dealing with the effects of child abuse

LegacyUser

ok so i'm hoping that some people can offer me some advice. this might be long, sorry.

so i have seen at least six different counselors and therapists over the years to try to deal with the long term effects of being severely abused as a child, and the last one (a clinical psychiatrist) made it a point to always mention how other kids had it worse, and it seemed to me that he was trying to say that i should be over it already. it got to the point that i felt i was just wasting his time so i quit going to see him. with other therapists, i only stopped going once i'd reached a point where i could deal with things and stay on a relatively even keel again. this time though, after hearing his advice i just decided to forget therapy and just try to deal on my own.

has anyone else found themselves in a similar situation? losing confidence in therapists and just coming to accept the fact that you'll always be distrustful and paranoid and antisocial and whatever else? i'm not a drug addict and i don't beat my children. my problems are more with recurring depression, suicidal thoughts, paranoia, etc. but my last therapist was of the opinion that i would have to just accept these things the same way that people with severe physical injuries have to just accept chronic pain for the rest of their lives.

so i'm asking anyone else who was severely abused, does this ring true to you? has anyone actually had therapy help them to actually move past it and let it go and go on to live a normal life? would it be worth it to try again? tbh i really honestly do not want to. it's so painful. even thinking of getting into it all over again has me in tears.

LegacyUser

I have no experience of your situation, and a small amount of experience of counselling.

I suppose it depends on what you're looking for. I know that not every therapist fits the patient and vice versa.

You say you hate bringing it up and thinking about it...does the therapy just constantly bring those feelings back to you, or does it actually deal with your problems?

I think (and I'm not an expert, but for what it's worth..) that maybe learning skills to cope with your feelings aswell as/instead of constantly discussing the events and how they made you feel might be more useful? That therapist sounds q bit rude, and you're probably better off without them, but if you find your feelings too much to cope with, you shouldn't be afraid to ask for help. It mightn't be a case of "just accepting" these feelings...more a case of realising that maybe you will have stronger issues in these areas than most people have, and how to cope with that. To recognise the warning signs of these feelings and to know how to deal with them when they rear their head.

I know I'm not being very clear here and like I said, I'm no expert. But I do wonder if constantly rehashing past events is helpful beyond a certain point, compared to learning how to cope with the resulting feelings. I understand the 2 feed each other and there are 2 different schools of thought. However I would still say that you shouldn't be afraid to ask for help if things get too much for you.

LegacyUser

thank you.

it's just that every time you start seeing a new therapist, you do seem to eventually end up having to tell them about things, and it hurts to remember it and say it. most of the stuff i don't even remember and i'm very grateful for that.

it is a matter of learning to cope with the feelings i suppose. maybe my expectations were unrealistic in that i would rather they just went away. in that respect i have to say the last one while rude was effective in that he did convey that idea very well. that anytime i'm overcome with depression and suicidal thoughts that the thing to do was realize that it will pass again, and accept that having those feelings is normal for someone with my background.

Esoteric_

I have been to therapists for similar in the past and yes, some of them can be complete idiots and basically make you feel worse but don't give up because one doctor didn't suit you! You'll find one who suits you again, you just have to keep trying.

Honestly, the best thing I ever did was try Cognitive Behavioural Therapy instead of counselling. I didn't have to talk too much about what happened, but was taught ways of coping and how to help myself and since then, I'm not gonna lie, I do have very bad days, but with regards to that issue, I'm 10 times better than I was. Obviously treatments vary for different people but you could consider giving that a try?

LegacyUser

thank you so much.

i have heard of cbt before but hadn't really looked into it. i did a little reading about it and it does seem promising. could you please let me know how you found a therapist who uses this technique? did you just call a few and ask?

thanks again.

LegacyUser

Hi, I was abused as a child and it nearly destroyed me. But I like to consider myself a success story. I went through many-many near hopeless years, thinking I had no way out what so ever of the depression, and that it was a narrow road that I was trapped on going from being on a relatively even keel to crippling life destroying depression, which would eventually end in suicide or an institution.
It does not have to be like that. I have come back from that, I am now three years-three years living the life of a normal, very happy person. It still makes me cry with gratitude to think that it is no longer going to to be the way that I was regards to my past.
I was a long time finding the right help, had a few different counsellers, and other people to help me. A lot of them were not right for me.
This so called therapist that said that to you, that your problems are not as big as another childs history? How dare he. You know, as well as I, that there are so many heart breaking factors that go into all types of abuse, to how it was dealt with at the time, to who did it, what happened. All of these things no matter how big or small lead to such a huge affect. Please do not believe what that person said. It is affecting you in such a way, your problem is big. You deserve the right help, please keep looking for it. I found a wonderful counseller, but I went private for it in the end. They can be hard to find, but when you find someone who you click with, it is such a help. But I would say, no matter how hard it is, stick it out til the end, or it will keep coming back in those awful cycles that it does.
Oneinfour.org is a great site, I recommend it in your search.
I have managed to get out of it, and I really think that everyone CAN.
I wish you all the best.

Esoteric_

Hey there, I actually got a recommendation from my GP, but if you have an account here, I can PM you the guy's name and email, although he's based in Louth. But if you're not comfortable asking your GP, google it because lots of them don't require a GP referral.

It doesn't work for everyone but like you, I couldn't talk about what had happened to me. I could say the very basics, and didn't want to say anymore, and the CBT basically helped teach me to cope and stop any irrational feelings about it and made me realize what I was feeling and how to help it.

Just remember, the best thing you can do is overcome this and have a happy life. Try not to give anyone who hurt you the satisfaction of wrecking your life. It sounds bad but I made myself get a lot better out of spite for the person who hurt me. Sounds weird but it really helped me.