How to deal with this?

LegacyUser

Heya, going unreg for this one!
I have a bit of problem and I'd love some advice on how to deal with this tackfully! I've never really been in a position like this before.

A bit of background information: I'm on this website, a forum website for universities. Earlier in the year, I got talking to a young guy (I'm a girl by the way), who seemed like a nice guy. He was interesting to talk to and a good laugh. We had a few things in common too but I wasn't physically attracted to him. He seemed like a good friend though.

He hinted at liking me but never actually said it out straight so I ignored the hints and pretended that I didn't get them, in case I was wrong. After about a month or so, the ints got more profound and less easy to ignore so I let him know that I thought of him as a friend. This didn't work so I went easy on the contact, talking less frequently. Before this, he had asked to go travelling with him after university as friends and I told him that I'd think about it.

Next thing I get a message from him telling me that he's fallen in love with me and he thinks I might be the 'One'. Now this came as a shock and I thought it might have been one of his friends joking but it wasn't and he was serious and he began to talk about the travelling and on into the future as though I said yes. I told him that I wasn't interested in him romantically and that I was sorry but he was only a friend to me. He was pretty cut up about this and we lost contact for a while.

He had added me on Facebook but he was barely ever on it. This evening I logged on and seen an invitation from him. It was to an event that was by invitation only and one guest. Now I have no intention of going as this tells me he still has feelings for me and may be trying again. I can make excuses for not going etc, but what I need help in is letting him down gently but firmly if he is using this to show he still has feelings for me. I have no idea how to deal with it if this is the case.

Sorry, didn't expect it to be as long. Might have missed out on information too! Thanks in advance though

Kevin Duffy

Not sure how much more you can do if you've been straight, honest and firm so far. The problem appears to be with his persitence, not anything you've done. I would say keep saying what you've said, don't waver on it or try to sugarcoat it and don't offer anything he will interpret as a reason to hope you'll change your mind.

The point may come when you have to recognise that you can't keep in touch with him at all and you'll both have to accept the end of the friendship, at which point he can go and deal with his feelings himself, feelings which you're not responsible for.

HTH and best of luck.

Aishae

on a whole - ive found its harder to get men to take the same hint that'd work fine on a woman (whether its dating, presents, behaviour etc etc......) its not a bad thing. Our minds just operate differently.
So if he persists then the only thing you can do is stop trying to be subtle and letting him down so easy. no one wants to hurt anyone else like that but there are cases where a little tough love is required.

calex71

Look you've tried to be straight up and nice op but there are some people who can't see the forest for the tree's and there are those who choose not to!!!

I understand you not wanting to hurt the guy (and shows the quality of a person you are) but as it stands he is making you feel bad and uncomfortable !!!!!!! How is that acceptable ????? Spell it out once and for all and if after that he's still at it then you really have to consider the fact he cant be just friends and be blunter and cut contact.