What a mess!

LegacyUser

Hi guys, i'm a regular boardsie but i'd rather go anonymous for this one, its a very long story but if you could read it please i would really appreciate it.

i'l try keep it to facts and as to the point as possible.

me and my (now ex) girlfriend had been going out since mid 2007 so nearly 4 years and everything was going well until say around mid last year last year where she just almost literally overnight decided she had no time for me anymore.

she was always with friends/ family, always doing something else with someone else and could never find the time for me and when she did it was always a few snatched or hurried hours here or there where it felt as though she was just doing it as a formality so she could get away from me again. i tried on countless occasions to talk to her about it and see what was wrong and she would never talk about it she just kept telling me to "get over it"... on one occasion close to the end of our relationship i got her to "talk" about it and she just told me i was imagining all this and that i need to stop over analysing us and that nothing was wrong, but i knew something was up.

we ended up going on a relationship break as a mutual decision for a little over 2 months and i said to her, if you want me, just contact me, anytime in the hope she would miss me. i got a call when she was in a car crash, i got a text when she had to go to the doctors and i got a few other texts at low points in her day to day life and that pretty much confirms what i was thinking about her, that i was just security for her, someone to fall back on if she needed a dig out (and i know a boyfriend should be there for his girlfriend like that) if something was up or she needed a lift somewhere/ money/ a favour or whatever else and then when times were good or she was happy she wanted nothing to do with me, i didn't even cross her mind. knowing this had me gutted.

so then i got up the courage to say this is it, i've told you so many times we need work and your not interested in trying to work it out and i've waited for nearly a year for you to try and realise whats happening, you mustn't want me, so i ended the relationship. and she never contacted me after that. i did see her once or twice recently with other guys etc etc and thats all fine, thats her choice, she was moving along i was just happy she was happy.

so life was pottering along and i met this great girl... nothing too serious but recently its been building up into something fantastic, i finally feel happy, loved and appreciated again and i really like this new girl. but when my old girlfriend found out she called me being very angry and done lots of giving out about me moving on too fast and how i had no respect for her feelings. to which i could only respond that i gave her so many chances to have me, she had so many warnings that we were on the rocks that i felt i had done all i could do to save us and she wasnt interested so why should she start caring now. she admitted she was wrong at the time and that she did treat me with not much respect but that it was too late now.

now its like every day i get a text saying "im lonely" or "im sick" or "im scared of 'x'" etc etc from her and apologies for the way she treated me... i know she wants for us to try and start again but i know its way to late for that and ive told her that but she just wont get the message. i told her we could be friends and try to stay in touch but that thats all we could hope for right now.

i know she wants me to come back, and part of me wants to but in reality i know o cant because i know when we settle back down after a few months it'l be back to the same old crap and i dont want to have to go through all that again. but at the same time i feel gutted for her, i know shes missing me, i know shes heartbroken and i know (in a not cockey way) shes lost someone really great and shes just realised now she might never get it back and i feel so bad for her im nearly crying writing this.

i want her to be happy too, but i tried my best, i gave her every chance in the world i waited for so long and i know i just cant trust her now... why is she doing this to me when its too late, i just want us both to be happy now but i know we cant be together... i wish things were different for us but they aren't, i'd like to make her happy but i know its just not right for either of us. i'm happy with my new girlfriend and i just want to get on with my life now, but i know i cant go on knowing my ex is unhappy...

boards... help this is eating me away.

seenitall

OP, stop being such a misplaced softie, forget about this manipulative poison and move on with your life. Really. What is there to think about or eat away at?

Why would you even waste a thought on someone who treated you with utter selfishness when she was with you, and only wants you when she can't have you? You sussed her out good and proper the first time, now make your behaviour consistent with your findings, and start looking after no. 1.

I don't want to read another thread from you on here in a few months time, saying you ruined a perfectly good relationship because you were too wet to cut a bit of weed out of your life, and you let it "eat away" at you and your new relationship instead of moving on and never looking back. Which is not an impossible scenario to envisage, judging by your post.

Best wishes.

Neyite

The grass is always greener, eh. It seems like when she had you, she didnt want you, yet when someone else has you she is declaring undying love.

I have no sympathy for your ex. A relationship takes two to make the effort, and you gave her far more leeway than anyone else would have done and she still took it for granted. If you go back you know it will revert back to the way it was.

I dont think she is as unhappy as she makes out - Like Seenitall, I think its manipulative. Dont fall for it.Ignore her texts, or change your number - You sound like you are being valued by someone for a change. Enjoy it. Dont look back.

MissFlitworth

Every time you find yourself feeling badly for her because she isn't with you remind yourself that she doesn't actually want to be with you and that she has in the past demonstrated this by treating you like dirt. Stop getting weepy for her and push on with your new life!! She sounds like she'll get over the sting of having you move on without her soon enough anyways. You should consider cutting contact with her for a while until things are less raw, you seem way too easily manipulated by her to be dealing with her 'sad' phone calls & texts

carlybabe1

change your number OP, end of. If this new girl is really as nice as she sounds and is treating you well, then dont put her through the same **** that your ex put you through, she doesnt deserve to be hurt by you, and THATS where your sympathy and loyalty should lie, not with bitchy who only wants you cause someone else has you

LegacyUser

So, OP, your ex doesn't want you and she doesn't want anyone else to have you either?

Change your number and move on. She had her chance and you have had a lucky escape.

Miss Fluff

I'm no Mystic Meg but I guarantee you were you to get back with this girl she wouldn't hesitate to treat you appallingly again.

Stop allowing her airtime. You're not giving this new girl or yourself a chance when you have this constant background noise going on. Sever contact. Really sever contact. Forget about being friends as that's not going to work. Tell her not to ever contact you again. You have moved on and neither you nor your new girlfriend appreciate the Woe Is Me texts.

Sounds like I'm being harsh, I'm not. She had her chance.

Mc Kenzie

tell her to F*** off!

you tried and made an effort with that girl and she didnt apriciate you. Who is she to tell you whether you have moved on too quick or not?....
It was ok for her when she was off with other guys.

She sounds selfish, you moved on and allowed her to. She should do the same for you. Its not fair on you. Cut ties on her shes only upsetting you. I know it sounds harsh but sometimes thats life.

Firetrap

I can only reiterate what the others have said. Being friends with your ex isn't going to do you any good whatsoever. Ignore her texts or, better still, see if your mobile phone operator or your handset can block her number. If you give her an airing at all, she'll become a third wheel in your current relationship and you could end up with nothing.

Wowbagger

Why can't you go on knowing your ex is unhappy? who made her unhappy? she did!!! by not realising what she had (the fact you are still fretting about her shows you have sympathy/empathy not sure which I should use!) change your number/email/ whatever you have to change to be rid of her.

Best of Luck

Wb

tinkerbell

When you think of your ex, think of all the horrible things she did that caused you both to break up. There's a reason it didn't work out - she had her chance, she blew it. You've moved on and found a great new girl. Focus on her.

In fact, I can't imagine your new gf is impressed with your ex's behaviour texting you the whole time asking you to take her back, that's horrible and I can't imagine it's good for your current gf's confidence either (especially when you are kind of saying part of you would like to get back with your ex). Simple solution - change your phone number or block your ex's number.

LegacyUser

Its me again, i just want to say thanks for all the replies and for confirming any thoughts i already had.

switching my number isn't really an option at the minute i think so i'm just going to go with the ignore option, maybe see if i can get the number blocked because as a few of you said, she has sent texts when my new girlfriend has been around and although she said nothing i'm sure it could be making her uncomfortable and to be fair i could do without hearing from her too, i've just got to be ruthless and cut her off.

i can't think of much else to add now except this thread in itself has helped me a lot just in confirming that anyone else would do the same as me in the situation and that i made the right moves.

so thank you all so much for the support and advice, hopefully i won't have to post around these parts again

Distorted

You need to harden up a little bit. If you went back to her, your relationship would most probably revert to same old within time and I doubt you would ever be happy with her. You would also make your current girlfriend unhappy. I do think to be friends after a relationship, you need a good gap of time to provide some distance first.

That said, you have moved on (which is a good thing) but you have moved on quite quickly. Nothing wrong with that, but just maybe you need to be selective about who to have serious relationships with and ensure they are the right one before becoming serious?

Herrick

OP the others have given you all the advice you need.

In regards to changing your number, you don't have to. That just too much of a pain when there's an easier option.

All you need to do is ring up the customer care desk of whatever network your with, explain your being pestered and ask if they will block the number for you. From what I gather, any text she sends will show as delivered and any calls she makes will ring out, but not to your phone, it's like it gets re-routed to a dead end or something. It's a win win situation then, you don't have to deal with her and she'll think your not bothered by her anymore

tinkerbell

Or you could just man up and tell her straight out that you and her are over, there is no chance of you ever getting back with her and tell her to stop contacting you. I don't understand why you are pussy-footing around this girl. She's the one that messed everything up, she's the bad guy here, not you ...

Sanjuro

Hey OP. Really crappy situation. I feel really bad for you. But at the same time, I'm gonna be blunt. Fuck her. You gave her plenty of opportunities to salvage your relationship, but she completely dismissed your feelings and concerns. Do you really want to be with someone who has so little regard for you that she wont help you, her boyfriend, the person she's supposed to love, assuage those fears? Now that she doesn't have her crutch for when she's down, she wants you back. She's too emotionally immature to cope on her own and wants you to prop her up. To hell with that. She had her chance. Tell her to go away and grow up.

_Kaiser_

Herrick wrote: »

In regards to changing your number, you don't have to. That just too much of a pain when there's an easier option.

All you need to do is ring up the customer care desk of whatever network your with, explain your being pestered and ask if they will block the number for you. From what I gather, any text she sends will show as delivered and any calls she makes will ring out, but not to your phone, it's like it gets re-routed to a dead end or something. It's a win win situation then, you don't have to deal with her and she'll think your not bothered by her anymore

... or if you have a newer/smartphone there's an option to block the calls/texts entirely (or you can download apps from the iphone/android markets for this) and then you won't even have to see the missed texts/calls - she'll get bored eventually

Anyway I'll echo what others said.. don't let her ruin your new relationship. You gave her every chance and made every effort and she threw it back at you.

Focus on your new girl and forget about the ex.. good luck