I Feel Like A Slut

LegacyUser

Title looks pretty blunt but it's true. Sorry if this post is unstructruced but i'm typing as things come into my head.

I'm 19 years old and still a virgin, I've never looked for sex although the oppertunity has presented itself to me many times but I still feel like a slut or dirty in some way. I've been in gay clubs by myself before and looked to get with guys and have waited around after the club has ended to try and score with hangers on. I know that is pathetic and pretty dangerous.
This has happened about eight times. I'm usually pretty locked when i'm there and my standards pretty much are zero. I have slept with around 4 guys but stopped it when it got to near sex part. I drunkenly wandered (although I knew full well what it is was) into one of those saunas before but left due to being creeped out. I know it doesn't look like i've done much to warrent being a slut I think the whole thing of being in gay club drunk by myself makes me feel like a creep, and I always feel terrible about myself the following day. I usually tend to sly off when on nights out with friends to go to a gay club. Which makes me feel like a terrible friend and again, a creep.

I'm a well adjusted guy, alrite looking and pretty much 'normal', but this whole thing is just making me feel bad and dirty about myself. Its not so much the getting with guys that makes me feel this way, its the manner in which I do it. I think it is down to frustration due to never having the oppertunity to get with guys before and now that I'm able to go to clubs and stuff that frustration has just turned me into some sexual beast hah. I dunno why I'm posting this here to be honest..

foggy_lad

You have issues with your sexual orientation which are leading you into alcoholism and this leads to dangerous behavior for you. You should seek help in coming to terms with your sexuality.

df1985

alcoholism is a bit extreme no?? Hes a 19 yr old who gets drunk at the weekends. Every 19 yr old in the country is an alcoholic so.

OP have you came out to anyone yet? When I wasnt out I did the whole sneaking away from my mates thing just to pull someone in a gay club. It came down to drink too and basically was me fulfilling an urge. The feeling like a creep/slut thing is pretty normal in the sense its just a one night stand, you dont have real feelings for the other person. At 19 too you'd probably feel that a bit more too.

If youre not out yet, its certainly not for me to tell you to come out, but if you had even a gay friend or someone to talk to it would help a lot, or even better, they might go to a gay bar with you eliminating the sneaking around part.

Chuchoter

Just wondering OP, are you out or at all connected to other gay guys outside of just one night stands? If all you see of yourself and your sexuality is sex from people out of clubs, of course you're not going to feel great. Maybe get involved with some sort of Belongto group. Even just to meet a few friends who could relate to what you're going through.

stephen_n

Your actions seem to be symptoms of your emotional state not the genesis for it. In other words you seem to act in a way that you view yourself or your emerging sexuality to be, as you put it "dirty". As was suggested you need to look at your internal problems and not the actions as they seem to just prop up what you think about yourself anyway and reinforce the idea that your sexuality is somehow not right.

Belongto or a counselor would defenitely do you no harm.

shylad

Hey, I'm 19 too and it sounds to me like you just need a wingman/woman whose fine with you for the way you are and all your friends should be! I'm bisexual but I've never been with a lad in any way but I'd like to give it a try I guess, I've never been to a gay club but my friends would definitely come along if I asked even my guy friends.

You shouldn't feel guilty or shame for going to gay clubs alone/drunk , maybe you should ask a friend to come along next time it would be alot more craic that way too!