Depressed and homesick in london

denvey

I recently contracted gastritis, it was a horrible experience and i had a severe case of it. I have been living here for 6 months now perfectly content. But oncce i got gastritis and had to go to hospital i really realised how alone i was here, no family or real friends nearby. Thank god i have an amazing english girlfriend. Without here I have no idea what i would have done.

But my problem started towards the end of my recovery. my parents flew over to check up on me (im 24). that was amazing having them here. and a week later i was back home for a day for a friends going away party. It was whn i came bcak to london that this depression hit me. When im with my girlfriend i am actually ok even normal. But when i go to work or am at home alone i get so depressed.
Ive been here over 6 months now so im not too sure whats up with me. Any help would be amazing as i really love my current girlfriend and dont want to have to move back home and leave her.....

djpbarry

You've only been here six months and you're only 24 - give yourself a chance. By the sounds of things, you've not had the best of starts to life in London, but never mind - I ended up in hospital shortly after moving here too as it happens. Sounds like you need to get yourself a social life independent of your girlfriend - what are the people you work with like? Are they inclined to go for a pint every now and again? Outside work, what do you like to do with your spare time? London is so big and dense there's bound to be something of interest happening somewhere near you. What about flatmates? How’s that working out?

Mc Kenzie

im moving to London in less then two weeks , i hope i dont start getting home sik over there i already feel bad for leaving:rolleyes:

denvey

Cheers for the reply,

Yea i live in south london but work in north london so i cant really socialise too much with work. Only one guy from work i get on well with (i get on well with everyone in work but theyre not really my kind of people) too so im trying to make a bit more of an effort now with him.
My flatmates are fine but not really the social type, 2 couples and a guy and a girl, the guy is an old friend from back home so we get on really well but we barely see each other due to work.

Just a bit of a lonely existence at the moment and i really dont want to bombard this relatively new girlfriend with all my anxiety and problems. A social club or something similar does sound good i really need to make some friends. My nights can be very boring as i work late hours so i barely get in the door have dinner before im going to bed and getting up to do it all again.

I have been calling home alot more now and that definitely helps,when i feel overwhelmed i call and my parents can usually calm me down and make me feel better. It comes in waves tho so im hoping its a phase. Everyone keeps saying the first year is the worst so maybe this is the hard part kicking in now as the last 6 months were easy.

But the idea of not moving back home in the near future really upsets me too even though i know i have things going well here and back home is still a disaster economy wise etc.

Jack B. Badd

OP, I think there's a 6-month mark that screws with a lot of people (me included!) who move over here. I had quite a bad period about 6 months in, as did my partner, and got through it. Part of the issue, imo, is that it's a massive, tiring city - it takes about 6 months to settle in a bit and then you suddenly realise you're knackered and your support system is in a different country

To cope, we settled in for a weekend, stocked up on Taytos and Club Bars and Club Orange (:)) and watched The Panel on the RTE website for 2 days straight. Booking a trip home also gives me something to look forward to when I get a bit homesick and, even though we've been here for more than 3 years, I still do get homesick the odd time.

Also, there are monthly-ish beers organised in the London forum. June's has just been so keep an eye out for the July thread which should be appearing soon (or PM myself or Fysh). We tend to try to alternate between central, North and South London and I'd say the next one will be South

djpbarry

denvey wrote: »

Yea i live in south london but work in north london so i cant really socialise too much with work.

Might be an idea to consider moving to a more convenient location in that case? What’s your commute time?

denvey wrote: »

Only one guy from work i get on well with (i get on well with everyone in work but theyre not really my kind of people) too so im trying to make a bit more of an effort now with him.
My flatmates are fine but not really the social type, 2 couples and a guy and a girl, the guy is an old friend from back home so we get on really well but we barely see each other due to work.

Ok, you definitely need to try and strike a better work/life balance so you can free up some time to socialise! I think you’ll find meeting non-Irish people particularly helpful in settling in.

denvey wrote: »

But the idea of not moving back home in the near future really upsets me too even though i know i have things going well here and back home is still a disaster economy wise etc.

Well, I can’t really relate to this as I don’t really have any intention of moving back to Ireland any time soon. That’s not to say I have anything against Dublin, I’m just quite happy here. But listen, Ireland is not a disaster by any stretch – things are not nearly as bad as they are being portrayed, so don’t let that get you down.

Fysh

A couple of suggestions I'd throw in - as Jack B Badd mentioned above, sometimes it helps to find somewhere that'll sell you Tayto/Club Orange/Clonakilty Black Pudding/whatever comfort food you enjoy at home, and spend a day or two watching DVDs of Podge & Rodge or The Panel or something like that. Planning to get home to see friends & family every few months will give you something to look forward to, and Skype is great in the meantime for keeping in touch with everyone.

It's also worth putting a bit of your time into a hobby (whether something totally new or something you used to enjoy but have left off since you moved here) - partly because it'll keep you busy and stop you feeling quite so overwhelmed and partly because it can also be a way of meeting new people.

As for feeling gloomy about not being able to move back - things aren't quite as awful as they can sometimes appear, I've known a few folks over here in the last few years who've been able to land jobs at home and move back after a while.

LadyMayBelle

Oh man, I really hear you on this! PM sent as I have been battling with homesickness a lot..oddest thing is that when I do go home, after a few days I'm looking forward to getting back !

Fysh

LadyMayBelle wrote: »

Oh man, I really hear you on this! PM sent as I have been battling with homesickness a lot..oddest thing is that when I do go home, after a few days I'm looking forward to getting back !

Isn't that the truth - I miss Cork something fierce now and again, but every time I go back I last about 4 days before I remember the things that made me want to move away in the first place...mind you, it's usually the people you miss, rather than the place itself.

LadyMayBelle

Fysh wrote: »

Isn't that the truth - I miss Cork something fierce now and again, but every time I go back I last about 4 days before I remember the things that made me want to move away in the first place...mind you, it's usually the people you miss, rather than the place itself.

That's the truth..there's a local pub and the same friends we miss..I remember over Christmas, I was itching to get back over here for a bit! Homesickness does indeed come in waves, and there's tonnes of people feeling it!

afatbollix

Ya I get it a bit too. I got it also when I reached the 6 month mark.

I decided to keep busy I went to loads of the Christmas markets that were on at the time and some how work gave me xmas off so I headed home for it ( life saver)
I started to notice the same mind frame about May aswell So I booked 10 days off work and headed back to my parents house for the few days.


I try to keep busy, I started cycling Ive lost weight doing it and can do up to 50 miles in a day such a difference in a year! I joined my local motor club which meet weekly as I have a interest in it. I also go to a squash club that runs lessons at the end we all play each other. ( maybe Im too busy now :P the GF is complaining a small bit.....)

Its all about keeping a small bit busy I find.. I work 12 hour shifts so I like to go out for the hour or two to do something than sit at home..



Also I want to talk how awesome London is, all the parks the events you can go to If your off this week go que for Wimbledon! its only £30 but would be a great day out, Buy the time out mag and go take advantage of this great city

r3nu4l

I'd move back to Ireland tomorrow if the right opportunity presented itself I've a lovely (Irish) wife and a daughter over here. I've a very good job, a house, mortgage and friends (although no 'go to the pub and have a few drinks' friends) since I moved out of Cambridge City Centre.

All in all life over here is great for me...but it's not home. I've been made more and more aware of this since my daughter was born because she very rarely sees her grandparents other than on Skype (Skype is amazing, I love it). Also my own parents and my father-in-law have had some major health scares over the past couple of years (the latest is ongoing!). I now realise how much of my parents I'm missing.

So yes, I get homesick. I also understand that there are just some things that British people don't get when it comes to Irish humour. We grew up with their TV shows and comedies so can understand it very well but there's just some stuff they don't understand about us and a reference to 'Bosco' or 'Podge and Rodge' goes completely over their heads

Like the others here I'll sometimes flick on the RTÉ player and catch up on a few Irish shows (the International player is not great but it's better than nothing). I'll even watch the Late Late Show live on occasion, mostly because I know my parents will be watching and when I Skype them at the weekend we can talk about the show

I'll also stock up on Tayto when I'm home. A good few ASDA stores in London have an 'Irish' Aisle and Budgens stock Irish products. So I'll get a few Irish snacks from home, watch some Irish TV, read the Irish Times website or buy a paper copy for that 'authentic' Irish experience and get a few cans of Guinness or Murphy's and have those while listening to some good Irish music.

My first year in England was a nightmare with a very tough commute, a job that I absolutely hated and a feeling that I had made a huge mistake. I don't feel like that anymore and I make sure that I take time to keep in touch with home.

In fact it was my homesickness that led me to boards.ie! I had just started a new job (I'm still with the same company) but was so miserable that I wanted the 'Irish' take on discussion so went looking for Irish forums. Loved it from day one! Kept me sane. Stick with us, we'll see you through!

Jack B. Badd

r3nu4l wrote: »

I also understand that there are just some things that British people don't get when it comes to Irish humour. We grew up with their TV shows and comedies so can understand it very well but there's just some stuff they don't understand about us and a reference to 'Bosco' or 'Podge and Rodge' goes completely over their heads

I think there's a different humour when it comes to treating people you get on with too. Most Irish people ruthlessly pull the piss out of people they get on well with (not just close mates) and expect it to be reciprocated. English people don't seem to act the same way. I remember my first year in my job here I thought few people liked me because all I'd get when I took the piss was funny, slightly offended looks!

syklops

denvey wrote: »

I recently contracted gastritis, it was a horrible experience and i had a severe case of it. I have been living here for 6 months now perfectly content. But oncce i got gastritis and had to go to hospital i really realised how alone i was here, no family or real friends nearby. Thank god i have an amazing english girlfriend. Without here I have no idea what i would have done.

But my problem started towards the end of my recovery. my parents flew over to check up on me (im 24). that was amazing having them here. and a week later i was back home for a day for a friends going away party. It was whn i came bcak to london that this depression hit me. When im with my girlfriend i am actually ok even normal. But when i go to work or am at home alone i get so depressed.
Ive been here over 6 months now so im not too sure whats up with me. Any help would be amazing as i really love my current girlfriend and dont want to have to move back home and leave her.....

I was in the Irish embassy about 6 months after I moved, and there was a book called the expats survival guide. It had all kinds of info from finding a place to live to health insurance and stuff. it had an article talking about homesickness. It said there are four main types of homesickness that happen at different stages.

The first is in the days and weeks after you arrive, then the next big bout of it is at about the six month mark. The honeymoon period is over, and you are not as friendly with some people as you would like to be. Assuming you survive this, the next bout happens at eighteen months, and then you get another bout of homesickness at the three year mark. After this most people settle in and dont get 'bouts' of homesickness anymore, just momentary feelings longing for home.

I got past the 6 months, and the 18 month one, and I do still get brief feelings of homesickness, but nothing major. Have friends and family send you over some of your favourite foods, if you cant get them, but try not to wallow in self pity too much. Instead try to make some new friends. and get out more. Also, dont watch/listen to too much RTE news and radio. The news itself will get you down, and it will make your situation feel more hopeless.

Good luck!