Tips on how to improve conversational skills?

LegacyUser

Is their anything I could do to be more chatty or talkative? This might be a stupid question I was hoping someone would give some advice

I seem to get a bit of stick from time to time about being quiet. I usually get comments like these: That I'm a foreigner and don't know english, that I'll flip out and take out a machine gun and create a massacre/killing spree, or that I'm a snitch/under cover cop taking notes on people.These jokes are made by people who are not my friends or just people I don't know that well, it's funny

It's just a bit of fun but it seems to make my quietness worse at times. I feel that I might make people nervous with my quietness at times. I have a relatively high IQ/good academic achievements and I feel people might think that I'm a sociopath or just a snob. But it' just I'm not great with chit chat.

I'd appreciate any advice.
Thanks.

the west wing

I'm pretty talkative by nature, but what I find is that generally people like to talk about themselves. If you can ask them questions about their lives (you don't have to go into much detail, just a starting point and then usually they take it from there) it'll seem as if you are more engaging. Also I'm a firm believer that everyone has a story, therefore when they are talking it'll lead to other things about which you can ask!

Eve_Dublin

Yeah as the poster said above, asking the other person questions about themselves until you find you have something in common.

I find that keeping myself busy, getting out and about and reading the papers, books etc. gives me more stuff to talk about. You need to live a little to have something to talk about, so take up every opportunity to socialise/travel/meet new people and read, read, read whenever you get a chance. The more you live and the more you read up on life, the more likelyhood there is of you having something to say on a topic.

Also remember this: you won't get along with anyone. Few people are truly able to get along with everyone and we all have to force ourselves from time to time but if you find a person hard to talk to, the problem might not be with you, it might just be that you have nothing in common. Don't stress about it too much. You should have no problem talking to people you click with otherwise why bother with people you don't (except for when you have to....work, family parties etc.) ...life is too short.

CrazyRabbit

Agree with the above. People love to talk about themselves & things that are of great interest to themselves.

Pay close attention to how others engage in conversation. See how they change topics, 'join' the conversation etc. Learn the mechanics of conversation, rather than focusing on the content...at least at first.

Wompa1

I was very quiet growing up but have since tried to become more of a talker. Sometimes just people talk, if you don't want to seem too passive you can bring up topics. I keep up to date with current affairs...well actually more so news stories that interest me...I love those weird news stories from around the world and would ask somebody if they read or saw that story. Also nearly everybody watches TV, so asking somebody if they watch a tv show is a good starter, if they don't they'll ask what it's about and it will kick off a conversation flow

bellylint

Hiya OP,
Would not see myself as a 'natural' talker, it is something that I have learned however over the years. It is a skill that can be quite easily worked on to improve your effeciency.

I would agree with the above points and have a couple of my own to offer.
some of it might seem obvious but it does no harm for it to be mentioned.

1)Do ask people about themselves, as people above have said, a lot of folk love to talk about themselves from the get-go. If somebody you are talking to is speaking, try to keep interest in what they are saying. It is terribly obvious when somebody is not interested, ie looking at every person walking past etc etc.
2)Some people are in the same boat as yourself and are not terribly comfortable talking at length, so try to recognise if someone is like this and dont just pepper them with questions or anything.
3)Just because a conversation laps into a quiet moment doesnt mean that it is not going well and dont be disheartened by this. This is a good time to start trying to see if you have common interests with a person and opportunity to change the topic of conversation onto something new.
4) Try to enjoy yourself. It will come across more and generally you will get seen as a fun person.
5) Try to learn/remember something about a person. I find this is probably one of the better things I have picked up over the years. If you have met somebody before and you bump into them again and you ask something along the lines of "oh how was your holiday in Scotland" (trite I know) it gets them talking about something very easily and generally its quite natural talk too. If you can work something in there about the topic has all the parts of a good conversation.
6) Respect personal space, dont crouch in on people when talking to them. Not very many people care to people in their personal space. Quite prob yourself too. Just something to be mindful of.
7) If with a group of people, and they are talking, just try to ask a simple question or two of the main person speaking. You do not need to be the center of attention, nor do you need that you came away from any conversation having wowed people.

I was extremely queet into my late teens, and every once in a while I revert back to that. I am quite happy to go back there, I just know it is part of me, and that it is the complete me. So sometimes I am just very happy to say nothing :0

anyways hope it is of some help, there is plenty of this type of stuff on the web as you are not alone in wanting to improve your conversational skills

Good luck OP