Worried about a lack of spark

Wompa1

I think I know the answer to my own question on this one but I got out of a relationship around the tail end of Jan. I've recently started to go out with someone new, we've just officially decided to be an item.

She is the most physically beautiful girl I have ever been with. She's also the most intelligent, we can talk about anything, where as with all of my ex's the conversations were the same over and over.

My issue is, I'm not feeling it. I don't want to ever see my ex again (she cheated on me)..I saw my ex in town a couple of weeks ago and felt nothing for her, just anger the next day at the thought of her seeing me and knowing I was around town.

So now I'm with an extremely attractive girl, who I can talk to for hours, is very affectionate towards me and is fun to be around. But I don't feel the same way I felt with some of my previous ex's. I want to feel it again but I'm starting to fear it won't happen. Does anybody have similar experience of being in a new relationship after a heartbreak and feeling a little reserved like I am?

MiniSquish

I do, my ex broke up with me over 4 years ago and we had been going out for 3 years. It took me about three years to properly get over him and even be ready to consider going out with someone else, which I am now for the last year and a half nearly. I found it really hard in the beginning not to keep comparing them and the differences in how I felt in certain instances with both person. You're never going to feel the same about one person as you did another. Sure there'll be some elements the same but they all are different people and different relationships.

You said you just officially became an item- maybe you haven't given yourself long enough to see how you feel about this girl. You clearly are attracted to her and personality wise it sounds like you and her are on an even keel. I would say give yourself a bit more time and if you still aren't feeling what you think you should be then I would address the problem.

Wompa1

Thanks for the reply. We became an item more out of me sensing she felt like we were in need of deciding where to go with it. I know I don't want anybody else anyway but it might not be fair to her that she won't get all of me.

I'm trying..I've brought her for a couple of romantic weekends away which we both really enjoyed. I got her a nice teddy bear she mentioned in passing too. Took care of her when she was feeling ill, cooked for her a couple of times, brought her out for dinner etc. etc. I'm making an effort but it feels like I'm going through the motions. I enjoy all of it but it's not giving me that same feeling of fullfilment which sucks.

I was very lonely before her...now I have her and I'm starting to feel guilty that maybe I'm stringing her a long for nothing, if things don't change I'll have wasted her time and effort. She seems to really be into me and it's her first relationship in over a year.

MiniSquish

Wow, you've done alot for her! You sound like you've treated her very well but you can't stay with someone out of guilt or a sense of duty. I told the very same to my best friends boyfriend the other night (totally different circumstances), you may think you're doing the other person a favour but it's worse in the long run, because everything she thinks about the relationship is based on a lie. Maybe you should talk things over with her and let her know that you feel a little rushed into things and you're not entirely sure about the two of you as a couple. Tell her that you need time to think about things, at least then you'll be putting yourself in a position to see what life's like without her and if it's manageable then you have your answer. I know you'll feel like an a**hole but you sound like you have been good to this girl up to this point and at the very least at least her first relationship after her big one was with someone who treated her well and gave her some positive indications towards the future.

Wompa1

MiniSquish wrote: »

Wow, you've done alot for her! You sound like you've treated her very well but you can't stay with someone out of guilt or a sense of duty. I told the very same to my best friends boyfriend the other night (totally different circumstances), you may think you're doing the other person a favour but it's worse in the long run, because everything she thinks about the relationship is based on a lie. Maybe you should talk things over with her and let her know that you feel a little rushed into things and you're not entirely sure about the two of you as a couple. Tell her that you need time to think about things, at least then you'll be putting yourself in a position to see what life's like without her and if it's manageable then you have your answer. I know you'll feel like an a**hole but you sound like you have been good to this girl up to this point and at the very least at least her first relationship after her big one was with someone who treated her well and gave her some positive indications towards the future.

Balls. That's what I was thinking and was worried of. I better talk to her. I told her last night I felt like I was being cautious and like I was holding back. I'd kind of like to keep it going in the hope that I feel differently. But I was thinking that's unfair to her. She gets umpteen guys hitting on her a day but I'm the first she's took a chance on in a year...bummer!!

MiniSquish

Yeah, it's better that you talk to her. I'd rather my boyfriend told me if he felt that way about me rather than keep it to himself to make me happy. You never know things could change, a little seperation could completely clarify things for you. I had your problem at the beginning of my last relationship and I stuck it out and things changed, it was a case of not wanting what you can't have when you've finally got it if that makes any sense! I hate saying this to people because it's really corny but if it's meant to be it will be.

squonk

Or stating the obvious, if she's that gorgeous and has guys hitting on her, she'll not have to spend too much time alone before she finds someone new. That's the chance you have to take!

Putting it another way, I'm single right now. I'd love to be in your position, going out with the most gorgeous girl you've ever gone out with, and getting on well with her too. Maybe things are just moving too fast for you right now.

Miss Fluff

Wompa1 wrote: »

She is the most physically beautiful girl I have ever been with. She's also the most intelligent, we can talk about anything, where as with all of my ex's the conversations were the same over and over.

My issue is, I'm not feeling it.

What aren't you feeling? Is the chemistry there? Is the sex good? Aside from thinking she is beautiful and the conversation is good, what do you mean by spark? Is it something tangible like you simply don't fancy her or for the life of you, you can't put your finger on it?

Because if it is the latter and the spark you define is that it's just not the same as with your other Ex's, then it won't be. That's unrealistic. No two relationships will ever be the same, nor your feelings for someone either. You may have had puke-inducingly exciting feelings for your ex (who was ultimately a cow and cheated on you) but how do you know for sure this isn't a slower burner and it's a love that could go way beyond that?

You are also bound to be more cautious and slower to open up after a heartbreak so you have to factor that in too.

Personally I think you've moved way too quickly on this. Seems like you're moving at breakneck speed in order to shut out feelings of uncertainty and anxiety. Bad move amigo. By the same token, I wouldn't have a "chat" with her just yet. And I'm not for a second saying lead her on. But you do need to be sure and you do need to remember that love comes in many forms so why don't you really take stock, what is you mean exactly by spark (or lack thereof) and then decide?

Seems like you are confused....

Wompa1

Miss Fluff wrote: »

What aren't you feeling? Is the chemistry there? Is the sex good? Aside from thinking she is beautiful and the conversation is good, what do you mean by spark? Is it something tangible like you simply don't fancy her or for the life of you, you can't put your finger on it?

Because if it is the latter and the spark you define is that it's just not the same as with your other Ex's, then it won't be. That's unrealistic. No two relationships will ever be the same, nor your feelings for someone either. You may have had puke-inducingly exciting feelings for your ex (who was ultimately a cow and cheated on you) but how do you know for sure this isn't a slower burner and it's a love that could go way beyond that?

You are also bound to be more cautious and slower to open up after a heartbreak so you have to factor that in too.

Personally I think you've moved way too quickly on this. Seems like you're moving at breakneck speed in order to shut out feelings of uncertainty and anxiety. Bad move amigo. By the same token, I wouldn't have a "chat" with her just yet. And I'm not for a second saying lead her on. But you do need to be sure and you do need to remember that love comes in many forms so why don't you really take stock, what is you mean exactly by spark (or lack thereof) and then decide?

Seems like you are confused....

Thanks. The sex is great. Much better than with my ex that I did have the strong feelings for. I've never been in a relationship that was a slow burner but that might say something about me.

I've been in love now twice and both relationships kind of caught fire pretty quick. One within 1 month and the other inside the first 3 months. It's been nearly 3 months now and I like seeing her but also don't feel like I'd be upset if I didn't. Which sucks.

Actually as I write this I'm kind of seeing how irrational it all is. I'm loving how affectionate she is and the fact I can talk to her for hours and not get bored. The sex is amazing. She could be a model with her physique and pretty face.

Maybe I'm jumping the gun a little. Maybe it'll click. What to do, What to do?...maybe I'll talk to her about how I feel, tell her I don't want to give up on it and let her decide. She told me she's never been in love, which is odd because she's had 2 long term relationships..

MiniSquish

When you say that you love seeing her when you do but also think that you wouldn't be too upset if you didn't to me that sounds a little like indifference.
Then you say that the sex is great, you're really attracted to her and could talk to her for hours so that sounds like you do really like her.

I agree with Miss Fluff when she says that maybe you are confused, or maybe you're just not ready for another relationship yet after all your ex did to you. It could be that you are interested in seeing this girl but not interested in being her boyfriend? I don't know everything I say is made on assumptions that can be gathered from some of the things that you've said.

You definitely need to sort things out anyway, maybe things are just moving way too fast for you. If I was with someone that thought that I was the prettiest most attractive person they'd ever been with and felt like they could talk to me for hours, I'd ease off a little if they needed it and allow them some time to figure out the extent of their feelings and the speed at which they wanted to take things.

I am a friend

I think you are over thinking this.... See how it goes and just enjoy it. I think that after a big loss / disappointment feelings can be duller (especially of happiness) for a while and I suspect this could be the case.

The girl sounds great for you so just stop analysing all of this - you may surprise yourself.

dixiefly

Have you any excuse you can use to reduce the amount of contact between ye to, say, once a week and try and see if you are missing her and she you?

She sounds like the type of girl that is slow to commit but that if you break with her she would be very slow to come back again should you feel you made a mistake.

I am a friend

I agree with the last poster - if a guy was not sure early on and wanted a break to figure out whether or not he liked me, I would not hang around for him to come to his conclusion.

Bridgy

I really think you havn't seen everything this girl has to offer (although she does seem pretty perfect) the fact that she has had two long term relationships and has never been in love kind of suggests that shes not quick to open up or holds back a little,you say shes really into you so I think you should give her a chance, iv been in that position before,first proper boyfriend everything going fine,really made the effort,yet it took months for me to actually be myself around him, I guess I was afraid that if I didnt act like everything i thought he wanted in a girlfriend that he would break up with me! I could be very wrong here,but its worth a thought! maybe if it is a thing where shes more comfortable with you may find the spark! its usually somebodys imperfections that make u like somebody more!

LegacyUser

Something like this happened to me before OP. I was seeing a girl and at the start I really fancied her. However after a few months something seemed to change. I'm not sure what it was but I found myself feeling a bit "meh" about things. Like you pointed out I found myself feeling not that bothered if I didn't meet up with her. For me anyway, that was a slightly worrying sign when I noticed it happening.

I tried not to think about it though and just wanted to give things a chance to see what happened. Like others have said I thought perhaps this would be a slow burner but after a while I kind of felt like that wasn't going to be the case. Like you also there was another girl I liked a few years previously who I got hurt by. Since then, I've never had the same excitement from another girl which worries me slightly. I used to get excited to get texts or emails or whatever from her and that hasn't happened since. Perhaps I'm naive but I thought you would always get those feelings with someone you really like.

After a while though I started to feel guilty as there's "giving it a chance" and "not knowing when to end it". It's hard to know how long you should give these things. How long does it take to fall in love with someone? A month, 3 months, 6 months, a year? I didn't feel like it was going to go that far so we decided to end it.

Let me ask you something else. Do you find yourself not just fancying other girls, but wishing you could go after them? I noticed that myself which was another warning sign for me. I didn't suddenly think I'd stop thinking other girls were hot, but when I'm really into someone, I'm not interested in anyone else.

beks101

I've been in a situation like this before. On paper, everything was great, all the boxes were ticked, smart guy, good looking, sexy, ambitious, hilarious, amazing sex etc etc...I couldn't get my head around why the head-over-heels thing just wasn't happening. He was a 'catch' for sure...got on with all my friends, family thought he was fantastic...but the guilt and pain I had over feeling less than inspired about the whole relationship really played with my head and in the end it just prolonged the inevitable.

I'm going to take a different view to other posters and say that you know yourself better than anyone else. I know what happens when I fall for someone, the butterflies, the tension, the sweet headfcuk of wondering what they're thinking and how they feel about you, the chemistry and infatuation, the fascination and borderline obsession with them...and in hindsight it just wasn't present for me. I wanted it to be, as technically he was perfect for me, but the harsh reality was that he wasn't, if that makes any sense. I'm not really a slow burner when it comes to relationships and although I'd definitely subscribe to the idea that feelings can develop and intensify over time, I think three months is a bit of a stretch.

Then again, don't discount your own previous heartbreak either and how that makes most of us a little more hesitant and reserved in new relationships. But it's not fair to waste this girl's time and end up causing her significant heartbreak either, just to allow yourself to bide your time and see if anything changes. Trust your gut.

squonk

Hi Wompa1. I just read another post of yours on another thread where you replied to one poor poster who had lost his girlfriend of 8 years.

After reading your experience I would just say that you're a bit afraid to get fully committed to this. Maybe you're trying to not feel something because you're afraid that if you do you'll pay for it down the line. In any case, I just wanted to say hang in there. Don't say anything for now. Give it a chance and allow yourself to open up more and be less afraid. I think for you it's a slow burner this time. Give it that chance. Some things are hard to get over and sometimes we also shoot ourselves in the foot when something good comes along because we aren't confident enough that we deserve something good after a bad experience. Stick with it and best of luck!

Taltos

Hi Wompa

I am with Miss Fluff and some of the others on this.

I think that yes - you have jumped into this very fast - however that is not a reason to bail now. It just means you have to work all the harder or risk losing someone that really from how you describe her sounds amazing.

I also think that the chat would be premature...

So what can you do?
Well - stop analysing everything.
Also - I think you need to cut yourself some slack here. You really were badly hurt and that can take time (in my case 3 years...).

If asked be honest - yes you were hurt - and as yet you don't really know how to deal with that pain properly. Her patience with you is amazing so thank her for that if asked.
Go ahead and spend some time with her - do normal things - maybe scale back on all the spoiling - just get to really know each other properly. You already have a great starting point - if the sex is that good then that can be a great sign.

Maybe you also just need to talk to someone about what happened to you - get it all out there and deal with it. Otherwise I think what may be happening is that part of that pain is bleeding into how you view this relationship. As - if you don't feel the "spark" then when she cheats on you then you won't feel the pain. (Mate - she isn't going to cheat on you - just an example to explain what your subconscious is doing to you and this relationship).

Really - you have to deal with what happened, learn to be happy again - and enjoy being with this wonderful woman. Who knows maybe it is going nowhere - but maybe this is the one - but until you can really give it a chance without the baggage then you are going to stay in this holding pattern...

Herrick

Miss Fluff wrote: »

What aren't you feeling? Is the chemistry there? Is the sex good? Aside from thinking she is beautiful and the conversation is good, what do you mean by spark? Is it something tangible like you simply don't fancy her or for the life of you, you can't put your finger on it?

Because if it is the latter and the spark you define is that it's just not the same as with your other Ex's, then it won't be. That's unrealistic. No two relationships will ever be the same, nor your feelings for someone either. You may have had puke-inducingly exciting feelings for your ex (who was ultimately a cow and cheated on you) but how do you know for sure this isn't a slower burner and it's a love that could go way beyond that?

You are also bound to be more cautious and slower to open up after a heartbreak so you have to factor that in too.

Personally I think you've moved way too quickly on this. Seems like you're moving at breakneck speed in order to shut out feelings of uncertainty and anxiety. Bad move amigo. By the same token, I wouldn't have a "chat" with her just yet. And I'm not for a second saying lead her on. But you do need to be sure and you do need to remember that love comes in many forms so why don't you really take stock, what is you mean exactly by spark (or lack thereof) and then decide?

Seems like you are confused....

Personally, one of the best posts I've ever read here. It's even given me food for thought. Definitely one to consider OP.

Wompa1

Thanks guys. It's been 2 days since I've seen her and of today I am off work through illness so this might be the time I'll get to be alone. I'm looking forward to seeing her again...I don't have the same butterflies for every text or e-mail I once had with my ex but her caring nature in her texts makes me feel really good.

I think I'll take the advice on board...kind of because I hope it's just a slow burner. If I feel the same in a couple of weeks I'll talk to her. Thanks for the great advice as always.

Plus I think the poster who said I'm afraid of being hurt is very right. I'm terrified of being hurt in the same way again even though out of all the girls I've dated this girl gets the most male attention, I'm not that concerned about it. I trust her, which I thought would be very hard..but is that a bad sign too?

sorry. I am over thinking...

Miss Fluff

Thanks Taltos and Herrick

To be honest it's only sensible advice because it's so heartfelt and from personal experience. I am with the most fantastic man for the last four months (who I've known from a long time ago - what a lovely surprise ) and because I was so hurt in the past (two years ago) I had heaps of barriers up/second guessing everything when we first got together when in fact I just needed to stop and enjoy every blissful moment with him and learn to take it as it comes.

He has been so lovely and so kind and so patient (and so frigging hot ) and I'm glad rather than respond to the knee-jerk reactions and panic I felt at the start, I took the advice of those closest to me and just enjoy it. And enjoy it I am - very much

We're taking it really slow. I told him I wasn't going to rush into anything and we haven't and it's lovely seeing it develop organically rather than question every fibre of it's existence. We're having a great time. End of. I don't know what will happen but it's great and I'm so glad I gave it a chance tbh.

Taltos

Wompa1 wrote: »

Plus I think the poster who said I'm afraid of being hurt is very right. I'm terrified of being hurt in the same way again even though out of all the girls I've dated this girl gets the most male attention, I'm not that concerned about it. I trust her, which I thought would be very hard..but is that a bad sign too?

sorry. I am over thinking...

Still overthinkging

> I trust her, which I thought would be very hard..but is that a bad sign too?
GREAT SIGN

> I don't have the same butterflies for every text or e-mail I once had with my ex but her caring nature in her texts makes me feel really good.
Different person - different reaction. Ask yourself - do you want butterflies and a cheater - or warm fuzzy (slow burner) and someone makes you happy?

It's weird from all the positive you are saying and how you describe her and the language you use - I can see something there - but really at the end of the day it is down to you. Relax, go with it, enjoy spending time with her - and let go of that fear. I wish it hadn't taken me 3 years some days but it did...

LegacyUser

I think you should give her some indication that you need to take things slowly.

Give her a chance to hold back a bit mentally and give you some space. I think that would help enormously. The relationship sounds promising, but dont rush it.

Wompa1

Hey Again Guys,

Unfortunate update. My lady told me last night that she's upset. She feels like she can't read me, I seem distant at times and she's worried she can't make me happy. I'm going to bring forward my talk with her to this weekend I think. Thanks for the tips of having the talk, looks like the way it's got to go now.

LegacyUser

Good luck Wompa. I hope whatever happens, that its the best thing for both of you.

Miss Fluff

Go easy on her OP. Don't make any ball-breaking irreversable statements like "there's no spark" or you'll cut off it's blood supply in one felt swoop and potentially live to regret it.

Tell her that you've been hurt and this has potentially taken the "shine" off everything a little. Tell her that you've been over-analytical. Tell her that you're worried. But also tell her that you really care about her and that to give it the chance that it really deserves maybe you both need to take it a little slower rather than going through a whole host of ostentatious motions and get back to basic by getting the foundations right first.

squonk

Agree with Miss_Fluff. You're a decent, honest guy and from your other posts so far it makes perfect sense that you feel the way you do. Once she's aware of this I'm sure she'll be happier that she knows where she stands and understands you much better also.

Hang in there and I hope it goes well for you.

I am a friend

But make sure you also tell her you were looking forward to seeing her.. Good luck.

booboo88

Wompa1 wrote: »

Thanks for the reply. We became an item more out of me sensing she felt like we were in need of deciding where to go with it. I know I don't want anybody else anyway but it might not be fair to her that she won't get all of me.

I'm trying..I've brought her for a couple of romantic weekends away which we both really enjoyed. I got her a nice teddy bear she mentioned in passing too. Took care of her when she was feeling ill, cooked for her a couple of times, brought her out for dinner etc. etc. I'm making an effort but it feels like I'm going through the motions. I enjoy all of it but it's not giving me that same feeling of fullfilment which sucks.

I was very lonely before her...now I have her and I'm starting to feel guilty that maybe I'm stringing her a long for nothing, if things don't change I'll have wasted her time and effort. She seems to really be into me and it's her first relationship in over a year.

you say you've only recently become an item, give it a chance.
you sound good for each other, and you treat women well, but you just need to take it slowly. rome wasn't built in a day

Eve_Dublin

Good advice from everyone. Just to say, sometimes those crazy wham bam kazam relationships die out as fast as they start, at least in my experience. They're often not sustainable. Falling for a person based on lust, ignoring the fact that the person is human and putting them high on a pedestal that no person could ever live up to. I hope this doesn't sound tactless, but look what happened in your last relationship...perhaps you were so blinded by the fireworks that you missed the signs that she was the kind of girl that might cheat (I hope that doesn't sound insensitive..sorry if it does). Often we excuse the obvious signs because were caught up in a fantasy. I know I've excused all kinds of behaviour for that reason and only with hindsight I see what a fool I was. From what I've witnessed with friends (and most of my very close friends have been in relationships for almost 10 years and were only 30/31), all their relationships were slow burners and they're all still happy out.

Give it a chance and let yourself heal in the meantime. Take it easy.

Taltos

One thing to consider OP - how much of the spark you felt was due to the fact that on some level you knew what she was capable of doing to you?

In terms of your talk.
Don't clam up - don't make those statements that will end it.
Just be honest

a) I really look forward to seeing you
b) I was badly hurt and I just need some time. It is all me, all I can ask for is patience.
c) I think I just need to take it slowly - but I will try to be more open - just let me know when I am shutting down so I can stop myself as sometimes I just don't even know I am doing it...
BUT - for c - you are to take the responsiblity here. It is NOT this girls job to make you trust again. Yes there is a risk she could hurt you - but if you don't learn to take the risk then 2 things
1st - this relationship is dead in the water and she will have to leave
2nd - you will get hurt again - but this time the only one at fault will be you...

Finally DON'T make any promises or use the word "LIKE" - I really LIKE you is also a killer here.

Taltos

Maybe I should add
It took me 3 years to get to where you are OP. - In a relationship again.
I even stayed away from one night stands.

Even then in the early days of the relationship I did a few things
> kept waiting to get hurt
> didn't believe that I was good enough for my girlfriend
> allowed my jealousy to spiral
> convinced myself that it was a matter of time

It took the talk you are about to have to wake me up (well talk mark III - I was too dense on the first 2).
It was put to me simply - "continue as you are and we are done, I am not XXXX and you can't treat me like I was..."

It wasn't easy OP - but it's doable. really hope it works out for you - luckily for me it did - but it did take a few of these discussions (fights) - I only really saw what I was doing when my OH broke down in tears - talk about seeing how self-destructive and harmful you can be when you bottle everything up inside, not my proudest day as a man - felt like a piece of sh1t and nearly walked so I couldn't hurt her again... It was an experience and not an easy one to trust again and to let that person in. So glad she stuck with me and helped me through that - fyi - still together matey

Wompa1

Taltos wrote: »

Maybe I should add
It took me 3 years to get to where you are OP. - In a relationship again.
I even stayed away from one night stands.

Even then in the early days of the relationship I did a few things
> kept waiting to get hurt
> didn't believe that I was good enough for my girlfriend
> allowed my jealousy to spiral
> convinced myself that it was a matter of time

It took the talk you are about to have to wake me up (well talk mark III - I was too dense on the first 2).
It was put to me simply - "continue as you are and we are done, I am not XXXX and you can't treat me like I was..."

It wasn't easy OP - but it's doable. really hope it works out for you - luckily for me it did - but it did take a few of these discussions (fights) - I only really saw what I was doing when my OH broke down in tears - talk about seeing how self-destructive and harmful you can be when you bottle everything up inside, not my proudest day as a man - felt like a piece of sh1t and nearly walked so I couldn't hurt her again... It was an experience and not an easy one to trust again and to let that person in. So glad she stuck with me and helped me through that - fyi - still together matey

Thanks for the reply guys. She had the weekend off and so did I...it was very difficult to bring up but I finally plucked up the courage this morning and asked if we could take things slow. Told her I think she's great and I don't want to be with anyone else, explained in more detail about my relationship with the ex and a lot of the different hang ups I have because of how she was...and that I'm hurting and will be more reserved than I probably should be because of this.

She seemed accepting of this. Said that maybe she should be more reserved and told me we should just live in the now and enjoy what we have. I'm planning on moving to America in the new year, she knew this when we started going out but I figured since we were having the talk I'd bring it up. She said she wouldn't have a problem with it but would most likely be upset when I leave...which than turned a knot in my stomach thinking about how difficult it would be if I fall in love with her and leave...so I blurted out that I'm terrified of falling in love again..which probably wasn't the best idea

She asked me then if I wanted to break up before I fall for her but I told her no.

I hate my ex so much right now!!

I am a friend

Wompa1 wrote: »

thinking about how difficult it would be if I fall in love with her and leave...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, now I geddit... Sure it would be hard to let yourself fall hard for someone when you are heading off... Its not your fault, its not her fault, its just self-preservation.....

Proceed with care though, if I were her I would, rather than face heartache in the future, cut my losses now and not get involved.... Its a difficult situation and dont envy you both.

johnr1

Thats a difficult situation OP, but you did the right thing explaining it like that to her, whatever happens now, she at least will know you weren't trying to wreck her head.
For yourself, I'd just go ahead and continue the relationship, if it turns out not to be the right one for you, you'll be going abroad anyway, and the space then will convince you of that. If you do really fall for her, it will be difficult to go, but these things have a habit of sorting themselves out eventually, and you both will either miss each other so much that something will have to be done about it, or circumstances will dictate.
Either way, now she knows, and I suspect before you go, so will you.
Best of luck.