Parents dont respect my decission not to drink

LegacyUser

Like the title says my parents dont repect my decission not to drink. Today my parents asked me six times whether I wanted drink 'from town'. I said no that I was fine and didnt want any drink. When they went to town they arrived back with 6 cans of carlsberg but i didnt drink any. They got offended because of this and went to bed early. This is a recurrent theme with them. The last time i went to the pub with them they asked me did i want a drink and i said ''ya i'll have a coke''. They responded with ''will ya not have a carlsberg?'' I said ''ok i'll have a vodka''. ''Do u not what want a carlsberg?'' and i said ok ''i'll have a carlsberg''. ''I'll get ya a vodka if you want, whatever.'' And then the next day I woke up with the worst hangover ever. Im getting sick of this sh.it. One of the main reasons i dont drink is cause i have bad depression and alcohol makes it worse. Whats their fcuking problem?

I am a friend

Just say no and keep saying it and they will get the hint. Maybe the associate booze with having a good time and want to see you 'having a good time'. The problem is with you cos you say no and then have a drink. Be consistent and just keep refusing.

Do they know you have depression? I mean they shouldn't be pressuring you anyway but that makes it even worse. Maybe you could sit down sometime some morning and explain to them about the depression and that drinking makes things worse for you; it doesn't relax you or anything just makes you miserable. Maybe then they might get the point??

ElleEm

It sounds like that typical Irish thing of "go on, go on, go on". You have caved in before so they obviously think that you will again if they push you. Be consistent with them and they'll get bored of asking.

Also, you should be honest with them and tell them why you're avoiding alcohol. Maybe they'll stop pestering you then.

Lola92

Do not allow your parents to peer pressure you into drinking.

Whether you want to drink or not is completely your decision. It would be very foolish to give in to their tormenting knowing that it would be bad for your depression. I know it is a lot easier said than done but you need to stand firm here OP.

Best Regards, Lola.

kylith

If they ask you if you want a drink say "No, thanks". If they buy it anyway don't drink it, they'll soon get tired of wasting their money.

It would probably help to explain to them that alcohol worsens your depression too. They probably don't see the harm in a couple of pints.

theg81der

I would guess this is their way of dealing with depression as is most people way of dealing with their problems in this country. I bet thats there first port of call when they have something bothering themselves so they are being parents and passing on what they know, alcohol, to you to alleviate your problems although we can see how stupid that is but they probably just don`t know what else they can do to help you. I would not talk to them about it as I imagine they are not very receptive to that discussion and it would only compound their views.

There are other people that don`t drink and it is ok not to - I think you need to hear that. Myself and my hubby don`t drink and many of our friends don`t. Take up alternative hobbies and do other positive things to make yoiu happy such as out door activies (as patronising as that sounds I`m being genuine - exercise is a far better high that alcohol). Once they see your happier they won`t feel the need to "cheer you up" so to speak.

starlit

Its your decision not to drink they should respect that. Say to them 'its all good I'm ok can go without a drink'. They should listen to you and understand its your choice not theirs they shouln't force you to act the way they do and follow suit with them. Its ok to be different and don't have to be the same as everyone else and follow the crowd and do the same things as everyone else is doing. With my parents it was the opposite, they didn't want me to drink and I did anyway but I waited near the legal age and when I was mature and ready enough to want to start drinking. I didn't take it up to be cool or due to peer pressure. It was for the buzz, to be sociable and part of a group and the nightlife but seriously you don't have to drink. Just cause we live in Ireland doesn't mean drink is on the menu, you can have fun and not drink and enjoy yourself and being with others more. Your judgement is less likely to be affected. Its a healthy choice and its a choice that is right for you and to keep sticking with that choice for life, well done!

Its your right to choose, not anyone elses choice to choose for you. You have your reasons for not drinking and your family should respect that and respect you for it. They should be honoured you haven't given into it. Its a good thing you are doing. Good on you OP. Just say 'no' to them and they should be ok with that whether they like it or not. Its your decision and your body so they just have to suck it up and agree with your decision.

Good luck OP.

Overheal

Do you know you have Depression, or are you just using that term to say that drinking bums you out?

Either way it's kinda sick that parents would pressure their kids into drink. Just keep refusing. You don't want a drink, and you don't need a drink. Maybe they do. And maybe they want you to need it too, so they can feel vindicated. I'm sure if you keep saying no they will get upset but it's not at you it's going to be at themselves when they realize just what they are doing with themselves. So don't take anything they do personally.

Eric Cartman

Do your parents work for carlsberg ?

Ickle Magoo

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Many thanks.

tawnyowl

They're being seriously disrespectful to your wishes, not to mention possibly making things worse for you healthwise. (Depresion and alcohol are not a good mix.)

Is it just this area that they treat you this way or are they overbearing in other areas?

CrazyRabbit

Sounds like you just need to be quite blunt & spell it out to them...e.g:

"Mum...Dad...I would like to ask you to respect my decision not to drink alcohol. At some point I may discuss my reasons, but for now, I need to know that I can trust you to respect my choices."

dan_d

I would keep saying no and if they insist on buying, follow up by buying a soft drink of your own.

Pretty quick they'll cop on that they're wasting their own money. It's a fairly effective way of getting people to stop.

I'm not a big drinker, and while I appreciate people buying me drinks, and I would ALWAYS warn them if I won't/don't think I'll drink something. If they then want to go waste their money and buy it anyway for me, it's not my problem - I've warned them.

How old are you OP? And what are you at in life? If you're just sitting around every day, maybe they're trying to make you more sociable but going about it the wrong way.
Do you have a social life?

Dark Phoenix

look my parents are the same it can be an irish thing or a social thing but for some people drinking is something thats done every weekend and is central to any social occassion. I do drink but even with that it drives me mental that I can't drop up to my parents house without being cajoled into having a drink which will then be topped up every two minutes. Truth is though I know there is no badness it in intended my dad just likes to play host and feels each guest should have a drink in their hand and snacks in front of them.

Why not have a chat with your parents about it outside of a drinking session? It could be they dont; understand how you are feeling or somehow feel your a bit reserved and thinkl a drink would relax you or loosen you up. Maybe if they underatsnad why you dont want to drink they will leave you at it. You could also try getting the drinks yourself from the bar so you can just order whan you like

Neyite

I'm not a big drinker and can take or leave alcohol on a night out.

Like Dan_d said - dont drink it. Often I have declined a drink in a round only for a pint to be bought for me, and when I left it behind there was always "ya never drank the pint I bought you" comment - I replied either reminding them that I never wanted it, or if they are touchy then pretend you assumed it was not yours since you didnt want one. Just leave it on the table to go to waste.

Nobody who has wasted money on a drink for me when I specifically decline one wastes their money on me a second time.

the odd time I pretend that I had a session the night before and feeling a bit rough. (this one to the mother when I visit as I am on meds sometimes for something she does not know about.) Sometimes I say that I'm actually really thirsty and could they get me a mi-wadi instead.

Nolanger

fearban wrote: »

Im getting sick of this sh.it.

The next your parents buy you drink swallow the lot and attack them violently. They'll get the message then.

Ickle Magoo

Nolanger banned for a week.

As per the forum charter suggesting violence as a problem solver - whether being trite or no - is not permitted in this forum and will result in an instant banning.

ongarboy

CrazyRabbit wrote: »

Sounds like you just need to be quite blunt & spell it out to them...e.g:

"Mum...Dad...I would like to ask you to respect my decision not to drink alcohol. At some point I may discuss my reasons, but for now, I need to know that I can trust you to respect my choices."

I totally agree with above. OP - from your post, it sounds like you haven't made it clear to them that you have made an informed choice to completely stay away from alcohol for the forseeable future. It sounds like you are just declining each individual offer of a drink without telling them why so they may just think you don't feel like one there or then which is why they ask you again on the next occasion. It's like if you offered someone tea last week and they said no thanks, it wouldn't mean you never offer them a cuppa again. So,make it clear to them where you stand on this.

einshteen

One of the funny things about our culture is that people can keep asking you something and you're not allowed to get offended. If they come back with cans for you after you say you didn't want any, and they take offence that you don't drink any, get offended right back at them that they went and did that after you explicitly said no.

Been in the same boat, and I find making the situation unpleasant by getting angry shuts them up pretty fast.