over-reacting?

AuroraBorealis · 26-06-2011 11:37am #1

I've been going out with my bf for just over a year (we celebrated our anniversary this week). Everything has been fine except for one thing...his sister. She is also in a relationship and always goes out doing fun stuff with him a lot. Myself and my bf aren't bitter about it because we like having time to ourselves anyway (they both still live at home with their parents). A few months ago my bf and I decided to go on a holiday together to celebrate our anniversary this week and had a great time. Problem was, when told his sister a while ago that we were going, she sarcastically said ' aw I'm jealous now'. I didn't think anything of it because she goes out a lot and thought she was joking. But just over 2 weeks ago she comes out and tells us suddenly she has a holiday planned too and it's a week before ours. Somewhere farther and sunnier than myself and my bf had picked. We worked hard for months to save the money to go and she decided to take the money she'd been saving for her education to go on this holiday she picked.

I've deleted her as a friend off of every site I'm on eg facebook and such and now she's calling me pathetic over the internet because my bf told her when she wouldn't stop bugging him about why I deleted her. I was planning on saying to her face-to-face next time I was at the house but ,like I said, my bf caved when she was pestering him. I don't think I'm being pathetic but it seems like if myself and my bf try to do something fun, she has to do something better. I've been thinking of ending the relationship with my bf as her bull has been causing a few fights. I used to suffer from severe depression and am in no way going back to that state for anyone as it has taken many years of counselling for me to be happy again. I know it's not my bf's fault but it just seems like he won't fight for me either or defend me very much because he's a gentle person. Am I being completely unreasonable?

26-06-2011 11:50am

Am I being completely unreasonable?

well, yes, you appear to be. completely unreasonable.
and you appear to be jealous of your boyfriends sister. im not sure why, and i really dont understand why her relationship with her boyfriend has such an effect on you!

maybe you should examine your own behaviour here op.

Chinafoot · 26-06-2011 11:54am

Sorry OP but I'm not seeing what you're so annoyed about. Why did you delete her as a friend? Because shes going on a holiday that you think outdoes yours?? That does seem like an overreaction on your part tbh.

Even if she is trying to outdo you (don't really see it myself) I don't understand why you would let something so silly affect your relationship in such a negative way. Deleting her adds to the drama and you're putting your boyfriend in an unpleasant position with all this. She is his sister and it sounds like you're being hypersensitive, perhaps due to your own insecurities.
what exactly is your boyfriend supposed to be defending?

From the information you've given, I would say yes you are overreacting.

LegacyUser · 26-06-2011 11:55am

You are being ridiculous.

If the sister wants to get herself a holiday she is perfectly entitled to. It's none of your business. Life is not a competition.

Are you telling me you de-friended her off Facebook because she upstaged your holiday?

I'm afraid that is truly pathetic. Truly.

AuroraBorealis · 26-06-2011 12:02pm

I don't think I'm getting my point across. I don't mind that she goes to fun places or whatever with her other half. I honestly don't. It's the fact she decided to try and do something better out of jealousy that annoys me. She can't let me and bf have something fun for ourselves. She's like that all the time. If my bf and I do something fun, then she has to something better with hers and then brags about it a bit. It's like no-one can do anything really fun without it being a competition which, in itself, sucks the fun out of everything!

ElleEm · 26-06-2011 12:09pm

Why don't you just stop paying attention to what she's up to, and pay more attention to actually having fun with your boyfriend?

If she is doing things just to "out- do" you, then look upon it as flattering, as she wants to copy you.

You sound like you're getting too caught up in her business, just be polite when you see her and let that be that.

Chinafoot · 26-06-2011 12:11pm

AuroraBorealis wrote: »

It's the fact she decided to try and do something better out of jealousy that annoys me. She can't let me and bf have something fun for ourselves.

OP, I really don't mean to sound harsh but this is so childish. She can't book a holiday if you're going away cos you think she's only doing it to annoy you? The only one who sounds jealous is you tbh.

And even if she is jealous, what does it matter? How does her doing something with her boyfriend take away the fun you have with yours?

AuroraBorealis · 26-06-2011 12:16pm

Ok then. I'm an immature child who needs to grow up. Lesson learned.

Chinafoot · 26-06-2011 12:20pm

AuroraBorealis wrote: »

Ok then. I'm an immature child who needs to grow up. Lesson learned.

With all due respect, if the above is any indication of how you react to these things then perhaps you should take a look at your own behaviour in this.

AuroraBorealis · 26-06-2011 12:21pm

Chinafoot wrote: »

With all due respect, if the above is any indication of how you react to these things then perhaps you should take a look at your own behaviour in this.

I was being serious when I posted that, thank you.

ElleEm · 26-06-2011 12:23pm

AuroraBorealis wrote: »

Ok then. I'm an immature child who needs to grow up. Lesson learned.

I don't think anyone is being overly harsh here, but your posts come across very childish in that it concerns you that she booked a holiday "farther and sunnier" than your holiday.

Even the fact that you felt the need to mention that you and your boyfriend saved for your holiday for ages and she used her savings. With risk of sounding mean, what business is this of yours?

Keep out of her business and you won't be bothered by it anymore.

Kevin Duffy · 26-06-2011 12:33pm

AuroraBorealis wrote: »

I used to suffer from severe depression and am in no way going back to that state for anyone as it has taken many years of counselling for me to be happy again.

I think you should consider revisiting this process, because your actions here suggest you are not happy. Your BF's sister sounds like she's working away and living her life and you have just made her the focus for your anger and unhappiness, for no reason that I can see in your story.

AuroraBorealis · 26-06-2011 12:55pm

Look. Like I said earlier, lesson learned. No more replies needed. I get it.

26-06-2011 3:33pm

guys.. nobody is asking you to cheerlead to the OP. Still, Your destructive comments do increase the mess, especially with the op case (being going through severe depression perviously).

If you do not have a calm-down comment, there is no need to become gps and consultants telling her how much councelling she needs!

OP, the jealousy happens between all ppl, in fact your bf's sister might be jealous of you too! and she just felt insecure when she saw you and your bf planning for a trip, simply because she find it as a big step from your side (being not used to go on trips), so she may felt its wow thing and decided to do it herself with her bf.

my advice: ignore.. its way more peace of mind than fighting with her and eventually losing your beloved bf to sort things out!

good luck.. and cheer up NOW! boardies have no intention to depress you

AuroraBorealis · 26-06-2011 3:39pm

Thanks. Thing is though she is used to going away. Her bf is in a well known band throughout Europe, Ireland and the UK. He often takes on tour with him to fancy hotels and such so she is used to being pampered. They often go out for dinner and do other fun stuff. Because neither I nor my bf can drive and he lives in the country, we can't really go anywhere without a lift. But like I said in my OP, I don't mind. I'm quite content relaxing and watching a good movie with him while stuffing my face with popcorn because I'm not a party person tbh. It's just the fact that it was a very special occassion for us that it annoys me so much.

26-06-2011 3:44pm

AuroraBorealis wrote: »

Thanks. Thing is though she is used to going away. Her bf is in a well known band throughout Europe, Ireland and the UK. He often takes on tour with him to fancy hotels and such so she is used to being pampered. They often go out for dinner and do other fun stuff. Because neither I nor my bf can drive and he lives in the country, we can't really go anywhere without a lift. But like I said in my OP, I don't mind. I'm quite content relaxing and watching a good movie with him while stuffing my face with popcorn because I'm not a party person tbh. It's just the fact that it was a very special occassion for us that it annoys me so much.

let me rephrase it:

lets assume you are a vegetarian, and your friend is not, but she does not like pork. Someday you decided to eat pork (got pissed of being vegan), trust me, your friend will be very eager to eat pork then! not because she does like, but because she felt she might be missing something.

ppl like you who are not into too much partying and outs and many materialistic things are very good catch to boys :P - she might heared from around ppl that they find you pretty? a catch? easy going? etc.. then she decided she want to be so?

Kevin Duffy · 26-06-2011 3:46pm

55 wrote: »

let me rephrase it:

lets assume you are a vegetarian, and your friend is not, but she does not like pork. Someday you decided to eat pork (got pissed of being vegan), trust me, your friend will be very eager to eat pork then! not because she does like, but because she felt she might be missing something.

ppl like you who are not into too much partying and outs and many materialistic things are very good catch to boys :P - she might heared from around ppl that they find you pretty? a catch? easy going? etc.. then she decided she want to be so?

This is just nonsense.

26-06-2011 3:47pm

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

This is just nonsense.

to you at least

for the op it might be golden key to move

Kevin Duffy · 26-06-2011 3:48pm

55 wrote: »

to you at least for the op it might be golden key to move

What move? What are you talking about at all?

26-06-2011 3:50pm

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

What move? What are you talking about at all?

to move on.

let's not drift outside the topic, if you cant be in any benificiery to the OP, its better if you avoid posting on this thread.

ps. Im not a chancer.. Im a Psy.D.

Chinafoot · 26-06-2011 3:53pm

55 wrote: »

guys.. nobody is asking you to cheerlead to the OP. Still, Your destructive comments do increase the mess, especially with the op case (being going through severe depression perviously).

If you do not have a calm-down comment, there is no need to become gps and consultants telling her how much councelling she needs!

Nobody has given the OP a "destructive" comment. She asked for advice on the situation and people have responded. Unfortunately she didn't hear what she wanted. when. She asked was she being unreasonable and people who feel that she is told her so.

AuroraBorealis wrote: »

It's just the fact that it was a very special occassion for us that it annoys me so much.

But OP, she hasn't encroached on your trip away or your anniversary. She didn't crash your holiday with her partner. She didn't go away at the same time. She decided to head off with her boyfriend for a holiday. People do this all the time. You've said yourself that they do a lot of travelling so why assume that this holiday was purely to get at you? If you are content with staying in with a film then why does his sister's life even enter your head? Why assume that she lives her life only to get one over on you? I'm sorry OP but you really do sound a bit jealous.

Taking it out on your boyfriend is very unfair. You're pitting him against his sister which is crazy. She hasn't done anything to you other than go on holiday with her boyfriend. Deleting her from facebook etc is an overreaction. You should apologise to your boyfriend at the very least for such unreasonable behaviour.

Be civil to the sister when you have to be in her company and then ignore her beyond that. And again, ask yourself why this bothers you so much if you are perfectly content in the life you have at the moment.

Kevin Duffy · 26-06-2011 3:55pm

55 wrote: »

to move on.

let's not drift outside the topic, if you cant be in any benificiery to the OP, its better if you avoid posting on this thread.

ps. Im not a chancer.. Im a Psy.D.

I don't care what you have, it doesn't mean you have the slightest bit of common sense in your head or that you're not a chancer. You're also not a mod, so don't tell me, or anyone else where to post. I posted on topic and the reason I'm replying to you is because I don't think you're doing the OP any good.

26-06-2011 3:58pm

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

I don't care what you have, it doesn't mean you have the slightest bit of common sense in your head or that you're not a chancer. You're also not a mod, so don't tell me, or anyone else where to post. I posted on topic and the reason I'm replying to you is because I don't think you're doing the OP any good.

calm down dude.. no offence intended.. the OP didnt like your suggestion (and maybe other posters).

Having different opinion does not make us enemies

and to care about my degree and profession or not, should not be your business.. ppl are happy and positive until someone negative comes to ruin it.. just because they think its nonsense..

Acoshla · 26-06-2011 4:01pm

You are totally over reacting and yes, being unreasonable. You're completely jealous of her, that's the only problem here. Lots of people go on holiday around this time of year, and it's kind of normal that if someone you know mentions they're going on holiday it can inspire you to think "feck it, I want a holiday too" and book one, she did nothing wrong. Your first few posts suggested that you were jealous of her but the one about her boyfriend being in a well known band made it abundantly clear. You said she's used to being pampered, and if he is in a band that tour of course they're going to be travelling and doing fun things, that's the way the cookie crumbles, everybody's life is different. You seem to be playing up the helpless victim thing with saying you and your boyfriend can't go anywhere while they do lots of stuff, this is going to sound harsh but suck it up, it's not her fault ye don't drive, you make your own choices, stop comparing your relationship to hers.

I personally am ridiculously jealous of my boyfriend's sister in some ways, she's stunning, her life seems to fall perfectly into place no matter what, but A. jealousy is normal and B. it's my issue, who knows, she could be jealous of some things about me! I'm jealous/envious of lots of little things about friends etc, particularly because I have limited freedom in my social life due to where I live and a few other things, but that was my choice to move here/take this path in life so I can't b*tch about others if I'm unhappy with aspects of my life.

Deleting her off your facebook for booking a holiday is very childish, if I did that my boyfriend would be mortified at my behaviour, and rightly so. Either let it go, apologise, and keep your petty jealousies to yourself, or go for more counselling, or like you said do end your relationship, because if you can't see that this is your issue and nothing to do with her then eventually your boyfriend will tire of it and probably end the relationship anyway.

Edit: Op if you're like this over a holiday what'll you do if she got engaged before you, etc??

I am a friend · 26-06-2011 4:02pm

AuroraBorealis wrote: »

I was planning on saying to her face-to-face next time I was at the house

She has done NOTHING wrong. Its not like she booked her wedding on the same day as yours. Sure what do you care about when she goes on holidays?

Its not right pitting your BF against his family over such a silly issue... Cant believe you would threaten to dump him over this..

AuroraBorealis · 26-06-2011 4:05pm

Ok seriously people you can stop grilling me for being an ass now. i'll go sort my own problems out.

I am a friend · 26-06-2011 4:06pm

AuroraBorealis wrote: »

Ok seriously people you can stop grilling me for being an ass now. i'll go sort my own problems out.

Best of luck.

ElleEm · 26-06-2011 4:07pm

Aurora, you wanted to know if you were over- reacting. All people are doing is answering that question.

26-06-2011 4:07pm

AuroraBorealis wrote: »

Ok seriously people you can stop grilling me for being an ass now. i'll go sort my own problems out.

I wish I have the "Thank You" button next to your post.. I would have thanked you until my 99th birthday..

best of luck.. and take it easy

AuroraBorealis · 26-06-2011 4:08pm

ElleEm wrote: »

Aurora, you wanted to know if you were over- reacting. All people are doing is answering that question.

I know and I got answers. N ow im going to sort it.

Firetrap · 26-06-2011 4:15pm

I guess a mod will come along and close this this soon.

I think your next big problem will be how to sort the problem you've caused for yourself. If your and your boyfriend's relationship lasts the distance, being at war with your sister in law is going to make life interesting..

LegacyUser · 26-06-2011 4:18pm

AuroraBorealis wrote: »

It's just the fact that it was a very special occassion for us that it annoys me so much.

But how did her going on her own separate holiday in any way affect/spoil your holiday?

She has different circumstances to you. You need to accept that. To me it's you that sounds jealous not her, not the other way around.

When people are actually jealous they are usually in denial about it. That's why I reckon you're the jealous one and she's not at all jealous of you. I reckon she said she was in order to make you feel good. I've done the same myself in order to make a person feel good, saying 'I'm so jealous' is actually just a figure of speech, it's not literal. If she were really jealous she wouldn't say anything.

Enjoy your life, be yourself, stop being difficult and stop stirring sh!t with your SIL. You're putting your BF in an awful position, which is just selfish of you.

booboo88 · 26-06-2011 4:32pm

AuroraBorealis wrote: »

Ok seriously people you can stop grilling me for being an ass now. i'll go sort my own problems out.

but its not a problem? she booked a holiday?
a few times when people start talking about their hols ive been tempted to just book one, but im saving for new york next year (my choice)
seriously, you are sounding immature, just be glad they havent been the same holiday as you.

Otis Driftwood · 26-06-2011 4:36pm

AuroraBorealis wrote: »

I know and I got answers. N ow im going to sort it.

Then Im closing this thread OP.If you want it re-opened drop me a PM.

over-reacting?

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