Conservative Americans trying to be funny

FinnLizzy

Conservapedia try on their funny boots and the result is what you'd expect from American conservatives trying to be funny..... sh1te.

Atheists are Nerds</p><p>"]http://www.conservapedia.com/Essay:_10_telltale_signs_you_are_on_your_way_to_becoming_an_atheist_nerd

The above link points out that Atheists are nerds, a true enough statement, but considering that it's written by a conservapedian....

http://www.conservapedia.com/Atheism_appears_to_be_significantly_less_appealing_to_women

The above link is an example of serious nit picking, saying atheists are less appealing to women. But given the same chances to get the ride, take into account that chastity is a bit of a c0ck block, .

http://www.conservapedia.com/Essay:_Richard_Dawkins%27_lack_of_appeal_to_the_Asian_women_audience

Now this one takes the biscuit. It's commenting on Richard Dawkin's lack of appeak to Asian Women... He's an attractive man, and I'd be a bit upset if I didn't appeal to Asian women, but the nit picking on Conservapedia is so bad, they even put a picture of Hitler on Dawkin's page!

I'm not posing any question, just give some feedback and maybe a few links to simmilar attempts by conservatives to be either funny or cool.

Galvasean

Wow, that's really childishly written. Feels like an angry ten year old with a chip on it's shoulder wrote it.
Hmm, let's see how I stack up to their stereotypes:

1. When you are at your girlfriend's house, you cannot stop scowling at her mother's pictures of Jesus

Can't say that's ever happened.

2. You own more pocket protectors than shirts.

Not only do I not own any pocket protectors, but I don't ever recall so much as seeing one in my life.

3. You tell your girlfriend that she is merely a result of blind random natural forces and there is nothing particularly special about her. Of course, this lets her know that you are an insensitive liar and she starts crying

Nope. I prefer to say things like, "You're pretty" or "I like you".

4. You spend countless hours arguing with your girlfriend on the true definition of atheism and insist you are not diluting the definition of atheism given in most encyclopedias of philosophy.

Nope. Can't say this conversation has ever lasted more than a few seconds with a significant other (if at all). Of course I tend to date open minded people.

5. You fly into an uncontrollable rage when your girlfriend brings up shockofgod's question.

First time I've ever heard of said question. *Googles* Hmm, I think I've seen said question posed on this very forum many times. I usually churn out the Incredible claims call for incredible evidence" line and move on with my life. Again, this assumes my partner would ask such an obviously silly question.

6. After your last girlfriend dumped you, you reminded yourself that you still have a lot of atheist subscribers at your YouTube atheism channel and your Reddit atheist friend list is quite large. In addition, your mother no longer believes you are going to get married.

Don't have anything specifically atheism related on my Youtube channel, nor does it have any followers. I don't even use Reddit. I don't think my mother ever believed I am going to get married. Heck, up until recently she was sure I was gay!

7. You try to convince every woman you meet to visit atheists' websites. You do this because you are mad at Conservapedia for pointing out that the web traffic tracking companies Alexa and Quantcast indicate that a majority of web visitors to prominent atheists' websites are males

Uh... no. And TBH anyone who did that would be quite a scary person in my eyes.

8. You think Richard Dawkins has machismo or try to debate Conservapedians on the true definition of the word machismo despite the definitions the Merriam Webster dictionary offers.

No, I don't think Dawkins strikes me as being overbearingly manly.

9. American atheists are significantly less likely to get married than the general population.[1] When you had problems finding a wife, you refused to consider the possibility that you could be the problem and instead blamed it on womankind.

Okay. They got me there. I always blame the other half. Big narcissist that I am. :cool:

10. Your girlfriend tells you that there needs to be better communication between you two so you buy her a Star Trek USB Communicator that will allow you two to "Stay connected Starfleet style" via Skype and IM programs.[2] You also suggest that you and your girlfriend work on Wikipedia articles together. Wikipedia, which was co-founded by the atheist Jimmy Wales, has an atheist nerd infestation problem and this indisputable fact will be alluded to shortly through an impeccable source.

Nope, never happened. That said, a lot of the girls I know would love to have a Star Trek themed communication device, so I'll give Conservipedia half a point on this one. And no, I really don't think editing Wikipedia articles together would be my idea of romantic fun.

So I score 1 and a half out of ten. Their test is seriously flawed as everyone knows I am a very nerdy atheist who happens to be a bit lonely at this current moment in time.

AhSureTisGrand

The kid who wrote that is just jelly because he doesn't have a girlfriend

FinnLizzy

Yeah, they don't really know what men do with women together in general. The idea of not believing in god must be pretty new to this guy
My girlfriend's mum has a picture of Jesus in the house, so does mine. I never batted an eyelid towards it because it's just SO IRISH!
But at least we don't have a picture of JFK! Conservapedia would hate that!

PS: Atheism causes knob rot

robindch

AhSureTisGrand wrote: »

The kid who wrote that is just jelly because he doesn't have a girlfriend

And worse, if he did have one, he'd have to marry her before he could have sex with her.

jank

Ah conservapedia, the website written by the lunatic fringe of American right wing society. Its read by say .1% of the American people but liberals/athiests are probably its biggest readers by a long shot.

jank

If you want to look at funny stuff (may have been posted before) try this.
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Athiest

Better then wasting your time on a site written by a 2 year old.

who the fug

Are all atheists male or butch lesbians ?

jank

Atheism is EXTREMELY popular among male individuals afflicted with the very common and stupid disease, Diarrhe-emesis, better known as “Diarrhea of the mouth”, or ****-Face disease. The reason for this can be attributed to both; the desire to justify the use of their anuses for pleasure of the homosexual kind, and the ensuing rectal prolapsation caused by the activities participated for that pleasure. The latter resulting in a complete-bodily accumulation of egesta to the point of oral emission.

Female individuals may also find atheism appealing when they have the sexual appeal, political aptitude, and well-toned physique of Rosie O'Donnell

:pac:

Bloody Nipples

Ooh buurrrnnn :pac:

sensibleken

1. When you are at your girlfriend's house, you cannot stop scowling at her mother's pictures of Jesus (Please see: The atheist and evolutionist helpline).

No my girlfriends ma is an athiest too. and she doesnt live in a house.

2. You own more pocket protectors than shirts.

Is pockets protectors a euphamism for condoms? in which case, yes!

3. You tell your girlfriend that she is merely a result of blind random natural forces and there is nothing particularly special about her. Of course, this lets her know that you are an insensitive liar and she starts crying (see: Atheism and deception).

I tell her its her turn to cook and to relax her wrist while playing fiddle.

4. You spend countless hours arguing with your girlfriend on the true definition of atheism and insist you are not diluting the definition of atheism given in most encyclopedias of philosophy.

No but we do spend sunday morning laughing at theists while we have lie ins

5. You fly into an uncontrollable rage when your girlfriend brings up shockofgod's question.

Oh thats almost a daily occurance.

6. After your last girlfriend dumped you, you reminded yourself that you still have a lot of atheist subscribers at your YouTube atheism channel and your Reddit atheist friend list is quite large. In addition, your mother no longer believes you are going to get married.

Its funny how when you go to write a top ten list you run out of ideas at 5

7. You try to convince every woman you meet to visit atheists' websites. You do this because you are mad at Conservapedia for pointing out that the web traffic tracking companies Alexa and Quantcast indicate that a majority of web visitors to prominent atheists' websites are males (Please see: Atheism appears to be significantly less appealing to women).

yes, thats what i try and convince women to do

8. You think Richard Dawkins has machismo or try to debate Conservapedians on the true definition of the word machismo despite the definitions the Merriam Webster dictionary offers.

actually i dont think very highly of him at all

9. American atheists are significantly less likely to get married than the general population.[1] When you had problems finding a wife, you refused to consider the possibility that you could be the problem and instead blamed it on womankind.

so what your saying is athiests sleep with more women. oh no!

10. Your girlfriend tells you that there needs to be better communication between you two so you buy her a Star Trek USB Communicator that will allow you two to "Stay connected Starfleet style" via Skype and IM programs.[2] You also suggest that you and your girlfriend work on Wikipedia articles together. Wikipedia, which was co-founded by the atheist Jimmy Wales, has an atheist nerd infestation problem and this indisputable fact will be alluded to shortly through an impeccable source. Hint concerning the impeccable source: his song is THE definitive song on nerds and nerd behavior.

so what your saying is. "im twelve years old and just got picked for the school sports team for the first time"

And some people still wonder why athiests think themselves superior.

ghostchant

Can we not have a sense of humour about ourselves no? The uncyclopedia article was rather funny all-in-all

AhSureTisGrand

jank wrote: »

Ah conservapedia, the website written by the lunatic fringe of American right wing society. Its read by say .1% of the American people but liberals/athiests are probably its biggest readers by a long shot.

In fairness they probably wrote most of it

Edit: as in a lot of it seems to be liberals taking the piss out of conservatives

FinnLizzy

ghostchant wrote: »

Can we not have a sense of humour about ourselves no? The uncyclopedia article was rather funny all-in-all

I have to say that Atheists can be a funny bunch to make fun of, even if I am one. That's why South Park kicks ass. It's not enough to just not believe in God, you have to be a dick to those who think otherwise! Haha

AhSureTisGrand

Since when did We decide We were a proper noun?

Count Duckula

The entire website is a pisstake, guys.

mikhail

AhSureTisGrand wrote: »

Since when did We decide We were a proper noun?

We're being confused with autotheists.