Advice needed

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

I've been reading this forum for quite some time now and I can see some really good and sound advice is given, and sometimes it's just easier to ask anonymous people, than your friends-who mean well, but can sometimes have their own agendas!

Anyway, to get started-I recently started seeing this guy a couple of months ago, met him through college where I've gone back as a part time mature student and he's a couple of years younger than me. I've been single for a good long time before this, with the last two experiences with long term boyfriends really affecting me-to the point where any time I started seeing a guy, after a month or two I'd close off and start ignoring texts etc (yes I know, a very mature way to deal with things!).

But there's something a bit different about this one, and has been from the very start. We went through a kind of a bad patch there a little while ago that neither of us really acknowledged (again you can see a trend with my maturity levels when it comes to relationships), but then in a roundabout way I told him I can be quite insecure which he admitted to as well, and said that we should be more open and talk about these things a lot more. And since then we've been a lot more comfortable around each other. I think the real issue here is my inability, due to my massive insecurities, to see why someone would want to be with me, if I tell them how I feel about things-they'll leg it so fast the other direction there'll be dust marks. I also think I may be falling in love with him, and I'm afraid of what this is going to bring.

There's a big family event coming up in a little while which I've invited him to and which I think he's looking forward to despite having never met any of my family which I know he is very nervous about, and he's worried about whether or not they will like him, but I'm having panic attacks about it. In my head I'm thinking he's only staying with me because I invited him along, and he doesn't want to embarrass me in front of my family when I have to tell them all that he dumped me & isn't coming anymore. But then I think, would he even be coming if he didn't like me? I can't figure out if I'm being completely irrational, should I say something to him, or if maybe there's something there that's telling me he is only with me because he can't see a way out of it?

I don't even know if this makes any sense, but to be honest even just typing it out in this way has given a bit of release as well! I'm also having lots of work issues at the moment, and I am unsure of where I am there, which I know when one area of your life is up in a heap, you can transfer it to another area without even realising it.

I also think I'm just trying to gain an insight into a guys psyche!! I know I should say something to him (but in a way that's not going to immediately set off alarm bells in his head going-CRAZY GIRL,CRAZY GIRL!!!), and I know I really need to address my issues with my maturity levels when it comes to healthy relationships, and I must realise that not all are going to go the same the last two have, but I also would be really grateful if people here could give me some advice...maybe someone's been in this situation before, maybe I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill?? Who knows!!

Thanks for taking the time to read this rambling though:-)

Mc Kenzie

It sounds to me that you dont have anything to worry about:)

If your bf didnt want to be with you he wouldnt. Even you said he is excited about meeting your family thats great he has an interest in meeting them.
He sounds like anice guy from what you said.

Perhaps your over thinking things. You shouldnt let yourself question why he is with you.JUst except that he is. Enjoy it:)

Girls tend to over analyse things.As i do myself sometimes.

LegacyUser

Hi, thanks for that, I really appreciate it! I do go through phases thinking I'm just over analysing things, and then other times I think, maybe I have a point. It's so hard to explain, like when we're together he's very affectionate, and I'm confident nothing is wrong, it's only when I've time to think away from him do I get a bit stressed out about stuff (do girls ever learn about overanalysing stuff!!!)

I think also at the back of my head is that he's told me he's had quite a few girlfriends and one long term girlfriend (over 3years), and one night a while ago, we were out he told me that after 2months he'd realise that he shouldn't be with the other girlfriends & I'm the only other one (apart from the long termer) that's lasted over 2months! He also has a friend who recently became a dad, and he said that just before the gf fell pregnant his friend was thinking about breaking up with her, but obviously when she became pregnant they stayed together & for the time being are quite happy, so I'm thinking-is he only staying with me because he's just facing up to the fact that I invited him to something big with my family & he feels he can't do it...both these scenarios prey on my mind, even though the first part is good, and the second part..well they don't even really equate to a pregnancy!!! I feel a bit crazy even thinking these things to be honest, but better out than in!

I know I sound like the biggest neurotic bag of hormones to ever walk the face of the planet, but I'm actually quite laid back in other aspects of my life, and when I'm with him I'm quite laid back as well..I spoke to another close friend & she reckons it's stress about the family event, which I think could be it, but it's nice to hear from someone else that I've nothing to worry about!