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So Overwhelmed

  • 24-06-2011 1:20am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    I'm quite a regular poster but I wanted to log out because I know a couple of people on boards personally and don't really want them to know about this.

    I'm 18, female and just completed the Leaving Cert.

    I live with my mum and two younger brothers. My mum has bipolar disorder and I'm in the process of coming to terms with the fact that while she is not an immediate danger to herself or anyone else, there is nothing I can do. She has had highs and lows in the past and both of them have involved hospitalisation because of suicide attempts etc. I have had to deal with them all and it's horrible. Anyway, I don't know whether or not she's taking her medication but at the moment she's just really spaced out and paranoid. I know she's smoking weed because I found some recently.

    None of mums family speak to her and my dad doesn't live in the country and he doesn't want to get involved. My brothers dad (my stepdad) and my mum split up as a result of her mental illness/paranoia but my brothers and I still visit him. He and my mum do not get on at all. She's suspicious of him and every time they see each other there is a huge fight.

    Mum isn't the best with looking after my brothers because of her illness and because of this I have been sort of a mum to them since my stepdad left. I'm supposed to be going to college in September and because of where we live I will definitely have to leave home. My brothers are aged 9 and 10 so they are still young and need looking after. I don't know what to do next year!

    My stepdad said to me that he is going to try and get custody of the boys and he wants me to stand up for him against my mum in court. I know that when mum was well she was a great person, she was so likable, funny, friendly and everything. I don't know what to do!

    I don't know whether or not to stay at home to look after my brothers, go to college and let my stepdad deal with it or to stand up for him in court! I just wish I could help my mum. I mean she's not neglecting my brothers at all its just sometimes she does things for example: not sending them to bed, not worrying if they don't come home from school straight away, not telling them to shower, making them believe in loads of stupid conspiracy theories that she's obsessed with etc. Some days she's completely normal then other days she's mean and nasty and spaced out.

    I don't know what to do in college, I have no motivation and I'm just lacking so much enthusiasm about the future. I have nobody to talk to and nothing to look forward while my mum's like this. It's so sad that I don't know whether or not I can go on with my life. All her family have just abandoned her and I'm the one who has to deal with everything. I know I could get 500+ points in my Leaving Cert but I still don't know what to do, whether or not to go to college because I feel guilty in case something happens. School felt like home to me. I knew my guidance counsellor and another teacher were there if I just needed to rant/cry/whatever but now I feel that I have nobody and I'm just so isolated and lonely. Leaving school was so hard for me and I'm finding it so hard accepting that I no longer have that security. I know this sounds absoloutly rediculous but school was like my home and some of the teachers were like my family.

    I'm so sorry that this might be a bit rambley but I just don't know what to do and I'm just so sad all the time.


Comments

  • #2
    JuliusCaesar
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,887 ✭✭✭JuliusCaesar


    Is your mother in contact with the mental health services? You could talk with her Consultant Psychiatrist, and tell him/her your concerns. Mental health teams have Social Workers and Community Mental Health Nurses who can visit and who can arrange to have childcare workers come into the house to help out.

    On the going to court, it's not a matter of being on one person's side or another, it's a matter of telling it as you see it. Could your mother manage well with help or support? The hearing is to decide what is best for the children, not to sort out your parents difficulties.

    And do talk with someone yourself! Mental Health Ireland has details of helping and support organisations, including organisations specifically for young people.

    It's up to yourself whether you go to college now, or defer for a year. You'll find supports there too. Look after yourself. It sounds as if you've had too much responsibility and not enough help so far. But you sound like a very decent and sound person.


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