Been made homeless

LegacyUser

Hi guys, I'm going unreg for this one.

I'm really stuck and need some serious help.

Basically, my mother has some "issues" and is disabled. My sister and I have looked after her for years, but she has become more and more demanding since my dad left a year ago, and nothing we ever do is good enough for her. She kicked me out this morning over a stupid argument, because I got completely sick of her shouting and cursing at me and so I spoke back to her the way she spoke to me. I've been paying her rent since I started my job nearly a year ago and I look after her as much as I can when I'm home, so it's not like I'm an ungrateful little sh!t, but if we so much as answer her back or say no to doing something she tells us to do, she goes nuts and says we're treating her like dirt and she won't stand for it. Bear in mind if I'm working a 12-8 shift like I normally do, I'll have to be up at 7am to get my sister to school, won't be allowed go back to sleep because I have to give my mam her medication at 8.45am, let the dog out, etc etc. Then I have to do the dishes and clean the counters and such before I leave for work. I leave for work, come home, have to clean all the dishes, counter tops etc, lock up the house and such, then I can go to bed. Usually all the stuff takes so long that I don't have time for dinner. So, I do a fair bit.

This morning though, I snapped back because she's become increasingly hostile over the last few months and I simply can't cope with it anymore. So she kicked me out. She's done this several times in the past, since I was 17 (I'm now in my early 20s). She told me to "come back when my attitude changes." Usually when she says this, I stay with a friend for a few days til things blow over then come home, but this time she's been getting my little sister to text me telling me to come pick up all my stuff and that it'll be left in the porch for me and she texted me herself saying I'm old enough to fend for myself because I'm working (I work part time because of a back injury preventing me from working full time and only earn a little over 100 per week!!). I asked her how I'm supposed to fend for myself with no money and she said she didn't care.

I can stay with my boyfriend for a few days but I can't live with him, we're only together a few months!

Can anyone help? I really don't want to end up in a homeless shelter, are there any other options available to me?? I need somewhere to live and it's not like I can afford to rent because I'm only on a little over 100 euro a week! I'm so freaked out and have no idea what to do right now

car.kar

OP I'm realy sorry to hear of your problems. Have you any other family members you can stay with, would any of your mum's family be able to talk her round do you think? Can you crash with a friend for a while? There are benefits and allowances you can get if you have a recognised injury or disability that prevents you from working full time, look into that to help you out with rent for your own place.

sunshiner

find out where your local community welfare officer is and go in the morning, then go to the social welfare and sign on for the days you are not working. in the meantime try and crash at a mates and take it from there. Citizens advice are very helpful also. Good luck op

LegacyUser

Hey, OP here. thanks for the responses guys. Just really have no idea what to do, haven't been in this situation before.

I can't sign on for the dole for the days I'm not working because my job won't give me a part time contract, I'm on a full time contract, but have to do part time hours until my injury has healed.

I can stay with my boyfriend for about a week but that's it, because he's not allowed have people live with him, a week or two weeks is the longest I could stay.

I don't know if CWOs give help to people who aren't on the dole. Do they? I emailed the Vincent DePaul to see if there's anything they could do to help me because if I can get help to get a deposit and first month's rent together, I could just about afford a house share, if I was really frugal.

I asked my dad to talk to my mum and he said he would but then told me a few minutes ago that he's too busy to do it, and basically told me there's nothing he'll do. My older sister lives with him but apparently there's no room for me. I have no other family I can turn to and my friends all live at home unfortunately, or too far away for me to get to work each day

Thanks so much guys.

sambuka41

That sounds like a really tough situation. Get down to your local social welfare office and get in touch with your Community Welfare Officer they may be able to help you out in the meantime.

Check with friends and see if there is anyone with a spare bedroom, if you offered a little something each week till you get on your feet. I'm sure there are people ya know who would benefit with a bit each week? Or who might let you stay for a few weeks for free and when your set up pay rent to them. Its a cheaper way than trying to go out and get an apartment.

Whats happened with your mam sounds difficult but you might be better off having moved out, when things settle down you can still help her and be there for her but at least you'll have some security for yourself.

Best of luck

Roselm

O poor you. I really feel for you. Please keep us posted and let us know how you get on. That's a really scary situation to be in.
I agree with the other posters-check with your local CWO, usually based in your local HSE Health Centre.
You could also ask if you could get in contact with a social worker around this as it sounds like you could do with some support and guidance and the last thing anyone wants is you homeless. A lot of the CWOs only work particular shifts at the clinic that covers your address so it might be useful for you to have someone like a social worker who is contactable on any day.
Best of luck

LegacyUser

Thanks for the responses again.

I'm gonna go down to my CWO when I get paid on Thursday, can't afford it til then. My boyfriend came down to me today and paid my bus fares up to his place.

If worst comes to worse, he said I can stay with him for a few weeks, then I'd need to find somewhere to go for a few weeks til he moves out and then I can move in somewhere with him. I should be able to afford half the rent if we get a sh!tty little place together. I will most likely have several thousand euro from a case in the next 6 months, so if I can just keep myself going until then I should be ok.

I didn't know CWOs dealt with people that aren't on the dole, so I'm glad to hear that. Hopefully they can help me out for a week or two until I can get on my feet and find somewhere to stay.

Thanks a million guys. I really didn't know my options because I've always had a stable place to live.

I'll keep you all posted in the next few days. Thanks again, I feel less hopeless now.

Marcus_Crassus

Will your father not help you out?

And who's going to look after your younger school-going sister if you're not about?

sambuka41

Marcus_Crassus wrote: »

And who's going to look after your younger school-going sister if you're not about?

In fairness that's not the OP's responsibility, that's the parents job. She can still be there for her family without living in the house.

Sardonicat

As well as the CWO, for the sake of your sister and mother i would strongly suggest involving social services.

Your mother is an emotional abuser, this may be as a result of the frustrations caused be her disability, or maybe she has a psychological problem that needs to be attended to. Whatever the reason though, this is emotional abuse and she needs to stop. Please, please, please get some professionals involved.What if she tries to kick your little sister out next?

sparkling sea

scared111211 wrote: »

Thanks for the responses again.

I'm gonna go down to my CWO when I get paid on Thursday, can't afford it til then. My boyfriend came down to me today and paid my bus fares up to his place.

If worst comes to worse, he said I can stay with him for a few weeks, then I'd need to find somewhere to go for a few weeks til he moves out and then I can move in somewhere with him. I should be able to afford half the rent if we get a sh!tty little place together. I will most likely have several thousand euro from a case in the next 6 months, so if I can just keep myself going until then I should be ok.

I didn't know CWOs dealt with people that aren't on the dole, so I'm glad to hear that. Hopefully they can help me out for a week or two until I can get on my feet and find somewhere to stay.

Thanks a million guys. I really didn't know my options because I've always had a stable place to live.

I'll keep you all posted in the next few days. Thanks again, I feel less hopeless now.

Hi, you need to go to you local HSE office and speak to the Housing Welfare Officer there. You need to explain you situation and have your housing needs assessed - so that you can get on the local authority housing list. You need to be on this list to be eligible for schemes like RAS, Affordable Housing Schemes, etc.
You need to do this ASAP.
You can also only be housed by a Housing Association if you are on the local authority list

Threshold can also give you lots of information, you can email them with any questions you may have.

Respond might also be of some use to you too.

sparkling sea

Sardonicat wrote: »

As well as the CWO, for the sake of your sister and mother i would strongly suggest involving social services.

Your mother is an emotional abuser, this may be as a result of the frustrations caused be her disability, or maybe she has a psychological problem that needs to be attended to. Whatever the reason though, this is emotional abuse and she needs to stop. Please, please, please get some professionals involved.What if she tries to kick your little sister out next?

I would suggest you think very very carefully before you even consider contacting social services.

If you are really worried about your sister then get your father.

LegacyUser

Hi guys, OP here again.

I'm really not worried about my sister, my mum wouldn't kick out a minor at all. I wouldn't put it past her to kick me or my other adult sister out but she wouldn't kick out my little sister, she fought for custody of her. There's honestly no way I'd involve the social because my youngest sister is brilliantly cared for no matter what happens and is treated extremely well.

Thanks for all the suggestions, guys. I'm gonna email Threshold and get on to my housing authority on Thursday when I have the money to go down to them.

Thanks again everyone!

LegacyUser

OP
Just letting you know that you're not alone on this one. I myself am currently going through something similar to yourself which at the end of the day all boils down to my own mother's medication, undiagnosed mental illness and what not.

It's very unfortunate but I do honestly think that once someone has being sick for a long time they can become such a horrible person after a while, whether it be cruel, snappy, ungrateful and have no concept as to what their authority actually means and thinks that as there a parent/older adult that its their own law in life.

I myself am getting threats at the moment about being kicked out of my home as I'm ''old enough to fend for myself '' and if such was to happen I don't think I'd even be able to live with any other relatives as she would make it her own goal to make sure such a thing doesn't happen.

I wouldn't say that it's horrible but the fact that my parents are still together means that even if after an argument (which is on a daily bases now) if I am right and have proved her wrong my Da won't side or agree with me as he thinks that if he was to start doing so that it would end their marriage. My Ma is the type of person that cannot be proved wrong, no matter what, if the evidence was there to prove her wrong it still doesn't mean anything. Which is why one day I hope she ends up in court over something because I would love to see her tell a judge or barrister to F off. No win situation it seems

Only the other day I got some good news and as a result was in a good mood but when the afternoon came that happy mood that I was in was practically taking away from me by my mother.

About 25 years ago long before I was born she had a baby girl but she died a month later, and a few years later while pregnant with me I truly believe that she wanted me to be a girl but this wasn't the case but another few years after me my sister was born and ever since I have always being second best which is quite hurtful for me to think even as I'm typing.

All I can really say is that do not let her as an older person think that she is (A) better (B) superior (C) stand your ground and do not let her think that because you are belong to her in a way that she can do, say or treat you as she likes.

Best of Luck.

Overheal

I work part time because of a back injury preventing me from working full time and only earn a little over 100 per week!!

Sorry to hear about your predicament, but what about your back injury prevents you from full time employment? Perhaps it would restrict you from doing certain things, sure, but ruling out additional hours seems like a stretch. I see people everyday show up to work in Leg braces and yes in a recent case a guy named Will who came in with a full torso back brace, on a count of his back surgery. I'm unclear on the details, but when he told me, and showed me the scars, I winced a lot. And he is a sales associate. He's on his feet all day. That's not to say every job where I work is like that. You can do many tasks in front of a desk, sitting.

LegacyUser

Overheal wrote: »

Sorry to hear about your predicament, but what about your back injury prevents you from full time employment? Perhaps it would restrict you from doing certain things, sure, but ruling out additional hours seems like a stretch. I see people everyday show up to work in Leg braces and yes in a recent case a guy named Will who came in with a full torso back brace, on a count of his back surgery. I'm unclear on the details, but when he told me, and showed me the scars, I winced a lot. And he is a sales associate. He's on his feet all day. That's not to say every job where I work is like that. You can do many tasks in front of a desk, sitting.

Heya, well basically the type of job I work in (don't want to get into too much detail here because I don't want to identify myself) is manual labour, nothing but manual labour. I'm on light duties but there are feck all light duties available for me, so I've been cut to part time hours. I'm looking for something full time in another company, but for the moment I'm stuck at part time in my current job.

sparkling sea

scared1112211 wrote: »

Heya, well basically the type of job I work in (don't want to get into too much detail here because I don't want to identify myself) is manual labour, nothing but manual labour. I'm on light duties but there are feck all light duties available for me, so I've been cut to part time hours. I'm looking for something full time in another company, but for the moment I'm stuck at part time in my current job.

If your hours have been cut you may qualify for a part payment of Jobseekers Allowance or Jobseekers Benefit - you should check this out too.

sparkling sea

Overheal wrote: »

Sorry to hear about your predicament, but what about your back injury prevents you from full time employment? Perhaps it would restrict you from doing certain things, sure, but ruling out additional hours seems like a stretch. I see people everyday show up to work in Leg braces and yes in a recent case a guy named Will who came in with a full torso back brace, on a count of his back surgery. I'm unclear on the details, but when he told me, and showed me the scars, I winced a lot. And he is a sales associate. He's on his feet all day. That's not to say every job where I work is like that. You can do many tasks in front of a desk, sitting.

Very strange, you can have people who look like there is nothing wrong with them and may even go out of their way to make it seem like there is nothing wrong with them because they don't want people to know how ill they are or how limited their ability to do things is.

Then you can have people who go to work with a back braces who appears to be able to do little but can do quite alot.

Appearances can be deceptive and don't mean much.

LegacyUser

Op, you say about going to work 12 - 8 and doing all these things before and afterwards, how often do you work these hours that you're only making €100 pw?

LegacyUser

If you are unable to work because of your back, you should be entitled to some sort of disability pay? Also manual labour is probably one of the worse types of jobs to be doing with a bad back. Could you not get an admin job or something?

Ainekav

Can you explain your new circumstances to the people at work and get them to change your contract? This seems pretty unreasonable that they wouldn't facilitate you getting part time dole if you are at risk of becoming homeless.

Also - as another person asked, what kind of pay are you getting per hour if you are only earning 100 per week? 7 hours i presume, at minimum wage is 53 euro - are you only working two days a week? That's ridiculous if the job are saying its part time. Can you look for another job and borrow money off your boyfriend until you get one? Is there any jobs you can get that don't involve manual labour? Do you have any skills/hobbies that could bring you in some supplementary income for eg. grinds, doing cash-in-hand jobs for people, babysitting?

Would your father lend you some cash until you get on your feet?

Other posters advice on organisations that can help you are spot on - contact everyone and everywhere you can and exhaust all possibilities. Are you in Dublin?