Unnaturally sad at the loss of our old dog Missy?

leonvquinn

We had to let go our lovely old dog Missy yesterday after a short illness and for about a week before she went and ever since, my partner and I have both felt an incredible grief, the like of which we've never felt before even when close, human relatives have died.

We've talked about why we are so sad and that's the easy bit to understand. Missy was the perfect dog, pet and companion. Very, very placid, friendly, affectionate and great with our 2 kids and her not being here now has left a massive hole in our family. We just can't stop crying..

But why wasn't I this sad when my mother died, why wasn't my partner this sad when some of her loved ones died? The best we can come up with so far is that dogs are so much simpler than humans. They love you unconditionally and even when you are mean to them they're back licking you and wagging their tails within minutes.

Is it this simplicity that makes the relationship special? Humans after all can be complex, mean and dishonest, even close relations. You know where you stand with an animal. Is there a special bond that certain people can have with an animal? Are we just weird?

Leon

westies4ever

first of all , i'm so sorry for your loass. just reading your post gave me a lump in my throat.

secondly, you are most definitely not weird, i absolutely dread the day this situation comes to my door. Aside from my husband, I'd choose the dogs over ANY other person on this earth (i have no kids, i should point out).

There's probably a few factors making you so sad. if you're like me, you probably spend more time with your dog than anyone else, they're a constant prescence and when they're gone it leaves a huge hole. Also probably a little guilt although you definitely did the right thing for the dog.

Its also possible that grieving for your dog is raking up the grief you felt for your relatives and intensifying your feelings.

I dont know how to comfort you but you are obviously a great dog owner - I hope someday you can get another dog who will be fortunate enough to be cared for by you.

Magill

Dogs/Animals are special, not unnatural at all to feel very sad when your dog passed away. Some things just affect people differently.

Gremlin

Leon,

Firstly, i'm really sorry for your loss. I know exactly what your going through because exactly a year ago I had the same grief when we lost Osker our 16.5 year old collie. I'm not exactly a tough guy, but I don't get emotional easily either and I cried every day for a week when I got home from work and she wasn't there. Everything I looked at reminded me of Osker.

In response to why it seems you are gireving more for the dog than a human, i'd say you are not, its just that we tend to forget the intensity of past grief. What I found (and maybe this will be true for you too) is that I went around intensely grieving for about two weeks and then it lifted suddenly. A couple of months later we had a new little dog family member and we love him to bits now too.

I think you have a very good point regarding the unconditional love they give us.

Hope you come to terms with all of this soon.

Cú Giobach

Really sorry for your loss leonvquinn.

There is nothing unnatural whatsoever about your grief, the love for a close pet comes from the same place all love comes from and for many of us our pets are among or even are our closest friends.
Your grief is just a sign of the strength of your love for Missy, she most certainly was an important part of your family and your day to day life.
I lost a dog last autumn and can only just now look at a picture of her without my eyes filling up, and I'm certainly not the weepy kind. Just remember the happy times and take solace in the fact you gave her a wonderful and happy life.
I honestly find the hardest thing about having and loving dogs is their short life span compared to us, I wish you all the best and hope when you feel ready you can give another dog a loving and happy home.

cjf

Really sorry to hear about the loss of your doggie OP. It is really just so hard and I know in my experience I found it quite difficult to be so openly sad and grieve for my doggies as not all the humans in my life understand the special bond we can have with our pets. Its great to share on a forum like this where you know that there are other who have had the same heart wrenching experience and who can still be reduced to tears thinking about it years later! My two CKC's both lived to be 13 and died 3 years apart from each other. Recently I attended a dog show and was chatting to an older man who was there showing his CKC's and telling him about mine and cuddling his and i just burst into tears. . .its been 5 years this year since they passed! I love this poem below and have a print out of it on my fridge with pics of my past doggies. Its a nice reminder every morning of how lucky I was to have had them in my life! And as was mentioned above in time perhaps you will find space to help another dog who needs a home.

Last Night

I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep. I could see that you were crying, You found it hard to sleep.

I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear,"It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."

I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea,You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached down to me.

I was with you at the shops today, Your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.

I was with you at my grave today, You tend it with such care.
I want to re-assure you, that I'm not lying there.

I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said " it's me."

You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.

It's possible for me, to be so near you everyday.To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."

You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew...
In the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.

The day is over... I smile and watch you yawningand say "good-night, God bless, I'll see you in the morning."

And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand, side by side.

I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out...then come home to be with me.

~Author Unknown

boodlesdoodles

Leon, I'm so sorry for your loss, beautiful dog. What you're feeling is only natural, because you loved your dog and they loved you. I think you're right about the unconditional love thing, they could teach humans so much. Hope you and your family will be doing ok soon, take care.

westies4ever

Last Night

I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep. I could see that you were crying, You found it hard to sleep.

I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear,"It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."

I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea,You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached down to me.

I was with you at the shops today, Your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.

I was with you at my grave today, You tend it with such care.
I want to re-assure you, that I'm not lying there.

I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said " it's me."

You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.

It's possible for me, to be so near you everyday.To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."

You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew...
In the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.

The day is over... I smile and watch you yawningand say "good-night, God bless, I'll see you in the morning."

And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand, side by side.

I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out...then come home to be with me.

~Author Unknown[/QUOTE]



aww thats lovely, made me cry though!!!

Cherry Blossom

Like kids, pets are completely dependant on their carers, this brings out the most parental side of even the least parental people, they are completely dependant on you not only for their basic needs but love, care, happiness, fun . . . everything is provided by you and they rely on only you to provide it.

Unlike like kids they are completely loyal in return and give back what you give them times 10, (kids just keep taking . . . and taking . . . and taking :rolleyes:). Also there isn't going to come a day when your pet grows up and leaves home so there is no need to control the apron strings as such. It's perfectly acceptable for a pet to be your shadow for it's entire life, for any sort of human relationship to operate the same way would be considered unhealthy.

I wouldn't worry about it, I bawled my eyes out for a week when my horse died, dog help everybody when the day comes that I loose my 16 hour a day shadow, doesn't even bare thinking about. I'd hope she'll be around for another 15years at least but maybe I should start preparing myself now

leonvquinn

Thanks for all your replies guys. It's nice to know we are not alone and there are others who love their pets too much aswell! We're still crying here. Mornings are worse when we come downstairs where the doggies hang out most and see the empty space on the couch where Missy once was and see the look on our other dogs face now that he lost his partner. We need to get another partner for him soon but only when we're ready.

As the vet said just after Missy went asleep....they like to see tears as it means the owners really cared about their pets and what's the point having them if you don't care..?

I'm not big into poems and sentiment that go on about a lost one still being around and meeting them again one day when we die. You can take from that that I'm atheist! Nevertheless, I cried (again) reading the poem above.

I found your comment very helpful adrenalinjunkie, never thought of it that way with the whole dependency thing. We always called our dogs kids before our actual kids came so now we've lost one of our kids and one of our dearest old, ever present friends. Simple as...