Pregnancy and sex

LegacyUser

Hello all,

Going unreg for this for a few reasons;
1. I don't really want to publish the (gory) details of my sex life on Boards.ie!
2. A few of hubby's and my acquaintances use Boards.ie and I don't want them to put 2 and 2 together and come up with... well, the 2 of us!
3. I'm a little embarrassed about the whole thing (even though I know it's normal!)

Apologies in advance for the long- windedness, and I probably sound a bit formal because I'm trying not to be too obviously "me".

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for here, but any advice, experiences, tips would be appreciated!
Basically, I'm frustrated! I'm almost 30 weeks pregnant with my first, and both my hubby and myself are very excited about it. I've been really lucky and have had quite an easy and uneventful pregnancy so far.
At the start, when we found out we were pregnant, we probably reacted like many nervous first timers and any dicomfort or spotting after sex was unnerving. Both our sex drives seemed to remain the same, we were just cautious when it came to intercourse so we held back on that a little bit.
Then we had a few scans, reached the second trimester, and relaxed a bit, and the sex life was back to normal.
But since I've been able to feel the baby moving (which happened late enough for me- around 22 weeks before I felt anything at all), and even more so since my hubby has been able to feel the baby moving which was shortly after, sex has become a rare occurance. My sex drive has dipped a bit, but not to the point of non- existence! Whenever I try to initiate sex hubby says he's too tired. We haven't had penetrative sex in about 8 weeks, and whenever we've done anything else it has felt like he's not really enjoying it or he's just going along with it to appease me.

I've asked him before if he feels uncomfortable having sex when it's gotten to the stage that we can feel the baby move, and have almost assigned a little personality to him/ her (I suppose we're bonding with baby) and he dismisses it, and says again that it's because he's tired/ is up early etc.

Being almost 30 weeks pregnant, I'm not feeling the sexiest- I've put on more weight than was needed, it can be a task to move sometimes, I can't reach my toes as easily to put on nail varnish (or take off the old chipped varnish), I have new stretch marks on my bump, I can't stand for too long on one leg or end over enough to shave my legs as easily, and I can't see my lady bits to maintain the lady garden so it's gone a bit wild (I've never had extensive waxing there, but I'm planning to before birth to help keep the area cleaner in case of stitches or anything). I know that it's all part and parcel of pregnancy, but the lack of sex, and honestly- the feeling of rejection- makes all those things feel more significant than they really are.

How have the ladies here (and the men) found their sex lives have changed over the course of pregnancy?
Have both your partner and yourself had the same experience with regard to sex drive, or has one of you had little or no change while the others' has dropped?
I know my feeling "not sexy" is possibly having an impact on the situation- has anyone any tips on how I can change this?
Are my expectations of somewhat regular sex during the latter part of pregnancy unrealistic?

Apologies again for the length of the thread, and for the parts throughout that are more suitable to the "Moan" thread, and thanks in advance for any replies.

Ayla

OP - It sounds like what you're experiencing is as normal as anything else pregnancy-related. Everyone has different experiences, so while others may not be able to 100% relate, everyone can sympathize.

Having a sex drive is very normal, and it's healthy & safe enough to have penatrative sex while heavily pregnant. A lot of partners, though, have a deep-seated (even subconcious) fear that they'll hurt the baby (or you!) so if your partner has cooled off right now I wouldn't take it personally. No amount of "talking through" & convincing these men will work, they feel responsible for putting you through this, and they're already juggling their own feelings of fear & uncertainty regarding their impending fatherhood. Also some men just don't get attracted to pregnancy, so while the partner may feel the same love toward the woman, it may be difficult to balance against what he is physically seeing.

My own personal opinion & suggestion would be to just relax about sex right now. Either it does or does not happen, but it shouldn't cause any tension between you. You're dealing with your own feelings of insecurity & unattractiveness, and about this too I would suggest relaxing. Would your partner be the kind of guy to paint your toenails for you? Would he be willing to "take one for the team" to help out with the waxing? Neither of these are sexy, but they can be fun, which is sexual/bonding enough in its own way.

This stage is temporary, and you will return to yourself - and your partner will return to himself.

deeduck48

Op,
im so glad you posted, i thought i was the only one having an altered sex drive. Unfortunately in my case its me who cant bear the thoughts of sex, rejecting him. we have sex now approx once a week, pre bump it was at least 4 times a week usually 2 times a night. for me its not just the physical manouvering thats the problem, i know he's still attracted to me but i just feel so weird having sex when the baby's moving.
my feeling is that we wouldnt have sex if baba was sitting on my belly, so why do it when its the other side of my belly. it really freaks me out thinking about it sometimes.:( but i feel awful because i miss the intimacy with OH, and the cuddling afterwards, i hate to think of him, feeling rejected but the thoughts of sex makes me feel like throwing up.:( when we do have sex now, i dont really enjoy it because im worrying about him and /or baba.
we were out with his work colleagues last wk and i heard one guy saying to OH, "when my wife was at that stage she couldnt get enough of me", OH just grinned and nodded, but i could tell he was upset, must be wondering why im not like that.:(

SarahC11

deeduck im the same, our sex life is pretty much non existent! its too weird cos if the baby moving, i know its safe a normal to have sex during pregnancy but i does feel like the baby is in the room! i feel sorry for my bf and on a rare occasion il take one for the team! but its usually for his sake (pity sex!!) and im just thinking about it being over and done with!! ive promised him after the baby is born il give him "the ride of his life" haha so he's ok with that he has something to look forward too!!

deeduck48

SarahC11 wrote: »

i does feel like the baby is in the room! i feel sorry for my bf and on a rare occasion il take one for the team! but its usually for his sake (pity sex!!) and im just thinking about it being over and done with!! ive promised him after the baby is born il give him "the ride of his life" haha so he's ok with that he has something to look forward too!!

ha ha!!:D
thank god its not just me!!! yeah ive taken a few for the team alright,had my 30wk scan ystrday so now its even more real cos i could see a chubby little face, hands and legs and its like "its a proper baby now, we cant have sex infront of a baby" in my head.