GF issue

LegacyUser

Hi there

My girlfriend doesn't get excited/enthusiastic about much stuff. This is fine. But when i talk to her about stuff that interests me, or even just day to day stuff, she doesn't really show interest or sometimes even acknowledge it.

I have asked her to try show a bit of interest in some thigns i say or do, but she refuses. She says if it interests her, then she will show interest. If it doesn't interest her, then she won't.

I said it doesn;t hurt to just ask a few questions, show a bit of interest etc. after i speak about something, but she is saying im trying to change her. She says nobody has ever asked her to change like this before. She says she wont/cant change her personality for me.

I'm not trying to get her to change her personality and all i want is a small compromise. She thinks its a drastic change and refuses to do it. All i want is sometimes to ask one or two questions, acknowledge what i said/did, etc.,

She thinks im being too sensitive and I think it's a reasonable request

What do you guys think? Am I wrong to ask this? I love her so much and she loves me too. We get along really well and she is the one for me.

Thanks

vetinari

I don't think you're being unreasonable. The person you're going out with should show at least some interest in what is happening to you. That works both ways. I wouldn't be happy either if my gf seemed bored by everything I said. I'd be wondering why we're together!

strandroad

Why do you want her to feign interest, in other words to pretend, if she's not a natural in it? Some people will be naturals with feigned politeness and conversation making while others are very black and white and will only engage in subjects that genuinely interest them. If she's from the second camp she might see your request as strange indeed. Surely you must have subjects you're both more into?

seenitall

You can't make someone have more interest in you, your activities or whatever else, than they have. It doesn't work that way, OP; so yes, to my mind you are being unreasonable in asking her to take interest in stuff she doesn't care about. Unless you'd like her to start faking being interested, asking questions, etc, which I think would be more unreasonable still!

However, if this is something that bothers you a lot, I would think you actually want/need a more attentive girlfriend?

Love is a great thing, OP, but compatibility is pretty important, too.

Miss Fluff

seeking advice wrote: »

My girlfriend doesn't get excited/enthusiastic about much stuff. This is fine. But when i talk to her about stuff that interests me, or even just day to day stuff, she doesn't really show interest or sometimes even acknowledge it.

I think a bit of context would help.

If you have a tendency to drone on like Fr. Austin Purcell in Father Ted about a obscure topic like Icelandic Eurovision Entries circa 1978-1986 or the minutae of quantum theory every evening you come home then maybe she switches off?

If you are just telling her about your day/your friends/your life then that's a bigger issue.

So which is it? Do you think you may have a tendency to go on a bit?

And has she always been like this?

johnayo

If this is important to you, then you need to have a think about saying she is the one for you. This situation is not going to change and it will always be an issue. You need to consider how important this situation is.

The Princess Bride

Hi.

You don't say how long you both are together,or whether this 'lack of interest' is a new thing.
Could it be that the shine/honeymoon period has gone from the relationship and you don't have a huge amount in common?(perfectly okay,to a point.)

It's fine to have different interests in a longterm relationship(you feel she's the one,after all,so this has potential for longterm,yes?)
If you were in her shoes and asked her about her day/events etc....would you have the same interest ,after that initial "hi hon,how was your day....conversation"?
Surely,for everybody in any relationship there comes a point where a little info is enough,and it becomes boring if someone doesn't know when to stop going on and on about their hobby/interests/day.

I would feel if someone has to pretend to be interested in something,just for the sake of it,surely everything would be false and contrived?

If the thing you want her to show interest in is something important you're doing, eg. started teaching a football summer school, then she should try and ask questions.

If the thing you want her to show interest in is simply something that you have interest in, eg. watching football or reciting players/teams/goals/averages, then she shouldn't have to ask about it or even listen to it.

(I'm sure you can apply your topic of choice in place of the football examples)

She should be asking you about yourself, even if she doesn't really care. Unfortunately, you can't ask her to. The whole point of feigning interest is that it shows you care about the person you're talking to. That even though the topic might be mind numbing on it's own, when it's important to your gf/bf, or even friend, it changes into something that's important to you, because they're important to you, and you want to show them that you care about their life. Asking her to ask you is like asking her to want something. She can only want things of her own accord, you can't ask her to.

Faith

I think she sounds quite rude. I'm seeing a guy who's really into photography. I've never had any interest in photography, but when he talks about it, I'm interested because he is.

Does she generally take an interest in you? Does she ask you questions about yourself?

Semele

seeking advice wrote: »

I said it doesn;t hurt to just ask a few questions, show a bit of interest etc. after i speak about something, but she is saying im trying to change her. She says nobody has ever asked her to change like this before. She says she wont/cant change her personality for me.

This does my head in! In my experience its shorthand for "I couldn't care less about how you feel and I'm only in this relationship as long as it requires no effort on my part whatsoever". It's not like he's suddenly started demanding she dress differently, or give up her career to be a stay-at-home wife or anything that would involve renouncing part of her personality...hes asking her to show the faintest bit of interest in him as a person ffs! How is making a bit of effort to avoid upsetting someone you're meant to love changing who you are? Unless you particularly take pride in being lazy, egotistical and selfish, that is!

I'm surprised by the replies telling him that he's being unreasonable. It's not much to ask that the person you're going out with expresses an interest in what makes you tick, whether they share that interest or not. If I like someone then of course I want to know their take on things. What do you guys actually talk about OP?

It reminds me very strongly of a girl I know who has used the "I'm not going to change who I am for you" line repeatedly to excuse countless instances of sheer bad manners, selfishness and inconsideracy while in relationships. She seems perfectly happy to leave people as soon as they try to broach any problems with her rather than get off her high horse and have to make any effort in the relationship.

I would run a mile from someone like this.

booboo88

seeking advice wrote: »

Hi there

My girlfriend doesn't get excited/enthusiastic about much stuff. This is fine. But when i talk to her about stuff that interests me, or even just day to day stuff, she doesn't really show interest or sometimes even acknowledge it.

I have asked her to try show a bit of interest in some thigns i say or do, but she refuses. She says if it interests her, then she will show interest. If it doesn't interest her, then she won't.

I said it doesn;t hurt to just ask a few questions, show a bit of interest etc. after i speak about something, but she is saying im trying to change her. She says nobody has ever asked her to change like this before. She says she wont/cant change her personality for me.

I'm not trying to get her to change her personality and all i want is a small compromise. She thinks its a drastic change and refuses to do it. All i want is sometimes to ask one or two questions, acknowledge what i said/did, etc.,

She thinks im being too sensitive and I think it's a reasonable request

What do you guys think? Am I wrong to ask this? I love her so much and she loves me too. We get along really well and she is the one for me.

Thanks

but you knew she wasnt an enthusiastic person from the get go? you cant force someone to be interested in the same things, its like marmite, you love it or you hate it, you cant force it on anyone.

do you have any mutual interests?