Funeral

Howlin

I have been wanting to know is there any reason that after a funeral normaly the family has a place for the people to go to and have some food to eat?
Is it an old traditation or what?

ardinn

Its so you can go drinking midweek of course!!!

Chuck Stone

It's an excuse for a piss-up.

I love it.

Sweatynutsack

Like the old saying goes "a good funeral is better than a bad wedding"

hondasam

Howlin wrote: »

I have been wanting to know is there any reason that after a funeral normaly the family has a place for the people to go to and have some food to eat?
Is it an old traditation or what?

publicans thought it was a good way to make money.

Needler

Funerals make ya hungry. Or at least thirsty for alcohol so you can forget about it. You pay your respects and rinse away the depressing after-effect. Its a great system

Spunge

Sure nobody would go if there was no free food.

paky

if the family can afford then yes

pragmatic1

I suppose to be around people who knew or had relationships with the deceased. And to get pissed.

MungBean

Howlin wrote: »

I have been wanting to know is there any reason that after a funeral normaly the family has a place for the people to go to and have some food to eat?
Is it an old traditation or what?

Still very much the thing to do. We organised a few sandwiches and stuff in the local pub to avoid people calling back to the house. Everyone went to the pub and chatted for a bit and had their sandwiches/drinks then the family snook off home for some peace and quiet leaving anyone looking for a session to their own devices.

Sweatynutsack

Ask Chaz

baldbear

It happens everywhere. Families like to put on a bit of a feed and a few drinks for people who have made long journeys and to have a bit of a chat about the old times when there loved one was alive.

strokemyclover

OP needs a country wake. Those things go on for days normally - though saying that the last few I've been to have been 1 day affairs.

I've been to a few which required toasting the person who had recently been put into the ground for more than 1 day, sometimes 3 depending on what day of the week it falls

Needler

strokemyclover wrote: »

I've been to a few which required toasting the person who had recently been put into the ground for more than 1 day, sometimes 3 depending on what day of the week it falls

The smell must have been horrendous

galwayrush

Once it's not invitation only it's ok.

strokemyclover

Needler wrote: »

The smell must have been horrendous

It was worse trying to light a match underground!

mc3ac

quote from wikipedia:

Luncheon

In many traditions, a meal or other gathering often follows the burial service, also called a repast. This gathering may be held at the deceased's church or another off-site location. Some funeral homes have large spaces set aside to provide funeral dinners.

The Princess Bride

Would think its probably only the last decade.When my grandparents died last century, we had the 'wake' as you do, then after the funeral, back to the house for the family and anyone who had travelled miles.
Nowadays, it seems like some people want to put on a show as to who has the biggest wallet.
We had family funeral recently and the out laws invited people back to pub for hang sangwiches and soup- seriously,I think there's people who scan the papers for death notices ,then come along just to get their free food.There was people there & none of the family had ever met them before.

Where I live,there is a family of buachailli who are well known for going to every funeral/party, and sit for hours and have their food and seconds.
Great way to avoid cooking,no?

epgc3fyqirnbsx

It's one of the things we do best and as for the deceased, I'm sure they'd prefer to see everyne out having some grub and a few drinks in their honour

A good funeral is better than a bad wedding

D-Generate

The afters of a funeral are definitely one of the traditions that I hope never dies out (hioooo!). But seriously though, I think funerals in Ireland are more personal affairs and better celebration of the deceased life than funerals in the UK or the US which are terribly depressing and when you leave you try to erase all thoughts of the event.
The UK is awful altogether and the poor stiff doesn't even get a service/burial until a time that is convenient for all. I remember going to one that was like 2 weeks after the poor guy popped his clogs. When I die I want them to push me in a coffin and turn me in to worm food as long as possible.

stevejr

Howlin wrote: »

I have been wanting to know is there any reason that after a funeral normaly the family has a place for the people to go to and have some food to eat?
Is it an old traditation or what?

Yes it's an old tradition. At my funeral all the guests had food afterwards.

Boo!

445279.ie

It puts the "fun" in funeral

Mistyeyes321

msthe80s wrote: »

Would think its probably only the last decade.When my grandparents died last century, we had the 'wake' as you do, then after the funeral, back to the house for the family and anyone who had travelled miles.
Nowadays, it seems like some people want to put on a show as to who has the biggest wallet.
We had family funeral recently and the out laws invited people back to pub for hang sangwiches and soup- seriously,I think there's people who scan the papers for death notices ,then come along just to get their free food.There was people there & none of the family had ever met them before.

Where I live,there is a family of buachailli who are well known for going to every funeral/party, and sit for hours and have their food and seconds.
Great way to avoid cooking,no?

I know I shouldn't but Pmsl at that Family...:D:)

Kojak

I think its a way for the family to celebrate the deceased and give them "a good send off"

mikemac

Around here it's an honour if you are asked to dig the grave. Two or three able bodied men get chosen, it can be dangerous and too much on your own.

And the men get a carvary dinner and few pints for their trouble.
It's a job you do not refuse

It's probably different in the towns where the council gets involved and charge hundreds to open a grave. Maybe overtime rates too

aligator_am

Read this a few years back, have never been to a wake as described below but it sounds interesting. http://gaskinbalrog.blogspot.com/2008/02/irish-wake.html

My mother received some bad news this morning when she learned that the sister of her closest friend had taken her own life.

The constant pain that one feels at the passing of a loved one and the fact that my Aunt passed away only four months ago has lead me to think about Irish Wakes.



Some of my American and British readers may never have experienced a traditional Irish Wake, indeed some of my Irish readers may not have either.

The Irish Wake is almost a part of our shared psyche, I myself have attended too many in my short life. They vary from joyous, almost party like, occasions for those who lived long and fruitful lives to heart breaking and soul destroying affairs for those who have left this world far too soon.

Be they sad and mournful or happy and celebratory they all share many common customs.

Coming from a rural and traditionalist part of Ireland like South Armagh means that traditional Irish Wakes are the norm rather than the exception. The only exception to this is that many families have started to go out for meals or "funeral parties" after the burial as well as having the Wake before the burial.

My own family don't believe in funeral parties and I myself have never attended one because of this.

1. What to expect at an Irish Wake

An Irish Wake is still a very individualistic affair and I can only say that my family would follow most of the traditions apart from keening.

When the person dies they are waked in their own home or the home of a close relative. The person, more often than not, will be collected from either the hospital or the funeral home. At the funeral home the priest or an elderly religious woman will say the rosary over the open coffin before the body departs for the wake house.

When the body arrives at the wake house the coffin is carried in and placed next to the window of the room in which the body will be laid. This is done to allow the spirit to leave the body and it is terribly unlucky to stand between the coffin and the window.

Only close family are in the room at this time. The priest will pray over the deceased and the rosary will be said again. The deceased will have rosary beads placed between their fingers and will be clean shaven and in their Sunday best. The window will be closed after two hours, so as to stop their spirit from trying to return to the body.

A box will be placed next to the coffin where visitors will leave Mass cards. Candles are always lit beside the coffin and holy water will be present. All the clocks in the house will be stopped as a mark of respect and all mirrors will be covered up or removed.

After the family has said their own personal prayers the wake will be opened up to everyone else. The male head of the family, usually the father, brother or son of the deceased will be at the front door to greet those who are attending the wake. The mourners then enter the room where the body is laid. This is the most solemn part of the wake.

It is customary to kneel and say prayers; most will touch the fingers of the deceased after they have said their prayers and close family will often kiss their cheek.

You are then brought into another room where tea, sandwiches etc will be offered. The length of time that is spent at a wake will depend on how close you are to the person who died; it can vary from 10 minutes to several hours.

Some people only wake the body for one night; my family have always waked the deceased for two nights. The body must never be left unattended during the entire wake and it is normally the women who spend most of their time with the body.

The first night of the wake usually lasts till about midnight and then the door is closed. The family and close friends sit up and normally have a glass of whiskey and tell stories. The family tend to get a couple of hours sleep this night.

On the second day the grave is dug, men who are friends of the family do it and a couple of bottles of whiskey are always left with the diggers. What happens when digging a grave is very similar to a stag party in one respect, what happens on tour stays on tour!

The funeral arrangements will normally be sorted out with the priest and they normally include the readings, offertory procession and prayers of the faithful. The priest, nun or local religious woman will once again say the rosary. The Rosary will always be said in Irish.

Friends and local shops will often leave hot food at the wake house as no real cooking is done during the wake. This is greatly appreciated by the family as there are only so many sandwiches one can eat.

The second night of the wake, or the wake proper, is normally the busiest night of the two nights. This is when the last sitting occurs and most of the family sit up the entire night. In all of our wakes the local men in the area also sit up and this is when the bottles of whiskey come out.

Any children who are related to the deceased are sent home or to someone else's house and this is when the drinking, stories and craic starts.

In my own aunt's wake a few months ago, my mother and aunts cousins came down and we all went into the back room with a few drinks. The girls are on the rather large side and are some of the funniest people you would ever meet. At one stage some of my female cousins had to leave the room as they were afraid they were going to wet themselves.

The laughing and joking at an Irish Wake can seem like a weird and even disrespectful act to many people. What people need to realise however is that because the family wake the deceased for two days they have the eyes cried out of their head, you need a release and it's what the deceased would want anyway.

Wakes can be a tense affair; if the deceased was separated etc it can leave for some very bad blood. At my aunts wake a few months ago nearly everyone from Dromintee attended despite the fact that she had left the area many years ago.

Her children were flabbergasted at the amount of people from the area that attended. Indeed the people that attended were in the same room for perhaps the only time in years. You would have had Republicans of all shades and colours but because of the dignity that an Irish Wake is held in to cause a row or have harsh words with someone would be a serious faux pas.

The dignity and tradition that Irish Wakes are held in make good behaviour at such sacrosanct.

A pregnant women is also not allowed to walk behind the coffin going to the church as it is very unlucky.

Many parts of the Irish Wake are a throwback to our pagan past and like most parts of the Catholic tradition in Ireland the Church has tried to include what they want and to remove what they dislike. The Church has tried numerous times (unsuccessfully) throughout history to abolish the consumption of alcohol at wakes.

The Irish Wake is actually strongest in the Northern part of the country. Many may find it unusual and not for them however for me it is an integral part of the grief process.

I hope it continues for a long time to come.

aligator_am

In fairness, even from remembering my Mam's funeral and wake, Irish people face death in a good way, in that there's no bringing ye back so it's better to celebrate your life than worry about it, I think that's a brilliant way to look at it.

Death is coming for us all, best thing to do is stand up and face it, no point in trying to hide, I think Irish wakes are brilliant as they bring joy to a sad occasion, and that IMO is an awesome thing.

We could all spend the rest of our lives worrying about when we'll die, but what's the point? live life and have fun, if it's cut short then there's feck all ye can do about it

oppenheimer1

Spunge wrote: »

Sure nobody would go if there was no free food.

People should read this, there are people out there like that, that only stick around for the food http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2008/dec/21/celebrity-victoria-coren

Then there was this guy in New Zealand

A New Zealand funeral home has stepped in to stop a fake mourner who was attending up to four funerals a week to stock up on food, even filling containers and taking them home, according to media reports.

Harbour City Funeral Home director Danny Langstraat told local newspaper The Dominion Post that the "grim eater" appeared at up to four funerals a week in March and April to enjoy the finger food but clearly did not know the deceased.

The funeral company grew so concerned that it took a photograph of the man, thought to be in his 40s, and distributed the picture to its branches.

"Certainly he had a backpack with some containers so when people weren't looking, he was stocking up," Langstraat told the newspaper.

He said the man was "always very quiet and polite, and did as the rest of the mourners did in paying his respects".

Langstraat said the man stopped coming after one staff member took him aside and told him he could come to funerals but could not take food home with him.

Funeral Directors Association president Tony Garing told the newspaper that such cases happened occasionally but it was difficult to stop people from coming or call their behaviour theft because funerals were usually public events.

DEFTLEFTHAND

My grandfather specifically left money in his will to pay for a pissup after his funeral. Its something id like to do too when the time comes , I want to console my loved ones with a drunken night of debauchery in my honour.:D

later12

My Granny was a slightly religious Quaker and before she died, in 2000, insisted that there should be no party or get together of any kind after her cremation. She would have been reasonably well known locally through her ould wans committees, and the local ould wans thought it was the height of disrespect by the family to cart her off to Dublin to cremate her in private and not even hold a party, and had no hesitation in making clear their concerns.
My parents, when they go to funeral receptions, still get digs (which in fairness are meant jokingly) about how they were too tight to spend money on a funeral reception for the old dear. I dont think they have ever quite lived it down.

I have heard other families mention a similar experience - you simply cannot refuse to hold a post funeral reception in rural Ireland or it will be seen as a snub.

On the issue of funerals, i should mention that I find the behaviour of rural undertakers both morbid and hilarious when they feel that a funeral is imminent.
One notoriously opportunistic local undertaker is a regular lurker in the local nursing homes and a famous romancer of the elderly. He will regularly approach those with whom he is only vaguely acquainted, and after a minute or two of smalltalk, will enquire of the health or likely longevity of named elderly pensioners in that persons locality!

Einhard

Howlin wrote: »

I have been wanting to know is there any reason that after a funeral normaly the family has a place for the people to go to and have some food to eat?
Is it an old traditation or what?

Why would anyone go otherwise? The only reason I went to my granduncle's funeral was because I was hungry!