to ask her or not...

LegacyUser

Hello,

I have this smart lady who works with me on a temporrary position.. I think I like her -on personal level- and thought that she would be a fun person to hangout with as friends, not as coworker.

Now, shes the first girl in my life that i did not give a physical attention to, I mean I do not look at her as sex object or rate how pretty she is or not.. but it does not change the fact that shes good looking..

Im attracted to her mind and the way shes thinks.. shes your very simple down to earth girl who would hold a mature and intellegant conversation and listen to your gossip or whatever meaningless stuff you say.

It came to my mind to ask her to hangout with her some weekend during the day, and probably have a drink in evening if shes up to (shes not your typical local who loves to drink).

lets come to the BUT part :-)

It's too awakward to ask her for these reasons (or at least my overthinking of it):

1- a coworker, though she wont stay long before she has to leave.
2- I might be reading too much from her attention and good well toward us generally.
3- she may think Im taking advantage / being sleazy.
4- if she accepts, she may overthink it, as in is it a date, is it a hangout or is it a creapy request.. etc
5- we come from total different background, traditions, cultures.. etc so it might complicate things if any thing developed (became out of our control)

Do you think it will work if i ask her to hangout when bored? if so, what way would be suitable to ask her without freaking her out or even let her get her overthinking it..

Now, I have no intention whatsoever to take advantage of her.. shes a person any guy would love to be with (being a friend, a bf or any relation..)

Shes already in a relation - or at least what i have understood conveying between the lines..

Thanks for reading!


p.s: i never sh!t where i eat!

annetted

hiya, do surely ask her out.. you could ask her to go for a drink after work one evening or you could ask her for lunch. Then see how ye get on together and take it from there. Good luck

squonk

If you know she's already in a relationship then I wouldn't ask her out. There's a godo chance you won't get the answer you want.

I'm a bit confused by the first part of your post OP. You say she's good looking but you haven't tried to flirt with her or paid her any attention of that sort so far. I'm just not getting what you want out of this. Sounds more like you want her as a friend.

My advice would be to try a bit of flirting, see where it goes and to build up a rapport with the girl. If you haven't shown any indication that you'd see her as dating material so far then being suddenly asked out might seem weird. Also, if she's in a relationship and it seems committed, I'd hold back.

MissFlitworth

toaskornot wrote: »

Shes already in a relation - or at least what i have understood conveying between the lines..

That's your answer so, don't ask her out

LegacyUser

thank you all.. as said previously, I do not intend to date here, I want to be a friend of her, so being in relationship or not, does not affect being a friend, right?

We do not flirt (unless normal jokes is considered as a flirt here in eire).. we just keep smiling and laughing at each others.. sometimes I tease her, which she seems to accept it with a smile..

zxcvbnm1

MissFlitworth wrote: »

That's your answer so, don't ask her out

+1.

If she is in a relationship then definitely do not ask her out.

How the fact that she is already in a re;ationship isn't the first - and only - item on your list of 'Buts' is madness.
You seem to have it as a 'by the way' thing that didn't even make your list of 'Buts' ?!?!?

MissFlitworth

If it's a 'lets be friends' sort of a thing then the best way around it would probably be a work night out, like not just the 2 of you (unless you have similar hobbies or something then asking her out initially as just the 2 of you would probably be construed as a 'romantic' date and not a 'friends' type date) or if there's something you're planning on doing anyway just ask her along? I wouldn't go in there with 'lets spend the day together and then go for a drink that night' as that's quite full on

LegacyUser

I think I will refrain from asking her.. better safe than sorry!

A comment from Mr over-analyser grapped my attention.. you make a rocket from a drop of water.. wow

thanks guys for your suggestions..

LittleBook

toaskornot wrote: »

5- we come from total different background, traditions, cultures.. etc so it might complicate things if any thing developed (became out of our control)

p.s: i never sh!t where i eat!

Sorry OP but, in spite of what you say in your second post, your intentions towards this woman are not clear.

toaskornot wrote: »

if she accepts, she may overthink it, as in is it a date, is it a hangout or is it a creapy request.. etc!

If you're not entirely sure of your motivations, it's highly likely that she will be unsure too.

If you just want to be friends with her, let it develop naturally for a while.

zxcvbnm1

To be honest i'd steer well clear of this. This whole 'asking her out but only to be my friend' is creepy i have to say.Like - who does that?

I think it's fair to say - despite what you say - you clearly do fancy her.
If you didn't then why else would you put so much thought into this. Presumably you don't put the same thought into perspective male 'friends'.

If you ask her to spend some personal time (i.e. a situation that doesn't evolve by itself) then she will almost certainly construe it as a date. And will therefore presumably say no - and then think you're odd for asking her out on a date even though you knew she already had a boyfriend.

squonk

If you want her to be a just a friend, asking her out alone for an afternoon is creepy.

I really still don't get, or believe you know, what you want out of this! You say she's good looking but you just want to be friends. I have heaps of female friends but their looks don't really come into it. We're friends so if I'm out for a drink with any of them I'm not 'out with my good looking friend', I'm out with my friend, guy, girl, whatever!

Best thing to do here is to organise a night out to the pub or something as a group from work. You've surely made friends before, how hard can it be?

Instinct tells me though there has to be something more here and that you would consider her dating material if the opportunity arose. I don't know, I just can't put 2+2 together and arrive comfortably at 4 if you know what I mean!