Can't get a girlfriend

LegacyUser

For about 5 years now I've been trying to get a girlfriend...I learned all what a person needs to get one...took advice from soo many people...worked on making myself look good through fashion..sports etc... and I was even very brave to attempt asking some girls out ...unfortunately it hasn't been working for me...I used to think that it is a special "Skill you need" and that through surfing the webs and reading books you could actually acquire that "skill"...but now I noticed it's not like that...I asked many guys who have girlfriends and successful with girls on what to do...they all said very basic things simpler than what i found out from sites and books....for example..to get a girls phone number..just say " can I have ur phone number?"....and I used to think there was a magical harry potter sentence that could get any girls phone number....

after thinking alot..I found out that it's not a skill...it's actually inhereted...believe me if a girl likes you she will be dying to give you her phone number...and her dream would be you asking for her number...it's something you got or dont got...if youre naturally good looking-fun...you can get any girls phone number....you could go out with any girl...you could kiss any girl...

imagine this scenario....ur a guy or a girl....and theres this person whos not at all good looking...lame...without him even getting near you...you'd wanna flee as fast as possible...cuz you dont wanna be around that person...if he sits by you and asks you for your phone number...you wouldnt give it to im you'd probably leave because you're actually "scared to be with that person".... and that's the basis of (scaring them off)........now imagine the girl of your dreams coming up to you and asking you for something...would you runaway ? you wouldnt be a bit scared

so when you see a guy getting all the girls and having a good life and you're all jealous...just know that life gave him "that thing" and didn't give it to you...and when somebody tells you to "be yourself" don't be yourself because "yourself" isn't always that great...

now my case...I seriously can't get a girlfriend..cuz I dont got it..I started to accept this fact...the fact that I only live once and that thing I won't experience no matter how hard I try...the fact that I won't know how it feels like to get a girl I like for atleast once...

maybe I'm too pessimistic...but its true...when I walk in the street....I don't know....seeing all thse people together....I don't know do I feel jealous or do I wish them happiness,

MiniSquish

Not trying to be judgemental but you sound quite young. I wouldn't be writing myself off as unloveable or unfanciable just yet if I were you. When my ex and I broke up it was three years later that I met someone else and I didn't start to worry during that time that there was no-one for me. Also you've made it sound like it has become a mission of yours to "find a girlfriend" and that you've been researching it? It doesn't happen like that, you'll just meet someone and naturally get chatting to them and it'll go from there. Adopting the research and honing skills attitude is only going to scare girls away. I'd prefer a shy guy any day over a guy who was just acting confident and a certain way because he felt guys like that succeed more than him! Don't worry, you'll meet someone yet

LegacyUser

I think self-confidence is the key to getting a boyfriend or a girlfriend. If you're insecure about your looks or your personality, it's gonna be hard to find someone to love if you don't love yourself first. Plus, if you don't love yourself, how do you want someone to love you ?

You sound very insecure and you seem to have a lot of self-esteem issues which is not necessarily a bad thing but you need to work on them. I'm not telling you to become an obnoxious narcissistic snob but finding some qualities within yourself won't be too hurtful.
You need to work on yourself first. You can't come up to a girl and think " I'm ugly but I'm gonna ask her anyways ". That does't work like that, girls like confident guys so they can uplift them not put them down unintentionally.

Moreover, you seem desperate to find a girlfriend. Don't sound desperate that's a big NO-NO. I always bump into shy guys who are insecure about their looks and that drives me insane when I have to tell them all the time that they're actually hot ! I can't stand to be around a guy who might be more insecure than I am, it makes me insecure myself and I guess that's the same for many girls.
I understand that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder but we ALL have something that attracts people either it's physical beauty, charm, intelligence or charisma we all have something that varies depending on the eyes of that so called beholder.

I've personally fell for two guys who were acting very surprised when I told them they were " hot ". You don't have to sound arrogant but not being aware of your qualities is a bit of a hurdle to flirting with girls and getting a girlfriend. That's the reason why those two boys I know have been single and nothing has changed for any of them. They're still single and I believe that their insecurities are the hurdle.

Also I know very beautiful girls who can be attracted to average looking guys. Beauty is not the key to getting someone, unless you're in high school. You have to look beyond that. I think what you need to do is :

- Be around girls more often but in a friendly way so you can get comfortable with them
- Don't dress to fashionably because you'll look a bit stuck up and that's gonna be counter productive because girls won't approach you
- Don't drink to hit on girls that's creepy, pathetic and it leads nowhere.
- Smile !

Getting someone is not based on a skill or a gift, it's just based on how confident you are ! Most guys are confident enough not to care if a girl turns them down because they know that their efforts will pay and they will find someone who will accept them ! Be more laid-back and act a bit like you don't care about having a girlfriend because if you sound desperate that's gonna weird girls out and scare them away.

Don't make a big deal out of dating, be relaxed and think " if she doesn't want me then another will ". Plus, having a girlfriend or a boyfriend is deffo not the key to happiness if you think it is that puts pressure on you and girls will notice ! Act laid back, you'll see that creates good results !

War Machine 539

Friend of mine is as wide as he is tall and no joke smells like piss. He got a woman. And a pretty decent looking one too! I have absolute faith you will get one just get involved in as many things as possible! 51% of the human species is female, so theres surplus! You will get there!

Fentdog84

The best way to get a gf is..to ask one out! Its very rare that a girl will tap you on the shoulder and ask for your phone number. Its up to you to make it happen. Will there be rejections? Sure, but dont let that bother you, it happens the best.

karaokeman

I understand how you feel, its not easy for anyone.

May I ask you what age are you OP?

I am 19 going on 20 in a month and I've been trying to find a girlfriend my whole life.

I only had one but she wasn't really that nice so we split up and I've been single ever since.

I've also tried looking up blogs and whatnot online to find better ways of having confidence etc.

But as you get older, looking through the sites you realise just how generic all the material you read really is.

I'm not too surprised people give you very simple advice either because this is also the case with online resources and newspaper articles on the subject.

Everyone has it in them but they just don't realise it.

Try not to stress about your looks, just be yourself, try to relax and take up an activity to get your mind off the stress of being single.

Join a sporting club or a walking club or whatnot to meet new friends, start going out more and eventually you will meet a girl.

Good luck

solovely

Burnt out wrote: »

For about 5 years now I've been trying to get a girlfriend...I learned all what a person needs to get one...took advice from soo many people...worked on making myself look good through fashion..sports etc... and I was even very brave to attempt asking some girls out ...unfortunately it hasn't been working for me...I used to think that it is a special "Skill you need" and that through surfing the webs and reading books you could actually acquire that "skill"...but now I noticed it's not like that...I asked many guys who have girlfriends and successful with girls on what to do...they all said very basic things simpler than what i found out from sites and books....for example..to get a girls phone number..just say " can I have ur phone number?"....and I used to think there was a magical harry potter sentence that could get any girls phone number....

after thinking alot..I found out that it's not a skill...it's actually inhereted...believe me if a girl likes you she will be dying to give you her phone number...and her dream would be you asking for her number...it's something you got or dont got...if youre naturally good looking-fun...you can get any girls phone number....you could go out with any girl...you could kiss any girl...

imagine this scenario....ur a guy or a girl....and theres this person whos not at all good looking...lame...without him even getting near you...you'd wanna flee as fast as possible...cuz you dont wanna be around that person...if he sits by you and asks you for your phone number...you wouldnt give it to im you'd probably leave because you're actually "scared to be with that person".... and that's the basis of (scaring them off)........now imagine the girl of your dreams coming up to you and asking you for something...would you runaway ? you wouldnt be a bit scared

so when you see a guy getting all the girls and having a good life and you're all jealous...just know that life gave him "that thing" and didn't give it to you...and when somebody tells you to "be yourself" don't be yourself because "yourself" isn't always that great...

now my case...I seriously can't get a girlfriend..cuz I dont got it..I started to accept this fact...the fact that I only live once and that thing I won't experience no matter how hard I try...the fact that I won't know how it feels like to get a girl I like for atleast once...

maybe I'm too pessimistic...but its true...when I walk in the street....I don't know....seeing all thse people together....I don't know do I feel jealous or do I wish them happiness,

To be honest, that kind of defeatist attitude would be enough to put most girls off. I know you don't actually say all that stuff when you talk to girls, but if you believe there is something inherently wrong with you, that is going to come across to any girls you talk to.

You need to stop overanalysing everything so much, stop reading up, stop trying and concentrate on living your own life, be that single or with someone.

Just like karaokeman, you both sound very young, and I'm sure in a few years time, you will look back at how you felt now and laugh.

And being in a relationship at such a young age definitely isn't the be all and end all. I was in a serious relationship in my late teens and early 20s, and look back now and think I was far too serious for the best years of my life....and am now trying to relive them 10 years later!! Enjoy these precious years when you're young, single and carefree, when most of your friends are probably single, when you can go out and do what you want and not be judged. You have enough years to be boring and settled. And you know what, when you start living and stop thinking all the time, things will happen naturally!