Falling for straight guys.Why oh Why!

themallrat

The older I get the more I am becoming disenchanted with being a gay man in Ireland.I am not your typical gay man...well I'm not camp in any way shape or form lol.Sorry I don't mean to be having a dig at camp men but it seems to be the case that most gay men are the obvious camp ones.I myself have been out about two years and have had two boyfriends.Both were camp and not really my type but I couldn't seem to find a guy similar to myself.By this I mean tall, masculine, ruggish and basically not camp. The pattern for me has been as follows. I meet a guy I like once in a blue moon but he is always straight because thats the way it is with most men that look straight.My first major crush was when I was 17 and I knew my type pretty much from then on.(I'm 22 BTW)Tallish,dark hair,athletic and reasonably good looking and older than me.Every guy since my first major crush had fitted the profile but they are always straight.I recently checked out my first crush on facebook because I never knew for certain if he was gay and low and behold he has a girlfriend.When I like a guy I tend to fall for them pretty bad.But thats happened at least three times in the last few years and each time I have to accept that most unconventional gay guys like me are either in the closet or don't exist.Argh its so frustrating!I'm seriously thinking of giving up sexuality altogether because I can't have who I genuinly want and fall constantly wanting them.Is there any hope for straight acting/looking gay men like myself?Any advice before I throw in the towl on gay dating forever lol

Aishae

hi OP, there are an awful lot of gay men out there that arent camp - the problem is you have to be a bit proactive about finding them. from what i gather many of them dont go near the gay scene (gay bars etc)
it strikes me that just randomly running into them is really unlikely - the same can be said for anyone looking to meet someone, regardless of their sexuality.

although its more difficult to meet someone who is also gay - straight folks have the same problems: finding someone theyre attracted to, one they click with etc.

have you tried something social like running amach?

themallrat

Hey!Cheers for the reply.
By running (amach) do you mean going jogging?
I used to be very sporty though in recent years Ive become somewhat lazy.
And I agree with you 100% about the gay scene.I personally don't go near it having had previous experience there and it was a total disaster.But thats the problem where in the hell am I supposed to meet these straight looking gay guys like myself?

Aishae

running amach is a group that organises everything for beer nights to hill walks etc for the LGBT folks who may be interested. i havent wanted to go to that myself but i hear very good things about it. its friendly etc.

i dont know if youre in college - but if you are there is probably an LGBT society or something similar. which might be of interest as you'd meet others - of all sorts.

there are also the dating websites - which arent just for dating but meeting people in general. you might pick up a few friends. the only one i can recommend is ok cupid as ive used it. i actually got the recommendation for it here. someone was saying it was better than gaydar for meeting friends as gaydar was more about hookups - or so it was in their experience. and i agree its good - even if you just want to email other like minded folks.

Chuchoter

At the back of GCN theres a huge list of different activities. You're bound to find someone you like at one of them if you pick interests you like. I've the same problem as yourself, I don't like many girls and the girls I like are usually super girly, and therefore probably straight

themallrat

Ive never been one for dating websites.Always preferred meeting people on nights out or through friends but clearly I'm gonna have to extend my resources a bit more lol.I'll check out that cupid website.
I am in college but its on hiatus for the summer and even at that the LGBT there was useless hardly anyone went.
Sounds like you and me are in the same boat Crayolastereo...Our choices are severly limited.
Thanks to you both for the replies.Its given me some ideas;)

Aoifums

If you're looking for ruggish, athletic and stuff then try the rugby team, the Emerald Warriors.

But if I had a euro for every straight girl I've fallen for... :rolleyes:

Brods

If you don't like the scene because you don't like the club/drinking vibe that's grand but having one bad night is a rubbish excuse for not going out... It's grand, as good as coppers or any other meat market! It is what it is, there's plenty of lads' lads. Flounge might be a little more your thing. So go, you might love it. ... But maybe not tonight, after pride! It'll be hyper-gay.

stephen_n

You need to fine tune your gaydar a little bit as it's missing everything between camp and straight and that is a whole lot of gays tbh! As was said plenty of guys in the warriors or devils would probably meet your description and any of the social clubs of the main stream scene! You obviously can only identify gay men who are camp which must be really confusing with all the metros in Dublin :-)

ninty9er

stephen_n wrote: »

You need to fine tune your gaydar a little bit

Does anyone else find their friends ask "is that guy gay?"

I mean how the fu<k am I supposed to know unless I have prior experience of him? The gaydar issue is a right pain in the ass. As with the typical Irish mentality, I'm much more open about starting a conversation that I slip sexuality in when I'm a little worse for wear. If gaydar could be utterly dysfunctional as opposed to non-existent, mine probably is given the amount of straight guys I try to chat up after a few drinks.

Most of them take it reasonably well, or if they get animated I point to some good looking woman and say that they were eyeing him up for a while.

The things drink does to us eh:rolleyes:

On topic - I would fit the description, but also look for someone of the description hence the above situation arising.

plein de force

you sound like me OP
i don't act stereotypically gay and don't find campness attractive but i know there are lot's of gays looking for the same things we are, i went out with a guy that was everything you described but now i can't find them anymore, hopefully ill find someone like that again in college when i start but i think we just have to be patient like everyone else. i suppose when we go searching for something we don't really find it always happens when we least expect it. don't loose hope

stephen_n

ninty9er wrote: »

Does anyone else find their friends ask "is that guy gay?"

I mean how the fu<k am I supposed to know unless I have prior experience of him? The gaydar issue is a right pain in the ass. As with the typical Irish mentality, I'm much more open about starting a conversation that I slip sexuality in when I'm a little worse for wear. If gaydar could be utterly dysfunctional as opposed to non-existent, mine probably is given the amount of straight guys I try to chat up after a few drinks.

Most of them take it reasonably well, or if they get animated I point to some good looking woman and say that they were eyeing him up for a while.

The things drink does to us eh:rolleyes:

On topic - I would fit the description, but also look for someone of the description hence the above situation arising.

I was only joking abut the gaydar lol As I said I see young guys going around now that I would be 100% sure are gay until they start smooching a girl. The stereotypes are rapidly disappearing from society and campness is as much the preserve of metrosexual straight guys as it it is gay guys or else the closet door is peeping open for a lot of guys!

apache

gaydar is gas! even straight people think they have it :P
was talking to a teacher in work who i get on very well with and a colleague who i get on very well with (who has a gay daughter) a guy.

she said she has very good gaydar. it was about about this guy in work who is stunning in the looks department. everyone says he is is gay. its just jealously re the males. he is is a lovely person too. he is defo not gay just beautiful and looks after himself.

and when asked by my colleague re gay women finding out gaydar about gay women she said "oh well i don't know about that - i'm not attracted to women"

i turned around to her and said "i didn't know straight people had a gaydar!"

they were confused and i think a bit embarassed with the outcome.

what is happening here?

edit -the op is about falling for straight guys but i think it may be relative.......

G699

I just stumbled onto this; I feel ya Mallrat

oisindoyle

Well first off OP I would get rid of your statement "I am not your typical gay man...well I'm not camp in any way shape or form lol"......from your head and way of thinking immediately ,,
Gay men come on ALL shapes and sizes ,fat ,slim camp and non camp ,tall ,small, ect ect
As for bars many many people meet guys in bars/clubs and have relationships ,,shocking isnt it !!!
There are lots of groups /organisation you could get involved in also
In other words stop being so narrow minded open your mind and options .
You're only 22 for Gods sake

Caiseoipe19

oisindoyle wrote: »

Well first off OP I would get rid of your statement "I am not your typical gay man...well I'm not camp in any way shape or form lol"......from your head and way of thinking immediately ,,
Gay men come on ALL shapes and sizes ,fat ,slim camp and non camp ,tall ,small, ect ect
As for bars many many people meet guys in bars/clubs and have relationships ,,shocking isnt it !!!
There are lots of groups /organisation you could get involved in also
In other words stop being so narrow minded open your mind and options .
You're only 22 for Gods sake

Zombie thread!

Rick_

The majority of gay people have had crushes on their same sex mates. Hell, I bet nearly every straight person has had a crush on a mate of the opposite sex but can't act on it for fear of ruining their friendship. Sadly it's just a part of life and the best thing to do is not act on it unless you are 100% sure the feelings are mutual otherwise you risk losing the friendship and as a result feeling much worse than when you started.

G699

My experience goes something like: 1. See someone I'me physically attracted by themselves at mall. 2. Exchanging a few glances. 3. Girlfriend walks up to meet them...INEVITABLY.

oisindoyle

Cygnus wrote: »

Zombie thread!

Eh ,care to elaborate

Caiseoipe19

oisindoyle wrote: »

Eh ,care to elaborate

The post you were replying to was posted over a year ago and considering he hasn't posted anything other than the 3 posts in this thread since, the chances of him still reading this thread are very slim.

I just wasn't sure you'd noticed the date the OP was posted.

baby and crumble

Just a mod note, try not to dig up old threads, thanks.

Silvics

baby and crumble wrote: »

Just a mod note, try not to dig up old threads, thanks.

There are threads on boards going on forever....what's so different about this one that it should be locked. Judging by the responses it's got life in it yet....and what the heck is with the bold type????:eek:

baby and crumble

Silvics wrote: »

There are threads on boards going on forever....what's so different about this one that it should be locked. Judging by the responses it's got life in it yet....and what the heck is with the bold type????:eek:

Did I lock the thread? Did I issue an infraction? Did I become aggressive at all? No. I just said that people should try to not dig up year old threads just for politeness not to confuse people.

Also, the bold type is to differentiate a mod remark from me in my general chit chat mode. If you have a problem with any mod decisions, feel free to PM me or another mod.

Silvics

baby and crumble wrote: »

Did I lock the thread? Did I issue an infraction? Did I become aggressive at all? No. I just said that people should try to not dig up year old threads just for politeness not to confuse people.

Also, the bold type is to differentiate a mod remark from me in my general chit chat mode. If you have a problem with any mod decisions, feel free to PM me or another mod.

I don't feel like sending a PM to a mod. Disaffection with moderator behavior should be expressed publicly.
Why would you think that the users of this site will be confused and offended? Rather I'd venture that the confusion is your own, judging by the member responses to the thread. Enough of the power-tripping...the users make the site what it is, and I'd have thought that anyone in the LGBT section might understand repression and censorship better than most.
Where's the "decision"? I see none, though it would not surprise me to be awarded an infraction or an outright ban.

G699

Sorry bout that; will start a new one.

The thread just popped up when I googled "gay guy falling for straight guy possible"