Leaving a new relationship to go travelling for a year

LegacyUser

I am just in a new relationship for the past two months. It was really unexpected and We've both fallen quite hard for each other. It's been a long time since either of us has been in a serious relationship. The reason It was unexpected is because I'm going travelling in two months to australia/china/new zealand for a year. I had booked this back in january. But meeting him has changed everything. We're both upset at the thought of me leaving but we're both hopeful that we can make it work when I come back. I suppose if I was going to label it, we've agreed on an open relationship for the year. The reason I'm writing this post is I would love some advice from people who've had similiar situations- basically a new relationship and leaving- and can offer support and their own stories..pitfalls to avoid etc.
Thanks

moses23

Hi,
I had a similar situation last year. My boyfriend and I got together around Christmas/January and made it official in Feb. I decided to go travelling in July. He was great about it (hated the idea but didn't want me to resent him) and we talked about breaking up or whatever but we decided to keep the relationship going. I wasn't gone for the full year, but 9 months. We're still together, it was such a hard thing to do and long-distance is horrific! but it was worth it in the end. Got back in April and its as if I was never gone! So don't worry, it can be done and it can work out. Best of luck!

P.S. Skype is amazing.

seenitall

Hi OP,

I can't say I have ever been in a similar position, but going by instinct, I'd say you made exactly the right decision in your case.

An open relationship will let you keep a bond with each other but at the same time won't put any unrealistic expectations on such a new relationship.

In other words, if it all goes belly-up while you are apart, it will be easier to deal with on account of the erstwhile openness of the relationship, and if it doesn't go belly-up, the fact that you have kept each other in mind after such a short initial time together, will be a great boost to any future you might have together.

My 2 cents!

LegacyUser

Hi, I was in a similar situation in the early 90s. Was going out with a guy for a month then headed off to America for 4 months. When I came back, we stayed together for a good few years. It ended naturally eventually - we were very young, only in our 20s.

Also, this was in the days before mobile 'phones or the internet being commonly available in Ireland - most households didn't even have computers. We kept in contact via letters. so it can be done!

greenprincess

I'd say cool it off while your travelling, I have meet people who've gone both ways, as in some that break up because of the long distance and others that stay together. You will just have to figure out how commited to him you are and if you think you can make it work

LegacyUser

I was in a similar situation a few years ago. Had my flights booked and met somebody about 5 months before heading off. At first I thought we would just keep in touch and if we were still together before I left we could worry about that then, probably keep in touch by email and maybe he could take some holidays to meet me. But he was able to take a leave of absence from work and came with me. And we’re still together. I’d like to think that if he hadn’t been able to come, we’d still have worked it out, but it was so much easier this way. Is there any chance he can come too?
If not, I’d be careful that you both understand the same thing by ‘open’. I don’t think I’d have been happy about that. Either we stayed together or we broke up.

LegacyUser

Exact same thing happened me and it was one of the worst experiences of my life, she had moved to dublin from the Uk a few months before i went(she said she didnt move over for me and she knew i was heading away) we decided to stay together and looking back now i very much regret that, i came home after 9 months cause i just couldnt bare it anymore, i had a great time away and all that but she made it very tough on me i have to say, she resented me for it, when i got back everything was great for a few months but after a few drinks on her she always brought it up "YOU WENT TO AUSTRALIA AND LEFT ME BEHIND", shw was horrible to me at times, we stayed together for about 2 years after i got back but at times it was hell, it was also one of the hardest breakups ever because of all we went through when i was away, constantly listening to her crying down the phone and all that, its over a year since i broke up with her but i'm still not over it as it left a serious mark on me, make sure you decide not to stay together and maybe just keep in contact by email every few weeks or so, best of luck

I am a friend

Well the same happened to a friend of mine and she is now married to the guy with 3 kids so it is possible to make it work...

Semele

I was dating a guy for two months when he got offered an amazing opportunity in S.America and went for it. We decided to stay together until he left, a further two months down the line and then decided to keep in touch and pick things uo when he got back if we both felt the same way.

We emailed weekly and I really missed him for a while- genuinely thought I might love him, etc. But then it started to fade since he'd been away longer than I'd known him in the first place!

He came back a week ago and seemed very keen to pick up again, but although I was obviously really glad to see him it just wasn't the same and so I broke it off properly. I can't put my finger on what changed but if I met him for the first time now I wouldn't be interested (romantically i mean, he's a lovely guy). It seems a shame since I purposely didn't look for anyone else in the six months he was gone and had lovely romantic notions of us being together forever when he got back, but what can you do?

The time and distance just really highlighted all our incompatibilities, from my pov anyway. I don't know if we would have stayed together had he not left. I think perhaps not now, it was just that the knowledge he was leaving meant that there was no point in thinking about the long-term back then and so we just coasted along happily.