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I seriously made a mess of it

  • 21-06-2011 1:44pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all, going unreg here as this is utterly shameful. I know Im probably going to get flamed here but it would be nice to get some genuine advice.
    3 years into relationship with girlfriend I had an affair (lasted one year, I honestly dont know what I was thinking and think I was completely mad and feel so guilty for hurting my girlfriend).
    Anyhow, things came to a head, she found out, we broke up and the affair also ended there and then.
    A few months later myself and the girlfriend got back together and have been for the past year, the relationship over that year was in practically every way better then before and she commented on this frequently.
    A couple of weeks ago she called me on the phone and announced she wanted to break up. She said she had tried but a year on she still at times thought about what I had done to her and couldnt get over the deceit.
    We have been seeing each very regularly ever since the announcement, speaking and texting everyday even having having regular sex so it seems she wants to end it but at the same time dosnt. I certainly dont want it to end.
    The advice I seek is this. Do you think that I can get her to change her mind? If so how do I go about it? Is there anything I can do the undo the hurt I caused her? If not should I just let it phase out at her leisure or should I break off communications (the latter would kill me). Thanks for your help..


Comments

  • #2
    Wompa1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,254 ✭✭✭Wompa1


    Regrets wrote: »
    Hi all, going unreg here as this is utterly shameful. I know Im probably going to get flamed here but it would be nice to get some genuine advice.
    3 years into relationship with girlfriend I had an affair (lasted one year, I honestly dont know what I was thinking and think I was completely mad and feel so guilty for hurting my girlfriend).
    Anyhow, things came to a head, she found out, we broke up and the affair also ended there and then.
    A few months later myself and the girlfriend got back together and have been for the past year, the relationship over that year was in practically every way better then before and she commented on this frequently.
    A couple of weeks ago she called me on the phone and announced she wanted to break up. She said she had tried but a year on she still at times thought about what I had done to her and couldnt get over the deceit.
    We have been seeing each very regularly ever since the announcement, speaking and texting everyday even having having regular sex so it seems she wants to end it but at the same time dosnt. I certainly dont want it to end.
    The advice I seek is this. Do you think that I can get her to change her mind? If so how do I go about it? Is there anything I can do the undo the hurt I caused her? If not should I just let it phase out at her leisure or should I break off communications (the latter would kill me). Thanks for your help..

    To be honest it sounds like she is using you for sex and has no intention of having a relationship with you anymore. You could suggest you go on a break and tell her you will remain faithful whilst she can go find out what she wants. Unfortunately you leave yourself open to extreme pain if she finds a relationship with somebody else is what she wants....or you could offer to go to counsellnig...the whole not knowing what you were thinking is a bit open ended. You should try and figure out why you did it and work on that character flaw that made you do it in the first place.


  • #3
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    Sounds like there are a lot of unresolved issues there. Couples Counselling may be worth a shot if you're both willing to attend.


  • #4
    I am a friend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    Tbh, I think (maybe because of the affair) she no longer sees you as a long term prospect... In fairness to her she tried and I wouldn't have personally.

    She seems to be weaning herself off you to allow her move on... On one level you can't blame her so if you arenot happy with this I recommend you stop having sex with her...


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for the replies. I had not considered relationship counseling, not sure if that bird will fly but worth a shot anyway. Yep, I cant blame her at all and she is being very kind. After all thats happened I cant be pushy about it, I'll just have to support whatever she wants, to be it weening off or whatever way she wants to finalize the things in the end. If it dosnt work it serves me right anyway. Thanks again for the help.


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