Pregnant / work not told / job move sabotage?

LegacyUser

Pregnant / telling work / job move sabotage

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Sorry this is a bit of a long one…

I am working for the same company for almost 8 years and had gotten a secondment close to my home (in the south of Ireland) for 10 months in 2010. Because a number of people left my original team, I was called back to the old office, in Dublin, one weeks notice despite my protestations…

I had been told, by my line manager, in the south that I was going to be staying in the new job and on this basis I let the tenants leave my house in order that I could live in it (and not with my parents). Therefore when I moved job, desite his best efforts, back to Dublin, my house was effectively left empty in an area with many other empty houses and its almost impossible to rent out.

The commute is 5 hours per day round trip and the company are aware of this. I don’t earn a lot of money and was staying in a friends house a few days per week but the cost of running my own house (oil over the winter etc) plus paying rent and bills in both houses and on top of that travel to and from home is too much for me. I just cant afford it.

Following a sudden family loss this year I made it clear that there were family reasons for me to move back home. I, with my current bosses permission, got in touch with my previous boss(call him Peter) in April and he was very happy to offer me a job at home and wants me to start right now. There is nothing in writing and this is being agreed due to my family circumstances...

Since this time I have discovered I am pregnant. I am now 12 weeks pregnant. There has been progress with my move home which I just found out about last week and preliminary agreement between both divisions to allow me move home but not until August.

Peter is known to me for many years and is a decent man who is trying his best to accommodate me. My current bosses are not decent and due to stress and high blood pressure (in pregnancy) I have been off sick from work for over 2 weeks now and the reason on the cert is stress due to family bereavement. The doctor was very worried about my stress levels particularly because of the travelling and my very close and very tragic family bereavement.

My issue is that I feel I am being sneaky by not letting work know that I am pregnant. Its only 12 weeks and the 2 main reasons that I havent are that

1) I have not told my own parents yet (pregnancy is high risk and I don’t want to upset them more if something goes wrong). My Doctor advise not to tell them til the very last possible minute due to their recent loss....
2) I am worried that he wont continue with the transfer in August if I am going on maternity leave in December /January…

What do I do? I feel I am lying to everyone… I don’t want my work reputation to be stained by my sick leave for ‘stress’ but I am worried if I tell my bosses the truth that my transfer home will be ‘postponed’…

Any ideas?

Esoteric_

Honestly I think you're doing the right thing in not telling them, because you're right, your move probably would be postponed.

Right now, you have to focus on yourself, your health and you're clearly under an awful lot of pressure as a result of the job, the bereavement and trying to keep your pregnancy under wraps from your parents for the moment.

I know it's easier said than done but really try to not focus on guilt at going to a job and then going on Maternity at the end of the year. Focus instead on how this job you're currently in has added to your stress, making you ill, and now you need to get yourself better and the best way for you to get better is to move jobs.

I really think you're doing the right thing for you, even though you clearly feel some kind of guilt over it. You have to focus on your family, your health and your baby, not on loyalties to a job who have shown you no loyalties thus far.