Serious lack of friends

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,
Gonna go anonymous for this because a few people i know are on boards as well.

Im 26 male and living in dublin for the last three years but originally from the west.

The reason i am writing here is because i am having a tough time of things at the moment
and have no one to talk to about it. I have been thinking a lot recently and wondering where my life is going exactly. The answer i keep getting is that its going no where.

I have a good job, but with the current climate that could change quite quickly.My job is fairly secure i reckon but that could change in the morning the way things are but im not too bothered about that.

My main problem is that i dont have many friends at all in Dublin but i would describe myself as a very sociable person so this gets me down.I dont have anyone to go on holidays with, i dont have anyone to go out with at the weekends, i dont have anyone to talk to really outside of meeting people at work but my job is specialised and i only come into contact with the same people every day.

I rarely get a chance to meet women these days either because i dont go out as much(its a vicious circle).

I moved to dublin 3 years ago because the job was good and it still is but i currently find myself with only a few friends. I end up relying on the same few people every week to go out and if they are not going out then my weekend is pretty much void. I cant see where my life is going to be honest and just writing here because i dont know what else can i do. I cant really put into words how i am feeling to be honest but i have no motivation to do anything these days because i just ask myself why do i bother. I am not depressed but i do get down a bit over the circumstances i find myself in.

I would like to go traveling but cant really walk away from a full time job but i would love to travel and meet new people, the only problem is i would be lucky to get a job again in my opinion.

I really need to meet new friends.I love planning trips or concerts and stuff like that but i find these days i have no one to go with which gets me down, and i wouldn't go on my own . i have had plenty of friends but lost touch with most of them due to my work circumstances.

I would join a few clubs if i thought it might help but i have no interest in just joining clubs to make friends to be honest.

At the moment i am floating from one week to the next with no plans for the future yet i believe that you should always be planning things but i have no one to plan things with.

I dont know if its advice im looking for, i know the problem but i cant solve it easily. I dont think the answer is to just join a few clubs. Like i said im very sociable but just dont get a chance these days to meet new people.

Also the house i am renting is getting me down, as the others in the house have there own friends and dont really give a sh*te whether i have nothing to do a the weekend, which i fully understand but i dont think i would be the same way somehow.

I was thinking of moving out of this house but im not too sure if too much will change but i might get a few new friends (looking on the bright side).

I should really move or even go traveling but i just couldn't give up my job at the minute.

I really dont know how to improve my situation without going traveling

Thanks for reading , Any boardsies have any suggestions for me

ongarboy

You say that joining clubs is not the answer. Why do you think that? By joining a club that accommodates something you are interested in (be it a sport/hobby etc) means you are put in a situation with others with similar interests. That in itself should be an ice breaker. Sure, you won't hit it off with everyone but you are given a pool of potential friends and social opportunities. Furthermore, groups and clubs can/do go on social nights out/ trips away etc which is a further opportunity to socialise and make new friends.

There are loads of sites that allow you to connect with new friends (non dating). Just google meet new friends dublin and view the results. Plenty of dating sites too. You have to be proactive and make an effort. You also have to display a positive mood. It's not easy but it's not impossible either and there are loads out there like you so you are not alone.

IrishEyes19

I agree with the above poster. I think also you are avoiding clubs, maybe because you are nervous about it. But truthfully joining things is the best way to meet people. Im from the west also and when I moved from home to go to college, I just dropped the fear as hard as it was and joined societies, sports, arranged events and soon enough I found a group I was comfortable in. theres also meet ups on boards alone for the different regions, perhaps give that a shot??

Wompa1

lackoffriends wrote: »

Hi everyone,
Gonna go anonymous for this because a few people i know are on boards as well.

Im 26 male and living in dublin for the last three years but originally from the west.

The reason i am writing here is because i am having a tough time of things at the moment
and have no one to talk to about it. I have been thinking a lot recently and wondering where my life is going exactly. The answer i keep getting is that its going no where.

I have a good job, but with the current climate that could change quite quickly.My job is fairly secure i reckon but that could change in the morning the way things are but im not too bothered about that.

My main problem is that i dont have many friends at all in Dublin but i would describe myself as a very sociable person so this gets me down.I dont have anyone to go on holidays with, i dont have anyone to go out with at the weekends, i dont have anyone to talk to really outside of meeting people at work but my job is specialised and i only come into contact with the same people every day.

I rarely get a chance to meet women these days either because i dont go out as much(its a vicious circle).

I moved to dublin 3 years ago because the job was good and it still is but i currently find myself with only a few friends. I end up relying on the same few people every week to go out and if they are not going out then my weekend is pretty much void. I cant see where my life is going to be honest and just writing here because i dont know what else can i do. I cant really put into words how i am feeling to be honest but i have no motivation to do anything these days because i just ask myself why do i bother. I am not depressed but i do get down a bit over the circumstances i find myself in.

I would like to go traveling but cant really walk away from a full time job but i would love to travel and meet new people, the only problem is i would be lucky to get a job again in my opinion.

I really need to meet new friends.I love planning trips or concerts and stuff like that but i find these days i have no one to go with which gets me down, and i wouldn't go on my own . i have had plenty of friends but lost touch with most of them due to my work circumstances.

I would join a few clubs if i thought it might help but i have no interest in just joining clubs to make friends to be honest.

At the moment i am floating from one week to the next with no plans for the future yet i believe that you should always be planning things but i have no one to plan things with.

I dont know if its advice im looking for, i know the problem but i cant solve it easily. I dont think the answer is to just join a few clubs. Like i said im very sociable but just dont get a chance these days to meet new people.

Also the house i am renting is getting me down, as the others in the house have there own friends and dont really give a sh*te whether i have nothing to do a the weekend, which i fully understand but i dont think i would be the same way somehow.

I was thinking of moving out of this house but im not too sure if too much will change but i might get a few new friends (looking on the bright side).

I should really move or even go traveling but i just couldn't give up my job at the minute.

I really dont know how to improve my situation without going traveling

Thanks for reading , Any boardsies have any suggestions for me

Am in the same boat as you my friend. I have a really good job and have had for 4 years. I was convinced it would be foolish to move with the way the economy is and didn't travel. All of my friends left to travel abroad. Funny enough only 1 went to find work and even then he didn't look here first. Anyway, I'm in Galway alone except for 2 guys, so it's a heavy reliance on them which I sense might be getting them fed up.

I've had to travel alone a bit for work over the last 2 years and haven't enjoyed it, when you go alone for work there's no huge effort to bring you out and other than going to work in the day you just spend your nights in a hotel doing up reports and stuff.

At the moment I feel kind of terrified of travelling alone again just because I associate the loneliness I feel when working to that. But I've also had enough, I don't know how you feel but at 26 I'm thinking now is the time to do things, I want a family and wife so I need to get this out of the way before I can focus on those now.

I've made up my mind, I'm moving to America in the new year. I don't care about a job or money. I'll save. It's going to be sink or swim. My parents can't afford to help me out if I get stuck or take me into their home if I come back with my tail between my legs. This is for all the marbles. Either way it will be a great life experience. I say go for it too!

JimmyCrackCorn

Your right op about one thing. Its a cycle.

If you don't get involved in interests and hobbies you dont meet new people with similar interests and you end up in the same scenario.

Friends take time and effort and its allot easier when you share enjoyable activities in common.

IrishEyes19

Wompa1 wrote: »

Am in the same boat as you my friend. I have a really good job and have had for 4 years. I was convinced it would be foolish to move with the way the economy is and didn't travel. All of my friends left to travel abroad. Funny enough only 1 went to find work and even then he didn't look here first. Anyway, I'm in Galway alone except for 2 guys, so it's a heavy reliance on them which I sense might be getting them fed up.

I've had to travel alone a bit for work over the last 2 years and haven't enjoyed it, when you go alone for work there's no huge effort to bring you out and other than going to work in the day you just spend your nights in a hotel doing up reports and stuff.

At the moment I feel kind of terrified of travelling alone again just because I associate the loneliness I feel when working to that. But I've also had enough, I don't know how you feel but at 26 I'm thinking now is the time to do things, I want a family and wife so I need to get this out of the way before I can focus on those now.

I've made up my mind, I'm moving to America in the new year. I don't care about a job or money. I'll save. It's going to be sink or swim. My parents can't afford to help me out if I get stuck or take me into their home if I come back with my tail between my legs. This is for all the marbles. Either way it will be a great life experience. I say go for it too!

really good post. no matter what the outcome, at least you gave it a shot. Best of luck in the states

OP, Just take the risk and move out if you feel you might have a chance of meeting new people too. It's all about confidence, which is so hard to muster up when you go it alone, but honestly I think joining small groups at first would be a great starter for you. Really wish you the best

LegacyUser

ongarboy wrote: »

You say that joining clubs is not the answer. Why do you think that? By joining a club that accommodates something you are interested in (be it a sport/hobby etc) means you are put in a situation with others with similar interests. That in itself should be an ice breaker. Sure, you won't hit it off with everyone but you are given a pool of potential friends and social opportunities. Furthermore, groups and clubs can/do go on social nights out/ trips away etc which is a further opportunity to socialise and make new friends.

There are loads of sites that allow you to connect with new friends (non dating). Just google meet new friends dublin and view the results. Plenty of dating sites too. You have to be proactive and make an effort. You also have to display a positive mood. It's not easy but it's not impossible either and there are loads out there like you so you are not alone.

Thanks for the advice, ill try and join a few clubs that i have an interest in and see how things go. I dont just want to join a club for the sake of meeting new people, the only way i would enjoy a club is if i had a genuine interest in what i was doing. Im gonna have a look round to see what i can join though. thanks again

LegacyUser

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

really good post. no matter what the outcome, at least you gave it a shot. Best of luck in the states

OP, Just take the risk and move out if you feel you might have a chance of meeting new people too. It's all about confidence, which is so hard to muster up when you go it alone, but honestly I think joining small groups at first would be a great starter for you. Really wish you the best

Cheers for the advice Irisheyes and best of luck to wompa1, i wish i had the b*lls

I am the type that always takes the safe option, i cant realistically see myself walking away from my job to go travelling but i would love to do it but its not really in my character to take a risk like that. If i could get more friends in dublin then i would enjoy the place. I will have to think long and hard about the clubs i join though as i am not really passionate about many things i do (which is an awful thing to say i know) but i do have a few interests which i might look into getting involved a bit more with.

I know what i said above comes across real badly but thats probably why i am not involved with any clubs at the moment, im willing to give it a go though.

LegacyUser

for travelling and not wanting to leave the job issue, check out these sites:
http://www.vagablogging.net/ - really good travel blog and his book Vagabonding is awesome, really opened my eyes!!

http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/ check this guy Tim Ferriss out, he wrote two really good books

good luck bro!

ANC

for travelling and not wanting to leave the job issue, check out these sites:
http://www.vagablogging.net/ - really good travel blog and his book Vagabonding is awesome, really opened my eyes!!

http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/ check this guy Tim Ferriss out, he wrote two really good books

good luck bro!

and about being passionate about something, you gota keep trying stuff, eg surfing or kitesurfing!!

Fentdog84

Why not go out to places(pubs, clubs, concerts, social events) on your own? If you are a sociable person like you say you are you shouldnt have too much problems getting talking, making friends or meeting women etc. Dont worry about feeling like a loner, I mean you'd feel like a bigger loner sitting at home on your own of a saturday night..just get out there.