Confused, am I about to be f*** over or what?

arleitiss

Hey, I live in Ireland, but I was born in Ukraine. Every summer I go to Ukraine. So I am going to Ukraine in 4 days. And last summer I met girl which I liked, we went though a lot of things, even things like dangerous people chasing us threatening, we've spent a lot of time together. But not like girlfriend, she's just my good friend ( as I wish or think it is). She had lots of problems with her boyfriend. Last summer she was calling me all the time, so like 40% of summer I spent with her. I usually pay for her for drinks etc.. Since I am from Ireland, i have more money than she or her friends. During winter she asked me: " Who am I to you?" I said " Well I love you as friend, and care about you as well." She said ok. When I asked her same question she said " I don't answer these types of questions online, only face to face". During whole year she had lots of problems with boyfriend, she's now done with him. Then my friend (who lives in Ukraine as well, and now they are nemesis to each other) Said: " Do you talk to her a lot? " I said not really. Kinda too far apart. " He said, well yeah once you arrive, will have money, will get drinks and pay, she will call you then". I thought ok since they both have bad relations, he could've tried to get me to hate her. Then today I asked my other friend (who's her classmate, and is good friends with that 1st friend) and he said to me: " Yeah he was probably right". Before that he said " She really waits for you, talks every day about you". So now I am confused, either I am awaited to get fu**** over for whole summer, or is this all just well organized act of 2 friends? Since last summer, I still haven't figured out of realized was she with me only for money or not. I was waiting for summer to go and meet her and friends whole year. That's all I've been thinking about. And now to be honest, I sometimes just want plane I fly in to crash since I literally get split apart into wanting to go, and afraid to go and see the truth. Truth which I have no idea what it is. Help? suggestions? Ideas?


Btw when both of these my friends last summer went off, I was left by myself on street, I called her and asked where she is, she was sleeping. When I said I am just on street they both went somewhere, she said to come to her house, so she dressed and went out to stay with me, we spent few hours talking until those both showed up, then she shouted at them both for being (bad word here) who call me out and then run off leaving myself on street. When I tried to do tests, I told her on phone, I dont have money today, she always says " So what? dont worry we will figure something out" . So I am not sure what's going on, either a lot of backstabbing, blackmailing and bad talk or What?

SugarHigh

It's hard to know but the only way to find out is to stop paying for things and see how long she keeps an interest.

arleitiss

SugarHigh wrote: »

It's hard to know but the only way to find out is to stop paying for things and see how long she keeps an interest.

I thought of it as well, but how long do you think this trial should last until I can realize it's not because of money if she still stays with me?

SugarHigh

arleitiss wrote: »

SugarHigh wrote: »

It's hard to know but the only way to find out is to stop paying for things and see how long she keeps an interest.

I thought of it as well, but how long do you think this trial should last until I can realize it's not because of money if she still stays with me?

Sorry I have no idea but just try it for a few weeks at least and see if there isms change. Honestly I don't think you should have started paying stuff for her anyway. Just because you have money and she hasnt it doesn't mean you have to pay her way. I know you are just doing it to be nice but people will take advantage of you.

arleitiss

SugarHigh wrote: »

Sorry I have no idea but just try it for a few weeks at least and see if there isms change. Honestly I don't think you should have started paying stuff for her anyway. Just because you have money and she hasnt it doesn't mean you have to pay her way. I know you are just doing it to be nice but people will take advantage of you.

Well I usually just pay for girl. Usually when me, her, and there is like 7 more people who are her close friends and classmates, I usually say to her
" Can we talk for a moment?" she says yeah sure. So we walk off, I tell her I don't want to pay for them all, lets go together get 1 more friend of ours and spend good time. And she usually comes up with plan like, first me going home, and then her leaving, then in 10 min we call each other and meet again, now only 2 of us and our friend. So she understands that.

SugarHigh

arleitiss wrote: »

SugarHigh wrote: »

Sorry I have no idea but just try it for a few weeks at least and see if there isms change. Honestly I don't think you should have started paying stuff for her anyway. Just because you have money and she hasnt it doesn't mean you have to pay her way. I know you are just doing it to be nice but people will take advantage of you.

Well I usually just pay for girl. Usually when me, her, and there is like 7 more people who are her close friends and classmates, I usually say to her
" Can we talk for a moment?" she says yeah sure. So we walk off, I tell her I don't want to pay for them all, lets go together get 1 more friend of ours and spend good time. And she usually comes up with plan like, first me going home, and then her leaving, then in 10 min we call each other and meet again, now only 2 of us and our friend. So she understands that.

Okay I think she does like you but she is still taking advantage of you. Once you stop paying for things she will respect you more. No offense but it can be hard to respect someone who is easy to walk over.

arleitiss

SugarHigh wrote: »

Okay I think she does like you but she is still taking advantage of you. Once you stop paying for things she will respect you more. No offense but it can be hard to respect someone who is easy to walk over.

Yeah I suppose. Just can't understand why my friends are like backstabbers in my eyes. Or maybe it's just my thoughts.

LegacyUser

It sounds like she genuinly likes you. If you want to pay for her thats your business. If it was me, Im happy to pay for friends if they dont have money but as soon as they start expecting it thats out of order in my opinion. So it would annoy me that she organises situations where you will be paying for her, but thats just me.

Perhaps your other friends dislike her because its common knowledge that you are paying for her but no one else. I wouldnt make it so obvious that you are showing favortism towards one friend over all the rest. You are obviously very close but from the other friends point of view, shes just your friend, same as them, so why is she getting more perks? The whole money thing sounds very uncomfortable though, If I was you Id let everyone pay their own way. Just becasue you have more cash, doesnt mean you have to finance other people's good time.

Fentdog84

Nah...it sounds like you are being used here..both financially and emotionally...everything seems to be about her and you have done lots to help her but what has she ever done for you? Sounds like too much drama, you should distance yourself from this person

arleitiss

Fentdog84 wrote: »

Nah...it sounds like you are being used here..both financially and emotionally...everything seems to be about her and you have done lots to help her but what has she ever done for you? Sounds like too much drama, you should distance yourself from this person

Will try out what person above said, I told her yesterday already online I sent her msg saying: " Btw I wont have money this summer", she said " forget about money, you will still come out I hope? "
She might be tricking me into thinking that she doesn't need money so I bring it again, but I will still hold off and wait and see what happens. Well she helped me sometimes, like when I was wasted and couldn't walk, she was basically the only person that stayed with me and helped to keep me conscious, but I guess that's just general thing that anyone would do.

Fentdog84

arleitiss wrote: »

Will try out what person above said, I told her yesterday already online I sent her msg saying: " Btw I wont have money this summer", she said " forget about money, you will still come out I hope? "
She might be tricking me into thinking that she doesn't need money so I bring it again, but I will still hold off and wait and see what happens. Well she helped me sometimes, like when I was wasted and couldn't walk, she was basically the only person that stayed with me and helped to keep me conscious, but I guess that's just general thing that anyone would do.

Yes, she is definitely playing with you and she knows how to manipulate you. The next time she comes to you with some issue say ''listen, I'm sorry but Im not really interested, this isnt my problem, Im not your personal troubleshooter." You need to act tough with this person, not offer her money etc, if she still wants to know you after that you will see if she is a genuine friend, or not.

LittleBook

Hmm, I don't seem to be getting from your posts what everyone else is, but here goes ...

First of all, you said yourself that you "usually pay for girl" ... I don't know if that means "girls" in general or "this girl". Just because a habit has formed where you (who has money) tends to pay for your friend (who doesn't), doesn't necessarily mean you're being taken for a ride. And she seems to understand that you're not willing to pay for everyone and everything. Do you pay for other friends too?

Presumably before they dumped you and she pulled them up on their behaviour, your friend said:

arleitiss wrote: »

" She really waits for you, talks every day about you".

Also she did this:

arleitiss wrote: »

when both of these my friends last summer went off, I was left by myself on street, I called her and asked where she is, she was sleeping. When I said I am just on street they both went somewhere, she said to come to her house, so she dressed and went out to stay with me, we spent few hours talking until those both showed up, then she shouted at them both for being (bad word here) who call me out and then run off leaving myself on street.

and this:

arleitiss wrote: »

when I was wasted and couldn't walk, she was basically the only person that stayed with me and helped to keep me conscious, but I guess that's just general thing that anyone would do.

If that's a general thing that anyone would do, why was she the only person who did it?

But you're a bit suspicious, fair enough:

arleitiss wrote: »

I told her on phone, I dont have money today, she always says " So what? dont worry we will figure something out".

arleitiss wrote: »

I sent her msg saying: " Btw I wont have money this summer", she said " forget about money, you will still come out I hope? "

Stick to the plan, you'll see soon enough what is the story. But in my experience, people generally don't talk for hours and hours and spend months and months maintaining contact in between visits with the sole aim of scamming drinks.

One more thing, try to stay a bit sober. Your friends seem to have developed a nasty habit of leaving you on your own ... and she appears to be the only one who was there for you.

arleitiss wrote: »

is this all just well organized act of 2 friends? ... I am not sure what's going on, either a lot of backstabbing, blackmailing and bad talk or What?

arleitiss wrote: »

She might be tricking me into thinking that she doesn't need money so I bring it again

You can't figure these things out when you're miles and miles from these people. Maybe all she wants is a free ride (personally, I'm not convinced of this), maybe your friends are trying to undermine the friendship you have with her because she píssed them off that time ... who knows!

If you can't trust the people around you, you have to trust your own instincts.

Go back, keep your wits about you and don't drink too much, things will be clearer that way

arleitiss

Yeah I guess pretending not to have money will be the best, and seeing what happens.