Aren't kids the best excuse for skiving off work ?

Rabidlamb

"Childminder let us down".
"Wife's ill so I have to stay home".
"Doctors appointment, short notice, couldn't get granny in".

It's never questioned, this is unimaginable power.
It's like when the women in your office ring in with period pains & your male boss is too embarrassed to question it.

Now the weather's good today so I want to be teeing off early.
Time for the childminder to cry home sick methinks.

stovelid

Stop moaning and do some work.

helimachoptor

Yep.. but jesus they do ruin your life!

Mr. Denton

"I'm sorry I have to go. My child has AIDS"

Yep, pretty sweet deal.

kfallon

Personally I reckon "the shits" are the best excuse! Never fails!

Me: "Won't be in today"
Boss: "Why not, what's up?"
Me: "Had the wild shites all night, arse is like a chewed orange this morn, effin' rusty water coming out!"
Boss: "Ok bye" *hangs up quickly*

Result!

runawaybishop

I've just been up half the night with my kid projectile vomiting and ****ting. The odd day you get to skive off is seriously undermined by the massive investment you have to make normally

moomooman

Smoking is also a great excuse. Seems to guarantee a 10 minute break every 90 minutes :rolleyes:

orourkeda

Kids are the best excuse to go to work.

Just so you can get away from them for a few hours

EL_Loco

yep, don't let on you've kids in a job interview and remove all traces of child like things from your car while going for said interview.

I read some sh|te once that HR staff go out and check. Might be an american thing but sure, not beyond the realms of extreme possibility to happen here too.

jester77

I find that asking your boss to approve a team event is a better way of getting off work. Just after buying a few BBQs, lots of meat and heading out to the park in about an hour. Will be picking up a few crates of beer on the way. Heading for 30c outside now, so should make for a good afternoon

orourkeda

Rabidlamb wrote: »

"Childminder let us down".
"Wife's ill so I have to stay home".
"Doctors appointment, short notice, couldn't get granny in".

It's never questioned, this is unimaginable power.
It's like when the women in your office ring in with period pains & your male boss is too embarrassed to question it.

Now the weather's good today so I want to be teeing off early.
Time for the childminder to cry home sick methinks.

Dont cry wolf too many times.

Little Johnny might need you to take a legitimate day off unexpectedly.

Mr. Presentable

Rabidlamb wrote: »

"Childminder let us down".
"Wife's ill so I have to stay home".
"Doctors appointment, short notice, couldn't get granny in".

It's never questioned, this is unimaginable power.
It's like when the women in your office ring in with period pains & your male boss is too embarrassed to question it.

Now the weather's good today so I want to be teeing off early.
Time for the childminder to cry home sick methinks.

Be careful what you wish for.

Ghandee

Nope, dead nannys are!
I'm on my 8th or 9th at this stage!

orourkeda

Ghandee wrote: »

Nope, dead nannys are!
I'm on my 8th or 9th at this stage!

Stephen Ireland is that you?

saorise

kfallon wrote: »

Personally I reckon "the shits" are the best excuse! Never fails!

Me: "Won't be in today"
Boss: "Why not, what's up?"
Me: "Had the wild shites all night, arse is like a chewed orange this morn, effin' rusty water coming out!"
Boss: "Ok bye" *hangs up quickly*

Result!

Ive tried them all!! I have to say that the scutters are the best
I used my daughter being sick and when i went back to work i had a big rigmarole of going to hr and getting a 'force majeur' form which i had to fill out and sign and bring to my boss for her to sign and then bring to another boss to sign.... I was terrified... I felt soooo guilty.....
So, the next time i said i had diahorrea and there were no questions asked

kfallon

saorise wrote: »

Ive tried them all!! I have to say that the scutters are the best
I used my daughter being sick and when i went back to work i had a big rigmarole of going to hr and getting a 'force majeur' form which i had to fill out and sign and bring to my boss for her to sign and then bring to another boss to sign.... I was terrified... I felt soooo guilty.....
So, the next time i said i had diahorrea and there were no questions asked

Never say you have 'diarrhea', always use a more hard hitting name such as 'scutters', 'shites' or just simply 'pissing out of me hole' :P

Oh and if they mention anything about 'force majeur' just quickly interrupt and say, "I didn't have to force anything boy, even my farts were wet, destroyed 4 pairs of kaks in 3 hours!" :pac:

Hank_Jones

moomooman wrote: »

Smoking is also a great excuse. Seems to guarantee a 10 minute break every 90 minutes :rolleyes:

But just think, you will get all that time at the end of your life,
while the smokers will have died long before.

mikemac

Stroll down to the coffee shop every hour or 90 minutes and the boss will say you are dossing

Go disappear for 10 minutes several times a day for a smoke and nobody says anything

Rabidlamb

mikemac wrote: »

Stroll down to the coffee shop every hour or 90 minutes and the boss will say you are dossing

Go disappear for 10 minutes several times a day for a smoke and nobody says anything

Elf & safety says you should take a break from your computer screen for 5 minutes out of every hour. It suits the smoking cycle.

hondasam

Rabidlamb wrote: »

"Childminder let us down".
"Wife's ill so I have to stay home".
"Doctors appointment, short notice, couldn't get granny in".

It's never questioned, this is unimaginable power.
It's like when the women in your office ring in with period pains & your male boss is too embarrassed to question it.

Now the weather's good today so I want to be teeing off early.
Time for the childminder to cry home sick methinks.

people with kids shouldn't get jobs if they are going to use them as an excuse not to turn up for work.

Rabidlamb

hondasam wrote: »

people with kids shouldn't get jobs if they are going to use them as an excuse not to turn up for work.

You see I slipped that by them during the application process.

Do you intend to use your children as an excuse for skipping work ?.

I ticked "No", clever boy me.

Mushy

moomooman wrote: »

Smoking is also a great excuse. Seems to guarantee a 10 minute break every 90 minutes :rolleyes:

When I worked in a bar I started taking peanut breaks. If anyone said anything I just its cos I dont smoke so taking same breaks. It worked.

kfallon

mikemac wrote: »

Stroll down to the coffee shop every hour or 90 minutes and the boss will say you are dossing

Go disappear for 10 minutes several times a day for a smoke and nobody says anything

Stroll down to the coffee shop round here and you are likely to see half the company in there acting the fookfaces thinking their latte is some sort of trophy!

Go for a smoke outside for 10 minutes and nobody says anything.

Say you're off for one little 'wankbreak' in here and everyone is up in arms :pac:

The Orb

Rabidlamb wrote: »

"Childminder let us down".
"Wife's ill so I have to stay home".
"Doctors appointment, short notice, couldn't get granny in".

It's never questioned, this is unimaginable power.
It's like when the women in your office ring in with period pains & your male boss is too embarrassed to question it.

Now the weather's good today so I want to be teeing off early.
Time for the childminder to cry home sick methinks.

Waster

hondasam

Rabidlamb wrote: »

You see I slipped that by them during the application process.

why do people with kids expect to be treated differently?

If you cant manage kids and work stay at home and look after them.

Rabidlamb

The Orb wrote: »

Waster

Go'on, I'll lend you one of the kids, we'll be on the first tee at 4pm.
Don't knock it til you've tried it.

hondasam

Rabidlamb wrote: »

Go'on, I'll lend you one of the kids, we'll be on the first tee at 4pm.
Don't knock it til you've tried it.

I will take one if they can clean and cook.

car needs to be washed, polished.

I will give them €10 how's that.

Rabidlamb

hondasam wrote: »

why do people with kids expect to be treated differently?

If you cant manage kids and work stay at home and look after them.

But that would deny my workplace my revered knowledge & irreplaceable skills.
I'm having my cake & I'm eating it, you cannot have any of my cake.

Rabidlamb

hondasam wrote: »

I will take one if they can clean and cook.

car needs to be washed, polished.

I will give them €10 how's that.

Risky, the older lad used one of those sponges with the green scouring pad on mine a year ago.
€140 to get it buffed out.

ImpossibleDuck

"Aye, can't come in, the wee fella is lying here with his head split open"

"Oh what happened?"

"The wee f**ker wouldn't shut up"

:cool:

ash23

hondasam wrote: »

why do people with kids expect to be treated differently?

If you cant manage kids and work stay at home and look after them.

Cos then everyone would be giving out about us having kids and expecting the state to pay for them. :rolleyes:

saorise

saorise

kfallon wrote: »

Never say you have 'diarrhea', always use a more hard hitting name such as 'scutters', 'shites' or just simply 'pissing out of me hole' :P

Oh and if they mention anything about 'force majeur' just quickly interrupt and say, "I didn't have to force anything boy, even my farts were wet, destroyed 4 pairs of kaks in 3 hours!" :pac:

kelle

kfallon wrote: »

Personally I reckon "the shits" are the best excuse! Never fails!

Me: "Won't be in today"
Boss: "Why not, what's up?"
Me: "Had the wild shites all night, arse is like a chewed orange this morn, effin' rusty water coming out!"
Boss: "Ok bye" *hangs up quickly*

Result!

saorise wrote: »

Ive tried them all!! I have to say that the scutters are the best
I used my daughter being sick and when i went back to work i had a big rigmarole of going to hr and getting a 'force majeur' form which i had to fill out and sign and bring to my boss for her to sign and then bring to another boss to sign.... I was terrified... I felt soooo guilty.....
So, the next time i said i had diahorrea and there were no questions asked

FlutterinBantam, is that you??

The Orb

Rabidlamb wrote: »

Go'on, I'll lend you one of the kids, we'll be on the first tee at 4pm.
Don't knock it til you've tried it.

I don't do it, I take annual leave. I have never pulled a sicky, ever.
If that makes me dull then so be it.