Is it me or?

LC2010HIS

Im finding it really hard to fit into the Irish social scene aka night outs!
Im 20 and theyve never suited me. I rarely drink. And it seems Im abnormal?!
Ive very and little friends because of this, and never get asked on nights out anymore cause I dont get drunk or Im a wet blanket I guess.. friends have even looked at me weirdly if I say Im not drinking.

I just dont get the need to drink or to get trashed....

Im actually beginning to think Im depressed or lazy if im not on nights out! But the extend of drinking and hook ups make me very uncomfortable and I often go home early.

Ive tried so hard to conform but I cant...

Anyone else is the same boat?

Asphyxia

Some of my friends are like that they go out get sh*t faced and hook up with a random guy and leave! It's gone to the point where I'm not asked out anymore because I'm not doing what there doing :rolleyes: I know exactly what your going through and "NO" You're not being a wet blanket you're being "YOU"

I love going out on girls nights out, getting dressed up in heels and dresses and drinking girly drinks but my "friends" seem to be over all that! They much prefer to get as drunk as possible in a short space of time instead of enjoying the night and I'm usually left on my own when they find a fella to shadow.

I much prefer heading out with the guys now It's much more enjoyable and I'm not left on my own and having to leave too early

I'm also 20 by the way

LC2010HIS

Asphyxia wrote: »

I love going out on girls nights out, getting dressed up in heels and dresses and drinking girly drinks but my "friends" seem to be over all that! They much prefer to get as drunk as possible in a short space of time instead of enjoying the night and I'm usually left on my own when they find a fella to shadow.

You just described my life I always get left there on my own. Its so bad, that once, one of the girls who was driving got drunk and couldnt drive like promised and I had to ring my dad. Btw, Im not putting responsibility on her blah blah blah but she actually offered and wasnt meant to be drinking.

Also my stephens night was ruined as my friend had to be dragged off the dancefloor and home. I saved her life, as she almost choked....
And that girl has ditched me for more "favourable" party friends. But I was alright to depend on though when it suited her

Drink changes people horribley in my experience and I have distanced myself as a result

Asphyxia

LC2010HIS wrote: »

You just described my life I always get left there on my own. Its so bad, that once, one of the girls who was driving got drunk and couldnt drive like promised and I had to ring my dad. Btw, Im not putting responsibility on her blah blah blah but she actually offered and wasnt meant to be drinking.

Also my stephens night was ruined as my friend had to be dragged off the dancefloor and home. I saved her life, as she almost choked....
And that girl has ditched me for more "favourable" party friends. But I was alright to depend on though when it suited her

Drink changes people horribley in my experience and I have distanced myself as a result

You are so much of a better person than them and you should never assume that your the bad one just because they make you feel bad for not doing what they want you to do.

There will always be people out there that will always be

She doesn't get sh*t faced so she's a dry arse
She wont go off with a randomer/have a one night stand so she's boring
She wont plaster on the tan/makeup till it's orange so she's ugly
She wears clothes that don't show of her arse and t*ts so she has no sense of style.

My bestfriend of nearly 15 years changed completely over night! I barely speak to her unless we pass in the street, she only wants to hang out when it suits her and when she has no one else to hold her handbag while she's off with some lad in the toilets :rolleyes: I promised myself to never degrade myself to that again and I wont!

Seriously hun you're so better off standing up to them and putting them in their place. If all else fails you can come party with me :D:D

Seriously though don't let them walk all over you and use you as their safety net.

I'm in the very same boat, just the opposite end of the gender divide. I've no interest in drinking but often feel like people try to make me. The last time I was out was about a month ago for my sister's 18th. I didn't really want to go because it was just a drinking session (plus my sister and myself have a very shaky relationship) but went along to keep the peace. I couldn't wait to get out of there though.

I know a few people from other countries, one such girl is a Peruvian national living here, met her through my brother's friend. She once told me that I should consider emigrating because of how non-drinkers are perceived in Irish society, I don't have many friends and drinking is one of the biggest methods that people use to meet up here.

robman60

I think what your saying is something faced by people regularly in Ireland. All social situations revolve, ultimately, around alcohol consumption.

Even worse than the alcohol, in my opinion, is how trashy people are. the stereotype of guys just going out looking for sex is a true one in many scenarios and there is always a girl willing to degrade herself to reach his level.

The only conselation I can give you is that this happens everyone who doesn't conform to the perceived social norms of our society.

tenchi-fan

LC2010HIS wrote: »

Ive very and little friends because of this, and never get asked on nights out anymore cause I dont get drunk or Im a wet blanket I guess..

I think most people don't realise how few friends they have (or at least, now few things they can do with their friends) until they stop going out drinking for a few weeks.

Firetrap

If you don't enjoy these sorts of nights out, then that's fair enough. If you're not enjoying yourself, why go? A night out is supposed to be enjoyable, not something you feel you should be doing because everyone else is. I'm in my mid 30s now and one of the few reasons to cheer my advancing years is that my nightclubbing days are well behind me I was in one recently for a friend's hen and I thought I'd never get out of the place.

LC2010HIS

robman60 wrote: »

I think what your saying is something faced by people regularly in Ireland. All social situations revolve, ultimately, around alcohol consumption.

Even worse than the alcohol, in my opinion, is how trashy people are. the stereotype of guys just going out looking for sex is a true one in many scenarios and there is always a girl willing to degrade herself to reach his level.

The only conselation I can give you is that this happens everyone who doesn't conform to the perceived social norms of our society.

Its very true. I dont see my friends nowadays unless its around drink and clubbing!

Its all clubs and pubs.

And of course, I find it hard to find a guy cause ..disappointing as it is, it seems you must be up to this and that down an alley way or he moves on. (My experience)
And then ya have groups of girls acting like lesbians drunk and in drunk photos... (Not generalizing but I have seen this alot)

I dunno what to think of it to be honest. Sometimes, Im disappointed with myself that I cant conform and even consider maybe Im stuck up and actually a wet blanket...


Im glad to see here Im not the only one feeling like this by the way!

LC2010HIS

Firetrap wrote: »

If you don't enjoy these sorts of nights out, then that's fair enough. If you're not enjoying yourself, why go? .

Id say the last night out I actually enjoyed was christmas. All my friends from my new year were out and I loved it. It was balanced. It wasnt trashy either



I guess Im a gluten for punishment in regards to why do I keep going.

I always say "tonight will be different".... but nope, i leave early.

wobblyheadedbob

I feel like this a bit sometimes, mainly because I rarely drink. I have the odd friend who doesn't really get it so I can end up feeling like the odd one out sometimes

LegacyUser

Hi,

I used to be in the same boat. Stop wasting your time.
I have recently found a multitude of clubs where people
with similar interests can get together, sometimes it hit and miss, but I am sure
you will find something quickly enough that you enjoy. Example meetup.com I joined a running club that is quite chilled out, we meet up for short jogs and then have a coffee and chat afterwards, I get an email each week to let me know of the running location and time and how many people are going and I just click a button to say I am going.....and wait for it.....its all freeeeee!!!!

Firetrap

LC2010HIS wrote: »

Id say the last night out I actually enjoyed was christmas. All my friends from my new year were out and I loved it. It was balanced. It wasnt trashy either



I guess Im a gluten for punishment in regards to why do I keep going.

I always say "tonight will be different".... but nope, i leave early.

A thing to bear in mind is that some people, as they get older, get tired of the sorts of Saturday nights you've described and ease back on the drinking etc.

LC2010HIS

wobblyheadedbob wrote: »

I feel like this a bit sometimes, mainly because I rarely drink. I have the odd friend who doesn't really get it so I can end up feeling like the odd one out sometimes

Same here. Ive a particular friend who actually called me boring to my face once cause of drink:rolleyes:

Lola92

OP, I would be like you in some respects - when it comes to drink I could take it or leave it. Yea I do like a glass of red with my chinese or a bulmers at a BBQ, but not really into the pub scene.

Tbh the prospects of going out with a group of people who will no doubt get off there face and make a fool of themselves and possibly me as well doesn't really appeal to me.

I would be around the same age as you but in a different situation having a 6month old baby which also restricts my socialising a fair bit so I too have lost contact with a good deal of my 'friends'. Out of sight out of mind and all that....or should it be out of pub? :rolleyes:

Milk & Honey

O/p you have toxic friends. This may be temporary while they enjoy the early stages of irresponsible drinking and will eventually get some sense. It may be permanent if they go on to develop alcoholism.
The best thing you can do is avoid going out with them. Nature abhors a vacuum. You must find something, anything to replace the nights out with. Arrange to do something else on the nights they are going out. Even if it is just to visit a relation, or a vigil in the church you will find within a few months that you have moved completely away from their lifestyle.

Turtwig

You're not alone on this OP. Your "friends" probably have the best of intentions for you but they're probably not delivering them. Some people act like you ought to behave or do a certain thing; some don't. My advice would be keep those friends go out with them occasionally but have arrangements made so that once they are royally pissed you can get out of dodge and either go home or disappear somewhere else to another group of friends. If you can't do that, then start looking for hobbies or social clubs where you can find more sensible minded people. In fact, do that anyway it will probably do you no harm.:) Whatever you do, don't just leave things as they are now.

robman60

LC2010HIS wrote: »

And then ya have groups of girls acting like lesbians drunk and in drunk photos... (Not generalizing but I have seen this alot)

I just had to reply to this. As of late, this seems to have become a phenomenon among the girls in my area. The day we finished our Junior Cert a bunch of the "popular" girls had a competition to see who could get with more girls. They're not even lesbians, so it seems kind of weird I think.

LC2010HIS

The whole "lets be lesbians cause we're drunk" is pathetic in my opinion. And then they put them up on FB on purpose to get attention and of course, end up on Ireland wetsers or some shizz. Absolutely pathetic.

But thats not the issue ,so I'll try not to rant about that!

I just seem to be left out of things if Im not out every weekend. I repeated this year and obviously, would not be able to keep up with the college party scene my friends undertook. And they literally could not comprehend "I have a project" or "Im tired" or "I have a exam tomorrow".... I mean, maybe it is the people Im with.

Ill be honest, I am trying to hold onto those friends who seem to have moved in this direction cause Im afraid to be completely loose. Yeah I met great friends in my new year and will keep them but Ive always been afraid to let go of the friends I had before this year cause....of security I guess? But at the same time, I dont want to be in that party scene cause It seems quiet disgusting and turns sleazy quickly...

Sorry if i dont make sense im rambling...

NTMK

LC2010HIS wrote: »

Ill be honest, I am trying to hold onto those friends who seem to have moved in this direction cause Im afraid to be completely loose. Yeah I met great friends in my new year and will keep them but Ive always been afraid to let go of the friends I had before this year cause....of security I guess? But at the same time, I dont want to be in that party scene cause It seems quiet disgusting and turns sleazy quickly...

Sorry if i dont make sense im rambling...

I'm a non-drinker myself and its not just you that struggles with the irish night life.The most important thing when youre going out should be the friends your goin out with. I've groups of friends that i've great time going out with them even when they're getting hammer and then i've friends who are the dullest people to go out with.

the changing of friends is going to happen i've very little contact with alot of my year from secondary school. i only speak to 3-4 on a regular basis. it just happens you drift away from old friend and make new ones. i would have met some of best friends in college if i had tried to hold on to friends that i was losing contact with. When you go to college Join Clubs and socs your interested in.


also good luck with your LC results

LegacyUser

I'm in a similar enough boat to you op, don't drink but used to go out to parties or pubs when the invite came my way from my new college friends.

I've started avoiding these house party's though - I think they're a bit over the top tbh. To give an example, I was invited to a birthday party a little while back. I've been to a lot of parties, but imo, the amount of drink brought along to this party was excessive. One of my better friends, let's call her Jane, who's normally very mature, brought along enough Vodka to kill an elephant. Again, not my concern. About an hour in, I started getting some dumb arguments thrown my way for not drinking. More aggressive than usual too ...

Another 2 hours pass, and another guy I hardly know, let's call him Dave, who's had a few Buds but is still quite coherent, tells me he's gonna have sex with one of the girls there that night. Nothing to concern me about. Then he starts chatting up Jane (who was on the Vodka, so pretty drunk at this stage!). As the night went on, the guy started teaching her 'innocent' Italian phrases. He comes over to me grinning that he's got her saying she's 'easy' in about 4 different flavors of Italian.

Followed by a frank conversation about how she's no better than a prostitute. To be honest, I draw the line right about here. She's been one of my friends for about a year now and seems to have hit the drink much harder than him. I hardly know him, but he's creeping me out. As the night was finishing up (5am ) Jane came over to me to have a chat. Slurred, incoherent speech, and a tumble to the couch, was about as much as she was willing to contribute. I told her I thought she was pretty drunk, and should head home - I was with another female friend at the time - and we both offered to go home with her. Had to say it to her 4 or 5 times. I didn't get much of a coherent reply from her, but she didn't seem keen on the idea. Little I can do about this.

The party was in Dave's house, so last I saw her, she'd headed to Dave's room. I stayed at the party for another while, enough time to watch the other guys placing bets, spying on them etc.

This again goes a bit far in my books! I cannot call this a 'fun' night out. The longer I stick around at parties / nightclubs, the more likely I end up volunteering to babysit a friend who's fairly outta it (It's my fault for actually giving a damn it seems). Dave was about 9 years older than Jane too - so, some people just don't seem to mature with age. I like to have fun on a sober night out, but I always draw a line at a point. My concern in all this isn't so much the excessive drinking, but rather the PUA taking advantage of the situation like this. This happens too often at parties imo. Worse still, it makes me some sort of freak for going against the grain on this.

I think the only advice I can give is to find another bunch of friends. This is what I'm doing at the moment. I've had better friends in the past, and I'll have better soon enough. I guess the best place to find 'em would be in local clubs and that ...

reap-a-rat

Hey OP!

I'm kinda similar to you, in that I'm not overly bothered about drinking, and it always annoys me that for some people, going out is the only social activity they participate in! I love when the girls and I have a DVD night or something, totally chilled, maybe you could ask some of your friends over for something like that?

I like to go out in pubs, especially if there's live music, but its been an age since I've been to a nightclub, because I have a boyfriend and it seems the club isn't about "the craic" anymore, its about "the shift"! But it also depends who I'm actually out with, I feel I can go to the club to dance and have fun with my college friends because they'e out or the craic, but at home with my home-friends I just avoid it!

I'm actually on a J1 at the moment, and I'm living with American students. They go out to a pub like once a week to meet up with people they don't see often, and play some pool or whatever, but aside from that they actually just sit around and have fun without alcohol! Maybe its just because in the city you can do so much more stuff that doesn't cost money, you can go to free festivals, the beach, the park, free movies in the park, and so the drinking culture isn't the strong point of American culture!

I do think you need to re-evaluate your friendships though, as lots of people have said, not everybody likes to do all the drinking stuff, so you should try and find some of those people, and believe me, if you are planning on starting college in September, you will find those people Best of luck, OP!

booboo88

tenchi-fan wrote: »

I think most people don't realise how few friends they have (or at least, now few things they can do with their friends) until they stop going out drinking for a few weeks.

couldnt have put it better myself

i cant afford to go drinking every weekend, so i find im not asked out that much anymore. and plus it takes me ages to get over the hangover.
so i dont see the point, id much rather chill out with dvd and take away.
not that im a loner:o but i just dont see the point in wasting all that money on drink.

LC2010HIS

reap-a-rat wrote: »

But it also depends who I'm actually out with, I feel I can go to the club to dance and have fun with my college friends because they'e out or the craic, but at home with my home-friends I just avoid it!

My situation.
I have great fun with the college friends from my repeat LC! Then, when exams ended and school ended, I faced my home friends and theres a different vibe....... wish it wasnt that way but it is

My college friends live in different parts of my county, and its all inconvienant for alot of us in towns. So.....

LC2010HIS

booboo88 wrote: »

so i dont see the point, id much rather chill out with dvd and take away.
not that im a loner:o but i just dont see the point in wasting all that money on drink.

You and I are logical in that way. I was working over the last year and still couldnt afford to go out every weekend like my unemployed friends...
Guess I grasped the concept of the importance of money. I get 50euro off my dad for a night out, I come back with 40 id say....cause Id rather buy books or clothes

reap-a-rat

LC2010HIS wrote: »

My situation.
I have great fun with the college friends from my repeat LC! Then, when exams ended and school ended, I faced my home friends and theres a different vibe....... wish it wasnt that way but it is

My college friends live in different parts of my county, and its all inconvienant for alot of us in towns. So.....

Same for me really, so for Summer I don't go to the Nightclub! It sucks though, your situation! Its so hard when you realise you and your "friends" have hardly anything in common !

booboo88

LC2010HIS wrote: »

You and I are logical in that way. I was working over the last year and still couldnt afford to go out every weekend like my unemployed friends...
Guess I grasped the concept of the importance of money. I get 50euro off my dad for a night out, I come back with 40 id say....cause Id rather buy books or clothes

exactly, i find it almost galling that my unemployed friends have more money for drinking and such,
but yea clothes, books anything that isnt literally poured down the tube and im suffering for the next day.
can be a lil lonely though:(

ulinbac

The drinking scene here can be fun but most times there is unwarranted hassle. I do like to drink but not to excess, go out have a few drinks and relax. That said funds are tight atm like most and could only do it once a month.

Have found that I am the only one of my mates that has never got sick from drink but they're proud of this! As mentioned above it is difficult to keep in contact with friends (since coming to college I have lost contact with the majority of people from my home town) if you don't go out but to be honest would rather head to the gym in the morning or buy something. I have friends that in large amounts of debt from travel and are struggling to pay off loans yet always find the money for beer . Every time a large group form our courses head out at least 2 get kicked out of the nightclub. Last time one tried to attack the bouncer and the other couldn't get up when he fell on the dance floor.

Have tried saying lets go go-karting, paintball etc. in Limerick but always get blown over. At 23 I get along a lot better with people closer to 30...

dearg lady

As others have said, you need to find friends with similiar interests to yourself. I found myself in a situation of having to find new friends in my early 20's, sometimes groups just grow apart. If you're starting college you'll meet lots of new people, and look at joining clubs to meet people with less of a focus on alcohol.

As an aside, I understand that it is extremely annoying to have people hassle you about why you're not drinking etc, but there's strong theme on this thread of people lookin down their noses at their friends who drink a lot and like to party, which is equally annoying. Different strokes for different folks n all that

LC2010HIS

dearg lady wrote: »

As others have said, you need to find friends with similiar interests to yourself. I found myself in a situation of having to find new friends in my early 20's, sometimes groups just grow apart. If you're starting college you'll meet lots of new people, and look at joining clubs to meet people with less of a focus on alcohol.

As an aside, I understand that it is extremely annoying to have people hassle you about why you're not drinking etc, but there's strong theme on this thread of people lookin down their noses at their friends who drink a lot and like to party, which is equally annoying. Different strokes for different folks n all that

Well, I dont look down on them, but its hard to respect the carry on such as falling all over the place or making fools of themselves.

Its the excessive drinking which annoys me.

I get very annoyed when Im being hassled over my principles. Im sure if I pointed out the consequences of alcohol to them, they wouldnt like it...



And tbh, I cannot wait for societies next year!
Tennis, Fashion and Journalism all the way:D

dearg lady

LC2010HIS wrote: »

Well, I dont look down on them, but its hard to respect the carry on such as falling all over the place or making fools of themselves.

Its the excessive drinking which annoys me.

I get very annoyed when Im being hassled over my principles. Im sure if I pointed out the consequences of alcohol to them, they wouldnt like it...



And tbh, I cannot wait for societies next year!
Tennis, Fashion and Journalism all the way:D

sorry, just to be clear, that was more of a general comment, than specifically aimed at you. And I understand where you're coming from. As people get used to drinkin, they'll be better able to handle it, and you may enjoy going out with them again! It's just all this negativety from others on this thread could lead you to look down on them, which I don't think is fair, thats all. I have lots of friends who don't drink, and lots who do, and we all get along great, but I'm probably 10 years older than you.

I think at the time of leaving school starting college,a lot of people do grow apart, and you may find that happens naturally, you'll be drawn to mates with similar interests. But what really great is to have different grioups of friends, with lots of different interests