Me and Death ehh.

shannon_tek

I just dont know how to re act. im cold mean hearted person on the subject.

I mod has made me come here so Thank you mod.
Feel free to Remove or re locate if causing problems

But as i pointed out im in a bullet proof shell when it comes to the topic.

My Mam Died when i was 3. I watched her last breaths as i walked out the door of the hospital room looking back and seeing her waving from her bedside.
The next morning i came down stairs asking dad were were seeing mammy and he told me we wont be seeing her. I dont remember anything after that but i taking it from what ive been told i was crying forever. Like i am now. ha ha.

So later my dad packs up shop and heads home to here(Éire). I went to stay with my Gran. Im always reminded of how at 3 years of age i would grab my bottle and put it in the microwave and heat it up. lol . Gotta love family hehe. So few months down the line. My gran comes down stairs and says 'I dont feel so good' and went back to bed. I ran up stairs after her and grandad came up he rang 999 and the ambulance was outside the door in seconds. London transport gotta love it. So they carry her down stairs on the Stretcher and into the ambulance. She died later that day. .

So my granddad with a broken heart i went off to stay with my Aunt. I didnt stay long with her wanted to be with dad . so i moved to Ireland. Its tough growing up with out a family. I spent most of my time with my nan and grandad here. loved it at there place so much im living here. But every since secondary school you grow up that little bit. and death becomes more aparent. I was living with my step mother .we never saw eye to eye. and it just got to the stage were i wanted out. I just couldnt hack it anymore cruel so i tried to do what your not suppose to do. but i couldnt. My friends were worried and spoke to teachers at school on my behalf and me being so open i will speak my life away. so i got to see the school councillor who helped me to move. I had a Gf at the time im not sure if we were broken up or what but all i remember is being in bed texting her after she text me saying she was leaving that she had enough. i knew her so i spent all night texting and texting in the hope not to loose her. i even had my dad on the other hand to help me. She came round and i met new friends that year who been in the same boat

The same year my dog my best friend died. I will never let that night down. I was in the Kitchen with the tv on and for what ever way it was i heard a cry coming. I put the Tv on mute and listened out. It was a faint cry of pain. I put on my runners and went out the back. Prince was no where to be seen. I called him but nothing. I heard the cry again and followed it. In behind a shed he was hiding, crying. i ran back inside and got grandad who pulled him out from under the shed. We lead him into bed he slowly prodded putting one foot in front of the other. He stopped half way and i looked at him said goodnight and gave him a kiss and watched him go into bed. he went in and lay down on the floor. Next morning we found him in the same spot. 14 years he was. they got him when i was 2. there my whole life upto now. I swore the day he would die that i would die with him. I died a little just like everyone does when they loose someone. specially when they were always there. Strange thing was he was sprinting up and down that morning. You know when he was running he was like a horse could here the beat of the paws in the ground.

In Second year A teacher had died during the summer . a friend of mine was upset cause she knew him and had him as a teacher. i couldnt say anything. In 3rd year a teachers brother/father? died cant remember who but again my friend was upset and asked me why i was not. I said i didnt know the man how can you expect me to be upset.

In October a Family member was killed in a bike accident outside our house. dead at the scene. we were all in shock because my aunt(differnt) was caught up in it coming from town so she went around the long way not knowing. my uncle was on his way to an Accident seperate arrived upon it and imidiatly rang home to inform my aunt who just passed it it was one of the family. i was left at home confused. you dont expect these things. i played a titanic song that i had previously downloaded few weeks ago i only had 20 songs at the time and i sat on the stairs not crying but just thinking about life and my past . Here is the song if you want to listen

Start of 5th year my friends dad done what should not be done. I was a hurtful Bast..... I didnt know how to deal with it . i have lost someone my life ended years ago.
6th year my Friends cousin Died of cancer. again i was hurtful. I would just like to say Sorry if in 20 or 40years time your reading this. and Boards is here.
Same time a students mam died or cancer. what had i dont that morning roared somthing out and wen my friend asked to keep it down i said what oh another death. she said ya. i felt horrible. new low.

I just cant handle death. You live you die so what what. Im sorry if im a cold hard case.
Suicide jesus i joke about it everyday and i say how i will be dead soon and anything that makes me feel guilty im that step closer to leaving. there are millions of ways ive came up with.
When i die i dont want people to be sorry for me. or my family. i lived i died get over it you will see me again sometime.
What i dont like is people who kill themselves(enough said)
My weakness is to see a child die. Dont ask why it crucifies me. like that car crash add with the children and the fence and no. .... i switch it off straight away. cant bare to see.

I had a vision dream that i would die at 21 im scared im scared of death. so i talk about it every day. i make jokes and everything. its horrible on my family but i dont know how to deal with it. as i say if someone dies tomoro i will just get on with life.(probably not but i wont go forever on it) I dont know what i will do when my dad or someone in the family dies. I have nothing left to give.

Apologies for my bad spelling. im shaking for some reason and my head feels like its on drugs. . Life something ehy me and death no....