Head caving in

LegacyUser

I really need to talk to a stranger about what is going on with me. For the last year I have been falling more and more in love with a work colleague. It is starting to consume my every day. We work together and it is in the public sphere and therefore very difficult for me to find anyone to talk to about this. The problem - well, there are a few -he is 12 years younger than me (I'm 40), we work in a very close-knit environment and it could potentially wreck things for not only us but our other colleagues too, and I guess the bottom line is that it is a relationship that cannot happen. The logic goes out the window though in matters of love and I cannot help the way I feel for him. I am crying all the time about this, I am crying even as I type this. I feel so stupid to have let myself get this way about someone. It has completely limited me in so many ways.

squonk

Why can't it happen OP?

Are you married? Is he married? The only way we can really help with this is if we know some more details.

If you're both single, then while you may be at different stages in life and looking for different things, it might not be beyond the bounds of possibility. I'd say there's no harm in broaching the subject anyway.

If either one or both of you are married, then really it's a no go situation I'd think. In that case, all you can do is maybe put your energy into your current relationship or if you're unattached, go out and put your energy into other activities after work and get to know some new people.

Fill the story in somewhat and I'm sure plenty of people here will be able to advise you better.

Miss Fluff

While it may apparently be a mere matter of semantics, there is a vast difference between love and infatuation. You sound in the throws of infatuation which is just as intense, although way easier to get over. It's unclear from your post whether something has started with this guy or not. Have you been seeing each other on the sly? Does he know how you feel etc?

LegacyUser

Sorry for delay in answering. Been trying to get my head around this.

Neither of us are married, we're both single. We have spoken about it about year ago, but while he admits having feelings for me, he felt at the time that it would be impossible because of the effect it could have on our working relationship.

I tried my best over the last year to suppress my feelings for him and to a certain extent have been successful in that I haven't ever broached the subject with him since. But as time has gone by I have found more and more reasons to like the guy and I genuinely think that it is way beyond infatuation at this point.

This is not one sided, he is always very very sweet to me, he has exhibited jealousy at times -when I am chatting to someone at party for example, he will always be nearby. We both willingly spend an enormous amount of time together and get on brilliantly. A lot of our line of work involves non verbal communication and this we do a lot of. Almost everybody around us in both of our circles of friends remark on us and we both have to put up with a fair amount of slagging about the amount of time we spend in eachother's company, all good humoured.

He bought me a gift for my birthday that has put a further bit of confusion into the pot. I don't know what to make of it. As I mentioned in my first posting, there is an age gap between us. He bought me a novel which is a love story based on time travel where there is always an age gap between the protagonists. I don't know if this is just a coincidence or is he trying to tell me something, do fellas work like that?

Anyway, after a few days of thinking, I have decided that I need to broach the subject again, because it is really effecting me and I feel like I am in a place that is neither here not there.

What I have to figure out now is how to broach it with him, not easy..

squonk

Could you ask him out for a drink/coffee? Tell him straight up how ou feel. You know, work is work but maybe you need to reconsider that now. Just do this now, worry about the consequences when they become apparent after you talk. Don't worry about the age gap. Thatvis something for another day and if you end up in a relationship it might have a bearing on matters then but, for now, follow your heart and do what you need to do!

Miss Fluff

cantseethewood wrote: »

We have spoken about it about year ago, but while he admits having feelings for me, he felt at the time that it would be impossible because of the effect it could have on our working relationship..

Hmmm. If this is genuinely the only impediment to you guys getting it together then one of you should leave. You'd have to BOTH be really serious about giving it a shot before making that move tbh

nicechick!

cantseethewood wrote: »

I really need to talk to a stranger about what is going on with me. For the last year I have been falling more and more in love with a work colleague. It is starting to consume my every day. We work together and it is in the public sphere and therefore very difficult for me to find anyone to talk to about this. The problem - well, there are a few -he is 12 years younger than me (I'm 40), we work in a very close-knit environment and it could potentially wreck things for not only us but our other colleagues too, and I guess the bottom line is that it is a relationship that cannot happen. The logic goes out the window though in matters of love and I cannot help the way I feel for him. I am crying all the time about this, I am crying even as I type this. I feel so stupid to have let myself get this way about someone. It has completely limited me in so many ways.

Oh there is nothing more exciting then wanting what you can't have!! your not stupid you fancy the pants of your work colleague most of us have at some stage being in this situation!

Being chicks we tend to dwell & daydream over a situation!! ''The grass is greener on the other side'' so to speak how committed are you to your career? I will never mix pleasure with business never I will laugh even flirt with colleagues and trust me over the years ohhhh how I wished I could hmm have some fun with persons but it stops there I have seen the tears, the drama, the rejection! I have seen persons make a ''****e'' of there careers for these reasons NOW

saying that go with your gut! I have also seen many people create happy loving relationships (its my personnel choice not to go there), your both adults suggest going for a drink you should know by his reaction, if you don't give yourself or create in opportunity to find out you will never know I'd rather find out if its infatuation & lust or ya just never know could turn into something more but.... promise to never let this interfere with work no matter whether it be rejection which sucks or that something actually comes out of this and your feeling resentment when your pissed off at each other comes into play at work good luck keep us posted