Wife blames me for everything

LegacyUser

Rescently we had some work done on our house by someone who was recommended to us, the work done was bad quality and the guy who did it refused to fix it

My wife and I had a big argument over it she said she was there all the time while I was out as is always the case and she has to deal with everything, I was away at work and work different hours

She said I laughted and joked with the workers and they saw me as soft and decided to take advantage, she's constantly saying I'm always putting her down in front of people and mocking her, I told her I was sorry that she feels like this but it's not the case and if I did it's not intentional

She stays at home to look after the kids we live in an isolated part of the country and she does not drive

I'm getting worried about her, she blames ms for everything saying I've no interest in the home and I find it very upsetting she also said we never should have married

At the moment I can't concentrate on work and I'm getting very upset over the whole situation

I just don't know what to do, she drags up the past the whole time and she's right about everything I just can't win

nicechick!

Can't_win wrote: »

Rescently we had some work done on our house by someone who was recommended to us, the work done was bad quality and the guy who did it refused to fix it

My wife and I had a big argument over it she said she was there all the time while I was out as is always the case and she has to deal with everything, I was away at work and work different hours

She said I laughted and joked with the workers and they saw me as soft and decided to take advantage, she's constantly saying I'm always putting her down in front of people and mocking her, I told her I was sorry that she feels like this but it's not the case and if I did it's not intentional

She stays at home to look after the kids we live in an isolated part of the country and she does not drive

I'm getting worried about her, she blames ms for everything saying I've no interest in the home and I find it very upsetting she also said we never should have married

At the moment I can't concentrate on work and I'm getting very upset over the whole situation

I just don't know what to do, she drags up the past the whole time and she's right about everything I just can't win

The problem here is your having the same argument over & over. It doesn't matter that the circumstance/new argument subject has changed! My best advice to you is when communicating to avoid causing upset/drama I would you words such as

''I'm feel that I have upset & disappointed you lately, what can I do to make a difference or change'' And NO you are not admitting to your mistakes your automatically changing the ''tone of conversation'' this should make her also take stock & speak and let her speak freely without hopefully the augmentative tone that we have a habit of doing causing lots of problems for everyone! this should open things for the both of ye!

always start with ''I feel'' stop and pause let her think about her reply and admit fault when need be no body is perfect!

Now I will say this I understand that you have yours responsibility out of the home but please have some empathy for her situation she mentions ''you have no interest in the home'' this is an assumption but basically she is probably sick & tired and in need of a break!! however much she loves home & your children great but are tiring, demanding & utterly selfish they will put full responsibility on adults to entertain them mainly every two minutes all day everyday! Its a hard job & if she is confined to the house all day of course this was may make her resentful though I'm sure she loves what she does but we all need a break. I would suggest you teach her to DRIVE, encourage her to take up a small interest out of the family home trust me she'll be a much happier individual that said seeing as your arguing she might just resent you for suggesting anything!! Good luck

LegacyUser

Do not attempt to teach her to drive... get her to get lessons.

You may find this hard as she has chosen not to learn in the past. Part of this may be learned helplessness. Why does she not drive? Does she depend on you to get around?

She sounds like my mother used to be - she wasn't happy with herself and so nobody else was going to be (she's chilled out now mind).

Your wife doesn't sound happy.

Her house is her life (refuge and prison) and the job which was done has effected her castle. Thing is, could she not have intervened when the work was being done rather act helpless and create a stick to beat you with.

Constant cristicism of you will grind you down.

Neyite

I would suggest counselling. I dont think either of you are listening to the other and you are both deeply unhappy. Not fair on the kids to be stuck in the middle of that.

Her life sounds grim to be honest. Stuck out nowhere with no means of transport to do anything and nobody to talk to, I would go cracked.

LegacyUser

It was her deision to move so far out and not learn to drive, we are planning a move into town

I don't want confrontation she starts all the arguments, I think living outside town does not help, she does crazy things like wash delph and then put them in the dishwasher, she's constantly paranoid and always thinks the worst about everything

Her moods can change as quick as anything one day fine the next attacking me

Wompa1

I don't really have anything to add, just that posts like this make me want to give up on the idea of marriage. I feel for you OP. I'd bet it's down to her feeling in a rut but it sounds like she's in the rut down to her own doing, not driving and moving out to the country. Could she go look for a job?

Ickle Magoo

I think you have to sit her down and spell out in no uncertain terms exactly how fed up with things you are as it stands.

I'd also make sure she knows telling someone you regret marrying them is a sure fire way of destroying said marriage and causing a whole heap of anger and resentment.

She sounds angry and frustrated with her lot but as you say, she doesn't seem to be doing a whole lot to help herself - I think you need to make it clear you aren't an emotional punch-bag for whenever she needs to let off steam. She either needs to get a bit of cop on and learn to deal with her frustrations positively or get some professional help to get to the bottom of what is driving her moods.

All the best.

nicechick!

Can't_win wrote: »

It was her deision to move so far out and not learn to drive, we are planning a move into town

I don't want confrontation she starts all the arguments, I think living outside town does not help, she does crazy things like wash delph and then put them in the dishwasher, she's constantly paranoid and always thinks the worst about everything

Her moods can change as quick as anything one day fine the next attacking me

You seem really fed up this is not good and likely coming across in your body langue/temperament etc though you don't want confrontation sometimes our behaviour without realizing it can impact especially if someone knows you really well. Also if your unhappy in your personnel life it creates stress, anxiety on your part which is unhealthy.

You need to be open about your feelings she may not realise how difficult or upsetting her behaviour is but don't put fault or blame find the solution! I would strongly advise counselling personally I think we all should have a weekly/monthly session.

She seems unhappy and you need to encourage her to admit to the reasons behind it, it could be a number of reasons anxiety, stress, depression, low self esteem any number of things but its creating an unhappy home situation & things won't change for the better until your both start working together to creating a happy home environment. Also she can't put full responsibility on you to make her happy she needs to realise that if she's unhappy she also needs to something about it for herself!