Your Thoughts Please

LegacyUser

Hi and thank for taking the time to read this, now this is not a huge issue but one that has me thinking.

Ok so ive been seeing this woman the last four months and I must admit I do like her, but last night I went out with her and two of her friends into town, now its the first time ive been out with her on a proper night out so was actually looking forward to it. Now I have been around her drunk and seen her drunk and we still got on grand.

But last night I saw two sides to her personallity I really didnt like, she flirted openly with every bloke in sight blatantly in front of me even asking two randomers for there numbers, having blokes kiss her on the lips, and cheek. Now some of the blokes even copped that i was throwing them the eyes and said it to her but didnt seem to deter her in the least bit, now I didnt or havent said anything to her yet about it im not one to make a scene, also she tryed to be all lvoey dovey with me after as we ate and kind brush it aside by saying thats what she loves about town the randomness of it all. The ohter side to her I saw was an agressive side which ive never seen before she decided to start getting really thick over some girl saying she was lucky she left because she was going to kill her for no real reason really. Im just glad I wasnt there with my own mates wouldve made the whole situation a hell of a lot more embarassing for myself.

Im just wondering do people think im over reacting or am I right to be annoyed? Now I havent talked to her today yet im trying to decide whether or not to bring it up with her, as I know shell try brush it off. I was sober last night she was drunk aswell. Or should I take this as a warning sign of things to come? Thanks for any advice given in advance.

lace

Hi OP! I know you don't want to cause a scene but if you feel her behaviour was unacceptable then you need to bring the issue up seriously. It could be that she was feeling a little insecure about your relationship and wanted to send the message that she is wanted by other men and that you need to work hard to keep her. She may just be the type of person who likes a casual, open relationship with the option to flirt with other men. Either way, you need to talk to her about what is or isn't acceptable in a relationship. Tell her honestly how much it bothers you and how concerned you are about the flirtation and the anger and let her know you're not going to put up with it. Tbh, the violence and the casual kissing would be a deal breaker for me, OP. If she defends her behaviour or you sense that she's got no intention of changing then it could be that you two just aren't suited to one another. Good luck!

LegacyUser

Hi and thanks for the advice, id been avoiding her calls all day because I wasnt sure what to be thinking, and if it was a deal breaker or not for me. But I just answered her call there and first thing she said was how sorry she was, so she knows what she done was wrong, she also said when I hadnt been answering her calls today and after last night she thought maybe that was it, and has promised it wont ever happen again said she just got caught up in the fact it was her birthday,but for me it doesnt excuse it. But i am going to try forgive her since I do have feelings for her, now I just need to find a way to banish the anger im feeling towards her for trying to make me feel so little and unimportant. Like taking two mens mobile numbers of them with me standing there and kissing them on the lips is just shocking for me. I just hope shes genuinely sorry, itll take me a bit of time to block out last night ha.

MistyCheese

There's no way on this (or any other) planet I would put up with that. Of course, you might be different. You have to decide if you can put up with a girlfriend who, after a few, 1) flirts with and kisses other men right in front of you, 2) gets aggressive for no discernible reason, 3) you would be embarrassed to introduce to your mates and 4) puts it all down to, "the randomness of town."

A slot machine selecting various symbols is random. Kissing guys in front of your boyfriend and vaguely threatening to kill someone is not.

Miss Fluff

wouldyousaysomething wrote: »

But last night I saw two sides to her personallity I really didnt like, she flirted openly with every bloke in sight blatantly in front of me even asking two randomers for there numbers, having blokes kiss her on the lips, and cheek.

You wouldn't see me for dust :eek: If she's at this kind of carry-on in the getting to know you/can't keep your hands off one another/eager to put best foot forward phase then feck only knows what she'll be like after a year or two. How very dare she behave like that in front of you, not on at all!

thefeatheredcat

wouldyousaysomething wrote: »

But last night I saw two sides to her personallity I really didnt like, she flirted openly with every bloke in sight blatantly in front of me even asking two randomers for there numbers, having blokes kiss her on the lips, and cheek. Now some of the blokes even copped that i was throwing them the eyes and said it to her but didnt seem to deter her in the least bit,

wouldyousaysomething wrote: »

But I just answered her call there and first thing she said was how sorry she was, so she knows what she done was wrong, she also said when I hadnt been answering her calls today and after last night she thought maybe that was it, and has promised it wont ever happen again said she just got caught up in the fact it was her birthday,but for me it doesnt excuse it.

Firstly that is awful behaviour while in a relationship and in front of you! I would say first off, alcohol is NOT an excuse for that sort of behaviour and should not be taken so.

I assume that these randomer's numbers are no longer in her phone for a start?

I think she is only sorry because you avoided her calls and she thought it was over and only thinks it was wrong because you wouldn't answer her calls. She didn't think it was so wrong when she was doing it, did she? Even after the fellas she was kissing noticed you were unhappy?

I would say she was either trying to make every man in the room jealous, make a jealous idiot of you and well, don't know about the friend, but I'm sure it wasn't impressive to her either.

I would assume that if you had make a scene she would have thought her actions justified, although I don't understand the bit about killing someone?

My advice: there's better girls out there who won't stand right in front of you kissing another fella even when the fella knows you there and tells her you are unhappy and they trot of the usual cowardly excuse the next day while hungover "oh the drink made me do it" (edit: and the fact it was her birthday does not leave her entitled to do what she did, either, and use it as an excuse). It's called being responsible and accountable for your own behaviour. There's plenty of mature women who can be responsible on a night out, with or without drink, birthday or no birthday.

Edit: I would say though, if you do want to stay with her, you need to speak up and voice what you feel and tell her that it is unacceptable behaviour. I'm sure if the shoe was on the other foot and it was you carrying on like that on your birthday.... well, I doubt she would be very happy either. But in any case you ought to say what you feel about the situation.

I am a friend

Oh not good enough. What's wrong with her that she needs that attention when her new bf is sitting there.. Drink is not to blame and i have to wonder if she is doing that in front of you, what is she doing when you are not out...

Too much messing in very early days op - you dont need that

nicechick!

wouldyousaysomething wrote: »

Hi and thank for taking the time to read this, now this is not a huge issue but one that has me thinking.

Ok so ive been seeing this woman the last four months and I must admit I do like her, but last night I went out with her and two of her friends into town, now its the first time ive been out with her on a proper night out so was actually looking forward to it. Now I have been around her drunk and seen her drunk and we still got on grand.

But last night I saw two sides to her personallity I really didnt like, she flirted openly with every bloke in sight blatantly in front of me even asking two randomers for there numbers, having blokes kiss her on the lips, and cheek. Now some of the blokes even copped that i was throwing them the eyes and said it to her but didnt seem to deter her in the least bit, now I didnt or havent said anything to her yet about it im not one to make a scene, also she tryed to be all lvoey dovey with me after as we ate and kind brush it aside by saying thats what she loves about town the randomness of it all. The ohter side to her I saw was an agressive side which ive never seen before she decided to start getting really thick over some girl saying she was lucky she left because she was going to kill her for no real reason really. Im just glad I wasnt there with my own mates wouldve made the whole situation a hell of a lot more embarassing for myself.

Im just wondering do people think im over reacting or am I right to be annoyed? Now I havent talked to her today yet im trying to decide whether or not to bring it up with her, as I know shell try brush it off. I was sober last night she was drunk aswell. Or should I take this as a warning sign of things to come? Thanks for any advice given in advance.

For years I tolerated my friends drunken bad mannered behaviour why? A sense of loyalty I don't know a lovely girl I knew sober with alcohol she was a nightmare loud/foul mouthed & aggressive. She would never admit to humiliating herself and her other friends I was the last one standing & eventually I even cracked! (10years later!) ok my point!

People don't change & only change if they realise there own behaviour first you should not be having that conversation she should be apologetic & embarrassed we've all made eejits of ourselves at some stage but we learn from our mistakes and admit to them.

I feel like I'm been judgemental & I sound so harsh but personally that is just another side to that girls personality that you haven't seen just yet! I would say your better off without her. She was rude & disrespectful towards you & as for her ''aggressive behaviour towards that girl'' is awful (my ex friend used to do the same especially towards girls that she deemed more attractive & successful to her, she could turn nasty she was very jealous in nature)

That said the decision lies with you maybe give her one more chance but I would have serious doubts!

fghijkl

Personally I'd have dumped her on the spot tbh

If she does this kind of thing in front of you while drunk then can you imagine what she'd do when you weren't there!

she just got caught up in the fact it was her birthday,

Even her excuses sound very lame tbh, she doesn't seem to accept any responsibility for her own actions, a blame the drink scenario:rolleyes:

Also i'd be very wary of violent/agressive drunks, it's usually a very very bad sign and screams of a whole host of problems/issues bubbling beneath the surface imho.

Mc Kenzie

I just dont think being drunk is a good enough excuse. Yano what they say "drunken words sober thaughts".

Iv often had a few too many out with a bf and even then would i think of making them look like an idiot by flirting with other people in front of you.

i dont think it was on, kissin and flirting but getting their number too? thats abit too far. she couldnt of been that drunk when she was able to get the number.

she probably panicked when you didnt answer and then felt guilty.

in my opinion youd want to keep an eye on this, if it happens again then this is what shes like.

LegacyUser

Hi first of all id like to thank everyone here for the wonderful advice today it really was greatly appreciated, I had a serious talk with her tonight, and asked her why she did it? Now she couldnt give me an answer but is adamant that its way out of character for her and that even her friend gave out to her today and said its not her normal behaviour or so she telling me anyway (my trust has gone a bit in her) but since it the first time ive seen her act in this way ive told her ill give her the benefit of the doubt this time. Also she really does sound sorry shes even really suprised ive forgiven her and was all quiet and embarassed tonight and shes worried thing wont be the same anymore.

So at the end of the day im going to keep seeing her since I do like her and we do get on well, and ive told her how angry I was last night and how small she made me feel. Plus ive told her if it happens one more time im gone thats it no messing ill walk off leave her there and shell never see me again. Heres hoping that she doesnt make me live to regret this decision. But a huge thanks to all off you. Hope you all think I done the right thing.

nicechick!

Good luck