Frustrated and upset at work

doireann08

Hi

I posted here a few weeks ago. I have been with my company a few years and got promoted in Feb to a management role
The new role is challenging and i have never managed people before

I feel that communication is breaking down with my boss. I worked with him before when I was in the company for a year
We got on well at the time, he has a very sarcastic sense of humour ( I know some people would have taken offense to some of his comments at the time)

The upshot is, that I am not the same person as I was 5 years ago and I am clashing a bit with my manager lets call him J

Generally with the managers and directors in my department I feel completely unheard ( they talk over me in management meetings) When I start to talk, someone interrupts, - its got to the stage that I don't bother talking in management meetings

Today was another example - they were talking about a topic where I am the only one of the managers that has experience in the field they were talking about- I started to talk but again they talked over me.

Things came to a head yesterday when J's boss came up to me to give me feedback about performance about one of my direct reports ( it was negative) However I work in an open plan office, my direct report sits beside me. I told the director, I wasn't comfortable talking about it ( when my direct report could hear everything).

Anyway I met the director in a meeting room yesterday - and..... I got really upset, tears were in my eyes, I started crying... I think the 6 months of frustration just came out. I didn't exactly tell him I wanted to leave and go ack to my old job... I was close to it........

I just feel they have no faith in me as I never get good feedback at all

I have a great reputation in the company and I feel I made the biggest mistake, taking this job. I have sleepless nights, constant worry over it

I feel my team are suffering too as I try and not let the fact that I am stressed out show..... but it obviously does

Please any advie is welcome as I am that close to walking ouT. My manager is completely unapproachable, I tried to talk to him yesterday but he didn't have the time. I don't want to burn any bridges....as they asked for a 2 year commitment when I took the job. I don't think I can stick it for 2 years.. I feel my confidence is being destroyed in this job!!!

I am sure his boss told him about how I was upset...

MajorMax

Your colleagues talk over you because you allow it. I don't mean that you should shout them down, just be firm and say something like "I wasn't finished" or "Excuse me I would like to make my point" it is very hard to do this. I had to learn how to do it, it may help if you stand and walk around the room when you talk as people defer automatically to people who stand.

doireann08

thanks. I understand what you are saying, but when I start to speak someone immediately interupts and even when I say I wanted to make a point.. still I am being talked over

HellFireClub

doireann08 wrote: »

I have a great reputation in the company and I feel I made the biggest mistake, taking this job. I have sleepless nights, constant worry over it

Have you any qualifications in the field of management? If not, then when you got this job you were effectively set up for failure. Managing people isn't just a matter of promotion, there are skills and competencies associated with the role that have to be taught, and motivating human beings is one of the most complex tasks you could be handed in my opinion.

Just like if you were an IT professional, you would have to be taught skills that would allow you to program effectively, or if you were a pilot, you would have to be trained to take off and land, managing people is no different. Sadly in Ireland, there is no appreciation for this within industry, people think that God visits you over night and sprinkes some magic "people management" gold dust on you when you get promoted so that you can do the job effectively. Often people are landed into managerial roles without any attempt to properly tool them up in terms of providing them with a strong set of people management skills founded on solid theory and practical training, for a job that is very different from one that they previously demonstrated a high level of competency in.

doolox

I've lost count of how many dysfunctional managers I have had to work under who were chosen and promoted purely on their academic and technical performance but had little or no formal training in people management or motivation or just plain.....LEADERSHIP.

The so-called "soft skills" are sadly neglected in this country and will continue to be so as long as high unemployment allows companies to get away with it and enable junior employees to be treated like muck and not have any negative outcomes because people are too scared to move jobs in the light of their scarcity. In a recession it is not only people without jobs who suffer, people in jobs suffer worse conditions, more fear and intimidation, more hours less money and recognition, more threats and bullying as the "big boys" jockey for position and recognition and survival.......

Nobody wins.

Eventually companies which engage in such unprofessional practices will die out, to be replaced by people and companies who nurture and develop their people, foster loyalty through proper recognition and funding and support of all the projects they undertake and keep communications lines open.

We should be taking a look at how successful organisations do it. Historically the Royal Navy fostered a meritocracy and esprit de corps which made it a very successful force compared to the corruption and negativity of it rival navies on the continent. Likewise the GAA, through a complex system of training, development and community involvement, promoted the careers of people who wouldn't have a chance to do well in sports otherwise if they had to pay for all the training they got.

doireann08

HellFireClub wrote: »

Have you any qualifications in the field of management? If not, then when you got this job you were effectively set up for failure. Managing people isn't just a matter of promotion, there are skills and competencies associated with the role that have to be taught, and motivating human beings is one of the most complex tasks you could be handed in my opinion.

Just like if you were an IT professional, you would have to be taught skills that would allow you to program effectively, or if you were a pilot, you would have to be trained to take off and land, managing people is no different. Sadly in Ireland, there is no appreciation for this within industry, people think that God visits you over night and sprinkes some magic "people management" gold dust on you when you get promoted so that you can do the job effectively. Often people are landed into managerial roles without any attempt to properly tool them up in terms of providing them with a strong set of people management skills founded on solid theory and practical training, for a job that is very different from one that they previously demonstrated a high level of competency in.

Hi Hellfire - no I have had no formal management training apart from a 4 day course which covered how to motivate different personalities based on assessing their competency/confidence level.

Irish_Elect_Eng

OK the first thing to realise in this situation is that this is a solvable issue and you can acquire the skills to solve the issue, as surprising as it may seem you are in control.

Your skills have fallen behind what is required for your current position, but you seem to be doing ok except for your relationships with the management team.

Imagine the situation, you promote one of you own reports to a new role, they are struggling because they lack a key skill, how would you solve this problem?

I am sure that you know the answer.

So, stand back from the situation, view your own performance as if you are an outsider. What would your advice be to yourself.

(1) Get a mentor, either within out outside of the company, someone with management experience that can advise an guide your transition into management.
(2) Get training, addressing general managerial skills.
(3) Get training addressing some of the key communications issues you are experiencing with your management team.
(4) Actively work to build individual relationships with the members of the management team, the management team is a "club" that can be difficult to break into, it is easier to initially build individual relationships.


Good Luck. This is a challenge you are up to it.