All that you can't leave behind

OutlawPete

Right, so times are tough and we're all out of work (apart from those lucky bastards who have a job) and so it is up to each individual to come up with some ways to make ends meet. So, today (as I was eating my medium rare steak, sautéed onions, drizzled with pepper sauce with mash, washed down with Chianti - human liver for dessert) paid for with my social welfare, I got to thinking: maybe I should do what The Wolf does. Not The Wolf from 90's Gladiators show now, but The Wolf from Pulp Fiction:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrLxySqQn6E

What I intend to do is solve your problems, just like Winston solved Jule's and Vincent's. Doesn't have to be a blood splattered corpse you need to get rid of or anything (although we can talk) but I'm thinking more about everyday type problems. Problems that you just wish someone would come along and sort for you, that for some reason, you can't manage to sort for yourself.

Clamped but broke perhaps? Missed the last bus but not enough for a Taxi home? Pulled a hawt chick but got no condom? Fist stuck in a dead chicken? Whatever the problem, I will sort it - payment can be made at a later date. Sort of like a money lender .. only I'll be a service lender.

I will also be providing an: "ALL THAT YOU CAN'T LEAVE BEHIND SERVICE*"

How this works is: I will become the first person to be notified in the event of your death and when this unfortunate event occurs, I will immediately spring into action, race to your current residence, where upon my arrival I will locate your U2 CDs/DVDs (and anything else related to them) in preparation for immediate disposal, so as to prevent your loved ones from ever finding out that you were a closet U2 fan, thus leaving your memory tarnish free.

*This disposal service can also be incorporated to include: Pornographic DVDs, BDSM Wear, Love Letters, copies of the Daily Mail etc.

As a one off special, I am giving each After Hour user one voucher for my ATYCLB service. So ..

tl;dr

In the event of your death, what would you like me to remove from your home, that you would prefer for your loved ones or friends not to find instead?

Kiera

Eh you mean you want to be a friend?

Praetorian Saighdiuir

My main problem is my penis wont suck itself


What time will I pencil you in for?

kfallon

I've got two skiddies in the jax with your name on them OP!

policarp

The bodies burried in the basement,please...

4zn76tysfajdxp

OutlawPete wrote: »

In the event of your death, what would you like me to remove from your home, that you would perfer your loved ones and friends did not find instead?

My corpse.

pragmatic1

Steak with pepper sauce? Yuk. How common.

Ricardo G

I would like you to release my daughter from the cellar, she has'nt seen daylight for quite some time

Regards
Josef

Morag

for that to happen you'd have to be my next of kin.... never going to happen.

Lorri_L

All permanant fixtures and fittings...my landlords a cnut.

greenybaby

OutlawPete wrote: »

So, today (as I was eating my medium rare streak, sautéed onions, drizzled with pepper sauce with mash, washed down with Chianti - human liver for dessert)

What's streak like, often wanted to try it

on another note, remove my toys, i don't want me mother seeing them

ball

My problem is, I don't have a job

ColeTrain

greenybaby wrote: »

What's streak like, often wanted to try it

Go to your local GAA ground next Sunday, you can try it there.

Mint Sauce

My mini disk player and all associated disks.

Wolfe Tone

The drugs and my laptop Pete. You can leave the bodies under the floorboards.

I invited those Jehova Witnesses in, they didn't want to leave when I suggested they should, now they never will...

OutlawPete

OutlawPete wrote: »

(as I was eating my medium rare steak, sautéed onions, drizzled with pepper sauce with mash,

I've never felt such lust as I do now..

Hank_Jones

OutlawPete wrote: »

Right, so times are tough and we're all out of work (apart from those lucky bastards who have a job) and so it is up to each individual to come up with some ways to make ends meet. So, today (as I was eating my medium rare steak, sautéed onions, drizzled with pepper sauce with mash, washed down with Chianti - human liver for dessert) paid for with my social welfare, I got to thinking: maybe I should do what The Wolf does. Not The Wolf from 90's Gladiators show now, but The Wolf from Pulp Fiction:

Posh fcuker. :pac:

Badgermonkey

If I suffer a sudden onset of chest pain, please wipe my hard disk.

Collect keys from my girlfriend though DO NOT let her exit the premises.

themadchef

The wabbit, just the wabbit....... :eek:


\ Ya know the way smokers often get a box of smokes put in the coffin with them (maybe possibly a culchie thing) Throw in the wabbit just in case, now there's a challenge for ya

Solnskaya

I am the Wolf, and I'm flat out. Seriously.

Fremen

Wait, are you providing services as well as doing ATYCLB?

I need to get an inexpensive but much loved guitar shipped from London to Edinburgh. I'm too cheap to pay for a hard case, so DHL-ing it is awkward. I also don't want to hassle the person in London who it's gonna be picked up from too much either.

What do I do?

My name is URL

Just burn the place down

Princess Peach

Umm few items in my nightstand, cough cough.

theboss80

Princess Peach wrote: »

Umm few items in my nightstand, cough cough.

Fit them in an empty Pringles tube me thinks....

Fremen

theboss80 wrote: »

Fit them in an empty Pringles tube me thinks....

You sure they'd fit?

OutlawPete

Fremen wrote: »

I need to get an inexpensive but much loved guitar shipped from London to Edinburgh. I'm too cheap to pay for a hard case, so DHL-ing it is awkward. I also don't want to hassle the person in London who it's gonna be picked up from too much either.

Get the person in London to buy a ticket from Victoria Bus Station to St Andrews Square & Bus Station. Then tell them to place the guitar in bubblewrap within it's case and place it in the baggage compartment of the coach but not board it themselves. The collect the guitar from the coach yourself when it arrives in St Andrews.

chloek

I have a diary hidden in my room, if you can get to it before anyone else you can read it.

orourkeda

send your oul one over

Kevin Duffy

I have a copy of a certain Dan Brown novel. It was a gift, I swear. Anyway, when I'm gone, I want you to take it out, shoot it, stab it, set it on fire, pee on it, then plough the resultant ash paste into the ground. Then shoot, stab and burn the ground, before peeing on it, please.

OutlawPete

orourkeda wrote: »

send your oul one over

On her way.

irish-stew wrote: »

My mini disk player and all associated disks.

Just because of the U2 content stewie, or are there some Britney remixes on there

Ev84

Cheers Pete, my remote control is fucked. I used my years of tech-savvy know-how and tried everything in my power to fix it (changed batteries) but it just won't work. So the favour i need from you is, will you get the next train from Dublin to Limerick and turn the channel for me? Much appreciated pal.

JohnMarston

Will you show up in a Tux and sit around giving orders?

Dancor

Ev84 wrote: »

Cheers Pete, my remote control is fucked. I used my years of tech-savvy know-how and tried everything in my power to fix it (changed batteries) but it just won't work. So the favour i need from you is, will you get the next train from Dublin to Limerick and turn the channel for me? Much appreciated pal.

I hope you tried banging it off your knee or the arm of the chair first.

gonedrinking

All that you can't leave behind is U2's only good album. Its largely ignored and underated by the masses because theres no "hit" but as a collection of songs it is top notch, the quality is high throughout. Don't buy it though, download it for free.

Kevin Duffy

Princess Peach wrote: »

Umm few items in my nightstand, cough cough.

Benylin? What's embarassing about that Princess P??

Fremen

OutlawPete wrote: »

Get the person in London to buy a ticket from Victoria Bus Station to St Andrews Square & Bus Station. Then tell them to place the guitar in bubblewrap within it's case and place it in the baggage compartment of the coach but not board it themselves. The collect the guitar from the coach yourself when it arrives in St Andrews.

That, my friend, is an impressively good idea.