Grace? If so then he's probably gay , or mentally retarded.

    No I've never caught him sneaking down stairs to watch Will & Grace but I thought that I saw him sneaking a look at the tv the last time he was giving me a blowjob.

    You could be on to something.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 867 ✭✭✭Mr. Denton


    Wazdakka wrote: »
    No I've never caught him sneaking down stairs to watch Will & Grace but I thought that I saw him sneaking a look at the tv the last time he was giving me a blowjob.

    You could be on to something.

    Was he checking out other guys on the tv when he was sucking your willy? If so then he might be gay.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,041 ✭✭✭Seachmall


    I could be gay apparently.



    Fabulous!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,207 ✭✭✭The King of Moo


    I think I might be 4/15th gay!


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,349 ✭✭✭✭super_furry


    Fails to neglect that you can also spot one by their forked tail and cloven hooves.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,805 ✭✭✭Rothmans


    SparkyTech wrote: »
    For the sake of trust, a married couple should share everything, including phone logs, email accounts, chat friends and website histories

    EDIT:I realise its satire now :P


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,041 ✭✭✭Seachmall


    "As I’m sure you’ve been aware, Charles Darwin’s unholy fictional novel known as “The Origin of Species” is recognized as formal doctrine of the Satanic Church of America, and is even considered to be the official Antichrist’s Bible in some Luciferian sects."
    - Christwire.org


    This is a parody site, right?!

    Edit -
    Wikipedia wrote:
    Christwire is a satirical website that publishes blog style articles that highlight perceived excesses of Un-christlike hypocritical Christian conservatives.


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Wazdakka wrote: »
    My Husband could be gay???

    Mine too.
    The wife's always the last to know..... :(


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 753 ✭✭✭Needler


    Christian forum
    >


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,598 ✭✭✭✭prinz


    In other news The Onion is full of completely above-board accurate news.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 46,938 ✭✭✭✭Nodin


    antodeco wrote: »
    I would have thought "F***s other men" would be top of the list...

    ...no, he might be sort of thinking of a woman some of the time when he was doing it, so it wouldn't really be gay.

    So I'm told.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 590 ✭✭✭SparkyTech


    Seachmall wrote: »
    "As I’m sure you’ve been aware, Charles Darwin’s unholy fictional novel known as “The Origin of Species” is recognized as formal doctrine of the Satanic Church of America, and is even considered to be the official Antichrist’s Bible in some Luciferian sects."
    - Christwire.org


    This is a parody site, right?!

    Edit -

    Ah sucks, I thought they were being serious :(


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,598 ✭✭✭✭prinz


    SparkyTech wrote: »
    Ah sucks, I thought they were being serious :(

    OMG


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,805 ✭✭✭Rothmans


    SparkyTech wrote: »
    Ah sucks, I thought they were being serious :(

    I didn't know what to think, I thought it was too crazy to be satire, but crazy enough to have actually come from a far right, Evangelical Church in the Bible belt.
    Oh I'm too tired to think straight


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,928 ✭✭✭✭rainbow kirby


    Rothmans wrote: »
    I didn't know what to think, I thought it was too crazy to be satire, but crazy enough to have actually come from a far right, Evangelical Church in the Bible belt.
    Oh I'm too tired to think straight

    That's the beauty of Christwire - the fact that it genuinely does confuse people as to whether the site is a parody or not.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,598 ✭✭✭✭prinz


    That's the beauty of Christwire - the fact that it genuinely does confuse people as to whether the site is a parody or not.

    The only people it confuses are muppets desperately looking for a reason to be 'confused'.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,041 ✭✭✭Seachmall


    prinz wrote: »
    The only people it confuses are muppets desperately looking for a reason to be 'confused'.

    Well given that the article is exactly what you'd expect from far-right Christians like Ted Haggard OP, and myself, had every excuse to believe it.


Advertisement