Is the age gap too much?

LegacyUser

Hey guys, just want to get some advice on a matter.

I'm 21, met this guy on a night out, clicked very well, problem is, he's 28.

We havent met up since, but have arranged a date this week and its really tearing me apart. I like him so far as in the night we met was enjoyable, chatting away, getting on and texted the next few days. But I cant deny that our ages mean we are in different life stages too. Ive always been very mature for my age, and he even thought I was older until we told our ages, but I worry that he may just want a younger girl right now for fun before he decides to settle. Im not looking to settle now, but I wouldnt want to be just there for "fun" either. Ive never been like that.

I also realise that the age gap is big, though I have to say, Im not going out doing mental things, or staying out all night either. Ive just finished a three year degree, am working and so on and usually when out with friends, go to late bars and enjoy chatting and drinking. I dont want to sound selfish or silly either. I just dont want to fall for someone only to realise they just wanted fun before moving onto to someone else, and while its their own choice in that matter. I guess Im a little scared too. Ive seen friends who have gone out with older guys, and often the guys friends have called them cradle snatchers and really teased. I dont want to be hidden away or be a source of embarassment either. Any advice is appreciated.

Young_gunner

what do you both do, i don't think the gap is that large?

What age gap?

Kevin Duffy

younglady21 wrote: »

Hey guys, just want to get some advice on a matter.

I'm 21, met this guy on a night out, clicked very well, problem is, he's 28.

We havent met up since, but have arranged a date this week and its really tearing me apart. I like him so far as in the night we met was enjoyable, chatting away, getting on and texted the next few days. But I cant deny that our ages mean we are in different life stages too. Ive always been very mature for my age, and he even thought I was older until we told our ages, but I worry that he may just want a younger girl right now for fun before he decides to settle. Im not looking to settle now, but I wouldnt want to be just there for "fun" either. Ive never been like that.

I also realise that the age gap is big, though I have to say, Im not going out doing mental things, or staying out all night either. Ive just finished a three year degree, am working and so on and usually when out with friends, go to late bars and enjoy chatting and drinking. I dont want to sound selfish or silly either. I just dont want to fall for someone only to realise they just wanted fun before moving onto to someone else, and while its their own choice in that matter. I guess Im a little scared too. Ive seen friends who have gone out with older guys, and often the guys friends have called them cradle snatchers and really teased. I dont want to be hidden away or be a source of embarassment either. Any advice is appreciated.

I can't help thinking you're over-thinking this The first meeting sounds nice and the chance to check each other out a little more on a date sounds like a good idea. Relax, enjoy the date and hope it leads to something good for both of you.

Daisy M

Its not a big age gap. Relax a little and see what happens there is no point worrying about things that may never happen.

gavney1

I think people over-think the age gap too much.

Imagine you were

- both 28 - might you then be worrying that he will be looking for a younger girl to have fun with?

- both 21 - might you worry that he wants a more experienced woman who can show him the ropes? Or might you be worrying that he's too immature and is not ready for a girlfriend.

28/21 really isn't a massive age gap for a guy/girl.

Get to know the guy first, then make up your mind

Wompa1

I'm dating a 22 year old girl at the moment and I'm 26. Gap isn't big at all but it did play on both of our minds as she's going into her final year of college and I've been out of college and working for 4 years.

Seems to work so far though. She gets to make jibes about me being an old fart and I get to make jokes about her being my hot young thang. Play it cool!

lil-ms-vodka

10 year gap between me & my OH, wouldn't notice it at all. Depends on the people not the age

Mc Kenzie

omg what age gap is right. Its really not about the age. if you like him go for it and he seems tolike you. what have you got to lose.

banshee_bones

younglady21 wrote: »

I'm 21, met this guy on a night out, clicked very well,

This is a good thing!

younglady21 wrote: »

I like him so far as in the night we met was enjoyable, chatting away, getting on and texted the next few days.

You like him, this is also a good thing and he seems as keen as you are.

younglady21 wrote: »

But I cant deny that our ages mean we are in different life stages too. Ive always been very mature for my age, and he even thought I was older until we told our ages, but I worry that he may just want a younger girl right now for fun before he decides to settle.

TBH I think you are reading an awful lot into this for someone you have just met. Unless you have asked him, how do you know what he wants?

younglady21 wrote: »

I also realise that the age gap is big, though I have to say, Im not going out doing mental things, or staying out all night either. Ive just finished a three year degree, am working and so on and usually when out with friends, go to late bars and enjoy chatting and drinking. I dont want to sound selfish or silly either. I just dont want to fall for someone only to realise they just wanted fun before moving onto to someone else, and while its their own choice in that matter. I guess Im a little scared too. Ive seen friends who have gone out with older guys, and often the guys friends have called them cradle snatchers and really teased. I dont want to be hidden away or be a source of embarassment either. Any advice is appreciated.

A big age gap according to who? Honestly, I think you may be over analysing the whole thing. Just relax, and go on your next date and leave your expectations at the door and enjoy yourself. Worry about this stuff as it comes up, if it comes up!

Faith

When I was 21, I was going out with a 26 year old and if anything I'd have sworn I was 26 and he was 21. I've never noticed an age gap with him at all. Just enjoy it! Nobody ever commented on our age gap. By the time you're in your 20s I don't think anyone cares any more. I had a friend who, at 18, was going out with a 28 year old. People talked about that, but that's because 18 is very young. You're finished college and all - there's no problems to be concerned about.

A friend of mine is 53 and engaged to a 32 year old woman. Age is just a number, how you both get on is more important. As my friend once said, if they both "acted their ages" they wouldn't get on at all.

LegacyUser

OP - After reading your post & I called the old folks home & have booked myself in.

I met my wife when I was 8 years older than her. I went on to marry her when I was 8 years older than her. We had our first child together & I was 8 years older than her.

Even today, I am 8 years older than my wife and we are still having a ball. I absolutely worship the ground she walks on and she adores me. We have a brilliant life together despite the 8 year difference in age.

Age is just a number. It just happens that my number is higher than hers. These numbers do not impact on our lives at all.

OP, you know already whether or not this guy is right for. If there was that "click" when you met up - go for it and drop the age issue.

But one word of advice - as I keep telling my wife, show respect to your elders !! Only joking.

Good luck to you both and don't forget to listen out for that CLICK !!!!

[-0-]

I'm 28 in August... my OH is 21 since February, there's no real gap to be honest because we're both mature. If she was into clubbing and stuff I'd be a bit turned off cause I'm passed all that. Works well for us anyway.

Emme

Karsini wrote: »

A friend of mine is 53 and engaged to a 32 year old woman. Age is just a number, how you both get on is more important. As my friend once said, if they both "acted their ages" they wouldn't get on at all.

THIS is a SERIOUS age-gap but it's getting to be the norm for middle-aged men to date much younger women. If you were 31 dating a 38 year old he might be less likely to want a relationship (guys that age are often less open to commitment than younger guys) and you might well be happy to settle for a 51 year old or even older like the lady above. If you were 41 you would consider yourself lucky to get a 48 year old to look at you, let alone a 53 year old! But then again you might be surrounded by MILF seekers when you're 31 and 41!

28-21 = 7 Now that's a nice age gap, you're both likely to want the same things out of life, enjoy it and good luck for the future. You're lucky to find somebody nice when you're young, I hope it goes well for both of ye.

LegacyUser

Golden rule: half your age plus seven is ok

susiebubbles

I'm in a relationship were there is a 15 year age gap and when I look back at all the stressing I did over it I can only wonder why. I broke up with him for a while over it, regretted it and luckily we got back together. I'm glad my worries didn't ruin it. Enjoy it!

LegacyUser

Just responding back and thanks for all the replies, I totally agree, Ive always believed if you like someone go for it, and see what happens. Well as of the date monday Ive learnt age is nothing since that doesnt determine manners.

Lets just say it was a horror, it was going 100 perfectly, until we reached about 11pm, where we were watching a film, and he told me had to pop over to a bar to get money of his friend and he'd back in a few mins.

Now I was exhausted, had to work 12 hour shift that day, so I was sleepy, and I nodded, a few mins was nothing. Well he didnt come back for a whole hour and a half later to which he told me he stopped to have a drink or two :O

Prior to this the date had been great,but when he came back, he was cold as ice.
I left the next day for work and havent heard from his since. Its probably a good thing. :O

I am a friend

How weird... You have dodged a bullet there...

Does he have a drink problem??? Why did he need drink?

I would have left (if in his house) or else not let him back in.... He was bang out of order. You will probably hear from him again (espcially if you slept with him ) but I personally would let him off...

johnr1

Emme wrote: »

THIS is a SERIOUS age-gap but it's getting to be the norm for middle-aged men to date much younger women. If you were 31 dating a 38 year old he might be less likely to want a relationship (guys that age are often less open to commitment than younger guys) and you might well be happy to settle for a 51 year old or even older like the lady above. If you were 41 you would consider yourself lucky to get a 48 year old to look at you, let alone a 53 year old! But then again you might be surrounded by MILF seekers when you're 31 and 41!

28-21 = 7 Now that's a nice age gap, you're both likely to want the same things out of life, enjoy it and good luck for the future. You're lucky to find somebody nice when you're young, I hope it goes well for both of ye.

Absolute bull - and I might add, a gross generalisation even if it weren't

younglady21 wrote: »

Just responding back and thanks for all the replies, I totally agree, Ive always believed if you like someone go for it, and see what happens. Well as of the date monday Ive learnt age is nothing since that doesnt determine manners.

Lets just say it was a horror, it was going 100 perfectly, until we reached about 11pm, where we were watching a film, and he told me had to pop over to a bar to get money of his friend and he'd back in a few mins.

Now I was exhausted, had to work 12 hour shift that day, so I was sleepy, and I nodded, a few mins was nothing. Well he didnt come back for a whole hour and a half later to which he told me he stopped to have a drink or two :O

Prior to this the date had been great,but when he came back, he was cold as ice.
I left the next day for work and havent heard from his since. Its probably a good thing. :O

Yes -definately on both these OP.

I am a friend wrote: »

How weird... You have dodged a bullet there...

Does he have a drink problem??? Why did he need drink?

I would have left (if in his house) or else not let him back in.... He was bang out of order. You will probably hear from him again (espcially if you slept with him ) but I personally would let him off...

Iamafriend, I dont often agree with your views but spot on here.

Its not actually that wierd though, he's just another one of those people who don't give a sh*t about anyone else apart from themselves. It clearly didn't even crosss his mind that another with whom he was on a date mightn't want to be left alone in a pub for an hour and a half. I will never understand these people, but they do exist - unfortunately.
Well rid.

LegacyUser

I am a friend wrote: »

How weird... You have dodged a bullet there...

Does he have a drink problem??? Why did he need drink?

I would have left (if in his house) or else not let him back in.... He was bang out of order. You will probably hear from him again (espcially if you slept with him ) but I personally would let him off...

Didnt sleep with him, and was not going to, only stayed over as I was working the next day and he suggested it might be easier, was having a nice casual first date, or so I thought. Oh he wont be getting a reply if he ever did text me. It'll be a story for the grandkids some day......date leaves during date.......................in his own house!!! :O

LegacyUser

johnr1 wrote: »

Absolute bull - and I might add, a gross generalisation even if it weren't

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Yes -definately on both these OP.



Iamafriend, I dont often agree with your views but spot on here.

Its not actually that wierd though, he's just another one of those people who don't give a sh*t about anyone else apart from themselves. It clearly didn't even crosss his mind that another with whom he was on a date mightn't want to be left alone in a pub for an hour and a half. I will never understand these people, but they do exist - unfortunately.
Well rid.

I know I should have left, but I guess I was giving the fool a chance, and I was very tired, had to up in three hours for work after that for another 12 hour shift. Well Ive certainly learnt from it thats for sure

johnayo

Dont be so hard on yourself. At least you didn't sleep with him. If you had, you would probably be really beating yourself up now for letting him totally abuse you.

Chalk it down to experience and move on.
Good luck.

legendary.xix

I don't think it should bother you at all. I know of a good few guys in their late 20's going out with 21 year olds. Nothing wrong with at all and definitely non an age gap of concern.

Emme

johnr1 wrote: »

Absolute bull - and I might add, a gross generalisation even if it weren't

Oh really??? Then why are so many people posting here saying that there's 12, 15 or more years between them and their OH (male being older in all cases) and saying how happy they are? I would think what I said merely reflects this. Put it this way, if you were a 40 year old man and you had a choice between a 40 year old woman and a 25 year old and both were equally nice which one would you choose?

Now if the guy has a drink problem no matter what the age gap then he's a no-no.

I am a friend

younglady21 wrote: »

I know I should have left, but I guess I was giving the fool a chance, and I was very tired, had to up in three hours for work after that for another 12 hour shift. Well Ive certainly learnt from it thats for sure

You were just unlucky and lucky you found out so soon

booboo88

that really isnt an age gap?
i once went out with a guy 15 years older than me, its both of you as people that are either suited or not, not what age you are

missgroovy21

I was 23 when i met my OH he was 30 at the time.....everything clicked.... same interests....on the same level personality wise.....were 3 years together....your old enough to make up your own mind. take each day as it comes and see what happens....dont worry about the age thing!!!!

I am a friend

To all who havent read the full thread, the OP went on a date with the guy and he left her sitting in his house for 1.5 hours while he went on 'a message' aka to the pub with his friends. Dont think she is too worried about the age gap anymore..

MrMojoRising

sunflower27 wrote: »

Some men are actually turned off by young, immature women and would far prefer a woman they can talk to on their level.

Not saying 25 is immature, just that it may be viewed that way by a 40-year-old.

I would not be interested in a guy 10-15 years younger than me, no matter how attractive. I just don't have anything in common with men that much younger than me and never have.

Have to agree with this. No way I'd go out with a girl 25 or younger (i'm 31). In my experience I've found women this age to be very immature. Also, little or nothing in common with them. So the age gap can be a problem sometimes for some people

johnr1

Emme wrote: »

Oh really??? Then why are so many people posting here saying that there's 12, 15 or more years between them and their OH (male being older in all cases) and saying how happy they are? I would think what I said merely reflects this. Put it this way, if you were a 40 year old man and you had a choice between a 40 year old woman and a 25 year old and both were equally nice which one would you choose?

If I was a 40 yo man, and if as you so maturely put it they were equally "nice" I'd imagine I'd choose the 40 yo over the 25 yo -for various reasons.
I'l let you know what exactly happens in three years - when I'm 40.:D

What I took issue with was your statement as fact that "guys aged 38 or so would'nt be as open to commitment as younger guys"
This is at best a total generalisation, and at worst just basically untrue.

Anecdotally, I have several guy friends around my own age who are single and most would be very open to a comitted relationship.
I also have some guy friends around the 28 to 30 mark and they regularly come out with cringeworthy statements like "Shes looking for the big M, best keep clear", - any woman looking for more than a ons or casual sex is basically a nut-job as far as they see it.

For my own part, I've often dated in big age gaps, both directions, and it makes no difference if both are of similar maturity and want the same things/have the same expectations etc.

seenitall

johnr1 wrote: »

Anecdotally, I have several guy friends around my own age who are single and most would be very open to a comitted relationship.

Alelluyah! send'em thisaway please, johnr1 <<<

OP, age difference of + and - about a dozen years, has never done much to deter me from fancying someone either. I agree with the others that the relationship success depends much more on the life stages the two people are at, which can be similar even with a bigger age difference.

(Although, biologically, the passing of Father Time favours men, generally. That's hardly breaking news though!)

LegacyUser

OP, here, well to be honest its not that I had a huge issue with the age gap anyway, it was more that I worried issues he may have in the first place, as whether or not someone is mature, 21 and 28 are two different life stages, thats just fact really, and to be honest on the date, he kept saying, "when you are as old as I am, "or" when you get to my age. I was beggining to feel like my granddad was lecturing me. lol

But Ive always been mature for my age anyway, at least I think I am, and Im willing to see where things go. But I certainly dodged a bullet with this guy. But as I said in other posts, I didnt do anything with him, not my style, and stupidly I stayed, but as he said he was just popping out for a second, I was dumbstruck as to what to do, as in anything could have happened, but its certainly a lesson I have learnt. Having said that, I was out the next night after and I saw the same guy in the same corner of the bar with the same friend, leering over his pint at 01.30am.

So, nothing lost there for sure and all dignity intact. haha. Onwards and upwards is my motto. thanks for all the replies.

Mankyspuds

.

I'm 21, met this guy on a night out, clicked very well, problem is, he's 28.


Jesus run for the hills!!! 28! are you having us all on or what...

Silverfish

Closing this thread because I don't think anyone replying is actually reading it.