Am I doing the right thing? (Longish post! Be warned)

bicarlowguy

Hey guys sorry for this long post, but i need to ask if im doing the right thing!

I know a guy here in aberdeen, who I REALLY like. I have always been there for him as a friend, holding his hand when he was dumped, helped him move house several times, let him sleep in my bed with me on floor when he had nowhere else to sleep, given him money when he was broke, visited him in hospital when he was sick...

He recently asked me to stay at his over the summer.

As a result, I have fallen into a depression, and yesterday was diagnosed as having clinical depression by my doctor. I went to visit him at his, cos he is just out of hospital, and he told me "I am glad you are seeing a psychiatrist because you are doing my nut in!"

I pointed this out as being upset and got told "Oh **** you" and "
Well see what i mean you're always feeling sorry for yourself man up for christs sake! Yeah u were diagnosed with depression but don't milk that mate! And u were doing my nut in!"

I am now arranging emergency accomodation over summer in halls, I cant go live with him, and have half my belongings over at his, am I right to be doing what I am doing?

Annasopra

Well if he's not being sympathetic yes you are

baby and crumble

I'm a little confused as to what the problem is- you say you like this guy, and you're nice to him and now he's asked you to stay with him over the summer, and 'as a result' you have fallen into depression? I'm confused. I mean he's being a bit of a dick not supporting you, but what were you doing that was "doing his nut in?" I'm just not sure we're getting the full story here, that's all...

Platinum2010

zoegh wrote: »

I'm a little confused as to what the problem is- you say you like this guy, and you're nice to him and now he's asked you to stay with him over the summer, and 'as a result' you have fallen into depression? I'm confused...

+1

apache

sounds like the op fancies his "mate" and the friend is straight.
maybe his head is wrecked.
if that is the case don't move in with him.
but who knows?

bicarlowguy

ok guys, heres to clarify, the guy is gay
i dont know how i was wrecking his head, he just accused me of it, and been a dick
I emailed him to say i was upset at his attitude, and he was "Oh **** you"

And as a result I have decided not to move in with him, cos he cant see how saying something like that to someone who has been a true friend, when they are in a depressed state is hurtful

ninty9er

He said "it's good you're seeing someone" not.. "I want nothing to do with you".

Is he being an ass, or do you just think that? Ask him what was meant by "doing my nut in".

Never mind us not having the whole story, givn this was an email conversation I'm not sure you do either.

bicarlowguy

He is being a major ass, when i emailed him to say his comment hurt me, he said "oh **** you"

And this morning, I went to collect my stuff from his, and he not only had the cheek to say he had helped me with loads of stuff (all he has done is be harsh and nasty IMO) and then tried to say that my depression was just an attention thing I have now deleted him from fb and told him not to get back to me until he sorts himself out

Aishae

hi OP he DOES sound like he's behaving like an ass. he certainly doesnt understand depression at all.
but as you said - you really liked him (i assume you mean fancy) - so that would make his actions seem all the worse - and make you inclined to analyse every little thing. as most people tend to do with folks they have a bit of a jones for.

that doesnt make how he's reacting to your depression ok. he either needs to learn about depression (a spot of googling may be in order) or you both need time out till he gets a bit of cop on and you yourself get past the liking him thing. so you both cool off

apache

bicarlowguy wrote: »

have now deleted him from fb and told him not to get back to me until he sorts himself out

well if you have deleted him from facebook thats it then

whats the story with facebook? am not on it thank god.
seems like a load of ****e. i'm probably one of the few not on it. talk to people - don't facebook them!

Platinum2010

I'm thinking of leaving facebook myself it's getting sh*t to be honest

TylerIE

bicarlowguy wrote: »

Hey guys sorry for this long post, but i need to ask if im doing the right thing!

I know a guy here in aberdeen, who I REALLY like. I have always been there for him as a friend, holding his hand when he was dumped, helped him move house several times, let him sleep in my bed with me on floor when he had nowhere else to sleep, given him money when he was broke, visited him in hospital when he was sick...

He recently asked me to stay at his over the summer.

As a result, I have fallen into a depression, and yesterday was diagnosed as having clinical depression by my doctor. I went to visit him at his, cos he is just out of hospital, and he told me "I am glad you are seeing a psychiatrist because you are doing my nut in!"

I pointed this out as being upset and got told "Oh **** you" and "
Well see what i mean you're always feeling sorry for yourself man up for christs sake! Yeah u were diagnosed with depression but don't milk that mate! And u were doing my nut in!"

I am now arranging emergency accomodation over summer in halls, I cant go live with him, and have half my belongings over at his, am I right to be doing what I am doing?

Hi OP,

Whatever you feel for him the relationship and possibly even the feelings you have are not healthy. Now that your doctor states you have depression, and you know thats going on, you dont need to be around someone who is a cause of stress for you (whether or not hes at fault or your at fault or nobodys at fault, its still stress).

It would really be best if you got some time to yourself away from him, keep seeing your doctor and perhaps ask him for advice on LGBT support groups or counselling services so that you can have someone to chat to. I dont know any in that area but the UK has lots.

Then if you get your head sorted you can find someone who will treat you right. And if your not willing to rule this guy out yet, then at least after getting yourself sorted you will be in the right mental state to work on developing it - the current situation is just going to get more destructive if it carries on.

Thats my 2p worth

Hope it works out....