Bf kissed a girl right in front of me then denied it

LegacyUser

Last week my bf and i were out on a night for one of my friends birthdays. He is 40, i'm 29. He was talking to a girl i kind of know, friend of friend who is 22 towards the end of night. She is gorgeous and was quite drunk. She lunged at my boyfriend right in front of me, and he was snogging her for about 5 mins. Time enough for another friend to say to me, jeeny does he ever come up for air! He wasn't drinking and i had a few. I was so shocked about it i just didn't know what to do, i went to the athroom and thought i would wait till tomorrow when i was sober to talk about it. He drove me home and acted like nothing happened.

When i did talk to him about it he said she threw herself at him and he was as polite as he could be and didn't respond. He said maybe i was drunk that it looked different to me. Then he was saying how could i dare mistrust him, and it wasn't cheating because he didn't respond or ask for it. I keep doubting myself but i know there is no way he stood there for about 5 mins with his mouth closed while a beautiful half naked woman half his age was trying to shove her tongue down his throat. He is maintaining it would have rude of him to push her away or give a clear no. I reminded him that i constantly have to push men away with a big fcuk off when they don't get the message. Because i respect him! He thinks that this is different! He said the situation is misjudged and wants to move on from it.

I feel he cheated on me and then lied to my face repeatedly knowing i was right in front of him. My head is so melted with the situation i haven't a clue what to do or think.

I just really need some advice and perspective....Thanks to all reading

LegacyUser

dump him. you deserve better

Mc Kenzie

Its up to you at the end of the day.

However i think that he knows that he was wrong. And he is just turning it on you(for mistrusting him), and hes probably just trying to avoid talking about it .,

although 5 mins is a short time its a long time to watch your fella snog someone.!

I think the best thing is to explain to him how this has made you feel.Rather than to nagg at him for it.

P.S I dont think allowing someone to kiss you and not stop them because your being polite is a good reason either.:rolleyes:

I hope you sort things out for the best

Kiera

5 mins? Really? Why didnt you go over and pull her off?

greengiant09

completely confused wrote: »

Last week my bf and i were out on a night for one of my friends birthdays. He is 40, i'm 29. He was talking to a girl i kind of know, friend of friend who is 22 towards the end of night. She is gorgeous and was quite drunk. She lunged at my boyfriend right in front of me, and he was snogging her for about 5 mins. Time enough for another friend to say to me, jeeny does he ever come up for air! He wasn't drinking and i had a few. I was so shocked about it i just didn't know what to do, i went to the athroom and thought i would wait till tomorrow when i was sober to talk about it. He drove me home and acted like nothing happened.

When i did talk to him about it he said she threw herself at him and he was as polite as he could be and didn't respond. He said maybe i was drunk that it looked different to me. Then he was saying how could i dare mistrust him, and it wasn't cheating because he didn't respond or ask for it. I keep doubting myself but i know there is no way he stood there for about 5 mins with his mouth closed while a beautiful half naked woman half his age was trying to shove her tongue down his throat. He is maintaining it would have rude of him to push her away or give a clear no. I reminded him that i constantly have to push men away with a big fcuk off when they don't get the message. Because i respect him! He thinks that this is different! He said the situation is misjudged and wants to move on from it.

I feel he cheated on me and then lied to my face repeatedly knowing i was right in front of him. My head is so melted with the situation i haven't a clue what to do or think.

I just really need some advice and perspective....Thanks to all reading

i'm actually quite speechless reading this post!

First of all, you're telling me that you just stood there and watched your boyfriend kiss another girl for 5 minutes and did nothing???.....do you really mean 5 minutes or are just using it as an expression? because i certainly would not have just stood there and did nothing. it shows a complete lack of respect to you. i would be absolutely disgusted if someone did that to me and it would be an immediate 'dumpable offence'.

i also find it quite alarming the way you almost insinuate that it would be harder for him to resist because she was hot. that and the fact you somehow managed to do nothing at the time shows a real lack of self-worth on your part. not trying to be bad girl but stand up for yourself, dump this pig, you deserve a hell of a lot better than that....everyone does.

greengiant09

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

although 5 mins is a short time its a long time to watch your fella snog someone.!

5 minutes is an eternity to kiss someone.....right in front of your partner!!!....come on!!!....absolutely disgraceful behaviour....

dixiefly

TBH, I dont think that you need to come on to Boards to get an answer to this one.....your firends should be giving you the same advice. It is very difficult to see how you could trust him again.

Kiera

sunflower27 wrote: »

If I saw a boyfriend do that across the room, I wouldn't be lunging at the girl to pull her off - especially if he was 'into' it.

Not all people think they need to cause a scene and when the bottom line is your partner is up for it, well, then why lose your own dignity fighting for someone like that.

Pulling someone off your BF doesnt mean you are causing a scene. You can do it quietly and walk away. Not everyone is into public drama. Beats being made a show of in public by your BF wearing the face off some chick.

Emme

completely confused wrote: »

Last week my bf and i were out on a night for one of my friends birthdays. He is 40, i'm 29.

40 going on 13 by the looks of things.

completely confused wrote: »

He was talking to a girl i kind of know, friend of friend who is 22 towards the end of night. She is gorgeous and was quite drunk. She lunged at my boyfriend right in front of me, and he was snogging her for about 5 mins.

They were both out of order - she for lunging at somebody else's bf (being drunk is no excuse) and he for going along with it. That fact that he stayed there 5 minutes (definitely long enough for him to get turned on) shows that he is a pig, actually no, that's an insult to pigs.

completely confused wrote: »

Time enough for another friend to say to me, jeeny does he ever come up for air! He wasn't drinking and i had a few. I was so shocked about it i just didn't know what to do, i went to the athroom and thought i would wait till tomorrow when i was sober to talk about it. He drove me home and acted like nothing happened.

He snogs another girl for 5 minutes in front of you and others while he's stone cold sober? :eek: Some men wouldn't be able to snog their girlfriends in front of others for 5 minutes when they're stone cold sober.

completely confused wrote: »

When i did talk to him about it he said she threw herself at him and he was as polite as he could be and didn't respond.

OK, it's all her fault, she threw herself at him, he stood there with his hands by his sides frozen in terror and wasn't able to tear himself away. Puhleeze! :rolleyes:

completely confused wrote: »

He said maybe i was drunk that it looked different to me. Then he was saying how could i dare mistrust him, and it wasn't cheating because he didn't respond or ask for it.

Your friends saw it too, so you having a few drinks is no excuse. He's doing the typical cheating men thing, blaming the woman for throwing herself at him, saying he didn't respond and giving you a hard time for not trusting him. To add insult to injury he says it wasn't cheating! :eek: OK then, if he wasn't cheating then it never rains in Ireland.

completely confused wrote: »

I keep doubting myself but i know there is no way he stood there for about 5 mins with his mouth closed while a beautiful half naked woman half his age was trying to shove her tongue down his throat. He is maintaining it would have rude of him to push her away or give a clear no. I reminded him that i constantly have to push men away with a big fcuk off when they don't get the message. Because i respect him! He thinks that this is different! He said the situation is misjudged and wants to move on from it.

I agree that you should move on from it. DUMP HIM RIGHT NOW!!!

completely confused wrote: »

I feel he cheated on me and then lied to my face repeatedly knowing i was right in front of him.

That's exactly what he did. DUMP THE CHEATING SOD!!!

completely confused wrote: »

My head is so melted with the situation i haven't a clue what to do or think. I just really need some advice and perspective....Thanks to all reading

My advice again is DUMP HIM!!! You'll feel a lot better afterwards and you'll be free to find somebody who treats you with respect, isn't off his head going through a mid-life crisis and doesn't humiliate you in front of your friends.

This creep will be hanging around the school gates next hoping that some 16 year old will jump on him and make his day. :rolleyes:

DUMP THE SAD B*****D!!!!

greengiant09

i'm actually flabbergasted that the OP could actually consider continuing her relationship with him. i'm a male and if my girlfriend did that to me, my mates would completely slate me if i continued to go out with her....and rightly so.......it would actually be a further embarassment and humiliation to myself if i was to let something like that go. can you imagine your friends talking amongst themselves about it.....they'd think you were the biggest eejit on earth. don't want to be mean OP but i think you need to wake up!

Esoteric_

Op, I'm completely speculating here but are you insecure or is he a little overbearing at times? You seem completely downtrodden, you basically stood there and watched him kiss someone else for ages but still as soon as he tells you that YOU'RE wrong, you come to us for advice.

Now this is complete speculation but is he the type of guy that's a bit controlling? Because it sure seems like it.


you know what you saw. You do NOT kiss someone back for the sake of being polite! For god's sake, in a thread I wrote yesterday I was annoyed at my boyfriend for essentially pretending to be a stranger's boyfriend so that guys wouldn't come on to her! And I was right to be angry, but this is on a whole other level.

So what if she's hot? I bet you're beautiful too, but you just don't seem to realize that. I'm sorry but this thread is screaming that there are other problems aside from the cheating and I really think you need to get the hell away from this man before they get worse.

ppink

OP I would never have intervened either. I would have watched while plotting my revenge;)

"It would have been rude to push her away".....seriously??? What a muppet.

I think you need to move on and find someone with the tiniest shred of respect for you.
No man or woman deserves that kind of treatment from the person who is supposed to love them.

LegacyUser

Tooooottttttal bullsh*t! Get rid of him as quick as possible, his actions are NOT the way you treat someone when you are in a relationship. There is no grey area in this situation-he snogged a girl for five minutes and then got angry when you wanted to talk about it. First of all he shouldn't have snogged her, second of all he should be feeling damn guilty about it.

I am a friend

Oh no. No, no, no, no, no!!!

Op, what part of this appears ok for you? If it is as you say, he has absolutely no respect for you. If he is now doing it in front of you he has probably been cheating behind you back since day one and doing more than just kissing them!!

Is this the kind of man you want to settle down with? He would be hitting on the bridesmaids at the wedding FFS!!!

All this is bad enough but the fact he is not taking responsibility for his actions, especially at his age, shows he just doesn't care.

Move on and dont look back.

tinkerbell

OMG. First of all, I don't know how any self-respecting woman would stand there and watch her bf shove his tongue down another woman's throat. Why didn't you say something? And why are you accepting his BS excuses?

All I have to say on the subject is if he's willing to cheat on you right in front of your face (and then deny it), god only knows what the hell he's getting up to behind your back.

He sounds like a Class A a-hole, dump him.

-avey-

tinkerbell wrote: »

All I have to say on the subject is if he's willing to cheat on you right in front of your face (and then deny it), god only knows what the hell he's getting up to behind your back.

+1 totally agree.

You deserve someone who wants to be with YOU

Novella

If he kissed someone else and you are in a monogamous relationship, then of course he cheated on you. You saw him kissing someone else. You saw it.

A girl 'lunging' at him should not result in a kiss. All he had to do was step aside or back or turn his head. He didn't. It's cheating.

I don't know how this could be made any clearer for you. It's not hearsay, it's something you witnessed with your own two eyes. All you have to do is decide whether this kind of behaviour is something you are willing to accept or not.

Chinafoot

OP, if you accept his, quite frankly, ridiculous response to your hurt and anger over this then you are giving him free reign to do whatever the hell he likes, both in front of you and behind your back.

His behaviour is completely out of order, you know and he knows it. He's fobbing you off, trying to make you look like the bad guy, so you'll just get on with things and he can get away with absolutely horrible and hurtful behaviour.

He kissed someone else right in front of you! I don't like to be rude to people in a social setting either, but I most certainly wouldn't allow someone to kiss me when I'm in a relationship, much less kiss them back.

He's taking you for a complete fool and if you accept this from him you will have proved he's right.

x Purple Pawprints x

OP, you deserve waaaaay better than him.. Honestly the cheek of him. Get rid now! Think about it, he obviously has no respect for you or anyone else for that matter if he thought it was ok to kiss someone right in front of you. You're better off without someone like that in your life.

ontheditch2

I knew a fella in college, he was always cheating, when his girlfriend heard wind of it, she questioned him.
He said "how dare you not trust me". He made her the guilty one and it continued for about a year, before she finally got the nerve to get rid of him.
He had her nearly brain washed and feeling that she needed him.

Get rid of him straight away, there are better men out there for you

Sinfonia

completely confused wrote: »

He wasn't drinking and i had a few...He said maybe i was drunk that it looked different to me...I keep doubting myself...I feel he cheated on me.

Exactly how much did you have to drink? Could it have looked different to you?
Otherwise why would you doubt yourself, and only 'feel' that he cheated on you, when you say you literally saw it happen?

Sorry to interrogate you, but the whole situation is so ridiculous that it's actually hard to believe. And what advice are you looking for? If everything was as you say it was, then this is a complete no-brainer: the guy is either severely stupid, an unbelievable asshole, or both. No reason to spend any more time of this short life worrying about when he's gonna **** you over again.

Firetrap

completely confused wrote: »

Time enough for another friend to say to me, jeeny does he ever come up for air!

If this was what your friend said, they have to have been doing something! Even if he didn't actually snog her (:rolleyes:), he should have gently pushed her aside at the first opportunity and cleared off.

Abi

Kiera wrote: »

5 mins? Really? Why didnt you go over and pull her off?

Absolutely no way in hell would I do this. If he can't pull himself off her face then he's not worth the trouble.

sunflower27 wrote: »

God, if my bf was kissing someone else there is no way I'd be going up an intervening. Let him go for it, but don't expect me to waiting there when he comes up for air.

I'd actually leave without saying a word or him seeing me, and his number would be gone out of my phone before I even make it to the door.

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Op, I'm completely speculating here but are you insecure or is he a little overbearing at times? You seem completely downtrodden, you basically stood there and watched him kiss someone else for ages but still as soon as he tells you that YOU'RE wrong

This is what I thought reading her post. It does seem like he has the upper hand here. How he managed to convince her that it wasn't his fault and instructed her to 'move on' from it. The man has some neck.

And another thing, hes a 40 year old man going out with a 29 year old (fair enough) and happy enough to play tonsil tennis with a 22 year old. The first part I can grasp, the age gap can work for some. But the latter rings alarm bells for me (along with the factor that he cheated). Is he having some sort of a mid-life crisis or what?

OP, you have to be stronger about this, you KNOW what you saw, and he's being manipulative to boot. You need rid of this man. If you don't, god knows what else he will conivince you to let him away with - you're setting yourself up for further heartbreak imo.

my god op i think the real issue here is self worth issues you may have but for now here is a letter you should be giving to this scumbag

Dear Baby

Welcome to Dumpsville !!!

Population - YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

Regards
OP

Vicxas

The guy is a waste of space, dump him.