Living with someone with Bi-polar disorder!

ShowMeTheCash

OK I do not want to go into too much details with this, but am just looking for some advice.
I am currently engaged in a relationship with someone who is suffering from a bi-polar disorder.

We are currently having some time apart as she is under going some therapy.

This person had a good heart and I know deep down I see something good and beautiful.

On the flip side she has some serious anger issues, can be very abusive and will attempt to manipulate at every turn.

The relationship seem to have got into cycle of arguing where I was find it hard to understand why it was happening.

I am under the impression she is used to this kind of up and down fiery relationship and I am at the point where I am just tired of the whole thing.

Can any one relate to what I am talking about... Can this get better or is this going to be as good as it gets?

Odysseus

I think you will get a better response over in PI, as we can't really discuss individual cases here, so I'm going to move it over there.

skooterblue

Oh Dear OP,
I am not sure of what to say. My sister is Bipolar and I would nt wish her on my worst enemy. She wont work with medical professionals, she wont take medication. She hates everybody including herself.

light advices : She needs to concentrate more on her health than she does on her relationship. I found with my sister that she wouldnt make any attempt so we let her do her own thing as she was nt a danger to herself or other people.
She is now homeless and in London by her OWN CHOICE. She has a nice house at home of her own, everything was done for her. You can bring a horse to water but if the horse wont drink there is nothing that can be done. I cut her loose because she was dragging me down too.

Fentdog84

Well its good that she's accepting that she has a problem and is getting help to deal with it. Is she on any kind of medication for it? It may improve the situation, it may not. As for you at the end of the day you need to ask yourself if you can handle it and if its what you really want. There comes a time when you need to put yourself and your own happiness and sanity first. Especially if you are going to marry this girl. Only you can make that decision.

Miss Fluff

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

Can this get better or is this going to be as good as it gets?

I think it's safe to say that you're in for a long painful road where you risk being dragged down with her. I think with bipolar when it's good it can be great, but when it's bad it's horrific. I was involved with someone for a brief enough spell with someone who suffers from it and it is a manipulative, selfish and corrosive illness. I'd think very very carefully indeed before walking down the aisle if I were you. There is an extensive thread on bipolar over on the Long Term Illness forum - it would help you enormously to read that.

JimmyCrackCorn

I tried to make a relationship like that work, it was years ago.
It didn't work for me and ended quite badly.

I don't want to go into detail publicly as it was not far off a worst case and generalisations wont help you.

What I will say is in the event you do pull the plug make sure her friends and family are aware of what your doing and she has a support network.

The ultimate decision of continuing the relationship is up to you and the standard rules of talk to her, see can you work it out.... apply, if you think its done that's ultimately for you to call.

Sardonicat

Why don't you see how she is after therapy?

Maybe that will have helped her take a bit of responsibility for her behaviour and encourage her to find better ways of communicating and having her needs met besides abuse and manipulation.

Without some sign of a willingness to address her behaviour (albeit with the support of others, which you seem willing to provide) then I can't see things improving. She can't "blame" her bi-polar disorder if she's not willing to do the best to take care of herself, seek help, and acknowledge the support and guidance of those closest to her when she is losing control.

Some people do manage this with time, others don't seem to be able to accecpt their diagnosis at all.

If you don't see signs of a willingness to change when she has completed her therapy, then I think you need to consider if you really can stick around waiting for her to change.

Good luck to you both.

Novella

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

On the flip side she has some serious anger issues, can be very abusive and will attempt to manipulate at every turn.

I don't think this is something to be accepted. Anger issues, being abusive and manipulative - it's simply not okay to brush these off under the guise of illness. I have a bi-polar diagnosis myself and I genuinely try so hard to not to ever use the line, "I'm sorry I did X but I'm sick".

Yes, she's ill but no, you should not have to put up with that kind of behaviour. That's my opinion on it.

The relationship seem to have got into cycle of arguing where I was find it hard to understand why it was happening.

I am under the impression she is used to this kind of up and down fiery relationship and I am at the point where I am just tired of the whole thing.

Well I guess a lot of people just do what they know. If she has always been involved in relationships that were tumultuous, perhaps that is what she expects? Have you tried talking to her rationally about this? I can't imagine that the lack of stability is doing her any good, but if this has been an on-going trait in her life, maybe it's all she knows.

If I were you, I'd make it known that it is now wearing thin with you.

Can any one relate to what I am talking about... Can this get better or is this going to be as good as it gets?

To be perfectly honest, I can't really relate. Any anger issues I have tend to be inward or aimed at myself, I'm not abusive nor am I manipulative.

For me, the problem with the disorder is keeping my mood at a constant. I can fall into depressions without noticing and find it hard to get out. On the other hand, I can act horribly impulsively but never seem to have any control over it.

It's hard and afaik, bi-polar is not curable but is treatable. This shouldn't be as good as it gets.

JJJJNR

OP I would end the relationship as this cannot be "cured", if you cannot end it I suggest you go and get some counseling time to teach you how to handle the many minefields and situations you will find yourself facing over the years to come..

Its a horrible situation to find yourself in, don't waste anymore time jusifying yourself and make a permanent break otherwise you will start to question your own sanity ..