Avoidant Personality Disorder

Danji

For anyone who doesn't know what Avoidant Personality Disorder is, heres the wiki page http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder.

Anyways, I was just wondering if anyone is suffering from APD or knows of anyone currently suffering from it and if so where they went about getting help? Over the past year or two, I've noticed a lot of the symptoms of APD in myself and its really beginning to affect my life. There are so many things wrong with me now that I don't really know what to write or where to begin, but I am really struggling to cope with it and find myself constantly depressed when alone and my self-confidence and self-esteem is literally non existent as a result. My main problems are probably my inability to open up to others, my terrible self-perception and my complete inability to socially interact with others.

<rant>
To give a tiny bit of context, I'm a 20 year old guy and up until about 2 years ago I would say I was quite outgoing and sociable, I had a good group of friends at home and in college, played a lot of sports and went out drinking on weekends etc, however since the age of around 19 I've noticed that I've rapidly started to change to the extent that I now get anxiety attacks almost EVERY time I have to interact with other people, such as friends or strangers and am becoming increasingly isolated from others. I don't really know how to describe it textually but it absolutely kills me inside because, like I said, I am by nature a sociable person and I love going out and stuff but I now get unbelievably uncomfortable around others and have become unable to 'connect' with other people anymore if you get me. Pretty much all my conversations with others end up in long awkward silences after a minute or two leading to me beating myself up in my mind and hating myself more and more. The result is that I now tend to avoid social situations such as dates, parties and outings solely due to my fear of having to interact with others and facing those awkward conversations where I can't think of things to say.
</rant>

I could literally go on for hours about by problems but I know it wouldn't do any good apart from letting me temporarily vent off some anger/depression. To give a better insight into my experiences, I've linked a few personal stories from other APD sufferers that very closely reflect my problems and experiences, not that I expect anyone to actually read any of them.

http://www.avoidantpersonality.com/stories/p24.htm
http://www.avoidantpersonality.com/stories/p12.htm
http://www.avoidantpersonality.com/stories/p13.htm

I've strayed off the topic completely here, my apologies. I'm basically just wondering if anyone can relate to these problems or knows of anyone with the disorder or can tell me where to start getting help because its gotten to the point where if I go much longer without getting some form of help I might harm myself or do something even more stupid. Thanks!

Platinum2010

Haven't heard of it but I sure have a lot of the symptoms myself

LegacyUser

Please don't beat yourself up OP - you need to be kind to yourself about this.

I hope it helps for me to say I know exactly how you feel. While I have never been diagnosed with APD by a psychiatrist, it is undoubtedly a big part of who I am. At the moment I am quite depressed, and I suffer more with social anxiety when I'm feeling low. Yesterday I popped into Tesco for one or two things, and spotted my aunt shopping in one of the aisles. I love her dearly and she has always been a good friend to me, but I was terrified she'd see me so I'd have to go over and say hello and "act out" a conversation. I pretended I didn't see her and left as quickly as I could. Talking to people, feeling anxious to come across as "normal" with no awkward silences is absolutely exhausting for me. I get so anxious my thoughts race and I gabble.

I've all but stopped going out, and if I do go to a pub or similar, sometimes the feeling of being exposed becomes so overwhelming, I have to leave. I also have all but stopped answering the phone - it has become a phobia.

My life has become smaller and smaller, to the point that I largely stay at home with my immediate family. I find it really hard to maintain friendships as many find my behaviour baffling and have taken it personally.

Please don't pigeon-hole yourself with this disorder though - you are much more than this and I believe if you seek out help it can get better. It's just I am very depressed myself right now, so not feeling very hopeful for myself.

Danji

Platinum2010 wrote: »

Haven't heard of it but I sure have a lot of the symptoms myself

I was the same until I came across it in a thread on this last year and noticed how almost all the symptoms match what I was experiencing. I know its a bad idea self diagnosing yourself online but as soon as I saw APD, I knew I had some form of it.

Liberal Irishman

Danji wrote: »

Pretty much all my conversations with others end up in long awkward silences after a minute or two leading to me beating myself up in my mind and hating myself more and more.

I haven’t heard of this condition before but I believe very strongly that many more people than you may think feel the exact same way as you do, although perhaps to a lesser degree.

I think MOST PEOPLE put on a show (to some degree) to the outside world, to hide their true feelings of loneliness and inadequacy.

Do yourself a favour, don’t treat silence as the enemy.
Try to take an interest in the other person, and ask plenty of ‘open questions – who, what, where, when and how?
Any silence will be on their part, not yours. Just give them time to answer!

It may surprise how many questions will be asked in return!

LegacyUser

OP- I could have written your post myself!

It's like one day I just wanted to lock myself away!

Unreg- I hide from everyone all the time, I know it's irrational, and I have no idea why I do it, but I'm terrified of social interaction.

The awkward silences, wishing you could just slip through the floor boards. I feel like I've completely lost the ability to connect on any meaningful level.
Even with my family, I'll pretend to be too engrossed in anything to avoid conversation. I avoid family meals, and say I'll cook my own later.
It's gotten to the stage where I've offended most everyone I know.
I'm going to hope maybe I have a touch of this, otherwise I'm probably everything I hate.

Unfortunately, I think APD is one of those disorders which people like to believe doesn't exist. Like ADHD sufferers "just need a bit of discipline", people prefer to say that people are "just shy", or even "strange".

GJF

I was diagnosed with this a couple of days ago- it sounds as if it is a life sentence unfortunately.

45772

Unregistered wrote: »

Please don't beat yourself up OP - you need to be kind to yourself about this.

I hope it helps for me to say I know exactly how you feel. While I have never been diagnosed with APD by a psychiatrist, it is undoubtedly a big part of who I am. At the moment I am quite depressed, and I suffer more with social anxiety when I'm feeling low. Yesterday I popped into Tesco for one or two things, and spotted my aunt shopping in one of the aisles. I love her dearly and she has always been a good friend to me, but I was terrified she'd see me so I'd have to go over and say hello and "act out" a conversation. I pretended I didn't see her and left as quickly as I could. Talking to people, feeling anxious to come across as "normal" with no awkward silences is absolutely exhausting for me. I get so anxious my thoughts race and I gabble.

I've all but stopped going out, and if I do go to a pub or similar, sometimes the feeling of being exposed becomes so overwhelming, I have to leave. I also have all but stopped answering the phone - it has become a phobia.

My life has become smaller and smaller, to the point that I largely stay at home with my immediate family. I find it really hard to maintain friendships as many find my behaviour baffling and have taken it personally.

Please don't pigeon-hole yourself with this disorder though - you are much more than this and I believe if you seek out help it can get better. It's just I am very depressed myself right now, so not feeling very hopeful for myself.

I have just read your post and everything you have said is identical to the way I feel right now.

I find at the moment I feel so depressed that I am unable to articulate the way I feel about this avoidance situation I am in even thro' typing, however when I came across your post there now it spells out exactly my thoughts and behaviours.

I am at a complete loss what way to turn for help.

noah45

Unregistered wrote: »

Please don't beat yourself up OP - you need to be kind to yourself about this.

I hope it helps for me to say I know exactly how you feel. While I have never been diagnosed with APD by a psychiatrist, it is undoubtedly a big part of who I am. At the moment I am quite depressed, and I suffer more with social anxiety when I'm feeling low. Yesterday I popped into Tesco for one or two things, and spotted my aunt shopping in one of the aisles. I love her dearly and she has always been a good friend to me, but I was terrified she'd see me so I'd have to go over and say hello and "act out" a conversation. I pretended I didn't see her and left as quickly as I could. Talking to people, feeling anxious to come across as "normal" with no awkward silences is absolutely exhausting for me. I get so anxious my thoughts race and I gabble.

I've all but stopped going out, and if I do go to a pub or similar, sometimes the feeling of being exposed becomes so overwhelming, I have to leave. I also have all but stopped answering the phone - it has become a phobia.

My life has become smaller and smaller, to the point that I largely stay at home with my immediate family. I find it really hard to maintain friendships as many find my behaviour baffling and have taken it personally.

unreg
I hide from everyone all the time, I know it's irrational, and I have no idea why I do it, but I'm terrified of social interaction.

The awkward silences, wishing you could just slip through the floor boards. I feel like I've completely lost the ability to connect on any meaningful level.
Even with my family, I'll pretend to be too engrossed in anything to avoid conversation. I avoid family meals, and say I'll cook my own later.
It's gotten to the stage where I've offended most everyone I know.
I'm going to hope maybe I have a touch of this, otherwise I'm probably everything I hate.

Both of these are me to a tee